LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) We were in a long distant relationship and had an argument on the phone last night about how he won't be able to afford to see me for two months. I understand his money situation but I really missed him and pretty much begged him to let me go up to see him and stay for a week, I told him that I wouldn't care if we didn't go out ect, I just wanted to see him. He told me no and that was that. I text him and told him how upset I felt and that it seems like he has no great urgency to see me and how he didn't even seem slightly bothered about it. He just kept trying to change the subject and dismissed my upset. So I done something horrible, I text him and said this 'Maybe we should have an open relationship, so things don't have to be so serious' I'm a horrible horrible person!! I said it out of spite because I didn't think he was taking me seriously. I was on my period which always makes me act crazy! I'm not making excuses for what I said, I was out of line! I didn't mean a word of it. I said it to hurt him. Anyway, he called and said that it was over, he wouldn't let me speak and hung up. I text him about six times, all apologizing. He hasn't replied which is understandable. I feel sick. I messed up big time, I deserve everything I get, I feel ashamed and guilty. Any thoughts? Feel free to call me names and put me down, I deserve it. Edited January 2, 2013 by LostGirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 You tried a scare tactic on him and it backfired. It feels that you're not really getting your needs met and neither is this the type of relationship that is making you happy? And a funny thing tells me that he was probably not very invested. He didn't even want you there even when you said you would make the effort. I have a feeling you gave him an out and he took it. Or, he's really upset and realized your manipulation. Nothing you can do. Hopefully he accepts your reasoning when he calms down. Till then, try to stop emailing or texting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Is this the same guy that broke up with you a few months ago? Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 You should probably let it go. From what you wrote, it sounds like he wasn't very invested in you. If you weren't happy, why fight for something that is one-sided? Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 No one is going to call you names. Give him a few days, don't call or text, just give him a few days to cool off. Then you will have some serious explaining to do, I'm sure you will get a chance to come clean. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Lost, is this the same guy that ended things with you when you had issues traveling up to see him, threw tantrums when he never got his way and then told you to go get f*****? If yes, how did you end up back with this clown again? I'm hoping it's not but if it is, go back and read your threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 You tried a scare tactic on him and it backfired. It feels that you're not really getting your needs met and neither is this the type of relationship that is making you happy? And a funny thing tells me that he was probably not very invested. He didn't even want you there even when you said you would make the effort. I have a feeling you gave him an out and he took it. Or, he's really upset and realized your manipulation. Nothing you can do. Hopefully he accepts your reasoning when he calms down. Till then, try to stop emailing or texting. I won't text or call again. I said all I could. Maybe it was an out, I don't know. My friends and family seem to think so. This is all down to me, guilt is eating away at me and its only been one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Lost, is this the same guy that ended things with you when you had issues traveling up to see him, threw tantrums when he never got his way and then told you to go get f*****? If yes, how did you end up back with this clown again? I'm hoping it's not but if it is, go back and read your threads. Yes it's the same guy. We worked things out. I know he has done and said some cruel things to me but he didn't deserve what I said. I'm the bad person, not him... Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 hmm, your not a horrible person! You wanted more from him, and he wasn't reciprocating. Its understandable that you reacted that way, but if this jerk wants to 'end it' than hang up, than he aint worth a penny. But, for now, you really must leave it as it is. IMO, you apoligised enough, its on him. Personally, i think you ought to move forward and find someone closer to home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 No one is going to call you names. Give him a few days, don't call or text, just give him a few days to cool off. Then you will have some serious explaining to do, I'm sure you will get a chance to come clean. And if I don't hear from him? I don't know what I'll do. There's nothing I can do, I've said all I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 You should probably let it go. From what you wrote, it sounds like he wasn't very invested in you. If you weren't happy, why fight for something that is one-sided? This is true. I think I realised that which is why I got so upset and lashed out. No excuse though. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Yes it's the same guy. We worked things out. I know he has done and said some cruel things to me but he didn't deserve what I said. I'm the bad person, not him... You can work things out but his traits will remain. He was manipulative and treated you badly. You didn't work things out. You just dealt with the surface level issues and both of you went back to what was comfortable. Granted you should not have said what you said but this was never going to be the relationship you wanted, but mostly deserved. There is no bad person, good person. Just bad choices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 hmm, your not a horrible person! You wanted more from him, and he wasn't reciprocating. Its understandable that you reacted that way, but if this jerk wants to 'end it' than hang up, than he aint worth a penny. But, for now, you really must leave it as it is. IMO, you apoligised enough, its on him. Personally, i think you ought to move forward and find someone closer to home. I keep trying to tell myself that but wouldn't anyone react the way he did? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 This is probably a blessing. And you probably didn't want to read that...BUT! I agree, he was lokking for an out and you gave it to him. If my girl said something like that to me. Yeah, I'd be hurt to the point of ending it. But, I would want to talk to her (or rather scream at her) about it. Like, HAVE you already started seeing other people? How long have you felt this way? Is this how you solve a problem?...blah...blah... He didn't even do that. It was basically, "We're done" and that's about it. He starts running for the hills. So, kinda tells me that he was looking for an out. So! Time to put on the big girl pants! Start NC. Heal and move on. To me, he just showed his true colors. Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I keep trying to tell myself that but wouldn't anyone react the way he did? You mean, him end it when you said lets see other people? Yes, i suppose, most men would be very offended at that, but look at the way he treated you? The guy sounds like a twat (Judging from another posters comment) Seriously honey, do your self a favour now, and dont call him. You said 'open relationship' out of frustration which is understandable imo. Seriously, do not call him again, and if you're still madly into him, at least be patient and make him work harder on being good to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 This is probably a blessing. And you probably didn't want to read that...BUT! I agree, he was lokking for an out and you gave it to him. If my girl said something like that to me. Yeah, I'd be hurt to the point of ending it. But, I would want to talk to her (or rather scream at her) about it. Like, HAVE you already started seeing other people? How long have you felt this way? Is this how you solve a problem?...blah...blah... He didn't even do that. It was basically, "We're done" and that's about it. He starts running for the hills. So, kinda tells me that he was looking for an out. So! Time to put on the big girl pants! Start NC. Heal and move on. To me, he just showed his true colors. He knows how I feel about him and he knew it was nothing more than a spiteful comment so I don't think he would question it. He knows full well that I wouldn't want anything weird like that. I can be very cutting with my words and I think this was the last straw for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 You mean, him end it when you said lets see other people? Yes, i suppose, most men would be very offended at that, but look at the way he treated you? The guy sounds like a twat (Judging from another posters comment) Seriously honey, do your self a favour now, and dont call him. You said 'open relationship' out of frustration which is understandable imo. Seriously, do not call him again, and if you're still madly into him, at least be patient and make him work harder on being good to you. I won't contact him, I'm pretty good when it comes to NC. I feel so guilty and going NC makes me feel even more guitly, it feels like by me doing so is me being horrible to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I won't contact him, I'm pretty good when it comes to NC. I feel so guilty and going NC makes me feel even more guitly, it feels like by me doing so is me being horrible to him. Look, you've sent him about 5 texts apologizing for your comment and your behavior. That's about all you can do. But, if flying off the handle and saying things before you actually think things through is a problem for you, then maybe you need to talk to someone to get a handle on that. Anger management class perhaps. Just a suggestion and it could benefit you greatly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Look, you've sent him about 5 texts apologizing for your comment and your behavior. That's about all you can do. But, if flying off the handle and saying things before you actually think things through is a problem for you, then maybe you need to talk to someone to get a handle on that. Anger management class perhaps. Just a suggestion and it could benefit you greatly. I don't think I'm quite that bad. Everyone says things they don't mean when hurt and frustrated. No excuse, I can't stress that enough. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Oh please. Give yourself a break. You didn't say anything that is unforgivable. You should see some of the s.hit I said to MY ex. In my opinion, he's been wanting out of the relationship and he just used your outburst as an excuse to end it. It's fairly obvious he wasn't too interested in the relationship when he basically didn't even care that he wouldn't see you for two months, and turned down YOUR offer to go see him! If it wasn't this event that broke you guys up, it would have been something else. So don't beat yourself up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 I don't want to miss anything out just to put him in a bad light. His money situation has been going on for a while now. He went out busking everyday over christmas just to make enough money to buy a ticket to see me. A few days ago his car packed up, so he said whatever money he does get will be going on the car. He said that to get back on the road is his priority now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Oh please. Give yourself a break. You didn't say anything that is unforgivable. You should see some of the s.hit I said to MY ex. In my opinion, he's been wanting out of the relationship and he just used your outburst as an excuse to end it. It's fairly obvious he wasn't too interested in the relationship when he basically didn't even care that he wouldn't see you for two months, and turned down YOUR offer to go see him! If it wasn't this event that broke you guys up, it would have been something else. So don't beat yourself up. For me this is the most horrible thing I've ever said, to anyone! What kind of things did you say to your ex? Did he forgive you? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I don't want to miss anything out just to put him in a bad light. His money situation has been going on for a while now. He went out busking everyday over christmas just to make enough money to buy a ticket to see me. A few days ago his car packed up, so he said whatever money he does get will be going on the car. He said that to get back on the road is his priority now. Lost, you offered to go and see him. And he declined your efforts to be together. This is not about the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Lost, you offered to go and see him. And he declined your efforts to be together. This is not about the money. Hmm. I did say that I don't care about the money, I have money to see you and that's all that matters. But he still didn't want to know... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Hmm. I did say that I don't care about the money, I have money to see you and that's all that matters. But he still didn't want to know... Yes, doesn't that tell you something? He's willing to go two months without seeing you. Any man that loved you and missed you would jump at the chance. In that sense, he was looking for an out. He was not that invested. Link to post Share on other sites
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