Re: He can't deal with my past

[Tony T]

Nothing went wrong in your relationship??? Nothing went wrong in your relationship??? What planet are you one???

 

You say you had a perfect relationship. What dictionary are you using???

 

This man puts the feelings of family and friends over yours...and you say nothing went wrong in your relationship? This man will not listen to you or discuss these pressing issues...but would rather just break up...and you feel nothing went wrong in your relationship? H E L L O ! ! ! You have no idea how lucky you are that he is out of your life.

 

Oh, yes, sure...things were wonderful for a good while in your relationship. That's what courting is all about. But you hit a major brick wall and now you know a lot about him that you never knew before. He does not back you up or support you during tough times. He is easily influenced by his brother, parents and friends. You don't need a man like that. You need a man who will communicate with you...talk to you...discuss things with you...not judge you.

 

Blood is thicker than water and you don't even stand a remote chance with this guy if his family doesn't even want to meet you. I know this is very painful to hear...but, believe me, you are so lucky to find this out now than later.

 

You say his brother and the rest of his family is affecting his good judgement. I don't think so. HE does not have good judgement. This whole situation wreaks of trash and scum. You are much too kind and sweet of a lady to have any part of it.

 

The relationship has been essentially destroyed by these events. Writing him or otherwise communicating with him in any way will only make things worse. Stop trying to get to him. Stop, stop, stop!!!

 

I don't think what you did in the past was any of his business and you might just want to review the part of your openness that prompts you to reveal details of your past that can be damaging. But, then again, had you not done so you would not have found out what a spineless creep this guy is.

 

Right now you are hurt and you still think you are in love with him. Give yourself time. In due course, you will despise him for what he has done and you probably won't even like him. Spend no more energy on this. It just isn't worth it. Go find a guy who listens to YOU and not all the lame, ignorant people around him that just want to stir up crap.

[Rachel]

Just out of curiousity, how old are you? and how old is your boyfriend? I get the impression you must be in your early twenties. Am I correct?

 

This guy sounds really immature and insecure for his age.

 

He has no business judging you for your past, but then neither should YOU judge yourself for sleeping with four guys. I think the fact that you are putting a judgement on your own past is more harmful than anyone else doing it, and he is picking up on your own feelings towards yourself and the past.

 

You have to come to terms with your past in a way that won't influence how others see you, even if it isn't their business, but that still doesn't excuse his attitude towards this matter. A more mature man would not be bothered by a woman's past.

 

Maybe he is envious that you had more parteners than he did. You never know with immature guys. Or maybe he just comes from a very conservative repressive family. His family seems to have lots of power over him. If you two don't share similar values the chances of anything working out are slim, but I'll never say never!

[Paulie]

Where is the original post? Don't tell me this is another dangler!!!!!

[Anxious]

You're right Tony - i think in future, i will keep my mouth shut (not that i was bragging, i thought i was being honest). as my mother told me, sometimes there is such a thing as being too honest.

 

and he doesn't want to consider my feelings either. i told him i need to tie up loose ends in order to move on, and he was so cold when i spoke to him, as though I had done something wrong to him!!!!! yet, one minute he says he was over me straight away, but he still gets upset that we're not together anymore! this confuses me so much.

 

well, i'm really, really hurt that it has all turned out this way, especially when i honest to god thought we had a fantastic relationship, he USED to treat me like a queen and then had this sprung on me. i'm really pissed off that i got my guard down with him (i used to be scared to trust due to my r/ship previous to him being abusive). he always told me that i had no reason to get my guard up, and then he does this!!!! why??????!!!!!! i'm afraid of getting my guard up again.

 

well, today i sat down and made a list of goals to attain in the future (travel, jobs etc) and i'm hoping that will help me a bit. i've also found that "self-help" books are making me feel a little bit better. i just feel really confused. any suggestions to help me move on a bit easier?

Nothing went wrong in your relationship??? Nothing went wrong in your relationship??? What planet are you one??? You say you had a perfect relationship. What dictionary are you using??? This man puts the feelings of family and friends over yours...and you say nothing went wrong in your relationship? This man will not listen to you or discuss these pressing issues...but would rather just break up...and you feel nothing went wrong in your relationship? H E L L O ! ! ! You have no idea how lucky you are that he is out of your life. Oh, yes, sure...things were wonderful for a good while in your relationship. That's what courting is all about. But you hit a major brick wall and now you know a lot about him that you never knew before. He does not back you up or support you during tough times. He is easily influenced by his brother, parents and friends. You don't need a man like that. You need a man who will communicate with you...talk to you...discuss things with you...not judge you. Blood is thicker than water and you don't even stand a remote chance with this guy if his family doesn't even want to meet you. I know this is very painful to hear...but, believe me, you are so lucky to find this out now than later.

 

You say his brother and the rest of his family is affecting his good judgement. I don't think so. HE does not have good judgement. This whole situation wreaks of trash and scum. You are much too kind and sweet of a lady to have any part of it. The relationship has been essentially destroyed by these events. Writing him or otherwise communicating with him in any way will only make things worse. Stop trying to get to him. Stop, stop, stop!!!

 

I don't think what you did in the past was any of his business and you might just want to review the part of your openness that prompts you to reveal details of your past that can be damaging. But, then again, had you not done so you would not have found out what a spineless creep this guy is. Right now you are hurt and you still think you are in love with him. Give yourself time. In due course, you will despise him for what he has done and you probably won't even like him. Spend no more energy on this. It just isn't worth it. Go find a guy who listens to YOU and not all the lame, ignorant people around him that just want to stir up crap.