JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I have yet to see someone say they are in the same boat. The dynamic we have going on LS is the person that has been rejected 50 times, feels it's completely unfair for the person who rejected 50 people so much as hint at being unhappy, and frankly that's complete bull shi* as far as I'm concerned. Extremes. The OP is talking about women who complain that 'nobody wants them' and 'no boys like them'. It's in the title. When you are rejecting men regularly and saying that, to me it shows bad taste. Especially when you say it to the face of a guy you have rejected. Which I and at least one other poster in this thread have had happen to me. This may sound a little silly but wouldn't that drastically reduce your chances with women if you only go after girls you are completely attracted to? As there are alot less girls you are fully attracted to then not, and the odds of the girl being fully attracted to you, extremely low. And wouldn't that make rejection hurt more? Also what do you mean by "fully attracted"? Fully attracted to me would be emotional attraction, though often when I have had that for a woman, she's rejected me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I guess my radar was tuned in the opposite way -- try to find those few women with a glimmer of interest in me, then worry about the physical attraction if need be. I have has several female friends, and one male friend(who had the guts to say it to my face anyway) say I approach dating more like a woman, so take that for what it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 And it's possible to be fully attracted to an average or below average looking person. It's possible to be more attracted to them than you would be to a hot person. Wish it would happen more often. Certainly would make my dating life easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 When you are rejecting men regularly and saying that, to me it shows bad taste. How it is bad taste to reject something you don't like? Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Wish it would happen more often. Certainly would make my dating life easier. I happens ALL the time. If I showed you a picture of each person, male and female, who I work with you would see that the overwhelming majority are average and below average in looks. The majority are also happily married. I have many times found myself attracted to men who are decidedly less attractive than I am. I don't understand why you're unable to do this, but I do think it would make your dating life easier. I suggest getting to know women you claim to not find attractive. Sometimes someone's personality, character, and/or charisma makes them irresisitable once we get to know them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 iris, attraction works differently for men from how it works for women. Women are attracted predominantly by "chemistry" while men go mostly by "looks". A man's looks, on the one hand, (beyond the guy's physical size perhaps) have little to do with whether a woman will feel attraction for him after interacting with him for any length of time. It has much more to do with how he carries himself and his personality--"chemistry". So a guy who isn't all that physically appealing can grow on you (iris) to the point where you are attracted and want to sleep with him. If a man, on the other hand, isn't attracted to the way a woman looks though, then it will be an uphill battle for him to feel attraction for her. He might grow to care for her as a friend, but he likely won't feel that lust for her that he needs to feel. So a woman whom somedude doesn't find physically appealing is unlikely to grow on him. It's just how we guys are wired. Which is actually good news for somedude. If he makes it a point to get himself out there and develop his confidence, he can have success with women, 5'6" and average-looking is not an obstacle. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I happens ALL the time. If I showed you a picture of each person, male and female, who I work with you would see that the overwhelming majority are average and below average in looks. The majority are also happily married. I have many times found myself attracted to men who are decidedly less attractive than I am. I don't understand why you're unable to do this, but I do think it would make your dating life easier. I suggest getting to know women you claim to not find attractive. Sometimes someone's personality, character, and/or charisma makes them irresisitable once we get to know them. Unable to do what? Become interested in somebody I didn't consider attractive at first? It's happened several times for me already. In the end they turned me down. Guess I wasn't attractive enough for them I've never had a woman "get over" my looks and fall for my personality. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 How it is bad taste to reject something you don't like? It isn't bad taste to reject someone you don't like. It's bad taste to do that on a regular basis and then complain about a dearth or complete lack of male attention. Don't be dense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 It isn't bad taste to reject someone you don't like. It's bad taste to do that on a regular basis and then complain about a dearth or complete lack of male attention. Don't be dense. Disagree, because as far as I'm concerned attention I don't want is worse than no attention. I actually consider this a benefit of being a man. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Unable to do what? Become interested in somebody I didn't consider attractive at first? It's happened several times for me already. In the end they turned me down. Guess I wasn't attractive enough for them I've never had a woman "get over" my looks and fall for my personality. Well, now you know what you need to work on. If you don't have the kind of looks that will make women want to get to know you better, you need to work on making women feel attraction in other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Disagree, because as far as I'm concerned attention I don't want is worse than no attention. I actually consider this a benefit of being a man. Although I can sympathize with this line of thought, it leads to an awfully slippery slope. When nearly every guy a woman meets is simply not good enough for whatever reason, the belief that unwanted attention is worse than an absence of attention leads to (and justifies) self-sabotage. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Well, now you know what you need to work on. If you don't have the kind of looks that will make women want to get to know you better, you need to work on making women feel attraction in other ways. I've known it for a very long time iris. Actually changing who I am to be the kind of person where woman can forget about my looks is much harder than it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Although I can sympathize with this line of thought, it leads to an awfully slippery slope. When nearly every guy a woman meets is simply not good enough for whatever reason, the belief that unwanted attention is worse than an absence of attention leads to (and justifies) self-sabotage. Some people seem unable to be attracted to normal people. That doesn't mean they should partner up with someone they aren't attracted to, though. That's not fair to the potential mate! Maybe these people are unsuited for long term relationships. After all, looks fade, and money and status can be lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Truthsayer Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 iris, attraction works differently for men from how it works for women. Women are attracted predominantly by "chemistry" while men go mostly by "looks". I disagree and think that's just a cliche. I have been in situations and witnessed situations where the guy who created better "chemistry" was left by said women for the better looking guy. Women are just as visual as men if not more. Women see colors better than men. If that's not visual I don't know what is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I disagree and think that's just a cliche. I have been in situations and witnessed situations where the guy who created better "chemistry" was left by said women for the better looking guy. Women are just as visual as men if not more. Women see colors better than men. If that's not visual I don't know what is. I agree i dont know where this lie came from.Women have voted presidents in because they were good looking[Kennedy] they buy music from awul pop singers becauae theyre good looking they lust over celebrities who are good looking.. women are HIGHLY VISUAL and into looks as much as men if not more on some levels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I've known it for a very long time iris. Actually changing who I am to be the kind of person where woman can forget about my looks is much harder than it seems. SD, it's not matter of making women forget about your looks. I've seen a pic of you. You're a completely normal looking guy. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 . women are HIGHLY VISUAL and into looks as much as men if not more on some levels It's like saying men are highly emotional. Of course they are, but not in the same way that women are. Looks can definitely attract a woman. But usually, there is much more involved than looks. For men, otoh, looks are almost like a litmus test. It is either yes or no based on looks, and everything else comes after that. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 SD, it's not matter of making women forget about your looks. I've seen a pic of you. You're a completely normal looking guy. I haven't seen a picture that I remember (feel free to pm me one if you want!). But a normal looking guy will be hot to his girlfriend because of the color of his eyes, or his smile, and his particular smell, and his hands, and all sorts of odd things that we women become attracted to when we are into a guy Her girlfriends will wonder what she sees. But she wonders what they see in their guys 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's like saying men are highly emotional. Of course they are, but not in the same way that women are. Looks can definitely attract a woman. But usually, there is much more involved than looks. For men, otoh, looks are almost like a litmus test. It is either yes or no based on looks, and everything else comes after that. I think looks are as important to both genders and why you see most couples evenly paired Because an unattractive or average women settle for an average or unattractive man in her own league usually doesnt dissaprove the point Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I think looks are as important to both genders and why you see most couples evenly paired Because an unattractive or average women settle for an average or unattractive man in her own league usually doesnt dissaprove the point It's still different. A man won't usually ask a woman out unless he feels some physical attraction. Women routinely go out with men to see if attraction develops. And often enough, it does within a couple dates. My H and are evenly paired. He remembers the first time he laid eyes on me, because he was very attracted. I remember the first time I laid eyes on him, because he looked so odd in the horrible shirt he was wearing My attraction to him grew quickly as I got to know him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's still different. A man won't usually ask a woman out unless he feels some physical attraction. . Thats because most of the time men are the intiiators if women asked men out and had to approach all the time theyd approach the ones that catch their eye they wouldnt approach men they didnt think were that attractive in hopes something would grow Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's not an ego boost to reject men. When someone shows very strong interest in you and you reject him, it feels quite awful. Then when they keep messaging you asking for reasons why and telling you how depressed you made them, it's something I would rather do without. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's not an ego boost to reject men. When someone shows very strong interest in you and you reject him, it feels quite awful. Then when they keep messaging you asking for reasons why and telling you how depressed you made them, it's something I would rather do without. I can understand this. It probably doesn't stick with you as long as the guy being rejected, but that doesn't matter. Basically. Life just sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Thats because most of the time men are the intiiators if women asked men out and had to approach all the time theyd approach the ones that catch their eye they wouldnt approach men they didnt think were that attractive in hopes something would grow But women would walk around for days without seeing a guy who they want to ask out, based on looks alone. Given the chance to interact with men, we'll fall for a man that we never looked twice at the first time we saw him! Thank goodness men initiate, or the human race would fizzle out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It's still different. My H and are evenly paired. He remembers the first time he laid eyes on me, because he was very attracted. I remember the first time I laid eyes on him, because he looked so odd in the horrible shirt he was wearing My attraction to him grew quickly as I got to know him. All that shows is that women are much picker about looks then men and that average men have to stand out in some fashion to even attract a women in his own league because she will not initially be attracted Plus id rather my so have animal lust for my looks then having to find my smile or hands sexy to try to get her juices flowing so to speak Link to post Share on other sites
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