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Valt

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Valt

Valt

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

OK, this might go on a bit - but I'll get to the point in the end.

 

I got married about 3 years ago. About 4 months after that I started a new job, where there was this girl, let's call her Sarah, who I was immediately attracted to. We became friends over time, and I did once share a kiss with her near Christmas time, but it was innocent enough.

 

My feelings for Sarah though have grown over the last 3 years and I like her much more than I like to admit. I think Sarah knows that I like her but maybe not how much. I made it kind of obvious at one point.

 

Sarah recently married her long-time boyfriend, and I thought that I would now get over her, and be happy that she was still a friend. But that isn't the case, and I find myself constantly thinking about her. Now, don't misunderstand me, I love my wife very much and would never do anything to mess up my marriage but I can't help thinking that maybe Sarah and I should be together. I think she likes me, although I don't know how much, as she sometimes flirts with people quite boldly, but if I try to flirt with her she gets embarrassed and shy.

 

OK, so my questions are:

 

Should I tell Sarah how I really feel about her in hopes that something might happen?

 

Should I tell Sarah how I really feel about her in hopes that she will take it as a complement and still be friends?

 

Should I tell Sarah how I really feel about her just to ease my mind as I think I might go crazy if I don't?

 

or,

 

Should I say nothing at all?

 

To be honest, I guess I already know the answer, I was just looking for affirmation.

 

Thanks for any help offered,

 

Valt.

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Tony T

Tony T

Posted
Posted

When Sarah is divorced and you are divorced and both of you are completely single and available, you should definitely tell Sarah how you feel. Right now, it would be pretty stupid to do so. Neither of you are free to act on anything.

 

I think being married and being attracted to other ladies is perfectly normal, but if you are going to start acting on your whims, you need to free your wife to find someone who will love her enough to be loyal to her.

 

Didn't anybody tell you before you got married that the purpose of it was to be in a mutually exclusive, trusting bond. You should have never gotten married. Even if you were single now, you should leave Sarah alone. Telling her about these feelings could really botch up your friendship, your job or both.

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Deejette

Deejette

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I am sure that Sarah knows how you feel about her, because there are such things as vibrations that pass between people that let them know their attracted.

 

But what good will it do? She just got married and you are married. Do you want to have an affair behind each other's spouses backs?

When Sarah is divorced and you are divorced and both of you are completely single and available, you should definitely tell Sarah how you feel. Right now, it would be pretty stupid to do so. Neither of you are free to act on anything. I think being married and being attracted to other ladies is perfectly normal, but if you are going to start acting on your whims, you need to free your wife to find someone who will love her enough to be loyal to her. Didn't anybody tell you before you got married that the purpose of it was to be in a mutually exclusive, trusting bond. You should have never gotten married. Even if you were single now, you should leave Sarah alone. Telling her about these feelings could really botch up your friendship, your job or both.
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Pat

Pat

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Posted

You said in your post:

 

"Now, don't misunderstand me, I love my wife very much and would never do anything to mess up my marriage but..."

 

But what?!

 

That statement should have answered your own question. Either you are committed to your marriage or you aren't. There are lots of people one can be attracted to if we think about long enough or spend enough time with them.

 

Have you ever heard of boundaries? Do you know what they are or have any?

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Valt

Valt

Posted
Posted

Firstly, Tony, thanks for responding.

When Sarah is divorced and you are divorced and both of you are completely single and available, you should definitely tell Sarah how you feel.

When?

Right now, it would be pretty stupid to do so. Neither of you are free to act on anything.

Yes, true.

I think being married and being attracted to other ladies is perfectly normal, but if you are going to start acting on your whims, you need to free your wife to find someone who will love her enough to be loyal to her.

I appreciate that you can be attracted to someone else whilst married - this is the first time for me - I just didn't know how to deal with it. I'm not about to act on any 'whim' as you put it and I am loyal to my wife. Really.

Didn't anybody tell you before you got married that the purpose of it was to be in a mutually exclusive, trusting bond.

I know that. That's whole point of being married.

You should have never gotten married.

You are too judgemental - I haven't actually done anything wrong or disloyal. I only asked for advice with something I was having trouble with.

Even if you were single now, you should leave Sarah alone. Telling her about these feelings could really botch up your friendship, your job or both.

Again, you make total sense here, and this is how I always intended to act.

 

Please don't take my responses the wrong way. I appreciate you taking time to answer me and you have helped me see things more clearly.

 

Valt.

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Valt

Valt

Posted
Posted

Deejette, thanks for responding.

I am sure that Sarah knows how you feel about her, because there are such things as vibrations that pass between people that let them know their attracted.

I think so too.

But what good will it do? She just got married and you are married. Do you want to have an affair behind each other's spouses backs?

No. I would never consider something like that.

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Valt

Valt

Posted
Posted

Pat, thanks for your post.

You said in your post: "Now, don't misunderstand me, I love my wife very much and would never do anything to mess up my marriage but..." But what?! That statement should have answered your own question. Either you are committed to your marriage or you aren't. There are lots of people one can be attracted to if we think about long enough or spend enough time with them. Have you ever heard of boundaries? Do you know what they are or have any?

Hey, I was only asking for some guidance here, no need to launch a moral attack.

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