Chi townD Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm just wondering. How do you guys listen to the music that you like when everything seems to remind you/make you think about your ex? Every song I hear is about someone and how great they are or how much the singer wants them/is happy to have them. I guess I'll also ask, what kind of music are you guys into? I really don't have a specific taste. I like alternative, rock, some rap, not a huge dubstep guy though lol. Listen to heavy metal, you have a hard time understand the lyrics with guitars crunching. Great work out music. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm just wondering. How do you guys listen to the music that you like when everything seems to remind you/make you think about your ex? Every song I hear is about someone and how great they are or how much the singer wants them/is happy to have them. I guess I'll also ask, what kind of music are you guys into? I really don't have a specific taste. I like alternative, rock, some rap, not a huge dubstep guy though lol. For a while I was actually listening to a ton of break up songs, but irony is I liked most of them before but they never had any meaning. I listen to everything from country, rap, some metal, classic rock pretty much anything. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Congrats on the deans list! That is awesome. Yeah it is weird how it just ends....and....that is it. Nothing, no catharsis, no hollywood story, no regret form them, just over. Anyway such is life. We shrug it off and move forward and it drifts into our past. Hey soon we are going to star sounding like out friends and family who didn't understand us early on. You know..hey get over it, find a new one, there are plenty of girls out there. I hope our advise will still be relevant. Lol. Maybe we are moving forward and don't even know it. Ha! I sense a change in your posts for the positive. Just a little bit more acceptance. Yes this is a really tough part. I still don't believe this is how mine will end up. I don't believe me and my ex will go on living next door to each other for years on end (she said she plans to live there for a very long time) and never talk again, but who knows. Each day that passes, I care less and less. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I can see your point. Your situation was sorta unique because she lives right there. Probably made you stronger in a way. Well seems like in general the only thing worse than breaking NC and not getting much communication in return... is breaking NC with a nice response that reels you back in only to crush you later on. I agree with that a bit, I got a really good response right after the break up, and it turning out to be nothing hurt a ton. But then again a cold reply hurt about as bad. I'd still prefer both of them to no response. I found contacting them and getting a cold or no response makes you realize it's not worth it eventually and just makes you want to move on and forget it. Tough to say which way makes you move on quicker. I do think if you're going to contact them you need to do it quick and get it out of the way though and not drag it on. I think it did make me stronger, I really had no choice. I knew dahm well she wasn't going to struggle anywhere as much as me with it, and that I had to pretend like it didn't bother me. One of the worse things I think was during the times I was angry not doing anything i'd regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 I could listen to BU music, I just don't want to make myself feel like crap. It's just so hard because my music taste was so broad and now it's so limited. Everything is either relationship music or music about how great someone is. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I don't go out of my way to listen to breakup songs. It's funny though, every girl I've ever been serious about has a trigger song, a song that brings my memories back to her. I know I'm healing when those songs don't piss me off and I can go "oh yeah, that's xxx's song". Finally getting to that point with my ex and "Call Me Maybe" (yes, she loved that song for some reason). Now I can listen to that song and just dislike it for sucking, rather than disliking it for sucking an also being sad because it reminded me of her. No Doubt's "Don't Speak" also brings back memories of another ex, for example. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 I must not be that close then. because I can't even listen to certain artists without thinking of her and feeling crappy. I'll probably never be able to listen to Adele ever again. It sucks because I like the songs "Ho Hey" and "Little Talks" but both of those songs remind me of relationships/her/relationships with her that I can't listen to them. Even songs that I would've listened to if I was still dating her, I can't listen to. lol I guess that's not a bad problem to have considering where I used to be at. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I must not be that close then. because I can't even listen to certain artists without thinking of her and feeling crappy. I'll probably never be able to listen to Adele ever again. It sucks because I like the songs "Ho Hey" and "Little Talks" but both of those songs remind me of relationships/her/relationships with her that I can't listen to them. Even songs that I would've listened to if I was still dating her, I can't listen to. lol I guess that's not a bad problem to have considering where I used to be at. You aren't close, which is fine. You basically started healing a few weeks ago, it's to be expected. It took me several months before I could hear "Call Me Maybe" and not be sad/pissed off. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I just kept listening to them right after the break up, they hurt a lot then but the pain went away. I can listen to any of them now and feel nothing. One in particular has a special meaning to me now Today- Gary Allen, before I couldn't listen to it without tearing up, now I just think it's a good song and still listen to it a lot. I might have caused myself more pain then I needed to but I just dove into everything to get it over with. I really like country ones like You'll think of me-Keith Urban, Brooks and Dunn- It's getting better all the time. They are sad songs, but got a good meaning to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 What are the odds that Manti Te'o finds this forum? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Just listened to "You'll Think of Me" couldn't get through it without tearing up. It gave me goosebumps lol. You're right it's got a good meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Just listened to "You'll Think of Me" couldn't get through it without tearing up. It gave me goosebumps lol. You're right it's got a good meaning. Yes it does. So many break up songs out there like it, guess because of how common they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Yes it does. So many break up songs out there like it, guess because of how common they are. I actually liked that one more than others. I prefer the breakup songs that are more "I'm depressed that you're gone, but I'm not going to be miserable" instead of "wahhh you were perfect, i loved you so much, boohoo you're f*cking someone else now and my life will never go on" Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 lol I think this could be a good sign. I haven't had to deal with any drama in almost a month. So it's been a month of complete silence from her. I can't lie, I am missing the drama, but I know that any message from her would set me back. The fact that she's over me and wants nothing to do with me is really starting to hit home (slowly but surely) and I'm slowly starting to accept it a little more each day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 For a while I was actually listening to a ton of break up songs, but irony is I liked most of them before but they never had any meaning. I listen to everything from country, rap, some metal, classic rock pretty much anything. Same here.. before love songs or break up songs meant nothing to me. Now it's like I UNDERSTAND them and what they feel and the pain etc.. Makes it easier to relate to the music now.It does bring the pain back a little though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 I feel you on that. Even relationship music or just music where they are singing about how great someone else is. Never bothered me, I never thought anything of it. Just liked the songs because they were catchy. Now all of those songs actually bring emotions out of me and I don't like it. I need more "I'm better off without you" and other songs to make me feel good or pump me up. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I feel you on that. Even relationship music or just music where they are singing about how great someone else is. Never bothered me, I never thought anything of it. Just liked the songs because they were catchy. Now all of those songs actually bring emotions out of me and I don't like it. I need more "I'm better off without you" and other songs to make me feel good or pump me up. I tried to tune out most music for now.. or the music makes me mad and its great for working out.. the anger just pushes me further! Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 I was just thinking, I want to pretty much get rid of any traces of my ex and not be associated with anyone that she knows. There's going to be a girl who is friends with her in one of my classes. I'm friendly with this girl too, but I really want to make new friends instead of having mutual friends with her. (if it happens while I'm meeting new people, then there's nothing I can do. but people who know her, I'm avoiding) This girl isn't great friends with my ex and personally I think she thinks my ex is annoying. My question is, should I stay friends with this girl? I'm not good friends with her but we're acquaintances at best and we say hello to each other when we see each other. I'm trying to have my own group of friends instead of picking from the ones we shared when we were together. She's got a whole new group (who apparently didn't like me too much) now I want to have a new group. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 I feel like every day I'm becoming more and more indifferent about the whole BU situation. more and more indifferent towards her. I don't know if I still "love" her or not. but I don't think that I'm in love with her anymore. The person I saw in the pictures a few weeks ago when I had my setback. I didn't look at that person and think to myself "I love her". When I see her if I see her around campus, I won't feel like love towards her. It's a mix of emotions, but the same love that I had for her, I don't know if I have it for her anymore. I probably haven't had it for a while, just now it's hitting me though. I really don't have any emotional connection with her anymore. She's becoming more and more of a somebody. and hopefully eventually a nobody. I know she hasn't had that feeling for me since leaving me and probably before. but just now those false hopes are going slowly and it's so weird. I feel like I'm moving on. Is this normal? Can someone who got completely over someone tell me if they felt like this at all? As you can probably tell by what this thread has turned into, there's not much else to discuss because nothing else has happened, but I'm using it as my diary lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) I'm feeling the same way! I was just discussing this with science gal. Read the other thread that i just posted on. I love what ScienceGal said about "the breakup after the breakup". I copied our discussion there. This feeling is totally weird. We are used to constant suffering, so feeling semi ok is foreign to us. Crazy huh. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/368371-so-i-m-not-heartbroken-but-why Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 I know dude. like I still have spurts where I miss her and want her to come back. but the longer I've gone without hearing from her (because I blocked her number :cool::cool::cool:) the better I've felt. My emotions aren't running high for her like they have been and I'm just noticing it now. It feels so weird! It actually feels so different the way I feel now. that I feel like I have to go back to the way I felt before. Miserable, crying, just missing her, with ridiculous false hopes that she'll come back. Obviously I don't actually want to, I'm just so used to this being the main thing going on in my life, and now it's slowly becoming less and less important. That should be a good thing, but it doesn't feel like it. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) I know dude. like I still have spurts where I miss her and want her to come back. but the longer I've gone without hearing from her (because I blocked her number :cool::cool::cool:) the better I've felt. My emotions aren't running high for her like they have been and I'm just noticing it now. It feels so weird! It actually feels so different the way I feel now. that I feel like I have to go back to the way I felt before. Miserable, crying, just missing her, with ridiculous false hopes that she'll come back. Obviously I don't actually want to, I'm just so used to this being the main thing going on in my life, and now it's slowly becoming less and less important. That should be a good thing, but it doesn't feel like it. Well it IS a good thing. Hope it stays. I'm pretty sure we aren't completely out of the woods but are getting glimpses of indifference. We just need to get used to it and be happy for the stretches of time we feel this. I've also been posting so much this whole recovery thing has been such a big part of my life recently. So in a weird way if we recover it is sorta an end to an important transition in our life. And we have put a ton of energy into recovering. And transitions even good ones cause some strange feelings. Sorta like graduating college. It is what you work for ...but.. then it happens and you are like oh ****..that is done now what lol Bet your glad now you blocked her. See how important that was. You are now reaping some of the benefits finally. Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 Basically. Of course now of all times the thoughts of "has she tried to reach out to me?" "what if she wanted to reconcile and couldn't because her number's blocked" feelings have made their way back to center stage. oh well feeling indifferent was fun while it lasted. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) Well don't worry your used to that feeling so don't despair. Lol. At least we are seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. . Your killing me. If you can feel indifferent even for a little bit and stay NC it will happen more and more i think. We are on the right path. We've both been pretty text book with our breakups so I'm hopeful we will get out of the woods soon. Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 With out additional stimuli (keeping NC and not hearing from our EXs). I think our brains cant keep on spinning on the same thoughts forever and eventually reject them as irrelevant. And you personally have spun on the same thoughts for quite a while. Soon your brain will just give it up as futile. Link to post Share on other sites
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