TheWhitestRice Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Hey all - I'm new to the forums so try to be patient with my post My girlfriend of one year recently broke up with me on New Years. To keep things brief, it was her saying that we just couldn't work out, because God told her we wouldn't. Also, upon my further questioning, she admitted that she only loved me as a best friend, not a lover. I'm not trying to start a religion war or anything; I respect her beliefs and decision. But the night before, she had me promise that we would always remain best friends, no matter what happened. Obviously circumstances have changed, but I DID promise. We have broken up and gotten back together twice before this, but that was very early on in the relationship (first month or two, afterwards we were getting along very well). However, I'm currently conflicted because: in my past experiences talking to her while we were broken up, I've always developed feelings for her. I feel as if I'm unable to talk to her without reopening the wound, so to speak. So should I cut her out of my life completely, or try to be there for her? I do love her - but I don't know how good of a friend I could be to her. It would kill me inside if she ever came to me for advice on a guy she liked. I'm just taking space right now to let myself recover from the breakup. So how should I go about it? I tried being "just" her friend before, we ended up dating again. But that was when I thought she was interested in me romantically. Thanks for reading and sorry that my post ended up a little longer than intended. Link to post Share on other sites
movingon12 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 It's time to go no contact my friend and cut her out if your life completely. Anything else will just bring you (more) pain and misery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The_Face Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah, what movingon12 said. Sounds like a merry-go round. Get off that ride. Leave her for good. It will be better for both of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Hey all - I'm new to the forums so try to be patient with my post ....... However, I'm currently conflicted because: in my past experiences talking to her while we were broken up, I've always developed feelings for her. I feel as if I'm unable to talk to her without reopening the wound, so to speak. So should I cut her out of my life completely, or try to be there for her? I do love her - but I don't know how good of a friend I could be to her. It would kill me inside if she ever came to me for advice on a guy she liked. I'm just taking space right now to let myself recover from the breakup. So how should I go about it? I tried being "just" her friend before, we ended up dating again. But that was when I thought she was interested in me romantically. Look at the bolded sentences: Doing something over and over again and expecting a different result is madness. Please read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" in my signature (link). That tells you why it's utterly impossible to remain friends - but it also gives a clue as to why so many dumpers, request this so often: It's for their good - not yours. If you remain friends, it means their guilt is alleviated, and they don't feel so bad. They've offered to 'let you down gently' so it can't all be bad, right? Wrong. You cannot absolutely, cannot be a mere 'friend' to someone who holds your heart. Can't be done. Go complete NC. It makes sense.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheWhitestRice Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Thank you for the speedy replies - it means a lot to hear some neutral advice. Your advice all makes a lot of sense. I suppose the hardest part will be going NC and -staying- NC. Edit - I read the guide in your link, Tara; excellent bit of information! Thumbs up to that. Edited January 1, 2013 by TheWhitestRice Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 ... But the night before, she had me promise that we would always remain best friends, no matter what happened. Obviously circumstances have changed... Getting you to promise to always be friends, THEN dumping you the next day? New Year's no less.... I do not endorse violence in relationships, but I swear, people like her make me want to smack them in the head. Repeatedly. She knew she was breaking up with you when she made you promise that -- she withheld important information from you that would have affected your decision to promise her that. In short, she was deceitful. So you don't owe her jack. She only wants to have her cake and eat it, too, no matter how much it hurts you. Cut her off, go no contact, and please, feel no guilt whatsover for doing so. Get away from her so you can heal, and spend your time with people who value you more than she does. Link to post Share on other sites
redleader Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Get away from her, she will just continue screwing with your mind this way. Any way you go with it I venture you will get yourself hurt with expectations that never come. You have gone way past the point of a casual friendship for that to work, honestly neither of you seem mature enough to go that direction without it getting really weird. Ask yourself what there really is there you are still around for. So far it sounds like you might just be a masochist because she sounds like a crazy person Link to post Share on other sites
allenpo123 Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Yeah, what movingon12 said. Sounds like a merry-go round. Get off that ride. Leave her for good. It will be better for both of you. Second that. You mentioned you went back to dating when you tried to be her friend, it's going to happen again. Better cut if off before it gets even worse... Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Look at the bolded sentences: Please read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" in my signature (link). I don't see your link. Where is it? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I think it's dropped off the radar.... It may resurface in a couple of days.... Could someone please supply the Caliguy Link for movingon45? Thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Yeah links have dropped off. I will see if I can find mine: No Contact: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/81399-no-contact-q-you-ls-newbies Second Chances: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Nothing better than 'from the horse's mouth'.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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