Why do I feel worse?

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah it is actually that. She is "popular" among the freshman class/peer group. but I wouldn't say "popular". I feel like when someone is "popular" they are different than she is. Just because she knows all of these people, doesn't mean they are her friends or like her. I mean she was bothering me during winter break. Shouldn't she bother one of her friends? I guess she's popular in the way that she's known. but I'd be known too if I dormed and talked to anyone and everyone I passed by.

 

She's told me she thinks she's "famous" around campus. So her and her 24 year old rockstar are perfect. They both have millions of fans and everyone knows who they are.

 

I want to find the 95% of people who don't know who she is because I'm sure those people are awesome.

 

The more you talk about this girl, the more I feel you dodged a bullet.

[na49]

A lot of people have told me that, some of them were trying to make me feel better, but some actually felt like she was toxic and very bad for me, and that it would have never worked anyway. That I really am better off without her. She had so many problems and I really didn't care about any of them because I was so into her. Now she's f*cking other guys while I'm here. Oh well that's life

 

Well I went all day yesterday without feeling too down. Hopefully I can do the same today. I had a dream last night where she was writing on a forum about how happy she was to be single and she was nasty towards me. Then I had another dream that had nothing to do with her but she was on my mind throughout the dream.

[Simon Phoenix]

You've already been there so you know this, but a thread like ReadMyThread started is what would happen if you acted upon your self-destructive urges na49. You've done awesome in repelling those, even if we sometimes have to yell at you. Good work na.

[na49]

Reading that thread was a good reminder and made me feel better. Not because he's hurting, but because I know where he is and the pain that I avoid every time I don't act on my urges to self destruct.

 

Also I credit a lot of being able to fight the urges to you guys. Even if you guys have to tell me the same thing over and over. I'd rather have you guys yell at me than see my ex sucking another dude's face and loving her life.

[destroyed4sho]

A lot of people have told me that, some of them were trying to make me feel better, but some actually felt like she was toxic and very bad for me, and that it would have never worked anyway. That I really am better off without her. She had so many problems and I really didn't care about any of them because I was so into her. Now she's f*cking other guys while I'm here. Oh well that's life

 

Well I went all day yesterday without feeling too down. Hopefully I can do the same today. I had a dream last night where she was writing on a forum about how happy she was to be single and she was nasty towards me. Then I had another dream that had nothing to do with her but she was on my mind throughout the dream.

 

Omgggg, I had the same dream 2 nights ago...so weird:lmao:

 

What made you like her so much? I am questioning because sometimes we can't let go as we are always thinking about the good times and not the bad. Its called euphoric recall. There must be some quality that she had that made you feel so good around her that it was enough to erase the bad in your mind.

I do the same thing! But then when I think about why I liked her so much, it seems like its not so important in a real relationship.

 

Also, if you did contact her (and I am not totally against it), AND she wanted to get back with you....it is likely that she cheat on you again. Even if she doesn't, you will be paranoid and the relationship will eventually end anyway. You might of well, get this done with now rather than drag it a few more months.

SO IN THE LONG-RUN IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU BLOCKED HER OR NOT.

[destroyed4sho]

Yeah it is actually that. She is "popular" among the freshman class/peer group. but I wouldn't say "popular". I feel like when someone is "popular" they are different than she is. Just because she knows all of these people, doesn't mean they are her friends or like her. I mean she was bothering me during winter break. Shouldn't she bother one of her friends? I guess she's popular in the way that she's known. but I'd be known too if I dormed and talked to anyone and everyone I passed by.

 

She's told me she thinks she's "famous" around campus. So her and her 24 year old rockstar are perfect. They both have millions of fans and everyone knows who they are.

 

I want to find the 95% of people who don't know who she is because I'm sure those people are awesome.

 

She sounds like a narcissist....as soon as this rockstar stops feeding into her narcissism he is done too.

[na49]

I'd rather not write everything that I loved about her right now. Just for my own sake.

 

I like to think if she wanted to get back together with me, she'd let me know. She hasn't so I'll just go about my business like she doesn't. I feel a lot better thinking about it that way than always having that "if I contacted her and she wanted to get back together" feeling.

 

There's another guy who I noticed she's talking to. Not paying much attention to it though. If I never learned another thing about her, I would sign up for that in a heartbeat. Going to the same college will make that hard though..

[na49]

Is it a coincidence that the guy who told me to "leave my ex alone" hasn't messaged me on facebook since I went off on him for bringing up my ex for no reason?

 

[ReadMyThread]

You've already been there so you know this, but a thread like ReadMyThread started is what would happen if you acted upon your self-destructive urges na49. You've done awesome in repelling those, even if we sometimes have to yell at you. Good work na.

 

Yeah!.........lmao! Lol. Learn from my mistakes lol.

[LostOne1]

Is it a coincidence that the guy who told me to "leave my ex alone" hasn't messaged me on facebook since I went off on him for bringing up my ex for no reason?

 

Time to find a new g.f man... I have the hots for this new girl in class. I jsut found out shes single and she's looking for someone. I am planning to say something today or tmrw when I see her. I swear thinking of her.. I totally forget my ex.. it's like my ex doesn't even matter. That this girl is like my ex but 2.0 an upgraded more better looking, smarter and not as rude as my ex.

[suladas]

Time to find a new g.f man... I have the hots for this new girl in class. I jsut found out shes single and she's looking for someone. I am planning to say something today or tmrw when I see her. I swear thinking of her.. I totally forget my ex.. it's like my ex doesn't even matter. That this girl is like my ex but 2.0 an upgraded more better looking, smarter and not as rude as my ex.

 

That sounds like a very good sign.

[na49]

Well so much for a good start to the week. I not only saw her once, but twice! The first time I was going one way, she was going the other. There was a door between us and I noticed her on the other side, I opened the door and kept walking of course. So I'm thinking about her during my classes (great!) I feel pissed off for some reason.

 

I went to go take a leak before one of my classes and I thought I heard her outside. She has a mannish annoying voice and she sounds like she has a sore throat all the time. Well of course I wasn't sure if it was her, but I stayed in the bathroom awkwardly pretending to dry my hands for like 2 minutes until I thought she was gone.

 

Then as I'm walking over to the gym I see/hear her with her friends making jokes and laughing with them. I felt like crying. I felt myself starting to tear up but I fought it hard. I let out out as much as I could at the gym, but my motivation was all gone. I didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to do today.

 

and now I have a bunch of work to do and I just don't have any motivation to do it. All I want to do is sit here, bawl my eyes out, listen to depressing music and think about why my life is so horrible. On the contrary, I'm happy I never act on my urges. I honestly think if I reached out to her and asked to fix things or be her friend, she'd laugh in my face and tell me to get lost. She seems so happy without me. Why can't I be that happy without her? I'm really angry and really depressed at the same time. and God knows what I'd find if I looked at her facebook. Guys liking her every photo, her looking happy as ever with or without someone else, writing this and that about "in love" she is with whoever she's screwing nowadays... Gah it's so annoying!

 

Lost, you seem to be way ahead of me. I wish I could just talk to girls, Today was a bad case for me though. Seeing my ex just drained any confidence and motivation I had to get stuff done. Then seeing her again was the knockout punch.

 

In other news. I've only lost 1 pound since weighing myself last week. What should I be doing differently? More cardio? More changes to the diet? I can only do so much about what I eat considering I eat whatever my family is having for dinner.

[destroyed4sho]

I'd rather not write everything that I loved about her right now. Just for my own sake.

 

I like to think if she wanted to get back together with me, she'd let me know. She hasn't so I'll just go about my business like she doesn't. I feel a lot better thinking about it that way than always having that "if I contacted her and she wanted to get back together" feeling.

 

There's another guy who I noticed she's talking to. Not paying much attention to it though. If I never learned another thing about her, I would sign up for that in a heartbeat. Going to the same college will make that hard though..

 

Just a suggestion, at your own time, you should right all the things that you didn't like about her on one page including things she said and breaking up with you and then write all the things you liked about her next to it.

I did this and it helped me. I came up with 54 things that were completely wrong about her (example, she yelled, had a temper, lack of empathy, bad communication skills, yelled in public and ditched me, etc) and 4 good things that weren't even important when I read them back. I have this saved on my laptop and sometimes when I a feeling like ****, I read it....it helps some.

[Chi townD]

Well so much for a good start to the week. I not only saw her once, but twice! The first time I was going one way, she was going the other. There was a door between us and I noticed her on the other side, I opened the door and kept walking of course. So I'm thinking about her during my classes (great!) I feel pissed off for some reason.

 

I went to go take a leak before one of my classes and I thought I heard her outside. She has a mannish annoying voice and she sounds like she has a sore throat all the time. Well of course I wasn't sure if it was her, but I stayed in the bathroom awkwardly pretending to dry my hands for like 2 minutes until I thought she was gone.

 

Then as I'm walking over to the gym I see/hear her with her friends making jokes and laughing with them. I felt like crying. I felt myself starting to tear up but I fought it hard. I let out out as much as I could at the gym, but my motivation was all gone. I didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to do today.

 

and now I have a bunch of work to do and I just don't have any motivation to do it. All I want to do is sit here, bawl my eyes out, listen to depressing music and think about why my life is so horrible. On the contrary, I'm happy I never act on my urges. I honestly think if I reached out to her and asked to fix things or be her friend, she'd laugh in my face and tell me to get lost. She seems so happy without me. Why can't I be that happy without her? I'm really angry and really depressed at the same time. and God knows what I'd find if I looked at her facebook. Guys liking her every photo, her looking happy as ever with or without someone else, writing this and that about "in love" she is with whoever she's screwing nowadays... Gah it's so annoying!

 

Lost, you seem to be way ahead of me. I wish I could just talk to girls, Today was a bad case for me though. Seeing my ex just drained any confidence and motivation I had to get stuff done. Then seeing her again was the knockout punch.

 

In other news. I've only lost 1 pound since weighing myself last week. What should I be doing differently? More cardio? More changes to the diet? I can only do so much about what I eat considering I eat whatever my family is having for dinner.

 

 

Don't you start this bullsh*t. Not now! You've come so far in a short amount of time. You're taking baby steps but you need to lenghten your stride. Did you get a new haircut? A new style? Have you been adding to your wardrobe since X-mas? Are you totally GQing it everyday? Have you joined any new clubs? Have you invested time in any college projects (i.e. a lot of college do volunteers for food deliveries, soup kitchens or habitat for humanity). Are you saving for a trip over spring break? ANY of those positive changes? You need to start doing them now!

 

I'm glad you're going to the gym. KEEP GOING!!! It sounds like you're pushing more weight than cardio. Which is fine, but you need to even it out for the best results. Muscle weighs more than fat. So, even if the scale doesn't reflect it, you may be building muscle mass and the fat is getting burned off. But, since muscle weighs more than fat, you're not going to see it on the scale.

 

Rule of thumb, you want to lose 1-2 pounds a week. If you do that, you're on target and doing things right. Just stay with a high protein low fat diet. stick with it. You'll start to see subtle changes happening here shortly.

Edited February 11, 2013 by Chi townD

[na49]

I haven't done any of those things sadly. I have come so far, and before I saw her today I was feeling great. I was ready to go to the gym after class, go as hard as I could, come home, and stick my face in books for 3 hours.

 

and now... I don't.

 

Is there any way for me to deal with seeing her? It seems like the longer I go without seeing her, the better I feel. Then I see her and BAM! right back at square one. The campus is pretty small so the chances of running into her are higher. It's days like today where I feel so discouraged I wonder if I even want to go to this school anymore or transfer to a new school. A new environment and a new start. I feel like I'm wearing a sign around my neck that says "I'm her ex boyfriend" and that's all people really know me as, if they know of me at all. She has millions of friends on campus. I only really have one.

 

It kills me how happy she looks. I think you were right on it when you said she's going to act like our relationship never existed. She sweeps it under the rug and no one knows what she did to me or if they do, they don't think there's anything wrong with it because they know her as this "really good person". I feel so outnumbered. like everyone's against me even though no one really is.

[Chi townD]

Did she see you any of these two times you saw her? You need to stop having this "victim" complex. And start becoming a Survivor!

 

YOU know what she did to you. So, don't give a DAMN what other people may think. If that's the way she wants to treat people, then so be it. You don't have to be a party to that. You need to tell yourself that you're not going to let her beat you. You have self worth and she was lucky to have you for the time YOU allowed.

 

You need to prove to yourself that YOU deserve a girl that's going to treat you with respect. That YOU deserve a girl that won't cheat on you. That YOU deserve to lead a damn good life.

 

Do you think that she's staying up night crying over your picture? I venture to say that's a BIG no! So, don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how hurt you are.

 

Here's the rub, she doesn't give a DAMN about you. So, nows the time to start giving a damn about yourself. START DOING THOSE POSITIVE CHANGES!!!! The next time you post I hope that you write that you looked into this club, or that club.....Do it now! This is going to FORCE you into interacting with people. Not just showing up, going to class, going to the gym, then going to work, studying for a while and then bed. And then, the next day, doing the same damn thing.

 

BREAK OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!!!!!

[na49]

After a little while of just sitting and sorting out my thoughts, I realize how pathetic it is to feel this way. Of course that doesn't stop me from feeling the way I feel.

 

Well you'll be happy to hear I'm thinking about clubs to join. I need to find out if there's a club fair or some place where I can learn about them. I asked my friend and he's down. Breaking out of my comfort zone needs to be my new theme. I do it for a while and then fall back into my old ways. The start of the semester I was Mr. "Social". Mr. "Feel Good". Now I'm back to Mr. "Boo hoo my life sucks why me?".

 

I'm pretty sure she saw me both times. I didn't look at her really though. The first time, I just knew it was her and kept walking. and the second time I heard her voice, looked over towards where she was, felt my heart drop and kept walking. I don't want to walk around campus scared all of the time. I'm literally nothing to her anymore. I could have been anyone, she'd feel the same way she did, which was no feeling at all. I don't have any problem with that either. I don't have a problem with all of the d*ck she's sucking or anything else. Or how she probably drinks and does drugs now even though she was always against it. I just don't want to see or hear it all.

 

I can't turn her into a somebody though. Not until I'm over her. I don't really think I let her know how hurt I am. I honestly think she doesn't like me ever since I blocked her number and told her to leave me alone. I think that she thinks I'm over her and have been over her for a while. She's probably thought "Oh he never loved me! He doesn't even want to be my friend! Some boyfriend he was! He isn't going to support me when my new boyfriend isn't giving me attention! etc"

 

I just wonder what my ex would think if she knew how miserable I have been since she dumped me. So happy I never act on my urges to self destruct. Today was a reminder how bad that could have been. Just the way she came off to me today, snooty and like she was a queen and everyone has to bow to her and come running whenever she snaps her fingers.

[Simon Phoenix]

So you saw her? Big deal, she's a person, you're a person. She's the past and the future, the future is beautiful. Time to gravitate toward the future. She's "Somebody that you used to know" to quote the song. What she thinks, what she does, what she is, doesn't matter. This is where you have to fight through, not wallow. You are doing better, but your first instinct is still to wallow in self-pity and think "poor me" while curling up in the fetal position. You need to snap out of it, even if you have to fake it. You have to say "f--k this". This is your day, this is your school, this is your time. You're the man. You aren't a bitch, you aren't a wuss, you aren't weak. You have it in you. Fight those urges, don't give in to them. Listen to some pump-up music, not sappy-ass breakup songs.

[na49]

Got any good pump up songs? No but seriously, if you know any let me know. I need more songs for my gym playlist.

 

You're right with everything you said. She is just a person. Is there any way to trick myself into thinking of her as "just a person"? I feel like she'll always have that tag attached to her as being "my ex" "the girl that cheated on me" etc.

 

Whenever I try to think of myself as the man I get really uncomfortable. Which I guess is a good thing considering I don't usually feel/act that way. but when I realize I don't feel comfortable because "that's not me", I go back to being the quiet guy who keeps to himself all the time.

[Chi townD]

Good pump up music that I ALWAYS listen to BEFORE I know I'm gone push myself hard for a work out is a short music piece (it's only about 2.5 minutes long) But it's my warrior music and I listen to it at the end of my warm up session and then down to business. Of course, I get a better effect by blasting it until I'm deaf!

 

It's called Brand X Music- Bring the Pain. Have a listen and tell me what you think.

 

Edited February 11, 2013 by Chi townD

[cavalier99]

You'll be fine NA. After a while i think running into he wont affect you.

 

I'm sorta having a sh*tty day. Just yesterday i was posting about how recovered i was.

 

I had a vivid dream last night that we were back together. Woke up thinking about all the good time how she would say she loved me, looked into my eyes, hugged me blah blah blah. I almost cried but couldn't. I've had that verge of tears feeling like 3 times today. Trying to shake this off.

 

I sorta feel like a tool saying how great i was feeling. Need to be more careful with my posts until these feeling of recovery become permanent.

[Simon Phoenix]

Got any good pump up songs? No but seriously, if you know any let me know. I need more songs for my gym playlist.

 

You're right with everything you said. She is just a person. Is there any way to trick myself into thinking of her as "just a person"? I feel like she'll always have that tag attached to her as being "my ex" "the girl that cheated on me" etc.

 

Whenever I try to think of myself as the man I get really uncomfortable. Which I guess is a good thing considering I don't usually feel/act that way. but when I realize I don't feel comfortable because "that's not me", I go back to being the quiet guy who keeps to himself all the time.

 

Anything with a good, hard beat. Hip hop/rap is very good in this capacity. Swing by Savage, 99 Problems by Jay Z, Til I Collapse by Eminem, One Mic by Nas, Breathe by Fabolous, Victory by Puff Daddy (before he became P-Diddy), Spit Your Game by Notorious B.I.G., Hit Em Up by 2Pac. If you want some rock songs, Thunderstruck by AC/DC, New Noise by Refused (the first 90 seconds of this song will make you want to eat glass). Hell, even Bangarang by Skrillex can get the juices going. Dubstep is hit or miss with me but that's a good one. Hurt You by the Sounds also

 

She'll always be your ex. But she doesn't always have to be some person that causes stress in your life. Hell dude, all these guys that are hitting it are getting your sloppy seconds dog. It's all about training your brain. You don't have to be a cocky s--thead, but just be confident. Even if you have to fake it at first. Hold your head high, you are doing all right. She's the one that missed the boat. You didn't miss s--t.

[na49]

Chi- it's good. I think I like heavy instruments with screaming. It pumps me up more than just the instruments.

 

Cav- We all have our moments as we both know. I could go back and read my posts from this weekend and how I was doing so well. Then read my post today and say "what happened?" I started reminiscing today when I saw her, and she just wouldn't get out of my head after that. Then seeing her with her friends just screamed "See! She's over you! Her life is awesome without you! I bet you feel like crap now! She doesn't miss you! She doesn't want anything to do with you! She's gone! You're old news!". I couldn't even focus in class which was bad. All we can do is shake it off really. They're just feelings and they'll pass.

 

Simon- I know a few of those songs, I'll look into the ones I don't. I'll be listening to them even when I'm not at the gym. I'd rather feel like eating glass than feel like crying and missing my ex. It sucks that she'll always by my ex and I'll always be reminded of it when I see her. but I assume I'm not the only one on a college campus who sees their ex walking around. I may have to fake being confident because I really don't know how to do it if that makes any sense. I held my head high until I saw her. I was feeling good until I saw her. Twice. In one day...

[suladas]

You'll be fine NA. After a while i think running into he wont affect you.

 

I'm sorta having a sh*tty day. Just yesterday i was posting about how recovered i was.

 

I had a vivid dream last night that we were back together. Woke up thinking about all the good time how she would say she loved me, looked into my eyes, hugged me blah blah blah. I almost cried but couldn't. I've had that verge of tears feeling like 3 times today. Trying to shake this off.

 

I sorta feel like a tool saying how great i was feeling. Need to be more careful with my posts until these feeling of recovery become permanent.

 

I've done the same thing, I just got to the point I don't care. If I'm down one day missing her it is what it is. I will still go about my day, because its only one day and tomorrow is a new one.

[na49]

I'm usually only down for one day, my feelings during the down time are just so strong I feel like I'm worthless and I'll never get better. Makes me wonder how I'd handle my BU if it was more of a mutual one... Would I be this down on myself or am I feeling worse than normal because I was cheated on?

 

Also I thought of something pretty funny. Before I ever had a girlfriend (and wasn't concerned about finding one), I considered myself a good catch. I thought I was a nice guy, loyal, caring, family oriented, not crazy, jealous or obsessive and a lot of girls would love to have a guy like me. Then when I was dating my ex, I started to feel worse about myself. I had times where I felt like I wasn't good enough. Like I was more lucky to have my ex than she was to have me. My self esteem sucked before I met my ex, don't get me wrong. I've never been a confident guy but hopefully that will change. I just wonder at times if dating her made me more confident or less confident. Or a little of both.

 

and now that she dumped me like yesterday's trash and hasn't really given me any reason to believe she regrets her decision. It's a blow beneath the belt and hurts like hell. It makes me feel worthless even though I know I'm not.