Women who claim nobody wants them

[PhoenixRysing]

So you've never dated?

 

 

I have absolutely dated. However, every relationship I have ever had was a direct result of friendships where I eventually asked the man in question out. All of my lovers told me after the fact they had been interested all along but never would have acted on it presuming I would decline their invitations. One fellow invited me to a party and only later told me he had to scramble to put it together once I agreed to attend. We were friends for a year, I went to his party, he still never asked me out. I finally asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with me. Similarly, my ex-husband was a friend for 3 years and then I asked him if he was ever going to take me out.

 

All of my romances started this way. Not one has started with a man expressing his interest in me first...at least not clearly.

[Anela]

I agree with you; I'm just saying that being able to get sex easily, even if that's what you're looking for, does not necessarily make a woman feel wanted. Almost all of us grew up knowing that there were lots of men who wanted to do sexual stuff with us, even when we were still girls and not women … even if we were butt ugly - sometimes even children. It does not mean that much.

 

Any more than a guy with money who is able to get a woman to go Chez Panisse with him, his expense, is necessarily going to feel wanted. And, sometimes, he was just looking for a pretty and talkative dinner companion.

 

This!!

 

I don't know why you've had to repeat yourself. This is perfectly clear to me - but then I've been one that's wanted sexually, and that in itself did nothing for me, so I wasn't having sex. There is a *huge* difference between someone wanting to "do" you, and there being an actual connection/relationship with someone.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Dating & relationships aren't logical, so you will need to learn to set that aside from time to time. Secondly statistical probabilistic fall flat on small same sets. If you Flip a coin 20 twenty times, the chances of you getting a 50/50 distribution are low for this very reason.

 

Thus the question still stands if you found them all unattractive, would you really care if they liked you?

 

I would.

 

Not only would it raise my confidence, there's almost no way that at least one or two of those 20 I wouldn't have dated.

 

I'm thinking of the last 20 women my age group that I worked with and I'd have dated many of them.

 

It might not have lasted long, but that's not the point.

[ThaWholigan]

I would.

 

Not only would it raise my confidence, there's almost no way that at least one or two of those 20 I wouldn't have dated.

 

I'm thinking of the last 20 women my age group that I worked with and I'd have dated many of them.

 

It might not have lasted long, but that's not the point.

See, I wouldn't have done that, even when I was a virgin. If I'm not attracted, there is no point in my opinion. It would also be a waste of her time as much as mine. The only care I would have had would be the harsh reality of knowing that I would never date them even if they liked me, which is not a nice feeling.

 

I am somewhat picky when it comes to women, and I own that. I have a broad range of what I find attractive physically, but I'm particular about the kind of girl I would date/have sex with on an overall level.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I agree with you; I'm just saying that being able to get sex easily, even if that's what you're looking for, does not necessarily make a woman feel wanted. Almost all of us grew up knowing that there were lots of men who wanted to do sexual stuff with us, even when we were still girls and not women … even if we were butt ugly - sometimes even children. It does not mean that much.

 

Any more than a guy with money who is able to get a woman to go Chez Panisse with him, his expense, is necessarily going to feel wanted. And, sometimes, he was just looking for a pretty and talkative dinner companion.

 

Chez Panisse?!

 

Are you from the Bay Area? You must be. Alice Waters. I used to live close to there.

[somedude81]

I have absolutely dated. However, every relationship I have ever had was a direct result of friendships where I eventually asked the man in question out. All of my lovers told me after the fact they had been interested all along but never would have acted on it presuming I would decline their invitations. One fellow invited me to a party and only later told me he had to scramble to put it together once I agreed to attend. We were friends for a year, I went to his party, he still never asked me out. I finally asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with me. Similarly, my ex-husband was a friend for 3 years and then I asked him if he was ever going to take me out.

 

All of my romances started this way. Not one has started with a man expressing his interest in me first...at least not clearly.

So all of your lovers were guys who liked you but didn't clearly ask you out because they were afraid you'd say no? And you've never had a guy clearly ask you out?

 

If that's true, that is really odd.

 

Of course that means you can't say that nobody has ever liked you which is the general theme of this thread.

[Lonely Ronin]

but that's not the point.

 

I think that's exactly the point. That's pretty much the basis of this thread. A lot of guys here seem to get all tweaked out about women who so much as mention not liking any of their options.

 

The other thing to consider is this isn't some damn binomial distribution. personality and taste is going to play a big part. What is considered acceptable to one person is not for another.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think that's exactly the point. That's pretty much the basis of this thread. A lot of guys here seem to get all tweaked out about women who so much as mention not liking any of their options.

 

The other thing to consider is this isn't some damn binomial distribution. personality and taste is going to play a big part. What is considered acceptable to one person is not for another.

 

Women date men who they have almost no compatibility with either but that's not the point.

 

It's not about women versus men per se. It's about people who have options versus people who don't.

 

Just because 2 people are single and one person has rejected 50 and the other has been rejected 50 times, doesn't mean they are in the same boat. There's going to be a difference in confidence for one.

[Anela]

even somedude claims that he can't get a chick and then reveals that he CAN just not thin, at least 34B cup and under 30

 

I think both sexes mean "I can't get anyone I am attracted to".

 

Well, there have been men that I've been attracted to, that I realized would bug the hell out of me after a while - or I, them.

 

Not that they've asked me out, but I did notice a pattern. I've been running in the opposite direction from the depressive guys that wanted me, because I can be prone to depression, and it seemed as though they not only hung their self-esteem on women, but moved from woman to woman when they were bored. One I know, isn't that attractive to me, but he has a Kurt Cobain air about him, he's a very talented writer, and for some reason, some women have been head-over-heels for him. He's a nice enough guy, but when he was wanting to be more polyamorous, guess who he headed for? ME, a woman who has made it clear that I'm not into that. I didn't like what I was attracting: men who were clearly wrong for me - so I gave up.

 

See, I wouldn't have done that, even when I was a virgin. If I'm not attracted, there is no point in my opinion. It would also be a waste of her time as much as mine. The only care I would have had would be the harsh reality of knowing that I would never date them even if they liked me, which is not a nice feeling.

 

I am somewhat picky when it comes to women, and I own that. I have a broad range of what I find attractive physically, but I'm particular about the kind of girl I would date/have sex with on an overall level.

 

 

 

Yes, it isn't nice knowing that someone isn't attracted to me, but it would be worse if they'd used me for any reason (sex, attention, etc) and then let me know down the line.

[Necris]

You should go after who you are attracted to. Simple really.

 

My standards aren't high at all, since I'm not the kind of guy who gets alot of female attention, which is kind of funny as my friends sometimes make fun of me when they see the girls that reject me. Though I do go after girls I feel at least a slight tinge of attraction towards.

 

So perhaps it isn't very useful to go after the plain not very attractive girls.

Edited January 3, 2013 by Necris

[ThaWholigan]

My standards aren't high at all, since I'm not the kind of guy who gets alot of female attention, which is kind of funny as my friends sometimes make fun of me when they see the girls that reject me. Though I do go after girls I feel at least a slight tinge of attraction towards.

 

So perhaps it isn't very useful to go after the plain not very attractive girls.

Do you even know what kind of girls you are attracted to?

[JuneJulySeptember]

The other thing to consider is this isn't some damn binomial distribution. personality and taste is going to play a big part. What is considered acceptable to one person is not for another.

 

Also. If everything is personality, as so many claim, nobody here is ever complaining about not being hit on or being a virgin, or never having dated anybody at age twenty or thirty whatever.

 

Because somebody would have liked them for them and made a move on them.

 

Remember what we're talking about. We're talking about dating. The more people you can attract, the more successful you can be.

 

Of those 20, I am saying the ones I would date are BECAUSE of personality. I find some of my more attractive coworkers to be intolerable.

[Lonely Ronin]

Just because 2 people are single and one person has rejected 50 and the other has been rejected 50 times, doesn't mean they are in the same boat. There's going to be a difference in confidence for one.

 

I have yet to see someone say they are in the same boat. The dynamic we have going on LS is the person that has been rejected 50 times, feels it's completely unfair for the person who rejected 50 people so much as hint at being unhappy, and frankly that's complete bull shi* as far as I'm concerned.

[Lonely Ronin]

Do you even know what kind of girls you are attracted to?

 

That's a very good question actually.

[PhoenixRysing]

So all of your lovers were guys who liked you but didn't clearly ask you out because they were afraid you'd say no? And you've never had a guy clearly ask you out?

 

If that's true, that is really odd.

 

Of course that means you can't say that nobody has ever liked you which is the general theme of this thread.

 

Yes, it is true. I have never had a guy approach me and express interest first - ever. Each of my lovers have told me the same, crushes for ages, one to the point of being in love with me for years, and they never would have dated me if I had not been so direct with my own interest.

 

My point in contribution to this thread, is that no one can ever really say no one wants them - perhaps they have not approached the right person, perhaps someone is pining over them right now but feels exactly the same as my former lovers.

 

And right now, there are no men expressing interest me - at all. That doesn't mean they don't have it, but I certainly don't know about it, don't feel it, and it does not benefit me, so they may as well not even know I exist. So right now my reality is that "no man wants me."

 

If I hadn't taken the initiative to push my lovers a bit harder and finally outright asked them out, I doubt seriously I would ever have had a boyfriend. Frankly, it sucks. I want to know what it's like to have a man really want me - to approach me and pursue me...and I doubt I ever will.

 

Since I am a woman, per the OP - this should be really easy. I have 35 years of age and 20 years of dating relevance that begs to differ.

[Necris]

Do you even know what kind of girls you are attracted to?

 

What do you mean by this?

 

I know what qualities both physical and personality wise I find attractive in a woman.

 

I was just pointing out I usually don't go after the most attractive girls instead going for girls who aren't all that attractive in the hopes they'll hopefully find me more attractive due to the misperception own my part that they'll have less male attention, so lower competition for me, and therefore lower more relaxed standards in a guy. Though I realize now that reasoning is actually quite foolish.

[AD1980]

See, I wouldn't have done that, even when I was a virgin. If I'm not attracted, there is no point in my opinion. It would also be a waste of her time as much as mine. The only care I would have had would be the harsh reality of knowing that I would never date them even if they liked me, which is not a nice feeling.

 

I am somewhat picky when it comes to women, and I own that. I have a broad range of what I find attractive physically, but I'm particular about the kind of girl I would date/have sex with on an overall level.

 

I agree as bad as iam with women if im not fully attracted im not gonna give it a chance just out of desperation or because i think i cant do better thats not fair for me or the other person..id rather be alone then that..

 

Also a few days ago i saw what its like to have the shoe on the other foot and be the rejector..my friend went to a store a girl i havent seen in years works at and said she liked me and gave my friend her number for me but i never called because im not attracted to her in any way but i felt like **** about it and i saw life isnt easy rejectign people either..

 

I used to envision a girl reejcting me and having one over on me and thinking she must have said how dare this ugly guy approach me and laugh about it but most of the girls who rejected me probably felt just like i did when i rejected that girl..it gave me a new perspective on things and im grateful for it..

Edited January 3, 2013 by AD1980

[Necris]

I agree as bad as iam with women if im not fully attracted im not gonna give it a chance just out of desperation or because i think i cant do better thats not fair for me or the other person..id rather be alone then that..

 

This may sound a little silly but wouldn't that drastically reduce your chances with women if you only go after girls you are completely attracted to? As there are alot less girls you are fully attracted to then not, and the odds of the girl being fully attracted to you, extremely low. And wouldn't that make rejection hurt more? Also what do you mean by "fully attracted"?

[AD1980]

This may sound a little silly but wouldn't that drastically reduce your chances with women if you only go after girls you are completely attracted to? As there are alot less girls you are fully attracted to then not, and the odds of the girl being fully attracted to you, extremely low. And wouldn't that make rejection hurt more? Also what do you mean by "fully attracted"?

 

Meaning im attracted to her physically and personality wise..I would rather be alone then be with somebody who im not that attracted to at all and cant imagine being intimate with..

 

While id love to be in a relationship im not desperate enough to go with almost anyone like some people are willing to..

 

I never understood that line of thinking with people who cant be alone and are willing to take almost anything..

[GoodOnPaper]

Also what do you mean by "fully attracted"?

 

I was wondering this myself -- makes it sound like you should hit on or otherwise have relationships only with women who are as or more attractive than your favorite [insert name of favorite pop star/celebrity/porn actress]. Yet many people of average attractiveness end up in LTRs and marriages . . .

[iris219]

I was wondering this myself -- makes it sound like you should hit on or otherwise have relationships only with women who are as or more attractive than your favorite [insert name of favorite pop star/celebrity/porn actress]. Yet many people of average attractiveness end up in LTRs and marriages . . .

 

And it's possible to be fully attracted to an average or below average looking person. It's possible to be more attracted to them than you would be to a hot person.

[AD1980]

I was wondering this myself -- makes it sound like you should hit on or otherwise have relationships only with women who are as or more attractive than your favorite [insert name of favorite pop star/celebrity/porn actress]. Yet many people of average attractiveness end up in LTRs and marriages . . .

 

Not at all..but i have to find the girl good looking and attractive if i dont then i move on..im not desperate enough to go with anyone just so im not laone

Edited January 3, 2013 by AD1980

[Lonely Ronin]

I was wondering this myself -- makes it sound like you should hit on or otherwise have relationships only with women who are as or more attractive than your favorite [insert name of favorite pop star/celebrity/porn actress]. Yet many people of average attractiveness end up in LTRs and marriages . . .

 

Think of it this way. You get 50 seconds to watch a woman move, talk, smile etc. After that you get 10 seconds to decide if you are attracted to her, because she is going to walk out of the room and you will never see her again.

 

I'm exactly like AD, if I'm not instantly/intensely attracted to a woman I'm not going to consider her a viable option. The next step is to see if she shows an interest in me. If she doesn't show any interest in me within say the first hour of knowing her, I don't consider her a viable option. Yes, this means I date a that i potentially can, and dating pull is much smaller, but I'm ok with that.

 

My friends will tell you I'm absurdly picky, and ridiculously high maintenance, but when a woman and I click it's the f'ing bomb.

[GoodOnPaper]

Think of it this way. You get 50 seconds to watch a woman move, talk, smile etc. After that you get 10 seconds to decide if you are attracted to her, because she is going to walk out of the room and you will never see her again.

 

I'm exactly like AD, if I'm not instantly/intensely attracted to a woman I'm not going to consider her a viable option. The next step is to see if she shows an interest in me. If she doesn't show any interest in me within say the first hour of knowing her, I don't consider her a viable option. Yes, this means I date a that i potentially can, and dating pull is much smaller, but I'm ok with that.

 

I guess my radar was tuned in the opposite way -- try to find those few women with a glimmer of interest in me, then worry about the physical attraction if need be.

[Lonely Ronin]

fixed the missing words.

 

Think of it this way. You get 50 seconds to watch a woman move, talk, smile etc. After that you get 10 seconds to decide if you are attracted to her, because she is going to walk out of the room and you will never see her again.

 

I'm exactly like AD, if I'm not instantly/intensely attracted to a woman I'm not going to consider her a viable option. The next step is to see if she shows an interest in me. If she doesn't show any interest in me within say the first hour of knowing her, I don't consider her a viable option. Yes, this means I date a lot lessn that i potentially can, and my dating pull is much smaller, but I'm ok with that.

 

My friends will tell you I'm absurdly picky, and ridiculously high maintenance, but when a woman and I click it's the f'ing bomb.