CicaMica Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 My ex stopped responding to emails and text messages in the middle of October. We did have a rough time, but he never ignored me completely before. We broke up 1.5 years ago. I suspected a new girl must be the reason for ignoring me, even though he told me on October 1st that he has no girlfriend. Thanks to Facebook, I found out that he's been with someone new for a while, not sure how long. What hurts a bit is that when we started dating, he said he was very private about these sort of things and didn't want to change his FB status (we agreed he'd hide it). It didn't really bother me, it's just FB. But this new girl, he leaves flirty messages on her pics, she is already friends on FB with his closest friends and sister... . A bit hurtful. I assume I'm not going to hear from him again. It hurts me that I was allowed to stick around until someone new surfaced, and now I'm yesterday's trash. He always told me that meeting someone new would not be a reason to stop talking. I know sometimes people say things, but I never thought I'd mean so little to hm that he'd just ignore me. He hasn't even told me that he's got someone new and would prefer to not talk, or talk less. He just simply disappeared. I guess this is probably what a lot of people do. Has this ever happened to you with an ex? Did you hear from them again at some point? Maybe when the new relationship failed? I'm hurt. In a way I'm happy for him, but then I'm sad that I've been wondering why he totally cut me off almost three months ago and he never bothered to tell me anything. I thought I did something wrong, but now I know it's because of a new girl. It just hurts to see how little I mean to him. I know I'm an ex, but we've been in touch almost daily, and even though we've had rough times, I didn't think he'd ever do this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Didn't you guys break up a year and a half ago? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 We did, but we were friends. We talked a lot and he simply stopped responding one day and then never wrote again. Like I said, we always said that a new partner would not be a reason for us to stop being friends. I am friends with plenty of my ex-boyfriends and find it odd that he'd just ignore me. I mean if he had told me "look, I've found someone and it would be better if we didn't talk for a while", that would have been fine. But he never said a word. I've been wondering for almost three months why he stopped talking to me, thought I'd pissed him off. Then today I find out thanks to Facebook that he has a girlfriend... . Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 It's possible his new girl is demanding that he not talk to you (jealousy) Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Yep, the only thing I can think of is his new girl not liking your "friendship". I wouldn't be too fond of it myself to tell you the truth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Perfect time for you to now move on and stop talking to him. He's proved his worth..actions do speak louder than words. He's stopped talking to you because he didn't have the guts to tell you he had someone new. New year...like I said perfect time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 I guess that is possible. But I asked him once "what if you meet someone who doesn't feel comfortable about us being in touch?" and he said "I wouldn't date someone like that". When I was dating him he was in touch with ex-girlfriends (although not regularly) and it was never an issue. It just feels horrible because I would have at least liked an explanation from him. He has never ignored me before, and now it's been almost three months and if it wasn't thanks to Facebook I'd still be wondering if I did something wrong. I guess I'm just very disappointed that he simply stopped talking to me and never bothered to tell me a word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Perfect time for you to now move on and stop talking to him. He's proved his worth..actions do speak louder than words. He's stopped talking to you because he didn't have the guts to tell you he had someone new. New year...like I said perfect time to move on. It's just very disappointing that our friendship apparently didn't mean a thing to him. Is he just going to ignore me forever? It feels very unreal. I will definitely stop sending him messages. I can't believe that for three months he left me feeling horrible because I'd thought I did something wrong and asked him what it was. How hard is it to let someone know that you have a girlfriend and hence don't want to be in touch. Takes all of half a minute. Ignoring someone is one of the lamest and meanest thing that can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Maybe he knows you'd be hurt at him having a girlfriend, which you clearly are. Unless you can look at him objectively and not care if he's with some other girl or not, it's better to not be friends anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Maybe he knows you'd be hurt at him having a girlfriend, which you clearly are. Unless you can look at him objectively and not care if he's with some other girl or not, it's better to not be friends anyway. Of course it feels a bit weird since this is the first girlfriend (that I know of) since we broke up. But it's not really an issue, I guess it always feels a bit weird when your ex has a new partner. I actually dated a guy myself until not too long ago (although only for a month or so). I think what I'm upset about is the fact that all it took was a new girlfriend to forget about our friendship. Makes me wonder why he remained friends with me and in close touch with me to begin with... . The thing is that another ex of mine already ignored me years ago. It was a different situation though. That guy dumped me via a text message and then never talked to me again. This ex knew how much that hurt me and promised that he'd never just ignore me. So I think he must know that nothing would ever hurt me as much as just being ignored. I'm in total disbelief that he can actually do this without feeling bad. I think he feels so good about this new relationship that nothing else matters. It's just unreal to think that he's gone from my life completely, pretty much from one day to the next. Link to post Share on other sites
spaniard Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I know it hurts, but the best thing you can do here is to go NC and try to move on. (BTW: are you Hungarian by any chance?) Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 He's doing you a favor. he probably told you what he needed to tell you to keep you hanging on just in case he wanted to use you as a backup. But youve been pining for him long enough, and he knows that. He is clearly showing that he doesnt want or need your friendship just because you cant move on. What you had was a pity friendship. he kept talking to you because he knew you'd be hurt if he cut you off, and now he wants to move on and focus on his new gf. You have to find someone else to be friends with, and even possibly start looking for a new bf. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 He definitely didn't tell you about his new gf because he knew you would be hurt. He can tell that you still are carrying a torch for him. If you weren't you really wouldn't care. You have been broken up for 1.5 years. The truth is he doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe him anything. I agree with Eddie that he is doing you a favor. It's time to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I guess that is possible. But I asked him once "what if you meet someone who doesn't feel comfortable about us being in touch?" and he said "I wouldn't date someone like that". When I was dating him he was in touch with ex-girlfriends (although not regularly) and it was never an issue. It just feels horrible because I would have at least liked an explanation from him. He has never ignored me before, and now it's been almost three months and if it wasn't thanks to Facebook I'd still be wondering if I did something wrong. I guess I'm just very disappointed that he simply stopped talking to me and never bothered to tell me a word. People say lots of things and then change their mind. I'm sure he told you things while you were dating that he no longer upholds, like future planning and whatnot that never happened. He said he wouldn't date "someone like that" until he met someone like that and liked her. Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) OP - How painful for you and sympathise wth how you're feeling. I'm in a sort of similar position to you, but sent my ex (who I only briefly dated but had known for some time on and off) an e-card at Xmas which he replied to by simply saying thanks for the lovely card and hope that I'd had a nice Xmas, but then when I replied to that saying what I'd been up to (including asking how his was) and about starting a new job in the new year, surprise surprise he didn't respond. Edited January 3, 2013 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. I think the logic that he didn't want me to be hurt is somewhat flawed. I am not saying that those of you who say that are incorrect, but how on earth would ignoring me for 3+ months hurt less than being told the truth? I don't know if he thinks I have feelings for him. I don't think I do. Like I said, I was involved with a guy not too long ago. It was a short affair due to various circumstances, but I like(d) that guy a lot and it wasn't like my ex ever popped into my head. I still think that what irks me is that out of the 2.5 years I've known my ex, we've been a couple for 9 months, and otherwise just friends, and now that a new girl appears he simply ignores me like some worthless person. I actually think he hates me because I checked today and he blocked me on Facebook... . It's funny because I haven't done anything. I guess this new woman means so much to him (even though he's only known her for maybe 3-4 months) that nobody else matters anymore. Oh and yes, I'm Hungarian. Link to post Share on other sites
Kittech Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I completely understand how you feel and most people would feel that way in that situation. However... From her point of view: I don't like/want my new boyfriend always talking to his ex. From his point of view: If he is really into this new girl, he may not want to jeopardize his chances with her by keeping in touch with the ex. But the truth is, it's really a lot easier half the times to just ignore people you don't want to answer to and hope they get the hint rather than having to tell them and explain and answer all their questions and dealing with the guilt and pity. I've had a similar situation in the past... we didn't keep in touch AS much, maybe once every month or so, wrote each other an e-mail or something to catch up. We never really dated that long to begin with, so our relationship wasn't that serious. He did completely stop responding eventually, and I found out he was married and had a baby. I can't blame him really... and I didn't really care much by then. It'd been a while since the break up and I knew he was moving on and I should too. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Ignoring you and letting the "friendship" die is the path of least resistance for him. Telling you upfront risks you getting upset and causing a scene/drama. As others have suggested, this is good opportunity to finally cut the strings and move on. Whatever he may have promised you with regard to friendship is now void. A few months of silence sends a signal that you are not a priority in his life. I suggest returning the favour. No need to have it out with him and make him say something unpleasant to "get rid" of you so that he can focus on his new girlfriend. Forget him, you have your own life and loves to focus on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Yes, I am going to move on and forget about this friendship. I just have to say that it's quite hurtful. I understand that new relationships take priority, but never understood why that means you have to cut others off completely. It would have been nice to hear something from him, and not just be ignored as if I didn't even exist anymore. I don't think I could ever do that to anyone, not sure how he can, as he never seemed like a mean person. Link to post Share on other sites
spaniard Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Yes, I am going to move on and forget about this friendship. I just have to say that it's quite hurtful. I understand that new relationships take priority, but never understood why that means you have to cut others off completely. It would have been nice to hear something from him, and not just be ignored as if I didn't even exist anymore. I don't think I could ever do that to anyone, not sure how he can, as he never seemed like a mean person. I still think it's a bit weird. I'm still friends with one my of exes and I'd never do this to her. She helped me after my last BU half a year ago and I'd do the same if she would need it. If it's just friendship, why is it a problem for him (or her) if you keep in touch? And, if she tells him not to contact you because she is jelous or something... well, he's gonna have a bad time in the long run I fear. Anyway, if he chose her over you, you can't do much but cut all contact and accept the fact that your friendship didn't mean too much to him... Yeah, it's a bitter thing, and it can definitely hurt. (Btw. I don't think there are many ppl here from our country. At least I haven't found any here. So welcome ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author CicaMica Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 I also think it's weird. I honestly can't wrap my head around the whole thing because it's so unlike him. On her Facebook she wrote about some ex-fiancé who apparently cheated on her, so maybe she is very insecure and did indeed ask him to stop all contact with me. However, it was ultimately him who did it; and I still think he could have replied to one of my messages in the past three months to let me know what was going on. I also have to agree with you that if she is this insecure, they will have problems. I've spent enough time with him to know that he doesn't like to be controlled, he also doesn't like clingy and needy women. It's possible he tolerates it now, this being the honeymoon phase and the first girl in his life since we broke up. But I am quite sure that in the long-run, he is not going to want someone who controls him and tries to tell him what he can and cannot do. However, that is not my problem. What you say is true, I've had to learn the hard way that our friendship didn't mean all that much to him. I just hope he doesn't think that if things end with this girl he can come back and be my friend. I will probably never stop caring about him but my trust in him is gone. It's not just because he cut me off, but because he knew I was upset and confused and he didn't bother to let me know he's ok but is establishing a new relationship and doesn't want to be in touch. I don't actually live in Hungary, but have Hungarian parents. Link to post Share on other sites
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