Why do I feel worse?

[na49]

Part of me hopes that someone tells my ex that I'm going to the gym. I see people who know her, but she knows everyone so that doesn't mean much. I saw one of her "best friends" one of the guys who was really adamant about her dumping me for the douche rocket. (let it be known this kid has NEVER met me and I haven't said a word to this kid, but he knows me better than I do apparently...) I've seen everyone but her this week. I'd like to keep it that way honestly. I almost want to be convinced that she just doesn't exist anymore. There are remains and reminders of her, but she is nonexistent in my world.

 

Also if her friends don't say anything to me, like the one friend who looked my way but didn't say anything. I shouldn't say hi right? Or should I have said hi? This girl saw me when I was with my ex and thought I was "so nice". (Which I later learn is a very bad thing )

 

Yuck I'm already thinking about her too much. So... Super Bowl predictions guys? I'm thinking the Ravens win it 23-17.

[Simon Phoenix]

Part of me hopes that someone tells my ex that I'm going to the gym. I see people who know her, but she knows everyone so that doesn't mean much. I saw one of her "best friends" one of the guys who was really adamant about her dumping me for the douche rocket. (let it be known this kid has NEVER met me and I haven't said a word to this kid, but he knows me better than I do apparently...) I've seen everyone but her this week. I'd like to keep it that way honestly. I almost want to be convinced that she just doesn't exist anymore. There are remains and reminders of her, but she is nonexistent in my world.

 

Also if her friends don't say anything to me, like the one friend who looked my way but didn't say anything. I shouldn't say hi right? Or should I have said hi? This girl saw me when I was with my ex and thought I was "so nice". (Which I later learn is a very bad thing )

 

Yuck I'm already thinking about her too much. So... Super Bowl predictions guys? I'm thinking the Ravens win it 23-17.

 

Don't seek them out, but don't be rude. In that situation, I'd nod or do nothing. Or just smile.

[Hopeful714]

Congrats to na49 for being the 500th poster in his very own thread!

 

I'm feeling silly today...better than sad!

[cavalier99]

Latina night!!

[cavalier99]

Latina night!!

 

Back home. Latina night sucked. Crowded and didn't feel like being there. Energy low. Left early. Spent night beating back memories and viewing happy couples. Arrgh. Game is off.

 

Didn't feel like taking to anyone which doesn't happen to me often. 0 approaches. I was probably only Caucasian there who speaks fluent Spanish which is a big plus... but didn't say a word.

 

Going to pet my dog now...then go to bed. Thank god for pets. On positive note not too depressed at moment. I survived memory assault.

 

Sorry for jacking your thread NA. I like posting here.. ha

Edited February 1, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

Back home. Latina night sucked. Crowded and didn't feel like being there. Energy low. Left early. Spent night beating back memories and viewing happy couples. Arrgh. Game is off.

 

Didn't feel like taking to anyone which doesn't happen to me often. 0 approaches. I was probably only Caucasian there who speaks fluent Spanish which is a big plus... but didn't say a word.

 

Going to pet my dog now...then go to bed. Thank god for pets. On positive note not too depressed at moment. I survived memory assault.

 

Sorry for jacking your thread NA. I like posting here.. ha

 

I think we all have jacked it from time to time. Pun intended.

[suladas]

It's a good thread. On that note, I have decided to send a message to the ex tomorrow. See what happens, I have no expectations I doubt it will change anything but it seems like a good idea for me. Have to just say a few things, I have promised myself this is it, if there's no reply or a cold one and i know that will likely be the case. Other then me putting off having the conversation with her being too loud all the time but id rather keep neighbor things separate. Tomorrow might not be the best day but I'm sure it can't do much if anything to me at this point.

[pbjbear]

It's a good thread. On that note, I have decided to send a message to the ex tomorrow. See what happens, I have no expectations I doubt it will change anything but it seems like a good idea for me. Have to just say a few things, I have promised myself this is it, if there's no reply or a cold one and i know that will likely be the case. Other then me putting off having the conversation with her being too loud all the time but id rather keep neighbor things separate. Tomorrow might not be the best day but I'm sure it can't do much if anything to me at this point.

 

DONT DO IT. Dont give a cheater the time of day ever!!!!!

She deserves none of your brain space you hear me???? OK!!!!

[suladas]

DONT DO IT. Dont give a cheater the time of day ever!!!!!

She deserves none of your brain space you hear me???? OK!!!!

 

Oops you're confusing me with na49 who is the op, my story is much different my ex didn't cheat on me or anything. I do agree with your advice though, no one should ever contact a cheater.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's a good thread. On that note, I have decided to send a message to the ex tomorrow. See what happens, I have no expectations I doubt it will change anything but it seems like a good idea for me. Have to just say a few things, I have promised myself this is it, if there's no reply or a cold one and i know that will likely be the case. Other then me putting off having the conversation with her being too loud all the time but id rather keep neighbor things separate. Tomorrow might not be the best day but I'm sure it can't do much if anything to me at this point.

 

What exactly are you going to tell her? Is it stuff to get her back or what?

 

As part of the diary, talked to my ex's brother-in-law over IM tonight. My ex's sister is having a baby shower somewhat near where I live, and he was roped into driving down from his home (about 7 hours away) and picking up my ex's sister (who was down here for business apparently), my ex and their mother at my ex's place (about 20 minutes from mine I think, don't really know where her new place is for good reason) and driving them down to the baby shower. He has to spend the entire day with the female members of my ex's family and attend his wife's baby shower, all while our alma mater plays in a huge basketball game that he can't watch. Then he has to go to brunch Sunday morning with the mom and my ex and drive them back to where my ex lives before driving with his wife and a ****load of baby clothes back to his place, missing the Super Bowl.

 

As a good friend, I'm trying to help him get out of at least the shower to watch the basketball game. I even jokingly tell him to blame it on me because her family "hates me anyway :)" He laughed at that and said that not even I could absolve him of blame, short of me cutting his arm off with a machete. I offered that, he declined.

 

But yeah, maybe I did dodge a bullet My buddy got married to my ex's sister on the day of the NFL draft (before they moved the draft to Thursday and Friday night) and his wife's/my ex's family schedules her baby shower weekend during the damn Super Bowl. That literally would be my hell (yeah, I still like my ex though, I would just have to train the f--k out of her had we stayed together).

Edited February 1, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[suladas]

What exactly are you going to tell her? Is it stuff to get her back or what?

 

As part of the diary, talked to my ex's brother-in-law over IM tonight. My ex's sister is having a baby shower somewhat near where I live, and he was roped into driving down from his home (about 7 hours away) and picking up my ex's sister (who was down here for business apparently), my ex and their mother at my ex's place (about 20 minutes from mine I think, don't really know where her new place is for good reason) and driving them down to the baby shower. He has to spend the entire day with the female members of my ex's family and attend his wife's baby shower, all while our alma mater plays in a huge basketball game that he can't watch. Then he has to go to brunch Sunday morning with the mom and my ex and drive them back to where my ex lives before driving with his wife and a ****load of baby clothes back to his place, missing the Super Bowl.

 

As a good friend, I'm trying to help him get out of at least the shower to watch the basketball game. I even jokingly tell him to blame it on me because her family "hates me anyway :)" He laughed at that and said that not even I could absolve him of blame, short of me cutting his arm off with a machete. I offered that, he declined.

 

But yeah, maybe I did dodge a bullet My buddy got married to my ex's sister on the day of the NFL draft (before they moved the draft to Thursday and Friday night) and his wife's/my ex's family schedules her baby shower weekend during the damn Super Bowl. That literally would be my hell (yeah, I still like my ex though, I would just have to train the f--k out of her had we stayed together).

 

I'm not completely sure, been thinking about it for about two months, and constantly writing stuff for about two weeks and keep changing it. Just something short no lovely feelings or anything. Im not getting my hopes up it will change anything but I can't say a small part of me isn't hoping it will at least lead to talking. Just simple to the point asking if she will talk, and just seeing if there's any feelings left there. I really still can't help but wonder if she pushed me away because she thought it was best if we weren't together (her not being good for me) so I want to bring that up. I don't know if I will get an answer, but really if she reads it and doesn't respond it might suck a bit but it will give me my answer. Ya I look at a lot of couples and I'm not jealous, it's insane. I'm not a nfl fan but ya that wouldn't fly with me.

Edited February 1, 2013 by suladas

[Indio Negrito]

I admit trying to juggle a relationship as serious as the one I was in, along with trying to make new friends and actually do well in school was a lot for me to handle. I know she's gone.

 

I know she cheated. I know she's never coming back. I still have trouble dealing with it though. She was my first love so that could be a reason why I don't see myself loving someone else. I've only really loved her. Meanwhile she apparently goes through one guy after another like their nothing. She keeps the good ones around for moral support and throws away the bad ones. Hence why her ego is so big and she hates criticism.

 

I never thought I'd still be so attached emotionally to someone who wants nothing to do with me and treated me the way she did.

 

Bro, it's been a while since I came on here and wanted to share with you my perspective after 13 months apart from my ex-fiance and NC for most of it aside from 3 BS emails. This experience was very traumatic for me - its hard to know, like it is for you, that the person you adored may never have felt the same...

 

I think what hurts you and I the most is the indifference demonstrated by our ex-lovers. This has been and continues to be the most difficult part of human nature for me to digest as I give myself entirely to people.

 

I dont know if this is because you and I dont have that much experience (I've only been in 3 relationships my whole life - ok, I was a fat kid and book worm, lol!), have unrealistic views of people and life or what, but I envy our peers on this board whom are able to go on with their lives after 3 or so months and get in to new relationships because I just cant do it - even at 36.

 

It took me four years after my first loss (she past away in an accident), 27 months after the second of 5 years (she broke up with me) and have no idea when I'll completely sh*t my ex-fiance out of my system (i broke up with her after 5 years).

 

Im actually really social, physically fit and active now, have a stable career but tell women I flirt with that I dont think Im emotionally ready to get into something. I'm being selfish right now and just taking care of me.

 

Plus, Im one of those wierdos that cannot have physical intimacy without develop a real connection first so to say that I'm ready for lift off - would be an understatatement. (Imagine that little water powered rocket you used to play with as a kid, just filling that rocket up with pressure!)

 

I guess what Im trying to convey to you is dont let this experience change who you are as a person. If you're the type of guy that loves until tears come out, that's who you are and should be proud of that.

 

Imagine when you do actually find the right woman, how much she's going to appreciate that!

 

You're a solid guy for exposing your vulnerabilities and though you may not see it now - will have plenty of women to chose from when you first learn to love and respect yourself. Embrace the pain, learn from it, grow and get in touch with yourself.

 

Dont let your ex f*ck with your emotions with bread crumbs - i experienced that recently and I regressed...If they truly cared - they'd be right here next to us.

 

Anyway, I hope that you find peace.

 

la vita va avanti!

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not completely sure, been thinking about it for about two months, and constantly writing stuff for about two weeks and keep changing it. Just something short no lovely feelings or anything. Im not getting my hopes up it will change anything but I can't say a small part of me isn't hoping it will at least lead to talking. Just simple to the point asking if she will talk, and just seeing if there's any feelings left there. I really still can't help but wonder if she pushed me away because she thought it was best if we weren't together (her not being good for me) so I want to bring that up. I don't know if I will get an answer, but really if she reads it and doesn't respond it might suck a bit but it will give me my answer. Ya I look at a lot of couples and I'm not jealous, it's insane. I'm not a nfl fan but ya that wouldn't fly with me.

 

Normally I'd yell at you and tell you to leave well enough alone, but since I've started thinking about doing a similar thing (not a note, but just texting her to see what's going on and try to parlay that into something perhaps) I'd be a hypocrite. But since you are neighbors, why not just go with a simple "hi" when you see her and then go from there? I'm just generally not a fan of the note/email thing -- seems passive/aggressive to me. If you want to talk to her, talk to her IMO.

[cavalier99]

Normally I'd yell at you and tell you to leave well enough alone, but since I've started thinking about doing a similar thing (not a note, but just texting her to see what's going on and try to parlay that into something perhaps) I'd be a hypocrite. But since you are neighbors, why not just go with a simple "hi" when you see her and then go from there? I'm just generally not a fan of the note/email thing -- seems passive/aggressive to me. If you want to talk to her, talk to her IMO.

 

I second simons idea. No note. Just talk to her in person. I think your past the note stage.

Edited February 1, 2013 by cavalier99

[suladas]

I second simons idea. No note. Just talk to her in person. I think your past the note stage.

Since its winter there is like no chance for that, outside so little. And the few times I did have a chance I don't know I just couldn't or well didn't want to. Like she's been home all week and I'd like to do it in person but I cant exactly knock on her door. And I'm not sure how she feels about it, but I never wanted to kinda force her into talking to me since we still live next door. I did ask once many months ago if she wanted to talk and got nothing, that's why I figured a message saying what I want to say might be better. Or do you think something short like that again is good like asking if she will talk to me in person? Either way I'd say my chances are low, for whatever reason since the break up she has had like zero interest in talking, although I have wondered if it was possibly because of the I went about it. Like right after the BU I messaged her instead of talking face to face. Not trying to be passive aggressive at all, just to figure out the best way to talk.

Edited February 1, 2013 by suladas

[na49]

If you feel like you need to say something, I'd go with what Simon and Cav are suggesting. This way, you'll get a response from her no matter what. If she wasn't your neighbor I'd say the email is okay because you'll never see her anyway but wouldn't it be a little awkward for you to send her the email, she gets it and walks outside and sees you? Does she approach you or not? A little awkward.

 

Reading that is making me think if I'll ever send my ex a message just explaining myself. Why I can't be friends with her. Why I'm upset with her. etc. I guess I'm in the same situation as you though, I send her an email or something and she sees me on campus. (awkward!) That's just my nature though, this whole thought of someone (or a group of people) not being a fan of me is new. Throughout high school I was that kid who you either knew and thought he was a nice guy. or never talked to him and didn't have an opinion on him because he never said anything. Now the feeling that there are people on campus who look at me and think "Oh he's her ex... he's a jerk! she told me what he did!" I feel like I want to clear my name. but why should I have to clear anything? It's convenient that she tells them all about my bad qualities and leaves out my good qualities. Say how I didn't do one thing when I did 100 other things that they'll never hear about. and the fact that she was cheating on me! So why on earth should I be the bad guy?

[suladas]

If you feel like you need to say something, I'd go with what Simon and Cav are suggesting. This way, you'll get a response from her no matter what. If she wasn't your neighbor I'd say the email is okay because you'll never see her anyway but wouldn't it be a little awkward for you to send her the email, she gets it and walks outside and sees you? Does she approach you or not? A little awkward.

 

Reading that is making me think if I'll ever send my ex a message just explaining myself. Why I can't be friends with her. Why I'm upset with her. etc. I guess I'm in the same situation as you though, I send her an email or something and she sees me on campus. (awkward!) That's just my nature though, this whole thought of someone (or a group of people) not being a fan of me is new. Throughout high school I was that kid who you either knew and thought he was a nice guy. or never talked to him and didn't have an opinion on him because he never said anything. Now the feeling that there are people on campus who look at me and think "Oh he's her ex... he's a jerk! she told me what he did!" I feel like I want to clear my name. but why should I have to clear anything? It's convenient that she tells them all about my bad qualities and leaves out my good qualities. Say how I didn't do one thing when I did 100 other things that they'll never hear about. and the fact that she was cheating on me! So why on earth should I be the bad guy?

 

It is so awkward, when I sent a message before for at least a few days I hoped I wouldn't see her outside. We don't much because of how cold the winters are here, outside for only a really short time. A week after the BU i messaged her asking about trying things again, she said shed think about it, seen her outside a few days later exchanged hi's but nothing more, and we were both outside for quite a while, i just didnt know if it was a good idea to try and talk more like that, i assumed she would bring it up if she wanted to talk about it. I don't know, if I thought there was a chance I'd just send a message asking if we could talk in person? I honestly don't care what she thinks of me, unless we're together it doesn't matter to me. I've been nothing but nice, if anything it's on her conscience for not handling things well.

Edited February 1, 2013 by suladas

[na49]

Bro, it's been a while since I came on here and wanted to share with you my perspective after 13 months apart from my ex-fiance and NC for most of it aside from 3 BS emails. This experience was very traumatic for me - its hard to know, like it is for you, that the person you adored may never have felt the same...

 

I think what hurts you and I the most is the indifference demonstrated by our ex-lovers. This has been and continues to be the most difficult part of human nature for me to digest as I give myself entirely to people.

 

I dont know if this is because you and I dont have that much experience (I've only been in 3 relationships my whole life - ok, I was a fat kid and book worm, lol!), have unrealistic views of people and life or what, but I envy our peers on this board whom are able to go on with their lives after 3 or so months and get in to new relationships because I just cant do it - even at 36.

 

It took me four years after my first loss (she past away in an accident), 27 months after the second of 5 years (she broke up with me) and have no idea when I'll completely sh*t my ex-fiance out of my system (i broke up with her after 5 years).

 

Im actually really social, physically fit and active now, have a stable career but tell women I flirt with that I dont think Im emotionally ready to get into something. I'm being selfish right now and just taking care of me.

 

Plus, Im one of those wierdos that cannot have physical intimacy without develop a real connection first so to say that I'm ready for lift off - would be an understatatement. (Imagine that little water powered rocket you used to play with as a kid, just filling that rocket up with pressure!)

 

I guess what Im trying to convey to you is dont let this experience change who you are as a person. If you're the type of guy that loves until tears come out, that's who you are and should be proud of that.

 

Imagine when you do actually find the right woman, how much she's going to appreciate that!

 

You're a solid guy for exposing your vulnerabilities and though you may not see it now - will have plenty of women to chose from when you first learn to love and respect yourself. Embrace the pain, learn from it, grow and get in touch with yourself.

 

Dont let your ex f*ck with your emotions with bread crumbs - i experienced that recently and I regressed...If they truly cared - they'd be right here next to us.

 

Anyway, I hope that you find peace.

 

la vita va avanti!

 

I recognize your avatar lol. I really appreciate your take, and you're right with everything you said. I can't let her mess with my emotions. She's not a part of my life anymore. She was everything when she was in my life. She can't be everything when she's not in my life. She hasn't been in my life for almost 4 months now. We haven't spoken face to face once since breaking up. I really am a good catch considering how many weirdos I see around campus. I'm emotionally stable, not crazy, not possessive, not jealous, and my hope is that once I do start dating again, the aftershock of what my ex did to me doesn't affect me. I don't think it would affect me but that's easy for me to think now when I am eager to date someone and apply everything I've learned since the BU.

 

I really am the type of person who gets attached. I am shocked how emotionally attached I got to my ex. The first month I kept telling myself "Don't buy in" My brother was telling me "Don't get attached". I did anyway. I don't know if I could handle a "casual relationship" because I will be convinced that the person I'm with is the person I'll be with forever. I have no other dating experience besides my ex so I don't have any past loves to look at.

 

I've been telling myself this post BU doesn't have to be a bad thing if I can improve from it. I've just started going to the gym, trying to make new friends and break out of my shell even though it's hard at times. I'll take my time with it, and I'll probably start dating once I'm 100% satisfied being single.

[suladas]

It doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but do you guys think it could seem like a big deal to her that I'm trying to communicate through text instead of in person enough to ignore unless it was face to face contact? I could ask to talk in person, but trying to start it in person is not much of a option right now. I guess I could text a short asking to talk, if no go, text the other message saying what I want to say?

[destroyed4sho]

Bro, it's been a while since I came on here and wanted to share with you my perspective after 13 months apart from my ex-fiance and NC for most of it aside from 3 BS emails. This experience was very traumatic for me - its hard to know, like it is for you, that the person you adored may never have felt the same...

 

I think what hurts you and I the most is the indifference demonstrated by our ex-lovers. This has been and continues to be the most difficult part of human nature for me to digest as I give myself entirely to people.

I dont know if this is because you and I dont have that much experience (I've only been in 3 relationships my whole life - ok, I was a fat kid and book worm, lol!), have unrealistic views of people and life or what, but I envy our peers on this board whom are able to go on with their lives after 3 or so months and get in to new relationships because I just cant do it - even at 36.

 

It took me four years after my first loss (she past away in an accident), 27 months after the second of 5 years (she broke up with me) and have no idea when I'll completely sh*t my ex-fiance out of my system (i broke up with her after 5 years).

 

Im actually really social, physically fit and active now, have a stable career but tell women I flirt with that I dont think Im emotionally ready to get into something. I'm being selfish right now and just taking care of me.

 

Plus, Im one of those wierdos that cannot have physical intimacy without develop a real connection first [/b] so to say that I'm ready for lift off - would be an understatatement. (Imagine that little water powered rocket you used to play with as a kid, just filling that rocket up with pressure!)

 

I guess what Im trying to convey to you is dont let this experience change who you are as a person. If you're the type of guy that loves until tears come out, that's who you are and should be proud of that.

 

Imagine when you do actually find the right woman, how much she's going to appreciate that!

 

You're a solid guy for exposing your vulnerabilities and though you may not see it now - will have plenty of women to chose from when you first learn to love and respect yourself. Embrace the pain, learn from it, grow and get in touch with yourself.

 

Dont let your ex f*ck with your emotions with bread crumbs - i experienced that recently and I regressed...If they truly cared - they'd be right here next to us.

 

Anyway, I hope that you find peace.

 

la vita va avanti!

 

This is how I feel. I just don't understand how someone can be so cold, break up with me over text and then completely forget about me like I never existed. Its a mind f**k, like nothing they said or did was real. I feel like all the romantic memories we shared were fake and I was deceived into thinking that everything this person said/did was a lie. How can someone say they "still love you" , but dump you like you were yesterdays trash? It doesn't make any sense and doesn't flow with the rest of the relationship.

I have had relationships before that lasted longer and I got over the person quick or within a reasonable amount of time. But this BU has been the most painful....probably because I don't have answers and it just doesn't make any sense and closure seems to be a difficult place to reach. My therapist has helped me understand that this person had issues, and yes it has helped a bit. But its still hard for me to grasp it all because it felt so real.

[cavalier99]

It doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but do you guys think it could seem like a big deal to her that I'm trying to communicate through text instead of in person enough to ignore unless it was face to face contact? I could ask to talk in person, but trying to start it in person is not much of a option right now. I guess I could text a short asking to talk, if no go, text the other message saying what I want to say?

 

I have the perfect solution!!

 

....DONT SEND ANYTHING.....STAY NC

 

What are you hoping to gain from this? She obviously doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and her actions show she doesn't want friendship either..and why would you? I suggest don't reach out. If she wants to be friendly at her initiative, then invite her for a coffee or something. Otherwise forget it.

Edited February 1, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

If you feel like you need to say something, I'd go with what Simon and Cav are suggesting. This way, you'll get a response from her no matter what. If she wasn't your neighbor I'd say the email is okay because you'll never see her anyway but wouldn't it be a little awkward for you to send her the email, she gets it and walks outside and sees you? Does she approach you or not? A little awkward.

 

Reading that is making me think if I'll ever send my ex a message just explaining myself. Why I can't be friends with her. Why I'm upset with her. etc. I guess I'm in the same situation as you though, I send her an email or something and she sees me on campus. (awkward!) That's just my nature though, this whole thought of someone (or a group of people) not being a fan of me is new. Throughout high school I was that kid who you either knew and thought he was a nice guy. or never talked to him and didn't have an opinion on him because he never said anything. Now the feeling that there are people on campus who look at me and think "Oh he's her ex... he's a jerk! she told me what he did!" I feel like I want to clear my name. but why should I have to clear anything? It's convenient that she tells them all about my bad qualities and leaves out my good qualities. Say how I didn't do one thing when I did 100 other things that they'll never hear about. and the fact that she was cheating on me! So why on earth should I be the bad guy?

 

No, you should absolutely not send anything or communicate with her. Bad na49, bad.

[Simon Phoenix]

It doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but do you guys think it could seem like a big deal to her that I'm trying to communicate through text instead of in person enough to ignore unless it was face to face contact? I could ask to talk in person, but trying to start it in person is not much of a option right now. I guess I could text a short asking to talk, if no go, text the other message saying what I want to say?

 

Wait until the snow melts then. It's not like there's a ticking clock saying you have to do it now. I just think if you are going to communicate, email/letters are bad.

[cavalier99]

I think EVERYONE here should stop this line of thought right now.

 

NOBODY IS COMMUNICATING WITH ANY EX. OK!

 

Lets all wait another 6 months ...heal more and reassess then. This is the madness creeping in.

 

DEAL?

 

Cav

[na49]

Although I've been doing homework all day, the thoughts of her have been sinking in. I started to wonder what if I fought for her harder? I gave up pretty quickly. I heard her say she didn't want me (or something like that) and took her word for it. I never tried to change her mind or anything. I was more concerned with keeping her in my life than getting her back. That's changed obviously.

 

I won't contact her. I'd rather assume she doesn't want me anymore and doesn't like me until I have a reason to believe otherwise.