Why do I feel worse?

[Simon Phoenix]

It really would be, and I honestly think even though I don't have the power to get rid of these thoughts yet. I have enough self control to not actually go through with any of this. I feel like seeing her reminds me of how much I hate her. Then I don't see her and that ideal version of her is the only one I see again, and it makes me think "If I did that, she'd think it was really sweet and we'd live happily ever after".

 

Checking her social media would be a way for me to get rid of that ideal version of her, but as I learned it's only a temporary fix. (when I had the minor setback last month and looked at her twitter. saw pictures of her happy with her friends, a bunch of love tweets, nothing really about how upset or miserable she was, and a lot of retweets/messages to/from the douche rocket) It reminded me that she's over me. Seeing her a few days ago reminded me she was over me. I think that's enough, until it isn't and the thoughts come back when I'm lonely. I remember when I thought her "I know we ended on bad terms but we should be friends" text was closure and I'd be able to move on from that. WRONG!

 

Alright, I'll go as hard as I can until I just can't do anymore. That's what I've been doing but I always feel like "I should be able to do a few more" but I never can. My muscles just won't let me, it feels weird lol. I'm not as insecure as I was when I first started going. I don't compare myself to anyone, but I also don't ever try embarrass myself.

 

I'm still confused on the diet part of this. As long as I don't eat junk, or overeat I should be okay right? Also what would be some good workouts on days I can't go to the gym? Maybe work on abs?

 

Honestly, you don't need to work out seven days a week. In fact, diet is probably more important than working out anyway (and where I always go astray). But yeah, mix it up. Cardio one day, arms and back another, legs and abs another, maybe swim or play pickup basketball, stuff like that. Chitown D is probably a better person to ask, he seems to know a lot about that other stuff.

 

As far as diet, fish and seafood are good, chicken and turkey are good, veggies are good. If you eat breads and pastas and stuff, whole grain/whole wheat is the way to go. No white bread, doughnuts (possibly the worst food on earth for health), cookies, kraft mac and cheese, french fries (second worst food behind doughnuts), stuff like that. Lean meats are best with decent portion size. You don't want to undereat to where you are tempted to eat snacks like potato chips, but you don't want to eat until you feel overfull. Once you are satisfied, stop. For snacks, nuts are good (peanuts, cashews, almonds), fruit is good, string cheese (low-fat preferably). You can indulge in bad foods occasionally (like once a week or something), it'll keep you sane, but stick with mostly healthy options and you'll be fine.

 

As for your other issue, maybe you need to attack the "ideal" version of your ex that pops into your head. You know that's not her. Maybe that's how you do it. It's OK to be angry. It's OK to be sad. It's not OK to think you are wrong or to put her on a pedestal, especially when she is a s--t person. More than anything, that's the s--t you have to get out of your head, the "I want a second chance s--t". You don't want a second chance and if you do, you should be beaten with an oar.

[cavalier99]

Look up a program called "starting strength". You should also be eating a ton of protein. 150 to 200 grams per day. Get a good whey protein from GNC or some place similar. Also read 4 Hour Body by Tim Feriss. This has great tips. A lot of mumbo jumbo chapters but some good stuff on diet and exercise plus its easy.

[na49]

Normally when I'm hungry, I've been eating stuff like crackers with cheese/peanut butter, pretzels, string cheese, triscuits, etc. I never really want potato chips or any junk anymore.

 

How much cardio would you say is a good amount? (like length wise) and would it be better to run at a higher speed on the treadmill, or a lower speed for a longer time so I don't feel too weak after I'm done?

 

I want a second chance with this ideal version of her that I have in my head that doesn't exist. I don't think I have any love for her the way she is now. When I see her I am much more angry than sad.

[Simon Phoenix]

Normally when I'm hungry, I've been eating stuff like crackers with cheese/peanut butter, pretzels, string cheese, triscuits, etc. I never really want potato chips or any junk anymore.

 

How much cardio would you say is a good amount? (like length wise) and would it be better to run at a higher speed on the treadmill, or a lower speed for a longer time so I don't feel too weak after I'm done?

 

I want a second chance with this ideal version of her that I have in my head that doesn't exist. I don't think I have any love for her the way she is now. When I see her I am much more angry than sad.

 

The way she is now is her though. The "ideal" version doesn't exist. As far as cardio, I don't know. I typically swim for my workouts. But maybe 15-20 minutes on a treadmill or step machine, lift some weights, then another 10-15 on a bike. That's what I typically do when I'm not swimming and that tends to work me out pretty good.

[cavalier99]

Normally when I'm hungry, I've been eating stuff like crackers with cheese/peanut butter, pretzels, string cheese, triscuits, etc. I never really want potato chips or any junk anymore.

 

How much cardio would you say is a good amount? (like length wise) and would it be better to run at a higher speed on the treadmill, or a lower speed for a longer time so I don't feel too weak after I'm done?

 

I want a second chance with this ideal version of her that I have in my head that doesn't exist. I don't think I have any love for her the way she is now. When I see her I am much more angry than sad.

 

When hungry eat protein bars, eggs, almonds, peanut butter, almond butter, maybe milk, banana,...all this for snacks not meals. Read book I reccomended. No soda, no fruit drinks, just water and 1/2 to 1 glass grapefruit juice. Read book

 

Meals are lean fish, meat, chicken,(not fried or with sauces) veggies, beans.. 3 eggs in morning spinach too.

 

You don't need much cardio necessarily..weights yes. Sets to failure..read book

 

Last year with barley doing anything i got up to 18 pull ups. And bench max 235. I weighed 150. Body fat 12 percent.

 

This was before i stopped after hurting my neck, i barley entered gym..it is all eating and doing the sets properly and upping weights every time. Took me a few months after years of not lifting.

 

 

Read book

Edited February 14, 2013 by cavalier99

[suladas]

I agree completely with not over doing it, the effects can be huge if you do. Take it from me and my f*cked up shoulder going on 8 months now, I still can't even do day to day stuff like cooking, cleaning, driving without pain nevermind working out with it. It happened at work but it got bad because I ignored it for a while and worked through the pain. And stretching is so important, before and after a lot of people don't do it but it's so important.

[cavalier99]

One philosophy is the following :

 

Id only do a couple sets of each exercise a week. The trick is about 6-8 slowwwwww reps. 10 second up 10 second down and to complete and total failure. 80-120 seconds per set. Increase weight 10 percent for the next week. If you cant do it stop and rest and eat more protein. Eat eat eat. And rest rest rest.. Read book. You can add sooooo much muscle this way with almost no effort.

 

Don't do this again until like week later. 1 set per week of each exercise..not kidding

 

Now this works for me but isn't typical at all.

[LostOne1]

I like how this has become a workout thread

 

But for me, I don't work out daily unless my body feels good.

 

Normally I find I work out and I need 1-2 days rest, because my body is sore or not healed properly. I try to go every other day and then take weekends off too. SO I probably am hitting the gym 3-4 times per a week and resting on the other days.

 

Too much working out isn't good either. It DOES help me sleep MUCH better though at night.

[Cognitive Miser]

Cardio all depends on what kind of results you are trying to reach.

 

If you're trying to slim down or tone up cardio is going to be essential for that along with diet. Stair climbers or running incline on a treadmill are great cardio workouts. Stair climbers are hell but you feel amazing afterwards.

 

But if you're trying to bulk up (get huge) than you'll have to limit your cardio as much as possible as it takes away from the muscle that you are trying to gain.

 

30-45 minutes for cardio if you're trying to slim or tone is good. If you're trying to bulk stay lower. You can go longer if you want. It's all up to you and the types of workouts/ what areas you are working on at the moment.

[na49]

lol this is my workout and BU nonsense thread now.

 

Would you say it's better to warm up with cardio or end with it? I've heard different things from different people. I'm trying to slim down/tone up so I obviously need more cardio. I only go 3 days a week so far, but as I get more and more used to going by myself, I'll probably be going 4 days a week. Should I do cardio every day and work different muscles different days?

[Cognitive Miser]

lol this is my workout and BU nonsense thread now.

 

Would you say it's better to warm up with cardio or end with it? I've heard different things from different people. I'm trying to slim down/tone up so I obviously need more cardio. I only go 3 days a week so far, but as I get more and more used to going by myself, I'll probably be going 4 days a week. Should I do cardio every day and work different muscles different days?

 

Haha don't even worry too much about it

 

Well it depends. I know some people who do it in the beginning like bike or treadmill, than in the middle use the stair master, and than bike or treadmill at the end.

 

What I've always done was cardio first. A good 30-45 minutes and than go do my workouts for another 30-45. You can do cardio at anytime and everyday if you wanted to. But yes. You should target specific muscle groups during each workout. Since your trying to slim and tone and go about 3 days a week I'd do a little cardio before your workouts, like 15-30 minutes, and than on your off days focus on more cardio and abdominal work. Abs and cardio workouts can be done everyday if you wanted to.

 

Just don't overkill yourself too quick.

[Chi townD]

I agree with Mister. You can do a little cardio everyday as a warm up on the days you're lifting. The theory is that by doing 15 minute cardio, you're burning off your glucose reserves that are giving you that immediate enegery. You get done with your warm up cardio and start to push the weight..well.... you already used up your glucose reserves. So, your body has to pull the energry from somewhere else. Thus, your body starts attacking your fat reserves as it's energy source.

[na49]

Alright well I should have read this before I went to class. I did cardio after I was done working out. Only 15 minutes. I always feel like I should have done more when I get home lol.

 

Also not to ruin my mood, but I have felt completely indifferent about what day it is today, and my ex. I felt more upset when I was talking with some people and they all started talking about drugs and I sat there quietly with nothing to add. I'm not one of those guys who's against using drugs and hates people who use them. It was never me in high school, it's not really me now as much as I feel like I need to. I feel like everyone is on something and I don't do anything so I feel boring.

 

I know this is ridiculous, but there was a point where as I was walking out of the gym I thought to myself "If I see my ex right now, I'm going to say hi to her and keep walking" I felt so indifferent towards her and the whole situation that I wouldn't care and just nod and keep walking. The feeling didn't last long, it could have been because I just finished working out and was feeling awesome. but it was the first time I felt like I'd be able to just say hi to her and continue about my business without it ruining my mood or making me emotional.

 

No I'm not going to reach out to her and say hi or do anything stupid. I'm actually surprised how good I feel right now. I'm trying to avoid facebook or any place that will remind me it's Valentine's Day. I'm not bitter, I just don't want to see happy couples being happy on Valentine's Day. Bah Hum Bug!

[Chi townD]

Yeah, you're snacking wrong. Crackers=carbs. Carbs turn into sugar and suger to fat. Pretzels are better that chips, but they're still carbs. Peanut butter is okay as long as its natural peanut butter. Not that skippy or JIF crap thats packed with sugars.

 

Snacking should be unsalted nuts. Almonds, shredded carrots with a teaspoon of low fat ranch. Protein shakes. A DAMN good protein shake is Shakeology by Beach Body. But the drawback is it's expensive. About 110 bucks for 30 days. But, I cut a ton of weight using it. Tuna on a bed of spinach is good. Apples, grapes, definitely banana's. Veggies are equally as good. Greek yogurt is REALLY good. But not the flavored ones (too many sugars). Greek yogurt has castine protien in it. When you eat it, it clots in your stomach and your digestive system has to work longer to break it down. Thus, if your systems are working longer, then your metabolism is up. A lot of people will eat it as their late night snack. Theory is, your body is working while your sleeping.

 

Idiots guide to eating right. Rule number 1. If you read the package that your about to consume and the ingredients reads like a science experiment, you probably shouldn't eat it.

[na49]

Crap. I like crackers with cheese too. They aren't the worst thing I could have though right? I haven't started drinking protein shakes but I know how much they can help. I've been eating protein bars lately. I know they don't do as much for me though.

[Chi townD]

No crackers aren't the worst thing. And no one says you can't have them once in a while, but not as a steady staple.

 

I would go for whole grain crackers and low fat cheese if you're looking to have a treat.

 

Look, I LOVED McDonalds egg McMuffins! I could eat them all day long. But, I had to change it up. So, to satisfy my craving, I used a whole grain english muffin, toasted, egg whites and a slice of low fat cheese. It's DAMN good and a hellva lot healthier that McMuffins.

[na49]

I'm always looking for healthy alternative. The funny thing is a lot of the healthy alternatives taste just as good if not better than the junk. (some of it, not all of course)

 

Not to ruin the mood or anything, but as I was studying earlier I thought to myself "I am so happy that I have no idea what's going on my ex's life right now" I wondered what she's been up to and would like to know, but I also don't because whatever it is, it's not me and hasn't been me. I've been fighting these thoughts today and have been winning so far.

[cavalier99]

I'm always looking for healthy alternative. The funny thing is a lot of the healthy alternatives taste just as good if not better than the junk. (some of it, not all of course)

 

Not to ruin the mood or anything, but as I was studying earlier I thought to myself "I am so happy that I have no idea what's going on my ex's life right now" I wondered what she's been up to and would like to know, but I also don't because whatever it is, it's not me and hasn't been me. I've been fighting these thoughts today and have been winning so far.

 

Damn glad your doing good. I cried today hard blubbery snotty deep cry for like 15 minutes After unintentionally seeing some pics of us. Im 4 1/2 months post BU and NC. Pitiful

 

Im just f*ckin dead inside.

Edited February 15, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

Damn glad your doing good. I cried today hard blubbery snotty deep cry for like 15 minutes After unintentionally seeing some pics of us. Im 4 1/2 months post BU and NC. Pitiful

 

Im just f*ckin dead inside.

 

Just a slight detour in the recovery. You'll be OK. I went out last night and met some first-grade teacher, late 30s with a few kids apparently. Things were going well, grinding on the dance floor, a little kissing, hands all over each other, but then she gets mad at my friend (who was hitting on her friend) for jokingly saying that her friend was "semi-cute". She grabs her friend and leaves the bar in a huff, so I go from likely hitting that to not even getting a number (not that I really wanted one). I hate it when women go from zero to retard in the snap of a finger.

[na49]

Come on cav... we both know you aren't pitiful. You're doing awesome and have made great progress.

 

Simon- lol that's a bummer. I can't wait until I have the stones to flirt with girls confidently. I hate being shy or just not having anything to add at times.

[suladas]

Cheer up Cav it's only a temporary setback.

 

The last bit has been awesome for me. Working again driving truck and was flirting a bit with this really cute girl at the place I go to, and everytime I go there she is smiling at me. And i've got a girl i'm flirting with by email, that is pretty fun. All in all, pretty good. My confidence is awesome, I just need to finally pull the trigger and go for a number one of these times. I can get a good conversation going, but never even try to close.

[na49]

and the toxic thoughts are happening now.. Trying so hard to fight them. Wondering about the "what ifs" What if I ever tried being her friend? What if we had that talk? What if I didn't block her? What if I looked at her facebook page right now, what would I see?

 

I'm wondering if I'll ever be on speaking terms with her again. It will be so awkward going to the same school as her for the next 3 years and never speaking when we both know our history together. I don't know if I could ever be "friends" with her again. I miss her and sometimes want to be her friend just so I get my dose of her lol.

 

Not going to act on any of this of course. Just kind of venting I guess. I had a pretty good day today all things considered. Not feeling incredibly down on myself either. The thoughts are just in my head and I don't want them there. These thoughts only make me feel worse.

[Simon Phoenix]

Cheer up Cav it's only a temporary setback.

 

The last bit has been awesome for me. Working again driving truck and was flirting a bit with this really cute girl at the place I go to, and everytime I go there she is smiling at me. And i've got a girl i'm flirting with by email, that is pretty fun. All in all, pretty good. My confidence is awesome, I just need to finally pull the trigger and go for a number one of these times. I can get a good conversation going, but never even try to close.

 

Yeah, my closing skills have always been spotty. I can definitely pitch a good six, seven innings and get my team in position to win, but I don't exactly have a Mariano Rivera to close it out. I just hope I can get a big enough lead to where I don't need a Rivera-like performance to close the deal.

[suladas]

Yeah, my closing skills have always been spotty. I can definitely pitch a good six, seven innings and get my team in position to win, but I don't exactly have a Mariano Rivera to close it out. I just hope I can get a big enough lead to where I don't need a Rivera-like performance to close the deal.

 

Ya it's tough. I am also bad at starting, i'm still scared to approach a girl at a bar, I just need some kind of start and i'm good. Back a while ago I was talking to a girl alone for probably 30 minutes and I didn't even make a move or try to leave with her or anything, I felt like a idiot after. I was like if she was willing to talk to me that long and sit that close to me she was interested, I mean our heads couldn't of been more then a foot away and I didn't kiss her touch her anything. But part of it was I was out of town, so I knew i'd never see her again and she was pretty awesome not just a ONS type to me so I didn't go for it I think. Funny enough later on I still ended up back at a girls hotel room, I didn't even have to do anything it was all her, I need that more often like what my ex did to doing all the work.

[suladas]

and the toxic thoughts are happening now.. Trying so hard to fight them. Wondering about the "what ifs" What if I ever tried being her friend? What if we had that talk? What if I didn't block her? What if I looked at her facebook page right now, what would I see?

 

I'm wondering if I'll ever be on speaking terms with her again. It will be so awkward going to the same school as her for the next 3 years and never speaking when we both know our history together. I don't know if I could ever be "friends" with her again. I miss her and sometimes want to be her friend just so I get my dose of her lol.

 

Not going to act on any of this of course. Just kind of venting I guess. I had a pretty good day today all things considered. Not feeling incredibly down on myself either. The thoughts are just in my head and I don't want them there. These thoughts only make me feel worse.

 

Just keep it at, trust us it gets easier. But I will say I got a bit of satisfaction knowing my ex was alone on valentines day. Anyways, take it day by day and just don't do anything foolish like contact her trust me it will absolutely destroy you if you contact her. And keep busy, even just working again this past week I am almost going entire days without thinking about her. Even coming home seeing her house and stuff she's not on my mind. It's just not important, because i'm busy.