ringo Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 He cut all ties with his evil family. He cut off the OW/OC. He quit drinking. He signed himself up for sexual addiction classes. He attends meeting w/Chaplain and counselors. He's talking with me and we're back to laughing and enjoying each other again. All this should make me happy. It does, somewhat and I'm very proud of him for finally turning his life around and putting effort into US. But.... and you knew there was going to be a "but" to this - sorry... Now, I'm getting vibes from my H that he wants me to keep secrets or lie for him - to protect him. I don't like doing this. I've never been good at lying just for the simple fact that the guilt eats me up until I confess. So he tells me I don't have to lie, just don't say anything if asked. Well, isn't this lying? He says he's made his bed, and will lie in the sheets of punishment. However, the punshiment won't be as severe if I don't get involved. He says this is protected us, not just him. I understand this, but I also think that when he made his choices of wrong doing, he didn't think about "us" when he made them. Also, by me staying out of it, it will proctect him, but this also protects another OW. He's being punished, but she's not. Too wrongs don't make a right. I'm not authorized to judge and inflict punishment on these parties. But why do I feel like I'm getting ALL of the punishment for everyone else's wrong doings while they go on living happy lives? I just lost here... Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Ringo, You can only be responsible for you. Your husband did what he did. It's all there in black and white. I applaud that he is making a real and concrted effort. Your decision has to be based on what is best for you and your marriage. If you run yourself in circles wanting to punish everyone involved, you can only really hurt yourself. I say don't volunteer information to anyone, but answer truthfully if asked... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I agree with Dazed. You've been through a lot, and so has your husband. I commend you for allowing him to stay in his marriage. There are some things in a marriage that should remain personal. If approached with a question, simply tell them it's personal. If you're caught to where an answer is required, don't lie......don't even sugar coat it.....I'd first answer with the question, "Do I have to answer that?", if so, lay it out for them. Keep in mind, I know you want vengeance....be patient, it will come to them. But don't try to be the deliverer. You'd only be wasting your precious energy, let it go and move on. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ringo Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 I think I'm hurting enough for everyone involved here... I'm taking all the pain while they live happy lives. I do not wish my hurt or any hurt on anyone. I don't hold hate in my heart. God will be their judge, not me. I've always been taught that what comes around goes around, though we may never hear about it or witness it, this does happen. I will not willing provide any information to anyone that can hurt another person. However, if I'm forced to answer a question, I do not feel that I can lie. So I guess the best thing would be not to get myself in a position to where I am being "forced" to answer questions. However, this may be easier said than done. I don't know much about laws and rules of such, but I do know my heart, and my beliefs and I don't want to be selfish, but at the same time I feel I need to protect myself - but by protecting myself aren't I being selfish? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 Not at ALL!!!! Hang in there.....I'm sorry you are suffering, but only you can put an end to it...... Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 "I think I'm hurting enough for everyone involved here... I'm taking all the pain while they live happy lives." I can relate with that feeling. We feel like we are the only one who has lost, because we haven't taken anything away from anyone. The truth is that everyone involved is feeling the pain in some form or other. Keep doing what you are doing, stay strong when confronted, and believe that you can get through this nightmare. You really can and you will. Link to post Share on other sites
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