dated for 4.5 years can anyone help with this one

[Green_Eyez003]

Never thought I would be looking for adive on a site like this, but here I am. I'm get straight to the point.

About two and a half weeks ago I broke up with my b/f of 4.5 years. WE just werent getting along like we used to. I felt like we were always fighting. I started to feel angry toward him because he was talking to other girls on the computer. I wasnt suppost to know about that but I found out. He had only been doing it during the last month and a half of our relationship. I was cruched never the less to find it. I'm the type of person who if I'm wiht somone then thats it, I'm with them. I dont know if he was just looking for an ego boost or what. Anyways after talking we decided to go our own ways. We got to the point where it was the easy wasy out. A few days later he wrote me an e-mail talking about how he missed me (but nows not the time to get back togeather) and saying how if we were older there would be no doubt that I would be the one, "the one that he would watnt to spend the rest of his life with". Crazy talk inspite whats happening. I still love him and miss him. When we were togeatehr I used to never go out, but lately I've been out every night jut meeting new people and have been having alot of fun. Anyways to the advice I'm looking for. He has been gone for about 2 weeks on a trip w/ family. A few days after he left I met someone. Were not dating or anything just having a good time. We havent had sex "yet" and I dont know waht I want from the relationship with my ex. There is a part of me who wants to be with him sexually (new guy)but at teh same time I dont know whats going to happen when my ex comes back. Im not the type of girl to sleep around at all. I've only ever been with my ex. I dont want to close any doors or have an regrets about what i did with the new guy if we did get back togeather. My ex sent me a message the other night and when I got it my heart just sank, I shouldnt feel so guilty. Were not togeather. The new guys know the situation I'm in. He asked me the otehr night what was going to happen when he (ex) got back and I told him I didnt know. I have been totally honest with him about the whole situation. Hes a really nice, smart and sweet guy and I just want him to know whats going on. Anways so I guess I'm just looking to see what other people in this situation have done and jsut wondering how you felt about it. I still dont know if I want to get back wtih my ex anytime soon. he really hurt me. I would have dont anything to make him happy so now I just think that it could never be the same. He says he still has "Tremendious feeling for me" as I do toward him but at the same time I'm having alot of fun being single. It sounds like I want the best of both worlds, I know. The truth is I dont know what i want can anyone help me out??????? Please.[font=arial][/font]

[WantanS4]

You know.... hmmm... what an oppourtunity for me.

 

You sleep with the new guy, you have no respect for your ex. You go back to your ex, you could get hurt. You are living it up with the new guy, you feel guilty.

 

Bottomline (and I wish I could say this to my ex now) GROW UP! Seriously. Mature! You can't do this to a person, and if you say you care for your ex, then why are you even considering it?!?

 

I'm not bashing you, but come on, wake up!

 

Having fun being single??... then why are you thinking about your ex. Either you come or you go, cut the crap and be HONEST to your ex. I personally will kiss the ground that you walk on if your HONEST to your ex (cause I wish I could get it in return).

 

Why has the relationship gone bad.... because either you or him believe that the grass is always greener on the other side. Well is it??? You never know. If you think your relationship is bad enough to can, then can it and don't play games. BUT REMEMBER... if you can it... it's canned forever.

 

Being in your ex's shoes, if i were to hear that, i wouldn't be pleased, but at least i would know what the helll is going on in you rmind. You can not and should not hide who you are..... and you should be FAIR by letting your ex know.

 

As far as the other guy, sure, you could sleep with him... but do you KNOW that he'll love you and take care of you like your ex does/did?

 

Have some character and be grown up about this..... set a trend for the women of the 2000s, cause the way things are going, we're all gonna end up living in the fantasy of Sex in the City (worst thing that could have happen to society).

 

My solution to your problem (and it might seem slighted) is to go back, sit down and talk to him, HONESTLY tell him what you think is wrong and how you think it SHOULD be fixed and keep going. Don't throw away 4.5 years.......

 

Key word: COMPROMISE!

Key thought: All the good times!

 

Please Please Please dont' take this the wrong way... I'm simply saying, have a little courage to tell your ex what's on your mind, and if he isn't willing to work with you, then spend time with the new guy.... but for crying out loud... don't sleep with him... take it slow/easy.

[Green_Eyez003]

thanks for the reply. I appreciate your honesty. I'm just going through a confusing time right now and i appreciate your opinion. I agreed with basically everything you had to say. I just need to keep my head up and not run into the first guys arms. So thanks again for the reply.