What I wished someone had told me 5 years earlier

[Teknoe]

Wrote this email to my cousin just now, who is 24.5 on the dot. This is for everyone on Loveshack who finds themselves struggling... especially those in their mid 20s struggling to figure out life or facing huge mental hurdles

 

---

 

Hey [put your own name here],

We enjoyed having you and___ over last night. Thanks for coming.

The point of my email is I wanna share something with you (at 29 and a half years old) that I wish somebody had told me when I was 24 and a half (like how old you are now). It's kinda long but I hope you read through it on your own time and just reflect on what I have to share with you. You don't have to reply if you don't want to. But if you have any questions or anything, you know I'm always open.

 

Basically you know that after I graduated with my teaching credential in 2008 at 24.9 years old, I decided to take things real easy. I got my first "real paying" job (started out at $23.50 an hour June 2008, got a raise to $25/H April 2010 before finally earning one more raise December 2011 to a whopping $28/H) with an after school enrichment private company called ____. This meant I worked after school hours with small class sizes of no more than 10 students. This was during the weekdays 4 PM to 6:45 PM. At most... 2.5 hours.... and then on Saturdays I might teach as many as 4 hours... summer time I taught more like full time since students were off regular school, and so I could teach Monday-Friday 9 AM-3 PM, where the real money was at. Anyway, in those four years... I was 24.9 to 28.9 years old. You know how many times I applied to become a regular full time teacher? I believe just 3 times. Why? Because I was scared to take that "next step" in my life... and because I had grown so comfortable to my easy life schedule. I would just stay up late at night since I didn't have to worry about waking up early. But over a period of time... I knew the window was closing. I didn't want to turn 30 not having seriously applied myself to see what I could do or what I could become.

 

I started subbing in 2012 for real schools. Yes, I actually did NOT sub from 2008-2011. I was scared, and it became this huge mental block for me. I had to turn in some paper work... but for 3+ years I was paralyzed and just couldn't bring myself to doing it. When I finally took care of the paperwork December 2011, you know how long it took? Just 4 hours of my time. 4 hours to find my certificates, my test scores, drive to Kinkos to make copies and drop them off at the University teaching credential office. So while I earned my credential June 2008, there were a couple more steps for me to take in order to make my credential "official." I simply told myself back in May 2008 that I'd take the year of July 2008-June 2009 "off" in order to slowly but surely gain more experience subbing. Gotta be real careful with that. Because one year turned into two years... which turned into three years... and before I knew it... it was like the pink elephant in the room. I made it into a huge mental issue... where the thought of turning in my paperwork was equivalent to the task of swimming across the Pacific Ocean. The mind is a powerful weapon, and it can be used for you, or against you.

 

So what I should have done four years ago... took me basically four hours. You see, I kind of delayed my "adult" life for as long as I could. Because it's just easier trying to stay as a big kid. But eventually, all of us have to face reality head on, and if you don't make money, you're not going to live (especially once our parents pass away). Basically, if I could go back and tell myself at 24 and a half what I know now... that's this:

 

1. Don't wait until after you get "your [stuff] together" to take care of whatever it is you gotta do. There is no magical "there." You won't get "there" one day by sitting back. You have to make the most of your time RIGHT NOW. Coz if you don't, before you know it you'll be 30 and stuck in the same place.

 

2. Seeing a professional therapist helps a lot. We all have bottled up feelings that we sometimes never share, or struggle to open up with. Finding someone trained in this field can really make a difference. I noticed you told me you'll be reading self-help books... man, I've been there and done that. I would highly recommend checking out the University counseling center. In fact I will post a link for you

 

3. While it's true we all tackle life at our own pace, it's also prudent we don't stay stuck forever in the same place. Whatever you do in life, just do something that helps push you toward your goal of becoming an independent adult. While I avoided applying for a full time school position, at least I had my part time job which kept me in the game, even if it was on the outside at least I kept myself somewhat "in game shape." Then in 2012 when I started subbing like crazy, my confidence slowly built and my game increased. In other words, gather up some positive momentum in your life. Positive momentum is often time a catalyst for getting you over that next hurdle. By the time I seriously applied for the open ____ School 1st grade position in June 2012, I had a lot of experiences to talk about (four years at ___ and my subbing jobs) that I came off as "experienced, yet still fresh." The worst thing to do is just do nothing with your life. Start building up your "life portfolio." Bulk up your resume. It's all about selling yourself. By the way, my school also liked the fact that I went to Africa for a missions trip. I guess I wasn't a TOTAL sloth during my four years "off"

 

I know we both enjoy staying home, playing games, and such... which is why I feel like I can relate to you a lot. But take it from a guy who's been through it before... don't wait for a magical "Once I do this, THEN I'll do that." You end up waiting forever. Sooner or later, you have to grab life by the horns.

 

This is the time of your life to start taking control of your destiny. I really want to see you succeed and I know you can do it.

Rooting for you all the way.

-Tek

[fieldsofgold84]

It is so nice of you to share this with us Tek. I do wish someone had told these to me 2 years ago

[Teknoe]

It is so nice of you to share this with us Tek. I do wish someone had told these to me 2 years ago

 

You're welcome. I wish someone told me that 5 years ago, haha...

[Krue]

Thanks a lot for this post. I'm 24 and my first love (2.5yr relationship) broke up with me over 2 months ago, it still hurts. Partly due to my status of limbo - was waiting for hospital placements to finish my nursing degree, which kept getting delayed, which put a lot of strain on us as her lease was up in February and we wanted to move in together then. I really need to get my stuff sorted too, and 2012 was just a horrible year which, even when I was trying to get to where I needed to be to move out with her permanently, everything kept going wrong around me with family health, study issues etc. The ex still isn't saying it's never going to happen again and that she really values me as a person, but it's not a nice situation to be in. At least I am working towards goals I guess.. This year should be a good year *fingers crossed*.

Thank you again.

Edited January 3, 2013 by Krue

[Teknoe]

Thanks a lot for this post. I'm 24 and my first love (2.5yr relationship) broke up with me over 2 months ago, it still hurts. Partly due to my status of limbo - was waiting for hospital placements to finish my nursing degree, which kept getting delayed, which put a lot of strain on us as her lease was up in February and we wanted to move in together then. I really need to get my stuff sorted too, and 2012 was just a horrible year which, even when I was trying to get to where I needed to be to move out with her permanently, everything kept going wrong around me with family health, study issues etc. The ex still isn't saying it's never going to happen again and that she really values me as a person, but it's not a nice situation to be in. At least I am working towards goals I guess.. This year should be a good year *fingers crossed*.

Thank you again.

 

You're very welcome, man. I'm glad it helped you out a bit.

 

24 is a funny and special time. I think around 24, you start to lose or have just (semi)recently lost that magical feeling of "The world is at the tip of my fingers and I can do anything I want." Yet you're still fairly young. What you do in the next couple years will determine how your late 20s and early 30s go... so take care of yourself and make lots of wise choices. There's no denying bad choices naturally will occur along the way, but hopefully you avoid making crippling mistakes that could set one back years.

 

All the best!