allenpo123 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Is it a guy's instinct to put the moves on a girl when they're alone? Even if he didn't have ANY feelings for the girl? And especially when the girl is drunk and lying on the bed? I was drunk and my guy friend took care of me, we had to spend the night at a hotel because we had no where else to go. I trusted him completely but then later that night I find him sitting by my bed, petting me, kissing my hand and then we eventually made out. I was drunk but still conscious. He had a little to drink but he was still sober enough to check in a hotel..etc. I heard him say "what am I doing?" to himself when he pulled back from kissing me, like he's trying to control himself from coming closer to me. He however, then ended up sitting beside my bed, holding my hand and that's the last thing I remember. I'm sure we didn't have sex. Guys, so if you're in a hotel room with a girl, is it really that hard to keep yourself away from the girl? The girl is your friend, you don't have feelings for her. Or would you just let "lust" take over? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Depends how big of a jerk the guy is, and it depends on if the guy in question has feelings for the girl or not. What he did was wrong, he should have known better. As a guy, if you hook up with a girl who drank, and you end up having sex ... it may lead to future charges of rape. That, and being platonic friends, he should not have drank like crazy, slept with you in the same bed/room if he knew he had some feelings for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I was in the same situation the first time I got drunk at 17 yo. The guy (who initially seemed to be a great person) tried to r**e me while I was semi-conscious. I was lucky my other friends got there on time and didn't let it happen. I don't remember much of it. But I am traumatized. Not funny. Guys should think very well before taking advantage of a situation like this. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Girls should think very well before drinking themselves into oblivion. I agree but it's one of those things you do when you're a kid testing your limits and don't know the consequences yet. And only a jerk would take advantage of someone who is not totally conscious. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Depends on the guy. An a55hole will try to get his tip wet. A real friend / respectful guy won't take advantage of the situation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Guy could be intoxicated as well. I find it fascinating how women aren't responsible for what they do once they drink but men are held liable even if they've been drinking just as excessively. Well as she said he was conscious enough to check in at the hotel. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 allenpo123, How do you know he didn't have any feelings for you? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I've often wondered of the multitude of opportunities passed due to the circumstances not being 'right' and if my 'doing the right thing' will give me warm comfort as a solitary old man. I have a wonderful example from as recently as this past Thanksgiving. All I would have had to do was let it happen. No real overt action required. I hope the old folks home has a heater. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 no, not every guy cant control himself. I also think it has to do with having values. ethical and moral. the most I would do is take her clothes off, tuck her in and then i'd go sleep on the couch or the floor. Im always a gentlemen. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 no, not every guy cant control himself. I also think it has to do with having values. ethical and moral. the most I would do is take her clothes off, tuck her in and then i'd go sleep on the couch or the floor. Im always a gentlemen. I wouldn't do that. I'd just tuck in ... that way you are not exposed legally. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I dont sleep with drunk women. Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Guys, so if you're in a hotel room with a girl, is it really that hard to keep yourself away from the girl? The girl is your friend, you don't have feelings for her. Or would you just let "lust" take over? Why would a girl get drunk enough to be barely conscious in the first place? Does she have some sort of self destruction agenda? You cant control other jerks behavior, but dont give them the open door to take advantage of you in the first place. And youre obviously delusional, a guy isnt your"friend" if he would take advantage of you. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphire Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I just want to say, men are held responsible because they would be the offenders. A drunk girl, lying down and passing out is not typically hurting anyone or going on the offensive (if she tries to rape or kiss a guy, then she is just as guilty as a guy who does the same). But a drunk man who puts the moves on a girl who is semi-conscious, then removing her clothes and actively raping her - that is rape. He is more liable because he acted, went to her and violated her rights. Just like a drunk who drives (liable), shoots someone (liable), robs someone (liable), or drives his vehicle into a building/pedestrian/other car (liable). That is the difference, stop trying to make this about gender. IME, OP, a guy cannot control himself even while sober when in a bed or other alone situation with a girl he likes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Greznog, I'm trying to understand your stance. You're saying if a girl gets SO wasted that she just lays there, unable to do anything, and if a guy has sex with her, it's NOT rape? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Greznog, I'm trying to understand your stance. You're saying if a girl gets SO wasted that she just lays there, unable to do anything, and if a guy has sex with her, it's NOT rape? That's not how I understood it when I "liked" his post. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 That's not how I understood it when I "liked" his post. Yeah, I wasn't sure myself which is why I asked for clarification. Link to post Share on other sites
jrh1524 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) I had a girl accuse me of rape in college. She told all her friends I had raped her... and me being the guy, I was automatically guilty. We met and both got drunk and had sex the same night. She was so in to it she even got on top. How can you rape someone when she wants to be on top? The next day her friend accused her of being a slut since we had just met and had sex on the same day, so the girl said she wasn't a slut and that I took advantage of her when she was drunk. No police were involved or anything, but ever since then I've been careful with women. She even came to me later and apologized for lying, but I would not accept her apology. I should have beat the ****out of her and given her someone genuine to be mad about! It's a horrible feeling to know that someone lied and accused you ofsomething you are innocent of. Even since then I've been suspicious of womenthat say, "ya I invited him up to my room at 2am… then he raped me!" Edited January 2, 2013 by jrh1524 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Guys, so if you're in a hotel room with a girl, is it really that hard to keep yourself away from the girl? The girl is your friend, you don't have feelings for her. Or would you just let "lust" take over? Heard recently: 'We could even share the same bed; we're both adults' I slept up in the loft, with a noisy spiral staircase in between. Sometimes things are just better kept separate. That was a completely separate, and more recent, experience from the one in my prior post and the woman was stone cold sober. The best way for a woman to understand this is to spend a day in a man's body and mind. Not possible, sure, but indicative of the differences in function, especially in matters surrounding sex. Many men, especially young men, do have a hard time controlling their sexual energies when thrust into situations like in the above quote, sober or drunk. The winning move IMO is not to play, meaning to avoid such situations and temptations. Get separate hotel rooms in this scenario and problem solved. The lady could've been comatose (her choice to drink to that level of intoxication) in solitude. I hope there's a roaring fireplace at the old folk's home 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I could never imagine trying to take advantage of a girl who was drunk...even a little drunk. I've been in this situation many times and every time I stopped the action before it got too far, even when I was drunk myself. I'm not desperate or pathetic enough to go for it if there is even the slightest chance the girl is not fully aware of what they are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I could never imagine trying to take advantage of a girl who was drunk...even a little drunk. I've been in this situation many times and every time I stopped the action before it got too far, even when I was drunk myself. I'm not desperate or pathetic enough to go for it if there is even the slightest chance the girl is not fully aware of what they are doing. Hell I would. How many hook ups that started a relationship happened with both parties being a little drunk? If she can't walk or think straight, of course I'm not going to try. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Hell I would. How many hook ups that started a relationship happened with both parties being a little drunk? If she can't walk or think straight, of course I'm not going to try. No you wouldn't...because you just said if she can't think straight then you wouldn't try. Which is what I said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 No you wouldn't...because you just said if she can't think straight then you wouldn't try. Which is what I said. People can still think straight when they're a little drunk. You were certainly thinking straight when you decided to stop, while drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 People can still think straight when they're a little drunk. You were certainly thinking straight when you decided to stop, while drunk. We're on the same page. And yes, you can be drunk and still think straight...just less inhibited. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 We're on the same page. And yes, you can be drunk and still think straight...just less inhibited. Exactly! Though what I got from your previous post, is that when the girl is anything but sober, you would stop. "She's had a couple of drinks, nope I'm not going to sleep with her." Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 There's an old saying that "A hard **** has no conscience." It's nothing to be proud of, but it's simple reality. If a woman is just laying there willing and ready, most guys will think, "Why not?" Link to post Share on other sites
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