Going Back To Work, Need Pep Talk

[Forever Learning]

I am looking for an office job. I haven't worked regularly in several years, I guess about 3 years. I have worked extensively in the past, throughout my teens, 20's and 30's,- corporate office jobs in my 20's and 30's, typically Human Resources and/or with corporate attorneys.

 

I have a B.B.A. in Accounting. I never made full use of that accouting degree I got in my 20's, because my career path tended to be in Human Resources. Now, in order to be a C.P.A., you must have a Masters. Not that I want to be a C.P.A. anyway, I don't. But CPA's make more money.

 

I am now early 40's, and earlier this year I worked for several months in an attorney's office, as office help. It was probably the strangest situation I've ever worked in, my female neighbor got me the job, she's worked for him for 20 years. He is a madman, bi-polar. He ran around the office screaming (really, screaming) about 20% of the time, with a crazy awful temper. He was a bully and enjoyed belittling and humiliating people. I walked out the day he went after me. He would bellow (yes, bellow, he was a huge man) the f-word and 'you mother f*cker' and call women b*tches and scream into the phone at clients who called and pissed him off. It didn't help my PTSD too much, LOL. I felt terrible for the women who worked there. Many quit over the years, but some stayed, because he payed good.

 

I guess what this thread is about, for me, is the social phobia I have developed. I could use a pep talk I think. I am recently divorced, about a year now, after 16 years in an abusive marriage. I have some memory problems and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from that marriage. But, I'd categorize it as mild PTSD. I don't have anxiety attacks currently, and I take a low dose anti-depressant which is wonderful. The memory problems are mild to moderate. I am hoping for improvement on that front, I just keep alot of lists and notes to remember things I need to do. That is true at home, and at work (even though I am not currently working).

 

I guess I am feeling timid to go back to work. Even in a low level, office help type job (I think that is where I need to start). I can't imagine taking a position that would require me to manage others, I just don't have it in me. I have enough stress trying to deal with my rambunctious boys, age 8 and 5, who have some issues with behavior that we are working on with a therapist.

 

Back to me and feeling timid about working. I don't know where this social phobia came from or how it developed. My problem is, being at work, I don't trust people. I worry I have become such a softie, and they will hurt my feelings and I might cry. That crazy attorney scared the hell out of me. I have worked with other crazies like him in the past (not quite as crazy as him, they didn't run around screaming, but they did scream in anger now and then. I don't do those things at work, so that is where the disconnect is for me. I didn't come from a family that screamed, although my ex-husband screamed alot).

 

How can I pep talk myself into going back to work and not being afraid of the crazy people I might encounter? I want to not be afraid of meeting mean people (for lack of a better word), harsh people, manipulators, and back stabbers. I want to know I can get through whatever comes my way. I think this is residual PTSD from my bad marriage. I really don't like mean people, as stupid as that sounds. They hurt my feelings, especially seeing their bullsh*t every day. Any advice for me? This thread sounds a little stupid, sorry for the 'stupid' factor. I could use a pep talk though.

Edited January 2, 2013 by Forever Learning

[Forever Learning]

Well kiddos, I see there were no takers on the pep talk!!!

 

That's totally okay, I love you guys just the same.

 

I am hoping to talk to a therapist sometime soon to work on some of my hesitation regarding going back to work (and being around 'mean' people at work). I know, I know, that's just life in the big city, dealing with b*tches, bastards and back stabbers in the workplace. I'm going to have to deal with it, and shop for the best work situation I can find. I know. I'm going to have to keep a positive outlook and just do my best. Cheers friends!

[Almond_Joy]

I wouldn't say I don't like mean people......I just don't like conflict. It makes me uncomfortable, in any degree. And some people just like conflict, so I guess that would make them mean, if they do it intentionally for no good reason.

 

But if you spent decades already working in HR, you have what it takes to handle conflicts and aggravating people in the workplace. I don't see how you could have kept a job without some skill in that department.

 

And whatever happened to you in your marriage or as a result of it cannot take away those skills and experience you garnered in the workplace prior. You still have them, and always will.

 

Don't let the temperament of others dampen your optimism in returning to the workforce. You'll do what needs to be done if problems arise and keep on goin' on.

 

Good luck.

[Forever Learning]

I wouldn't say I don't like mean people......I just don't like conflict. It makes me uncomfortable, in any degree. And some people just like conflict, so I guess that would make them mean, if they do it intentionally for no good reason.

 

But if you spent decades already working in HR, you have what it takes to handle conflicts and aggravating people in the workplace. I don't see how you could have kept a job without some skill in that department.

 

And whatever happened to you in your marriage or as a result of it cannot take away those skills and experience you garnered in the workplace prior. You still have them, and always will.

 

Don't let the temperament of others dampen your optimism in returning to the workforce. You'll do what needs to be done if problems arise and keep on goin' on.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks Almond Joy! Just the pep talk I was looking for! Yes, I do believe it's just a matter of getting back into circulation again. I won't keep letting that one, brief experience working for the crazy loud mouth attorney freak me out, I know that was a rare situation. Anyhow, you made some great points, thanks.

[JamesM]

I don't know what you are like in person, but the person I know on LS is the kind of person I would love working with. Seriously.

 

It will be hard at first simply because it is a new environment with new people. But in time, you should settle in and fit right in. As far as staying away from toxic bosses, you may need to find a place where someone you know works. This will give you the inside scoop on what really happens. Forgive me but it seems that you pick angry and explosive people for some reason. Husbands and bosses who are abusive....something to think about.

 

Be yourself in an interview and realize that the interview is for you to find out if the place is for you.

 

Personally, I probably am a bit biased as you are one of my faves on LS, but still I cannot see you not fitting in someplace. Try to choose a happy and relaxing atmosphere. When you interview, look at the faces of those that work there and look for stress or smiles. You want smiles.

 

Good luck. I would hire you if I had an opening and if you lived here.

[Forever Learning]

I don't know what you are like in person, but the person I know on LS is the kind of person I would love working with. Seriously.

 

It will be hard at first simply because it is a new environment with new people. But in time, you should settle in and fit right in. As far as staying away from toxic bosses, you may need to find a place where someone you know works. This will give you the inside scoop on what really happens. Forgive me but it seems that you pick angry and explosive people for some reason. Husbands and bosses who are abusive....something to think about.

 

Be yourself in an interview and realize that the interview is for you to find out if the place is for you.

 

Personally, I probably am a bit biased as you are one of my faves on LS, but still I cannot see you not fitting in someplace. Try to choose a happy and relaxing atmosphere. When you interview, look at the faces of those that work there and look for stress or smiles. You want smiles.

 

Good luck. I would hire you if I had an opening and if you lived here.

 

Wow, that is really super kind of you, thank you so much James!!!

 

I did pick poorly when I chose my ex-husband. But I'm not too hard on myself about that, because I realize now, when someone sets out to deceive you (him, to deceive me), it takes a while to figure out what's going on. The (old) movie "Gaslight" is a very good example, and from which the term "Gaslighting" was coined. I knew nothing of Gaslighting (a form of lying) in my 20's and 30's. It was being done to me, but I didn't understand the concept and just thought I was crazy.

 

When I first met him (my ex husband), however, and for the first 3 months, he was kind and a really great guy. I didn't know it was all an act.

 

My error was staying once I began to learn what he was, and that was due to many character defects within myself, including lack of boundaries, low self esteem, wanting to be loved (not having been loved sufficiently in my family of origin), and not having seen a healthy, loving relationship growing up.

 

I am older and wiser, and I will not put myself in such a situation again. Praise Jesus!

 

Strangely, before I was with my ex-husband for 16 years, I lucked out and was in a decent relationship for 7 years with a non-abusive man.

 

So, I did manage to pick a non-angry guy (Mr. 7 years) before picking an angry guy (Mr. 16 years).

 

Regarding the crazy attorney, my neighbor (female) offered me that job, and didn't tell me what he was like. I didn't see the outbursts for a few weeks, and when I did, thought incorrectly "Wow, someone is having a bad day!". I didn't know he was bi-polar and it was a perpetual thing. I did realize the extensive scope and left after several months.

 

Another interesting thing about that workplace - the women who endured the verbal abuse form that guy, were really wonderful, happy people (when he wasn't around especially. They were quite when he was around.).

 

Apparently they figured they could endure the abuse, because he paid so well. They were single mothers like myself mostly. Sad huh.

 

This attorney guy was a nut job. He made GOBS of money. He was a shiester (representing slip and fall victims, mostly fake injuries garnering big money).

 

He would rage at the office staff, and then give them $1,000 cash to go out to dinner (without him, on their own).

 

So, he controlled via money. It wasn't worth it, to me.

 

But I am one year out of a similar situation with a rager for 16 years, and so I am more sensitive and aware (and disgusted) by that type behavior than those women were, is the difference between me and them, I think.

 

Anyhow, I know I will just have to shop around for a decent work environment, trial and error, and that takes time. I'm up for the challenge!

 

Thanks James for the super pep talk, and very kind words!! You made my day!!

[Forever Learning]

By the way, to anyone else, I don't really need anymore pep talks, I'm good now! Unless you just really want to give a pep talk, well then go for it!

[JamesM]

By the way, to anyone else, I don't really need anymore pep talks, I'm good now! Unless you just really want to give a pep talk, well then go for it!

 

Shucks! And I had another ready!

 

Anytime you need a pick me up, feel free to ask. We all have those moments and days.

[GorillaTheater]

How do you feel about a longish commute?

[Forever Learning]

How do you feel about a longish commute?

 

You are such a good guy.