Why do I feel worse?

[cavalier99]

I went thru a dramatic change after a BU in my early 20's..to this day i am sooo grateful i suffered thru that..one of the best things that ever happened to me.

 

.. you need to snap your self into a new mind set. I've said this before. Lie to yourself until it becomes real.

 

Tell yourself constantly...You are confident, a good catch, good looking, you walk tall, your smart, irresistible, you are fun, easy going, women are lucky to go out with you ecetera. Look in the mirror and get pumped up every day. Walk confident, act confident, stand tall.....change your psyche. It is within you to do this.

 

Soon youll be laughing at the NA who was worried about this girl...that NA will be gone forever. So goes some of the innocence too..but that is life and growing up and becoming a man.

 

I don't do this any more but you might need to. Go break a few hearts. Just dating and be honest..but if a girl is into you and you want to get laid.. do it. If you don't want to hang around after don't....go forth and conquer. Take the girls off the pedestal and put yourself on it.

Edited February 5, 2013 by cavalier99

[LostOne1]

I get that, but not with cheating. That's where I get disconnected with it. If it wasn't for the cheating I'd completely sympathize instead of being the heavy. I had a similar experience at na's age, first semester of college with a girl who I thought was the most beautiful girl in the world who I adored. Who I followed around like a puppy. Who devastated me when she broke up with me. I questioned myself, wondered what I did wrong, begged, pleaded, wrote love emails, all that s--t -- until I realize she was banging some guy on the track team and had been before she broke up with me. Then I just said "f--k that" and stopped all the pining cold turkey. Snap of a finger, I was done with that and never went back to any of those initial post-break thoughts.

 

So I get it, but also don't get it.

Did that girl ever come back to you or did you ever talk to her months or years later?

[Simon Phoenix]

Did that girl ever come back to you or did you ever talk to her months or years later?

 

I talked to her briefly a couple times over the next three years before graduating. I'd see her around on the way to class or at the bar and I'd say hi or smile or nod if she initiated. But I never made another attempt or thought about another attempt -- she was done in my mind.

[LostOne1]

I talked to her briefly a couple times over the next three years before graduating. I'd see her around on the way to class or at the bar and I'd say hi or smile or nod if she initiated. But I never made another attempt or thought about another attempt -- she was done in my mind.

Did she ever make any attempts or ever say sorry or anything? Or was it always just a friendly Hi and smile and both of you do your own thing?

[Simon Phoenix]

Did she ever make any attempts or ever say sorry or anything? Or was it always just a friendly Hi and smile and both of you do your own thing?

 

Never apologized. Though to be honest it wouldn't have mattered if she did. Didn't really care if I got one or if I didn't.

[na49]

Wow I was bad last night. I spent like 20 minutes just listening to BU music crying my eyes out. I guess it's not as bad as if I reached out to my ex and "apologized" for what I did "wrong".

 

I doubt I'll ever get an apology. because as far as my ex is concerned, she didn't do anything wrong. but do cheaters ever feel like they are doing something wrong?

[suladas]

Wow I was bad last night. I spent like 20 minutes just listening to BU music crying my eyes out. I guess it's not as bad as if I reached out to my ex and "apologized" for what I did "wrong".

 

I doubt I'll ever get an apology. because as far as my ex is concerned, she didn't do anything wrong. but do cheaters ever feel like they are doing something wrong?

 

That sucks but stay strong. Don't give in and contact, you will feel like sh*t if you do. Trust the words from someone who has broken NC many many times.

 

Who knows, maybe she felt like she didn't do anything wrong. Even if she knows, she might not care. I wouldn't expect any kind of apology. Just forget her.

[na49]

I can't forget her completely. There's reminders of her everywhere. Her name. People who look like her. People who know her. Songs that she likes on the radio.

 

I feel like I'm one of those drug addicts who hasn't done drugs and needs her for a quick fix. Then once I get the fix, I'm satisfied for a while until I want it again. I felt my fix when I looked at her twitter a month ago. I felt like "okay she's done with me" then the feelings come back. and I haven't seen her facebook in 3 months, so I want to look at that. I want to see something that will tell me she misses me in some way. I want her to jump through hoops to contact me because it will make me feel important. She hasn't done that. It's almost like she's dead and doesn't exist in my world anymore. Which just makes me feel depressed. The person she is now isn't the person I want. I want the person who was into me and was loyal to me. When does it get better exactly?

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't forget her. Remember her for who she is -- a cheating a--hole who treated you as her pet and not as her boyfriend. You need to get over this apology thing. So what if she apologizes? She still betrayed you and mocked you. That's not going away.

[suladas]

I can't forget her completely. There's reminders of her everywhere. Her name. People who look like her. People who know her. Songs that she likes on the radio.

 

I feel like I'm one of those drug addicts who hasn't done drugs and needs her for a quick fix. Then once I get the fix, I'm satisfied for a while until I want it again. I felt my fix when I looked at her twitter a month ago. I felt like "okay she's done with me" then the feelings come back. and I haven't seen her facebook in 3 months, so I want to look at that. I want to see something that will tell me she misses me in some way. I want her to jump through hoops to contact me because it will make me feel important. She hasn't done that. It's almost like she's dead and doesn't exist in my world anymore. Which just makes me feel depressed. The person she is now isn't the person I want. I want the person who was into me and was loyal to me. When does it get better exactly?

 

Finding out more information isn't good. If she's single it makes you think well maybe she misses me? Maybe I should contact her? Etc. You don't need her validation. The more time that passes the better it gets, it's easy to tell you're making progress.

[na49]

Well when I did slip up last month and see her twitter, it appeared that she was single. She's the type who is obsessed about the guy she's dating and writes all about them and how "in love" she is all the time. There was only love quotes and retweets from the douche rocket. but the picture was of her by herself. The crap about her wanting to be "fought for", the texts last month. I feel like banging my head against the wall lol. These thoughts have been the same, I go from hating/being indifferent towards her to missing her and wanting her. This is

 

Even if she is single though, it doesn't mean she wants to be with me again. I guess my low self esteem is what makes me feel like I did something wrong and need her to know I'm "sorry".

 

When I assume the worst (she's happy with her life. she's having rough sex with her new knight in shining armor in her dorm room every night. she's meeting new people who are "better" than me.) I feel much better than when I assume the best (she misses me like crazy, she's miserable, she cries her eyes out and is thinking about how she'll contact me and pour her heart out to me) which makes me feel horrible.

[Hopeful714]

but do cheaters ever feel like they are doing something wrong?

 

I'm sure there are a very select few that do, but for the most part, No. As I just read in another thread...they want to bang other people.Sad, but true. And we just gotta deal.

 

It's over for us NA49...our ex's are gone....and so are we from their thoughts. We could play the kidding game...but we are only kidding ourselves. I'm sorry. You know I am.We need to make our own way now with out them...months have passed....they are not coming back. Its over.

[LostOne1]

Wow I was bad last night. I spent like 20 minutes just listening to BU music crying my eyes out. I guess it's not as bad as if I reached out to my ex and "apologized" for what I did "wrong".

 

I doubt I'll ever get an apology. because as far as my ex is concerned, she didn't do anything wrong. but do cheaters ever feel like they are doing something wrong?

It's like my ex.. I bet she thinks she did absolutely nothing wrong and that it was all my fault and I ruined it all.

 

That's why I think neither of us can hope for them to come back or to at least say they are sorry for what they did.. they don't feel sorry at all. Hate to say it but our ex's have changed too much now. They are not the same people we once knew.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well when I did slip up last month and see her twitter, it appeared that she was single. She's the type who is obsessed about the guy she's dating and writes all about them and how "in love" she is all the time. There was only love quotes and retweets from the douche rocket. but the picture was of her by herself. The crap about her wanting to be "fought for", the texts last month. I feel like banging my head against the wall lol. These thoughts have been the same, I go from hating/being indifferent towards her to missing her and wanting her. This is

 

Even if she is single though, it doesn't mean she wants to be with me again. I guess my low self esteem is what makes me feel like I did something wrong and need her to know I'm "sorry".

 

When I assume the worst (she's happy with her life. she's having rough sex with her new knight in shining armor in her dorm room every night. she's meeting new people who are "better" than me.) I feel much better than when I assume the best (she misses me like crazy, she's miserable, she cries her eyes out and is thinking about how she'll contact me and pour her heart out to me) which makes me feel horrible.

 

Assume she's getting Eiffel Towered then.

[na49]

You guys are right. She probably isn't sorry. As far as she's concerned, it's all my fault that the relationship didn't work out. I'm the bad guy, I'm the one who's "immature" because I'm not accepting her friendship, etc.

 

I know this is all true. which makes it more annoying that I still get those thoughts about her. I know she's not coming back. So how can I be happier that she isn't coming back?

 

I'm also freaking out because I haven't been putting myself out there like I originally said I would. I'm keeping to myself and not introducing myself to new people. Now that the semester has gotten going, I'm back into my old shy habits. The only difference is I'm going to the gym.

[LostOne1]

but do cheaters ever feel like they are doing something wrong?

 

I'm sure there are a very select few that do, but for the most part, No. As I just read in another thread...they want to bang other people.Sad, but true. And we just gotta deal.

 

It's over for us NA49...our ex's are gone....and so are we from their thoughts. We could play the kidding game...but we are only kidding ourselves. I'm sorry. You know I am.We need to make our own way now with out them...months have passed....they are not coming back. Its over.

yeah my ex took down EVERYTHING online that had her and my name attached to it. Literally from all her social networking websites, emails, instant messenger.. everything. From what I know last time we talked a few months ago she chucked my cards, photo's and gifts too.

 

So as much as it hurts to know someone hates me that much from when that person used to love me the most. It does say that it's over on her end and nothing I do will bring it all back.

 

If fate has us in store then it will happen on it's own one day when I or she least expects it. But I won't hope or count on this ever happening.

[LostOne1]

You guys are right. She probably isn't sorry. As far as she's concerned, it's all my fault that the relationship didn't work out. I'm the bad guy, I'm the one who's "immature" because I'm not accepting her friendship, etc.

 

I know this is all true. which makes it more annoying that I still get those thoughts about her. I know she's not coming back. So how can I be happier that she isn't coming back?

 

I'm also freaking out because I haven't been putting myself out there like I originally said I would. I'm keeping to myself and not introducing myself to new people. Now that the semester has gotten going, I'm back into my old shy habits. The only difference is I'm going to the gym.

Nawww. I learned one thing from my counsellor... it ALWAYS is BOTH partners fault in it.

 

It's partly yours and partly hers. There is no single person to blame for a relationship to fail. There was something you did that made the relationship go bad and there was something she did that made it go bad too.

 

As for your habits man.. change them up. I gotta agree mines are falling back too and I'm not happy. But everytime I NOTICE myself falling back or I see the counsellor and he brings it up. I realize it and try to get myself back together again.

 

Why don't you do what I am planning to do? Give a few girls a valentines day card.. I mean it will make you feel good and you'll know you put a smile on a girls face?

 

I plan on giving out a few one to a girl I really like in my class and a few others randomly to girls that day. I'm sure lots of single girls would love to get a vday card even if it's a friendly gesture. And that way you;ll get to interact with more people too, who knows maybe you'll find a girl interested in you and it will give you that boost you and I both need.

[Simon Phoenix]

You guys are right. She probably isn't sorry. As far as she's concerned, it's all my fault that the relationship didn't work out. I'm the bad guy, I'm the one who's "immature" because I'm not accepting her friendship, etc.

 

I know this is all true. which makes it more annoying that I still get those thoughts about her. I know she's not coming back. So how can I be happier that she isn't coming back?

 

I'm also freaking out because I haven't been putting myself out there like I originally said I would. I'm keeping to myself and not introducing myself to new people. Now that the semester has gotten going, I'm back into my old shy habits. The only difference is I'm going to the gym.

 

To be honest, she's probably thinking about the next cute outfit she wants to buy. Or 37 other stupid everyday things that have nothing to do with your conflict. And yes dude, you need to put yourself out there. You are in college. This is the time to have fun, get stupid, not sit at home alone.

[Hopeful714]

meeting new people who are "better" than me.

 

Nobody is BETTER than you. The new people are just different. And to some people different is good.Variety is the spice of life some would say.Again, we gotta face the cold hard fact that they don't want to be here...otherwise they would be, otherwise the cheating would not have happened to begin with. We didn't cheat....we wanted to be w/ them....they didn't want us anymore...they wanted NEW.

 

And they ain't sittin around boo-hooing like we have been. They are out bangin new, different people not because we don't measure up, but because to them its fun to do. They are not looking for something serious, stable or committed, they are looking for what they consider to be fun.

 

I'm having a rough day w/ it too, (obviously) but I think its positive that I stay based in reality instead of wishful thinking. I don't mean to be cruel to you...know that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Nawww. I learned one thing from my counsellor... it ALWAYS is BOTH partners fault in it.

 

It's partly yours and partly hers. There is no single person to blame for a relationship to fail. There was something you did that made the relationship go bad and there was something she did that made it go bad too.

 

As for your habits man.. change them up. I gotta agree mines are falling back too and I'm not happy. But everytime I NOTICE myself falling back or I see the counsellor and he brings it up. I realize it and try to get myself back together again.

 

Why don't you do what I am planning to do? Give a few girls a valentines day card.. I mean it will make you feel good and you'll know you put a smile on a girls face?

 

I plan on giving out a few one to a girl I really like in my class and a few others randomly to girls that day. I'm sure lots of single girls would love to get a vday card even if it's a friendly gesture. And that way you;ll get to interact with more people too, who knows maybe you'll find a girl interested in you and it will give you that boost you and I both need.

 

Yeah, I don't know about this approach. Might give off a bit of a creepy vibe. I wouldn't ever do something like this.

[na49]

I don't take offense to anything any of you guys have to tell me because all of it is exactly what I need to hear.

 

I'm in freaking college, why the hell did I think my high school flick would amount to us getting married and living together forever? Because we talked about it? Yeah what couple doesn't talk about that stuff? I've only been in one relationship but what couple says "yeah we'll stay together until one of us gets bored of the other". My fault for buying in. I want to have fun. I'm trying to have fun. I just can't beat my shy/quiet personality and actually have fun. The most fun I have is when I'm at the gym with my friend.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't take offense to anything any of you guys have to tell me because all of it is exactly what I need to hear.

 

I'm in freaking college, why the hell did I think my high school flick would amount to us getting married and living together forever? Because we talked about it? Yeah what couple doesn't talk about that stuff? I've only been in one relationship but what couple says "yeah we'll stay together until one of us gets bored of the other". My fault for buying in. I want to have fun. I'm trying to have fun. I just can't beat my shy/quiet personality and actually have fun. The most fun I have is when I'm at the gym with my friend.

 

Go to parties. Drink alcohol. Lower inhibitions. It's remarkable how much bolder you become with a buzz.

[na49]

I've never been the party type (shocker!) which is why when I was with my ex, it was so great. She wasn't the party type either, so we had sober fun together. Instead of getting drunk prom weekend, we went into the city.

[LostOne1]

I've never been the party type (shocker!) which is why when I was with my ex, it was so great. She wasn't the party type either, so we had sober fun together. Instead of getting drunk prom weekend, we went into the city.

same here.. my ex used to be a party type and when she met me she gave it all up, because she wanted a life with me. I guess with me she realized party and all was a way for her to get away from lifes problems. When I came in the picture it gave her a reason to give it all up and want to work towards something good in life.

 

But yeah.. I did try parting after my BU. It was okay, but to be honest I didn't like it much. What I found better is to join groups or online groups for meet ups. They go bowling and all and it's a nice way to meet new people and just get out.

[Hopeful714]

what couple says "yeah we'll stay together until one of us gets bored of the other"

 

I don't know. But this is actually great! Maybe I will use it in my next relationship. lolAfterall, it seems to be the going thing these days.