CarboniteCammy Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 This post will be fairly mundane compared to some of the usual fair, but here goes: So, my husband is a really intelligent guy and he tends to have an addictive personality. Lately, he's found this online war game that he plays through a social media site, and it's quite consumed him. He still gets most of everything done that he needs to and honestly, everyone needs space, so I don't care that he games in his free time. But, where it does affect me is my quality of sleep. My husband stays up until very late at night, and comes to bed regularly around 2 or 3 a.m. and tries to hold me. I like being held. That's not the issue. The issue is that he wakes me up when he does that. The second issue is that when the baby wakes up at night and cries, my husband will say something like, "I just got to sleep! Can you take care of it?" And so usually I do. The third issue is that he sets is personal alarm for 4:30 in the morning. At first, he told me he was setting it that early to "read the paper" but I realize now it's actually so that he can check on his status in this war game he plays. The problem with that is when he hits snooze, then snooze again, then snooze again, then snooze again. I'm starting to understand why terrorist organizations use lack of sleep to break prisoners! It's killing me! LOL I'm obviously not approaching this issue correctly as he argues with me up and down when I try to express my frustration regarding this issue. What would be a good way to bring this issue up, and discuss it, so that what I say doesn't make him feel defensive? Link to post Share on other sites
movingon12 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 How do you normally approach it with him and what is his defense? What you wrote in your post seemed perfect to me: just say all that to him when you're feeling calm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Start with, "I'm suffering from sleep dep. I need your help." Then list all the times you wake up, without judgment-- I wake up when you get to bed and hold me. I love that you hold me, but I do wake up. I get up with the baby most nights around 4 am. I wake up each time the alarm sounds. I can sometimes wake up 5-10 times a night. Ask for his ideas. Men love to problem solve 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarboniteCammy Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 To be honest, I've been a real b*tch about it lately. But, it's hard to be rational at 5:15 a.m. when the snooze alarm has gone off five times, the baby is crying, and it's time for me to get myself up and get ready for the day and I'm beyond exhausted. I wrote up a very clear, conside, rational email to him so that way he can think about it during the day when it's not in the middle of an argument. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 My husband stays up until very late at night, and comes to bed regularly around 2 or 3 a.m. and tries to hold me. I like being held. That's not the issue. The issue is that he wakes me up when he does that. I play my football game like a crackhead at at times. For those interest its "Front Office Football"...its like crack. I digress. My W allows two nights a week at it. Maybe a schedule for your H? The second issue is that when the baby wakes up at night and cries, my husband will say something like, "I just got to sleep! Can you take care of it?" And so usually I do. Our youngest is a bit older it seems (as she sleeps through the night) but we rotated duty - one week it was her and the next me. The third issue is that he sets is personal alarm for 4:30 in the morning. At first, he told me he was setting it that early to "read the paper" but I realize now it's actually so that he can check on his status in this war game he plays. Egads - that's getting a little much ya think? I'd negotiate some sort of schedule. I'm obviously not approaching this issue correctly as he argues with me up and down when I try to express my frustration regarding this issue. I am not that involved in my football so its hard for me to "get it". Maybe this will help. My older kids did nothing but fight over Scirrblenaughts Unlimited. Oh, they'd start off nice but its fisticuffs within 20 minutes. After repeated warnings the Wii disc met my hammer. What would be a good way to bring this issue up, and discuss it, so that what I say doesn't make him feel defensive? Sit him down and talk to him. I'd say it straight up: "Youre playing too much game. I need your help in raising jr, I need you and I need your help around the house. LEts try and find a compromise that lets you play your game AND help with the baby and the chores and time for 'us'" Thats what I would do. And my W did something very similar except it sounded more like: "You aren't playing any more or I'll kick your ass and that's the only ass getting any attention if you get my meaning". Shes not one for subtlety. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarboniteCammy Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 hahahaah!!!! I try not to threaten him LOL he doesn't take that very well. ;-) ;-) But, I do like the idea of a schedule. I don't see anything wrong with asking that kind of compromise. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
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