eduardo23 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 What have you guys been talking about for 52 pages in here lol? Anyways be strong guys and gals! If you like someone just go ask them out! Who cares if you get rejected! Try watching some youtube like simplepickup, I found it inspiring =D Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Ya it's tough. I am also bad at starting, i'm still scared to approach a girl at a bar, I just need some kind of start and i'm good. Back a while ago I was talking to a girl alone for probably 30 minutes and I didn't even make a move or try to leave with her or anything, I felt like a idiot after. I was like if she was willing to talk to me that long and sit that close to me she was interested, I mean our heads couldn't of been more then a foot away and I didn't kiss her touch her anything. But part of it was I was out of town, so I knew i'd never see her again and she was pretty awesome not just a ONS type to me so I didn't go for it I think. Funny enough later on I still ended up back at a girls hotel room, I didn't even have to do anything it was all her, I need that more often like what my ex did to doing all the work. I usually don't have a problem with starting out. I used to when I was younger, now I just grip it and rip it, so to speak. A nice well-placed joke or comment does the trick for me. Last night I was approached by one of the two girls, then the other one decided she wanted to dance and just grabbed me and led me on the dance floor. Didn't have to do a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) What have you guys been talking about for 52 pages in here lol? =D Ha helping NA, venting ourselves. Were pretty much just abusing the sh*t out of NA's thread because were all practically like cyber brothers or roommates now after listening to each other for months. Lol . Im pretty much am so familiar with NA's habits and bio rhythms I know what NA is feeling 12-24 hours before he does. Lol Anyway, NA'S thread is like home base for me. . Thanks NA...and...umm feeling tommorow will be a great day for you..wait...maybe some melodrama past 9pm Edited February 16, 2013 by cavalier99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Im up, its late here and didnt go out tonight. Feel like ****...im having another setback..kinda comforting that im not the only one. :-s I just keep thinking these self sabotaging thoughts and kinda embarrasing thigs i said and did after she dumped me...like suggesting to go to theerapist..lol..begging..pfff what a waste and what a loser i looked like. And one time she had gotten drunk befire xmas and i asked her if it was cuz of me/us and she was like No, lol ofcourse it wasnt...she was already done with me back then..lol :-S Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) Im up, its late here and didnt go out tonight. Feel like ****...im having another setback..kinda comforting that im not the only one. :-s I just keep thinking these self sabotaging thoughts and kinda embarrasing thigs i said and did after she dumped me...like suggesting to go to theerapist..lol..begging..pfff what a waste and what a loser i looked like. And one time she had gotten drunk befire xmas and i asked her if it was cuz of me/us and she was like No, lol ofcourse it wasnt...she was already done with me back then..lol :-S Yeah i have those too. Some of the most painful thoughts i have are about having lost my self respect some before and during the BU. Ive even fantasised about how i would have handled it different. What is done is done. Doesn't matter anyway what they think. BUs are traumatic and dumpers expect some volatile behavior anyway. I don't think my ex lost too much respect for me anyway..in the end they remember the good times..with indifference. Not that it matters. What matters is forgiving ourselves and not taking it too hard. We did the best we could at the time and with the knowledge we had. Ill handle a situation like that differently in the future. Lesson learned. Edited February 16, 2013 by cavalier99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 16, 2013 Author Share Posted February 16, 2013 lol I realize how my posts go from "Yeah I feel great! What should I work on at the gym tomorrow?" to "Boo hoo, woe is me! I miss her! what if she wanted me back? What did she want to talk to me about? I hope she doesn't hate me!" I like to think I'm making progress though even though I go from feeling good to bad in only a few minutes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Its completely normal to feel this way. Its called the roller coaster of emotions. No one can tell you how long the ride is. Different strokes for different folks. Sorry dude, but you just have to ride it out. Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Oh the roller coaster is kicking my ass this weekend!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 16, 2013 Author Share Posted February 16, 2013 Well I was talking to one of my friends earlier and I was able to make a joke about my "ex girlfriend" without any emotions about it. It was just a spur of the moment "Yeah my ex girlfriend used to do that" *laugh* then go on with what we were talking about. First time I'd been able to mention her without any emotions. I've also been able to talk about fun stuff that we did together without getting too down on myself. Then of course later on in the day I think about it again and feel miserable because I miss those fun times. Taking any little victory I can get though. I miss her like crazy right now though. I just want to talk to her! I just want to know what she's up to even if I really don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) My stepfather called me last night and wanted to talk to me about my ex (have never really talked to him about it). I explained to him the situation and my current feelings about all of it and he encouraged me to make a move, which makes the second person to do so. He suggested the hyper-aggressive route of buying her a plane ticket to go snowboarding/skiing with me and the family next month (she expressed an interest in doing that with me and meeting my family when we were dating), which I quickly nixed. So that was strange. Edited February 16, 2013 by Simon Phoenix Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Yeah i think the only advise you need is right here on LS. Every one else watches too much tv/hollywood movies Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Yeah i think the only advise you need is right here on LS. Every one else watches too much tv/hollywood movies He's not the rom/com type, which is why it was strange. Obviously I would never make such a move and didn't take it seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 He's not the rom/com type, which is why it was strange. Obviously I would never make such a move and didn't take it seriously. I think the grand gestures can work but early on in the dating phase to solidify things. Or before a BU when you are trying to work out things and maybe haven't been romantic enough. But After the type of BU that brings you to LS these gestures are just pitiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 I think the grand gestures can work but early on in the dating phase to solidify things. Or before a BU when you are trying to work out things and maybe haven't been romantic enough. But After the type of BU that brings you to LS these gestures are just pitiful. Preaching to the choir. That's pretty much what I told him. I told him that it would weird me out, much less her. And even if we were dating she wouldn't like it. She would have much rather done something like that for me than received it. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Preaching to the choir. That's pretty much what I told him. I told him that it would weird me out, much less her. And even if we were dating she wouldn't like it. She would have much rather done something like that for me than received it. I'm not saying he didn't listen to you but i think some people just don't really take the time to understand. My friends really have no clue about these situations. Some have said ohh shell be back because we had some minor BU's before. I'm like these people don't get it. Most are in stable long term relationships, married, or single bachelors for life, and none seem to even remember a BU like this. I just get platitudes and that is ok. I mentioned to one of by best friend that i cried like 2 months post BU and he was taken a back and sorta worried for me but in a bad type way..like it wasnt normal. People out side if LS are just clueless. I don't even bring things up anymore. As far as they know I'm 100 percent recovered. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) I'm not saying he didn't listen to you but i think some people just don't really take the time to understand. My friends really have no clue about these situations. Some have said ohh shell be back because we had some minor BU's before. I'm like these people don't get it. Most are in stable long term relationships, married, or single bachelors for life, and none seem to even remember a BU like this. I just get platitudes and that is ok. I mentioned to one of by best friend that i cried like 2 months post BU and he was taken a back and sorta worried for me but in a bad type way..like it wasnt normal. People out side if LS are just clueless. I don't even bring things up anymore. As far as they know I'm 100 percent recovered. He understood once I explained it to him and agreed with me and trusted my judgement. He just said that he's naturally aggressive and that's why he suggested it. It was really a brief part of the conversation as a whole and I just mentioned it because it was out of left field. As far as friends/family, I don't bring it up because I don't want to be that guy that drolls on and on. Most people who know me were floored about my reaction to it because it goes against everything they know about me and my personality and my attitudes towards relationships. My buddy (my ex's brother-in-law) has known me for 15 years and he told me that he never saw me react this way about a woman and didn't know that I was capable of it. My other really good friends that I talked to about it were similarly surprised, one of them saying "Wow Simon, you actually care about a woman past sticking your d--k in her. That's shocking, but I'm glad. I was kind of worried about you." My sister was also shocked and didn't know that I was capable of such a reaction. They have all given me good advice similar in a lot of ways to the LS advice. Edited February 16, 2013 by Simon Phoenix Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de Lis Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 The best revenge you can extract for her unfaithfulness is to become completely happy without her. If you keep feeding your curiosity over her, your only giving power to your misery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 Actually had a good day today, the only bad part of today was that I went out to eat and had Chinese food. So much for eating healthy I wouldn't say I'm "happy" without her yet. but I'm becoming more and more content because I have to. Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) Yeah i have those too. Some of the most painful thoughts i have are about having lost my self respect some before and during the BU. Ive even fantasised about how i would have handled it different. What is done is done. Doesn't matter anyway what they think. BUs are traumatic and dumpers expect some volatile behavior anyway. I don't think my ex lost too much respect for me anyway..in the end they remember the good times..with indifference. Not that it matters. What matters is forgiving ourselves and not taking it too hard. We did the best we could at the time and with the knowledge we had. Ill handle a situation like that differently in the future. Lesson learned. Yes, I cant forgive myself right now. So out of character for me. I am still messed up fte vday email and i think i know why. Prob bc i was expecting more from her and its not going to happen. I really loved her Alot and i would never of broken up with her. I start thinking about our relationship and when did it started getting bad and why. It was a 2 year relationship and it started to get bad after 6 months..and now in retrospect i feel.like she started alot of fights to get rid of me. She would really blow up over the smallest thigs that i said or did. Maybe she was trying to break up with me way way way before i even thought. I was so blinded bc i was so in love with her and thought we would wok it out. Idk...man...i am feeling alot of pain again...and you know what? I really hate how she phrasedit with a happy phase. "Happy valentines day, [My name] :-)" .......i find it cruel and patronizing. I suspect that she did leave me for someone else. And she knows thats she broke up with me and I did not want too and that I am lonely! So why why the hell would you send me that, so you can drive me to suicide?? I think it was very cruel and im so hurt again by her. Edited February 17, 2013 by destroyed4sho Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I'm not saying he didn't listen to you but i think some people just don't really take the time to understand. My friends really have no clue about these situations. Some have said ohh shell be back because we had some minor BU's before. I'm like these people don't get it. Most are in stable long term relationships, married, or single bachelors for life, and none seem to even remember a BU like this. I just get platitudes and that is ok. I mentioned to one of by best friend that i cried like 2 months post BU and he was taken a back and sorta worried for me but in a bad type way..like it wasnt normal. People out side if LS are just clueless. I don't even bring things up anymore. As far as they know I'm 100 percent recovered. Yess, my friends got.tired of it and i dont even speak about it anymore...but when i am.out with them i am pretty much dying on the inside...i also feel.like the outside is a movie or.something..like im not really there.bc im inside.my thoughts so deep. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Ya I just avoided talking about it to when I was hurting, it was easier to just keep it inside. Weird was I was leaving for work this morning I heard her outside calling her dog in. Haven't heard her voice in a while, didn't phase me at all. I actually just keep thinking, i'm tired of it and just don't care. I am defineately at the point if anything is ever going to change she will have to make the move. Otherwise I will likely never talk to her again. Link to post Share on other sites
fancy feast Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 **** it. I had a story about a recent interaction with my most recent ex girlfriend, but I'm too drunk to type it out. The moral is, getting to that point of indifference is the best possible path and can lead to some unintentionally hilarious/ballin' moments. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 I seriously hope I can reach indifference at some point sooner than later. Having thoughts about self destructing, today's gonna be a rough one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliceinthebox Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 **** it. I had a story about a recent interaction with my most recent ex girlfriend, but I'm too drunk to type it out. The moral is, getting to that point of indifference is the best possible path and can lead to some unintentionally hilarious/ballin' moments. I have to ask cuz this would be a weird coincidence.... Michael? Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I seriously hope I can reach indifference at some point sooner than later. Having thoughts about self destructing, today's gonna be a rough one. same here...your not the only one buddy!! Link to post Share on other sites
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