Author SoonMyFriend Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 That's just it... I WANT him to find someone else. I am no longer with the guy I was seeing earlier in this thread, and I still 100% have no desire to get back with my other ex. But he seems like he just wants to sit around and pine for me and then every now and then tries to manipulate me into spending time with him. I emailed him this morning to say no and that he needs to replace my friendship and he wrote back all "I'm disappointed in you, I thought you were better than this, I'm baffled by this response, but I will still keep trying because you're worth trying for" I just don't get it . Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 ^^^^^^ EVERYONE I WANT YOU TO READ WHY YOU GO NC IF YOUR A DUMPEE AND WHY YOU DO NOT BEG FOR SOMEONE BACK. YOU JUST PUSH THEM AWAY LOOK AT WHAT HES DOING TO HER. OK now that's been said, you need to ignore him, or block him. Unfortunately the more you play into it by responding the more in his head he feels as tho he has a chance...as strange as it seems...get it? Instead of playing nice girl, say hey look, I want nothing to do with you,respect my wishes or I'll block you so you can't ever contact me again. If you show up at my house I'll do a restraining order. Being nice didn't work. Time to be a female dog I guess. Id say it with compassion...the guy obviously loves and misses you. Just be point blank " I want nothing to do with you, I'm sorry but right now I don't want it. Please respect my wishes." Barky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie007 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Do you think you would feel differently if he had not persued you so hard for so long? Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I kinda can relate to the guy. Technically I was him a year ago when my ex left me. She never admitted it was another guy and I found out the hard way. All I can say is you need to leave him alone and if he contacts you. Well just ignore it. You gotta know he is HURTING inside and he can't move on just like that. It's a process and it will take him a good year to get over it all and WANT to find someone new. I personally never took BU's well, but it's all a learning process and when you contact him or reply. It just makes it WORSE for him to move on. Best to use all the WILL power you have and ignore him. Or give me him closure by letting him know you found someone else. That way he knows he has no chance now and sure he will hate you for it too. But at least he will move on even if he ends up hating you. At the end of the day what ever you do.. it will STILL take the guy lots of time to heal. I can relate to what he is feeling and it sucks to be in his spot. I won't judge you or anything, I mean in his case I'd want to stick up for him. But at the end of the day I think both of you deserve other people. Soon he will see that he will find a better matched girl for him and sadly that girl isn't you. And, on the same hand you will find or have found a better matched guy for you. Sometimes that is hard to understand when the emotions are heated. After 1 year with me I finally see it with clear sight. It sucks to be replaced by another guy, but it just makes me feel better knowing we were NOT matched right. We were total opposites and now I have a chance to find Miss. MatchingWithMe. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Do you think you would feel differently if he had not persued you so hard for so long? I doubt it.. I mean she moved on with a new guy. So why would she change her mind at all? If he went NC she would never contact him, because she has a new b.f. And if she does contact her.. well we know the result of that already............... Only possible way would be if her new b.f left her or treated her much worse than her ex. Which does happen a lot of the time, as the honey moon stage is a good one leading to the same dragged stage. Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 great post by a dumper on what is going on on the other side. Dumpers have completely detached and its an annoyance to have to deal with a whinny ex thats wants you back. smf- I.think you have been clear and time to start blocking him out from every channel possible and practicig serious NC. this guy has to take a hint and move on. thats the best you can do for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 I kinda can relate to the guy. Technically I was him a year ago when my ex left me. She never admitted it was another guy and I found out the hard way. All I can say is you need to leave him alone and if he contacts you. Well just ignore it. You gotta know he is HURTING inside and he can't move on just like that. It's a process and it will take him a good year to get over it all and WANT to find someone new. I personally never took BU's well, but it's all a learning process and when you contact him or reply. It just makes it WORSE for him to move on. Best to use all the WILL power you have and ignore him. Or give me him closure by letting him know you found someone else. That way he knows he has no chance now and sure he will hate you for it too. But at least he will move on even if he ends up hating you. At the end of the day what ever you do.. it will STILL take the guy lots of time to heal. I can relate to what he is feeling and it sucks to be in his spot. I won't judge you or anything, I mean in his case I'd want to stick up for him. But at the end of the day I think both of you deserve other people. Soon he will see that he will find a better matched girl for him and sadly that girl isn't you. And, on the same hand you will find or have found a better matched guy for you. Sometimes that is hard to understand when the emotions are heated. After 1 year with me I finally see it with clear sight. It sucks to be replaced by another guy, but it just makes me feel better knowing we were NOT matched right. We were total opposites and now I have a chance to find Miss. MatchingWithMe. It actually has been over a year since we BU. And I know he's hurting, we had a LTR that was really hard to end but it was needed. He does know I was dating someone (that relationship has since ended. I was dumped as it happens). I want the best for this guy, I want him to move forward. It is hard to have to deal with this because I don't want to keep hurting him over and over. I want him to be happy and find the match for him!! I broke up with this guy for a lot of reasons and I am much happier now. I don't ever want to get back with this guy. I can't see how a friendship would work when clearly he has deeper feelings that I can never meet. How does he expect us to have a friendship when I date other guys and eventually (hopefully) find one to marry that isn't him?? Isn't that just a world of hurt for him? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I say just start ignoring him. He sounds a little scary to be honest. It's not normal to still be persisting at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 If I added up the years correctly, you must have been with this man for close to seven or eight years am I correct? Possibly more if you started dating in high school until you both were in your mid-to late twenties. For that length of time, I don't find his behavior all that odd. If anything, I think it's strange how you are so over things so quickly, but I'm guessing for you like most dumpers it was over for a while before you ended things. I'd just ignore him completely. Block him if you have to. It's the only way he can completely move on is if you just don't respond. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Responding to him really isn't helping. Block your number and get a restraining order, that should send a clear enough message. As a side note, what is it with dudes that do this? I mean the person treats you like crap, moves on immediately after being together for years and he's just happy to sit there and wait while you bang other dudes, hoping you'll come to your senses? My ex dumped me after 5 years and I went NC, and got pissed off when she recently text me on my birthday. I couldn't imagine sitting around begging her to come back when I have so much life left to live. Millions and millions of women out there and we go nuts over the ones we've already had....go figure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sniperz Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Responding to him really isn't helping. Block your number and get a restraining order, that should send a clear enough message. As a side note, what is it with dudes that do this? I mean the person treats you like crap, moves on immediately after being together for years and he's just happy to sit there and wait while you bang other dudes, hoping you'll come to your senses? My ex dumped me after 5 years and I went NC, and got pissed off when she recently text me on my birthday. I couldn't imagine sitting around begging her to come back when I have so much life left to live. Millions and millions of women out there and we go nuts over the ones we've already had....go figure. Your true there's millions of pure girls and womans out there still. But yeah they do able to give what you want. The problem is it'll take another step to move on to that stage. And expect good or bad outcome once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 If I added up the years correctly, you must have been with this man for close to seven or eight years am I correct? Possibly more if you started dating in high school until you both were in your mid-to late twenties. For that length of time, I don't find his behavior all that odd. If anything, I think it's strange how you are so over things so quickly, but I'm guessing for you like most dumpers it was over for a while before you ended things. I'd just ignore him completely. Block him if you have to. It's the only way he can completely move on is if you just don't respond. We were together since high school and things fell apart over the course of a couple years. We tried to make it work but things never got better and eventually I had to end it. It did take me time to get over it, and I am in therapy helping me work through my own issues, but when I walked away the relationship was over. -- He sent me another angry email last night. This one was again berating me for being a terrible person and that he doesn't understand why I don't want to be his friend. He always uses the line "no one will be your friend like me because no one will put up with your crap". Yep that really makes me want you back in my life. I am going to ignore him. I don't know if a restraining order is appropriate but here's hoping it doesn't escalate any further. I would want to be his friend if I knew that I wouldn't have to deal with this angry emails every time something doesn't go his way, or if he wasn't always saying how he's going to wait for me forever. That just isn't something I can build a friendship on. Salvator85 I agree with you. I want him to realize I'm not the one for him and I don't understand why a year later he is still trying to get back into my life when I have been clear that we can't be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Man-guy Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I've found this thread to be SUPER helpful for my own situation, because it's from the dumper's POV and because I'm open to establishing some kind of friendship with my stbxw. Very similar situation except for the marriage, and I only had a "bad" period like this for about 2 weeks, other than that contact has been strictly business except for about a month ago when I tried to meet up w/ her for drinks, catch up and clear out the last issues we had. I ended those short exchanges with letting her know I would basically no longer pursue friendship because she seems to have zero interest at all and I knew then I would be wasting my time. We haven't spoken since a meet up 2 weeks after the D-bomb, but it's coming up on 5 months with the most communication we've had could have been done in a 5 minute conversation. Lots of bizarre behavior from her end, cutting off lots of friends, friends cutting me off, etc. I guess what I'm wondering is, how normal is this? Considering 7 years dating 2 married, I feel like I've handled things quite well, not like in this case at all. At this point I just have to assume the next time we see each other intentionally will be in court, but I'm wondering why the bizarre behavior and why not even entertain the idea of friendship? I get that the relationship is done, but to be blocking me and other friends from FB, asking me not to speak to any family or "her" friends, it all just seems super off, very erratic, like she's almost trying to completely erase me from her life. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 It might just be her way of coping with the loss? Maybe in order to fully move on with her life she needs all contact with you severed and as much space as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Soooo... you guessed it. He emailed me again this morning. Subject line: "hope you're decent enough to reply to this" ... The email is basically a "why doesn't anyone like me?" email in which he's asking me to explain why he's never had a lot of friends, and why I don't want him around. My friends are split - some say respond to answer his questions then include at the end you want to be left alone, for good. The other half just say ignore. What say you LS - ignore again? Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Oh dear g*d. Yes please please ignore him completly and forever. This is the biggest favor you can do for him. Cav Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Soooo... you guessed it. He emailed me again this morning. Subject line: "hope you're decent enough to reply to this" ... The email is basically a "why doesn't anyone like me?" email in which he's asking me to explain why he's never had a lot of friends, and why I don't want him around. My friends are split - some say respond to answer his questions then include at the end you want to be left alone, for good. The other half just say ignore. What say you LS - ignore again? Ignore. He needs to do something about all these things rather than wallow in self-pity. And that can only come from within. Nothing you can say will do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
petall Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Don't engage. You're not his therapist nor his emotional crutch. To be frank, the guy seems to have mental issues. He has to sort his own inadequacies and struggles, whether by himself or getting help professionally. If you give him your time, you'll just get dragged in. He's showing himself to be very needy by coming to you with all his problems. It may be cruel but if you lend him a shoulder or become available to him now, he'll latch and you won't find it easy to keep him at a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Ignore. He knows good and well that you do not want to be friends. No need to tell him again. He's fishing for a reason to contact you with this email. Like someone else said, I can't imagine continuing to contact my ex if he told me not to. Sounds like he needs some help with self esteem issues. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 DO NOT RESPOND. If you respond you are enabling his obsessive behavior. Even if you are responding negatively to him..he is getting satisfaction and encouragement from the fact that you ARE RESPONDING at all. Do the poor guy a favor and block him. It seems as if he is not able to control himself right now and you need to ignore him completely.This is the only way to help him. I had to ignore an ex who was relentless in pursuing me despite the fact that we were both in new relationships. He eventually stopped.. for a period... He found out my single status recently and began contacting me again. I don't mind a friendship with him but I have to tread carefully bc I know he still has serious feelings for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 I just feel like such an ******* not responding. Like maybe this is my fault? Maybe I led him to think we could be friends at some point and now he's confused?? I like to think I am a good person so it's hard to ignore stuff like this. But I guess I will hold strong and ignore!! I just would feel awful if something happened to him if he serious is unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 Well... here we go AGAIN.... I signed up for online dating the other day and one of the first things I did before I really filled out my profile was search for my two recent exes so I could block them (especially the ex that this email thread is about). So I find the guy this thread is about, and block him. BUT SOMEHOW he KNOWS I am on the site! I received an email (outside of the dating website) late last night saying "So nice to see you're casually dating again. FYI I never contact anyone from this site or really use it... but maybe you could consider me? I am so happy with my life and want to show you this. I will keep waiting for you forever" I'm at a total loss... I REALLY don't want to keep getting these emails. He has GOT to stop and move on... Before I block his email, should I still avoid responding? I just really want him to get the message that (in my best Taylor Swift voice) WE are never ever ever getting back together! Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Well... here we go AGAIN.... I signed up for online dating the other day and one of the first things I did before I really filled out my profile was search for my two recent exes so I could block them (especially the ex that this email thread is about). So I find the guy this thread is about, and block him. BUT SOMEHOW he KNOWS I am on the site! I received an email (outside of the dating website) late last night saying "So nice to see you're casually dating again. FYI I never contact anyone from this site or really use it... but maybe you could consider me? I am so happy with my life and want to show you this. I will keep waiting for you forever" I'm at a total loss... I REALLY don't want to keep getting these emails. He has GOT to stop and move on... Before I block his email, should I still avoid responding? I just really want him to get the message that (in my best Taylor Swift voice) WE are never ever ever getting back together! I'd ignore him. Responding will teach him that writing you will get a response. Silence speaks volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
ks0985 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 e-mailing? lol what is this dating back in the 1990s Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoonMyFriend Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 Yep.... me again.... He emailed again a couple weeks ago. He was away on vacation and wrote me this long "wish you were here with me" email which ended again with "I can't understand why we're not on good terms. I want us to be friends. I still think we'd be great together" I ignored. I came THIS close to writing a response but didn't. Then we saw each other at a music festival this weekend. The first day I was rushing off to meet my friend at the gate as I had her ticket. The second day I was with a guy I've recently begun dating. I didn't talk to him either time. I am now dreading the inevitable angry email that he will write... Keep ignoring? And for the record - I thought I had blocked his email but apparently didn't do it properly and will now be re-blocking him. Link to post Share on other sites
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