pedwin Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 here is an address you might want to go to. I read the 5 page article and I liked it. pedwin Psychology Today: Shattered vows - infidelity - Cover Story ... way and exploiting power in the same way as male philanderers. ... behavior; he has the ability to choose to stop it--if ... they say they're not going to do it, but ... http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1175/... - 18k - Cached - Similar pages Link to post Share on other sites
ringo Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Once I click the link - then where do I go to find the article? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 over on the left in blue click on relationships, then click on infidelity, then on shattered vows. let me know what you think. pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I didn't agree with all of it but most of the material on the causes and nature of infidelity is sound. In particular, I thought the distinction between affairs that are predominantly sexual and those that are also emotional rang true, as did many of the gender differences highlighted. Interesting. Thanks, pedwin. Link to post Share on other sites
ringo Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I found this very interesting and I agree with almost all of it... trying to relate and understand parts I don't. The funny this is, the article talked about the betrayed going back and referring to a calendar. I never did this, but the article prompted me to do so.... I'm real big on writing everything down, and was shocked at what I found out!! Looks like hubby has more explaining to do tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 Hey Ringo, What do you mean? I don't understand??? Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
ringo Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 My husband has slept with 2 women while we were "together" then days later comes home and sleeps with me. We later separated in January. But were together off and on always until moving back into together the 1st of June. Well, affair #3 he slept with, 4 days later comes to me. Affair #4 he slept with twice - the first he returned to me officially moving in - but he said the second encounter with her was about 2/3 weeks after the first. Well, he was living with me at the time... funny how looking at a calendar shines the light a little brighter for me. I sent Hubby an email message at work about the exact date - I want to know. He claims, "I don't know, let me think about it and we'll talk when I get home".... hello!! Flags are going up here!!! This is why when I found out about Affair #1 and the baby - I said, lay it all out now.... instead every few days something else comes up - another lie, another affair.... I can't take much more. I want all the truth and the brutal truth NOW. He says I couldn't handle it all at once thus the reason for providing in small doses. BS! I went digging and found more truth - thus the reason he confessed to the others... he didn't willing provide anything to me... he got caught! I'm gonna talk to hubby here in an hour and then I've got some deep soul searching to do tonight on whether I really want to be here or not. I think this may be the straw the broke the camel's back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 18, 2004 Author Share Posted August 18, 2004 God! Ringo I'm so sorry. Does it ever end? I asked mine the same thing yesterday in therapy. He told the therapist that I keep asking and he keeps saying there was no one else. He said maybe I should make up somebody. Does your H get mad at you for bringing this up again or is he understanding? Mine read the papers dazed sent me. He came down this morning and was upset. He said I don't want to be this person. I know I'm like this but I don't want to be. When he left to go to work he thanked me for hanging around one more day with him. Problem is a philanderer is very good at making you believe they are sincere. I don't know what to do at this point. Please hang in there. Don't get to upset yet. It could just be miss communication. Men don't always go by dates. They lose all track of time when they are sneaking around. Please don't get to upset. You were doing so good. I wish I could get to where you are. My thoughts are with you, Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
ringo Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 Hubby now doesn't mind talking about the past but doesn't want to talk about the women. It reminds him that he has faults and that he's to blame for my sadness. He doesn't like this at all and gets very frustrated. He doesn't understand why I can't just let it go. Well, he's had nearly a year to deal with the first 2 affairs and the baby, and several months with the other two women. I've only known all I know now for about 5 weeks. So as far a "recovery" goes, he's way ahead of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 18, 2004 Author Share Posted August 18, 2004 do you think your husband is a philanderer? pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
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