How do I ask forgiveness?

[TheEx]

How do I ask forgiveness of a long-term ex who is very angry at me? She now lives across the country and has not responded to email apology or follow-up email. She changed her phone number. I want to grow from my mistakes and move on, but I feel trapped by her rage. I can't move on.

[DazednConfused]

Hi Ex,

 

It would seem to me that she is sending you a very clear message. She doesn't want any part of your apology. You can grow from your mistake without forgiveness from her, you just need to have learned from it on your own. You blew what you had, accept it and try to move forward from here.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry but I do have to agree with Dazed on this one. She seems to not want to keep in touch. Give her space and alot of time. I know how hard it must be and how low you must be feeling but respect her decision even though it is one you may not be ready to face. Maybe sometime further into the future you can email her again but really give it alot of time.

 

Love sucks sometimes. Life is harsh but don't worry it will get better, just take it one day at a time.

 

WWIU

[honey2005]

You've tried your hardest to apologize, there's nothing more you can do. The next step would be going to visit her, but then you'd probably end up with a restraining order against you. I agree with the other posts, just let it go. Learn from what has happened and move on.

[Touch_of_Naughtiness]

You say I'm sorry

[LolaLopez]

I've been in the same situation and it sucks. But you cannot change the way another person feels after the fact. This is very unfortunate, but you have to learn to let it go. There may always be a small pang of remorse when you think back on this. But wish the person well and be grateful for this lesson life has taught you. Life is about lessons, and at least you will both always have that--the fact that you learned from each other. And the good times can never be erased for either of you. That may be a comfort.

[Fire Inside 29]

This is my story and one of the worst things i have ever experienced.I met this women through a friend and we started going out she was beautiful in every way.

We had the best relationship,there was no doubt about it we loved each other.

Until one night we had a date planned and she didnt call me to tell me she was going to be late or anything and wasnt answering her calls.I thought it was kind of weird.She finally calls me and says shes working late with her boss and will be over soon.Meanwhile another hour and half goes by.Im wondering who works at 11 pm on a friday night so late.Plus this wasnt the first time i noticed this pattern of her working late with just her boss.So I blew up on her on the phone and we hung up on each other.The next day comes we call each other everything is alright again i explained that i thought it was weird how she never anwsers her phone late at night and works till 11 or 12 Pm and doesnt return my messages till she comes home.Thats really weird I thought especially when she goes to work early in the morning like 8 Am.She had no response but i loved her so i just let it go.Also all this came after she told me her boss is a cheater and he is getting married soon.I said who's he cheat with and she didnt have anything to say.

 

Many things had happened and months past the same **** happened all the time.

She told me i was the only one though.I blew on her many times because i didnt understand why she couldnt just call me at work when she was late i worried about her.I ended up looking like a jealous idiot though.So i took a deep breath and pushed it all aside.One weekend she was going to New York to go visit her sister.Me & her were doing great everything was fine she comes back and we planned a date.Meanwhile that night she is late.She calls me and starts crying over the phone talking about she didnt get her period for 2 weeks and she got a home pregnancy test and its positive.She is young and she said there is no way she can have this baby right now.So I understood and got right on what we had to do.I kept asking her if i could come see her and she was so quiet and couldnt talk to me about anything i was just so confused. She said she needed time by herself.So the next night before the operation she came over i held her and told her it would be alright.The next day she had the surgery and the day after that me and her went out.

 

She told me it was hell and we went out to eat she so quiet that day like there was something else wrong i asked if she wanted to come up to my house so i could comfort her, i felt so terrible.She told me no.This made me really feel like something was wrong.I just wanted to be there for her.This girl was everything to me.She called me later on that night and apolagized for the way she acted and said she loves me and wants to spend the future with me.It was the greatest thing i ever heard from someone i loved.The next night came around i noticed she would always go talk on the phone in private and weird things that made me inconspicuous about if she might still have someone else.Her boss was the first one that came to mind.He gave her everything and she always talked about him.I never met him.It was so frustrating.The same pattern at work went on over and over she never would return or answer my phone calls.I just thought it was weird.She was very pretty too so i knew how easy it would be for other men to notice her i wasnt that jealous though where i would keep her on a leash.It just seems like she was hiding something the whole time.

 

That next night me and her went to play pool i blew up on her i didnt mean too,I just couldnt take it anymore.Whenever i asked her she just be quiet and not say anything it was like i was eating my own words.I felt like such a jerk i just wanted the truth I dont want to be lied too.It bothered me and through trial and error i needed some answers.The next day she told me it cant go on anymore like this.She said all she does is make me miserable i felt terrible.Especially since it was only a week and half after i got her pregnant.Another week went by no contact.I felt like i was in hell I regretted and hated myself for the way i acted.She called me and said lets have a drink we went out and drank and everything was fine we even made up.

She said lets just take it slow i was so happy i didnt want to even think about any of that other stuff.She even came to my house and stayed with me that night.The next day went by i had to work she went out shopping for christmas.Then the day after that everything seemed fine on the phone.She told me she was coming over that night.She got there and told me that she didnt feel the same i broke down.I knew i messed up.I just bought her a nice diamond bracelet for christmas.I didnt know what to think.She said she still loved me.I felt like a a**h*** for questioning our trust.Christmas came and i went over her house and gave her the present i bought her.She had nothing for me not even a card.She said she loved the present though.I went to kiss her but she said dont hurt yourself i felt terrible.I let a week go by she didnt call or nothing so i called her and said i want my present back i was pissed she didnt give me even a card.After that i got my present back.No contact for 3 months.

 

I moved from where i was and i wrote her email.I told her i was sorry.There was no answer i wrote again and she called me the next day.She said she was moving away soon i asked her maybe we could see each other.She said will see.After that 2 more months went by.I emailed her all the time telling her how i was confused and was just upset and thought maybe she might have been with someone.She never emailed me back.I emailed her one last time to try to see her before she left because i knew i might not ever see her again.She emailed me back saying she was sorry but wasnt sure that was a good idea for us to see each other.After that i knew it was over and that i couldnt do anything else.I found the love of my life and i knew she loved me but things got in our way wheather I was wrong or we were both wrong it all happened so fast.You just have to learn to let go sometimes.

Learn that you cant change everything.Learn from your mistakes and use your best judgement.One step can lead you into a whole different place.It hurts but i have accepted it.Its a lesson of life.I know i have to move on.I dont know what to think of the whole situation it was just a mess.I know I messed up,but i cant bring her back.Months have past and i have tortured myself over this.Know one compares to her.I have said my truths to her though said i was sorry if i was wrong in the end she knows.Thats all you can really do.I would move on if she wants you let her come to you.Take it easy!

[The Ex]

Thanks, everyone. It obviously isn't what I want to hear. I'd pictured something a little more like The Graduate. And I suspect she misunderstands much of what happened at the end, so of course I've got that worry, too. But I guess I'll have to wait and hope that she, too, feels that things are unresolved, or that we at least deserve a proper goodbye.

[Ybur]

If this is the biggest of your worries then go with it. I do envy you. Remember one thing. In whatever it is that you are experiencing right now, regardless of how horrible it feels to you. There is someone out there who is going through something worse. You've got yourself a clean break here. Move on.

[whichwayisup]

Wow fire! What a story!

 

You had what EX needs. The closure. That is why you're having such a hard time EX. I feel for you baby but please put her out of your head and let it go, try and move on. There are so many wonderful women out there for you, just gotta be patient and it will happen when you least expect it. You deserve someone who's gonna love you and want you as much as you want them.

 

WWIU

[pedwin]

I she won't answer your calls write her a letter and be done with it.

You did your best.

Pedwin

[EX CU Tives]

In response to the 'exes'. No, not excutives! Months ago, I was dealing with many issues that had piled up against myself and caused alot of heartache and hardship for many of us involved. I felt terrible emotionally & misunderstood. While looking back that 'part of my life' is over [thank gawd!] finally; truly is time to move on. I have learned many lessons and understand we do move on and 'experienced.' Bye 'lessons'. To those who have, indiscriminately, I am TTHANKFULLY overwhelmed by the sharing, your trials in your lives to help others. Long overdue, I relunctantly reply but which is generously now given. I do not freely offer advice but have jokenly given but now this is a 'different' sharing, a viewpoint of sorts.

 

Long ago I had transferred to a different state. Spent many childhood memories here but had difficulty remembering great or happy times. Although this was to be a new start, if in fact my new life did not pan out I was equally ready to move on as moving was not a difficult but adaptable way of living for me or friends. I was prepared. Good or bad. My outlook was great. Years ago obstacles or a new job position was all prepared for mentally or physically. I literally had sold all my belongings letting the past go with it. Unfortunately, there were shattered frequent 'movers' from the beginning. I was unable to receive my check in the mail, although I had put in a change of address, [overseas]since it was a payroll check, this was not acceptable and getting the new address applied requireed alot of red tape I didn't bank on! 8 weeks later I had to swallow my pride and turn to work that I had long lost my heart and soul but returned. Also my moving conditions 'set' were premeditated w/o my knowledge my sister made plans and quickly I realized what a mistake that too was upon my then partner who we agreed would help one another thru this transition. Remember this was 11 years ago! It was apparent that we were basically 'live in escorts for their children to and from, housekeepers [what a mess and what laziness!] After 2 months of this, I realized this was totally unfair to my friend as she never complained but felt I had put her into this I packed my few things and with the 9:00 pm lock down w/kids brought up twice I finally said 'goodbye' w/bags [literally] and left with a few hundred dollars to get a place and no job. Difficult at first to say the least, I picked up rocks [truthfully] to lay down pavement for a few extra bucks and stood in line once for free food. As time stood still, I never complained to my friend but did this on my own claiming I had work and just came home with the goods. Then another unfortunate crisis happened. This one was big.

 

During my stay at the new place, I made a phone call to my sister. She relunctantly told me she lived on that street also! Then while telling her the address she told me she lived 3 doors down! Hey! As this was fate or what? We became reaquainted and to this very minute will share we became unbelievably in all our lives very very close. We saw and exclaimed how alike we were altho she was much more artistic than I. She helped unknowingly to us more than what was expected. Or thought of from my behalf. I owe her soooo much. Little did I understand at the time she was experiencing much dismay and heartache in her love life and personal life as well. She never stated ~ I never questioned but this was evident in many way as I look back. With all due respect, and torn soul I will leave out but state she met her demise 4 horrible months later. This life now beginning to take its toll I still filled out the endless resumes for jobs daily, [using the neighbors paper in the early am!] and proceeded to move out of town w/friends. After a couple of months in limbo, I returned.

 

Now, I again found myself staying at a place I thought I would never have to return to. It would be for a week. I worked OT and finally had enough money to get a hole in the wall but just the same it was home and my own. Lo and behold my friend had a reply for a job! Hundreds of resumes were responded to but luckily she got the job. Wow things were looking up. Finally, life and work would allow what we didn't have and I met a special 'friend'at work.

 

She helped in ways I couldn't afford, and brought gifts just because upon hearing what I may have desired or needed. This was an angel in disguise. In no way could I repay what was given. I was overwhelmed and so grateful. Then again life bit me in the butt. Now I was experiencing love's problems and they were escalating. Our love that once held so true thru all the trials and tribulations now were confronted faced force. Also her father and mother were now very ill and needed help. Along with our troubles, now weakened 'us' and she left weekends to help with family. Time was not on our side. Then my brother accidently OD and our tempers were quickly shortened to nonexistant. Nothing seemed to work out. Soon Mom and Dad were also gone. Then grandma. The family was falling apart at the seams. We no longer had one another to hold onto in times of need. THen I fell in love w/my special friend. As time wore on we were still there for one another, altho no ultimatimatum ever spoken. To this day... But sadly, the 'us' were never to be ever again. She left out of state to live with her family, I remained here with mine. MY love continued to grow yet I believe she believed my heartfelt help thru allthat I had gone thru 'w/him' may have damaged her outlook with him. We still talk from time to time but the time in between varies and now become farther and farther apart as we have no real ties to maintain each other. The love was real, we shared many adventurous times but many many hardships. I look back and smile but am happy, very happy in love with my wife and daughter and May God Bless us forever and ever. Now I know that as difficult, uncanny as things may seem we must discuss whatever necessary without the duel it may and overcome it. YES! Our love is strong and real and getting stronger.

 

I realize now that my special friend was indeed more than that! We married and even tho she thinks I loved him more I never loved any person any life existance on earth as much as, I do. SHe is mine and mine only and there is nothing in this world I would not do for her in my life. Yet I do have a habit of helping others before I think things out clearly! I am deeply in love and pray the Lord in Heaven that this is the earth I have chosen...The past is just that I look over at the horizon and see YOU!

 

Forever,

Elsie Elmstaid