Why do I feel worse?

[Hopeful714]

When you become a big success you will fly us all out for dinner and beers!

[Cognitive Miser]

I'm also taking business courses if that means anything. Business obviously has more career options, but I don't know what type of business I want to go into. I've had a lot of people tell my Psychology probably isn't the best idea, it sucks because I've already taken a few courses and if I change, those courses will have been a waste.

 

I'm stressing out!!

 

People change majors all the time NA, don't worry too much about it. Stop stressing and just relax. Figure out what it is that interests you and than put forth your best effort into that, whether that be sticking to psych, going to business, engineering, etc.

 

Like Simon said, don't just think about the pay that you can potentially earn from a degree. If you can't handle going to work everyday hating your life and what you do than pick something you enjoy.

 

I first started out as an Electrical Engineering major. Any engineering discipline is a great degree to get, you can practically find a job anywhere you go and they are always in demand and pay well; however, they are just that, a discipline. If you don't have the patience, discipline and heart to study your ass off, work harder than any other person at your school and sacrifice having fun/ a job than by all means go for it. I wish I could have stuck with it but it just wouldn't have been right for me.

 

This semester I switched my major to Finance and am either going to minor in Accounting (to get that double whammy sort of thing) or Economics. By no means are these majors easy but they are not as strenuous as Engineering and the workloads aren't as loaded. Since I was little I've always dreamed of being a business man, that was one of my reasons as to why I switched as well.

 

I was in the same boat as you thinking my credits weren't going to transfer but most of them actually did. Some of yours could just transfer as electives and whatnot. Go speak to an advisor in the field(s) you were thinking of switching to and they'll be able to sort out any questions you might have, that's who helped me out tremendously. And talking to upper classmen in your degree or the degree you want to switch to can help as well.

 

You just have to figure out what you want to do in life and what kind of careers interest you and than just stick with it. It doesn't have to be right now. Just keep going and it'll come to you

[na49]

Thanks man, I know I really need to relax. I feel awesome right now, part of that could be I've been busy all day and am ready to pass out now. I haven't done anything about finding clubs to join, or seen the therapist today. You all can start yelling at me now.

 

Psych really is what interests me. Business is what will get me a job. So far I'm just majoring in Psych, but I am taking business courses because I plan to figure out by the end of this semester whether I will be minoring or majoring in it and those classes will count. I'd hate to get rid of the psych all together considering I've taken 3 classes total already.

 

Something that I found annoying was that I kept replaying parts of my relationship in my head during class whenever I started to zone out even a little. It was really frustrating. Then I walked down a hallway that smelled like perfume and it smelled just like her. I can't get away from this girl no matter how hard I try. Reminders/people who look like her are everywhere! Another frustrating thing is that I won't feel as good as I feel now forever as hard as I try. I'll fall back into the "Boo hoo I miss her! I'm lonely! I want her!" stage and spend 2 days trying to get out of it. That is the roller coaster of emotions I guess.

[na49]

Had to update my diary. I feel good. Again. Let's see how long this lasts. Had a few conversations with some girls today, started a few conversations with some others.

 

I had like 3 dreams about her last night. I kept trying to fall back asleep so I would dream about something different but nope!

 

I was also wondering something. Why the hell do we (maybe just me actually) want our exes to know that we are still hurting? I'd be lying if I said I don't want my ex to know that I'm hurting. Definitely because I'm looking for sympathy. Why do we feel like it's a bad thing if they think that WE are moving on when they are giving us every reason to believe that they're moving on? So stupid!

[LostOne1]

Had to update my diary. I feel good. Again. Let's see how long this lasts. Had a few conversations with some girls today, started a few conversations with some others.

 

I had like 3 dreams about her last night. I kept trying to fall back asleep so I would dream about something different but nope!

 

I was also wondering something. Why the hell do we (maybe just me actually) want our exes to know that we are still hurting? I'd be lying if I said I don't want my ex to know that I'm hurting. Definitely because I'm looking for sympathy. Why do we feel like it's a bad thing if they think that WE are moving on when they are giving us every reason to believe that they're moving on? So stupid!

Might be that we logically think if they see us hurting, they will feel bad and want us back knowing we care so much about them.

 

But the thing is the opposite is what is happening. The more they know we are hurting the more happy they feel knowing they did what they did and got it over with. If they saw we won the lottery and were super happy... it would show they messed up bad by letting you go.

[cavalier99]

You think you want her to know your hurting because she was the one that gave you comfort in difficult times.

 

You want to share your pain with that girl of the past. Almost like your suffering is some sorta test that should be recognized by her to show her how much you loved her and be reciprocated. Also it doesn't quite feel fair does it? We suffer they dont.

 

The paradox is that very same girl is the source of the pain (well technically you are but you know what i mean) Cav

Edited February 21, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

Might be that we logically think if they see us hurting, they will feel bad and want us back knowing we care so much about them.

 

But the thing is the opposite is what is happening. The more they know we are hurting the more happy they feel knowing they did what they did and got it over with. If they saw we won the lottery and were super happy... it would show they messed up bad by letting you go.

 

Hit the nail on the head. The more they know we are hurting, the more it validates their decision. If they know we aren't or have no idea either way, it eats at them more.

 

Honestly, even when I was hurting, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was let her know that.

[na49]

I'm confused.. how does it validate their decision more if they know we're hurting? Why would they feel better about it if they knew we aren't over them?

 

If anything, wouldn't us moving on validate their decision more? They see us moving on and think "Wow he's not even going to fight for me? What a jerk! I bet he never loved me anyway. Good riddance!"

[LostOne1]

I'm confused.. how does it validate their decision more if they know we're hurting? Why would they feel better about it if they knew we aren't over them?

 

If anything, wouldn't us moving on validate their decision more? They see us moving on and think "Wow he's not even going to fight for me? What a jerk! I bet he never loved me anyway. Good riddance!"

See they want us GONE from their lives. So if we are hurting they feel THEY WON the battle. BUT when we are happy and doing good without them, they feel bad. Why? because they feel WE got the better deal out of the BU.

 

The whole point of a BU for them is that THEY get the power and control. But when we are happy and love life without them, they lose that power and control. It then makes them think they must have messed up. How is it that this person could be so happy without them even after you have rejected them and BU with them.

 

A person who is the dumper wants validation they did the correct thing. If they see you are hurting and are dying in pain. it's all about control and they have it over you. Once they see the control gone it sucks for them.

 

It's hard to understand, but when you get to where I am at almost 9 months of a BU. You will finally see and understand these things we are talking about.

 

BTW I am seeing the new girl in class today, she msg me finally after 5 days lol. Let's hope we hit it off in class and see where things go. wish me luck!

[suladas]

I think it depends on the dumper, like in your case she cheated on you so I don't think it matters. Now if you go crawling back to them begging ya I think it makes them realize they made the right decision and makes you look pathetic. Even if it did work does anyone want to be with someone out of pity?

 

Now in my case, she even said to me she hated hurting me originally. So it's really tough to say, and is going to vary case by case. But I also still don't think it's a good idea to just show them how bad you're hurting. I did at one time in a message bascially say I was having a bit of a tough time and ya it gets you nowhere. It just made me think "wow she knows this and does nothing, what a cold hearted b*tch". And just because they know you're hurting doesn't mean they will think they did the right thing or anything. They might just think there's nothing they can do about it, or that the best thing to do is leave you alone. They could even feel guilty about hurting you, but still want nothing to do with you, so feel it is needed.

 

The best thing is just to stop caring about them and what they think. It may seem cold but I think BU's are and the thing I learned is people look after themselves first and you need to do that and basically not give a sh*t about the other person, especially if you're the dumpee.

[suladas]

Yea the extra time really helps, i'm at 7 months and it's so much better then before. I remember thinking she was so great i'd never find someone like that again, etc etc. I just laugh at that thought now, even though it still is the only relationship i've had.

 

Plus the best thing is seeing other girls take a second look at me, smiling at me and stuff it feels SO dahm good. This girl I see where I drive to at work like 10 times a day smiles at me EVERY time and jokes around with me. She is so hot to, I want to find a way to ask her out soon.

[Simon Phoenix]

Na, think about it this way. If you cheated on a girl, then dumped her, then mocked her and she followed by coming up to you begging and apologizing, what would you think? At best you'd think she was mentally ill and at worse, you'd find her pathetic. Dumpers in your case realize what they are doing. They just don't give a ****. So if you actually apologized and appealed to them you'd look like a complete *******.

[na49]

Na, think about it this way. If you cheated on a girl, then dumped her, then mocked her and she followed by coming up to you begging and apologizing, what would you think? At best you'd think she was mentally ill and at worse, you'd find her pathetic. Dumpers in your case realize what they are doing. They just don't give a ****. So if you actually apologized and appealed to them you'd look like a complete *******.

 

I guess it's either apologize and appeal and look like a clown or don't apologize and look like a jerk. I've probably said this before, but I wonder what would happen if I did try to apologize or be civil towards her now. 2 months after ignoring her attempts at friendship and blocking her number. Just when I show some balls and stick up for myself, I feel guilty like I did something wrong. How ridiculous is that?

 

I'm still confused why I'm so concerned about what she thinks of me to be honest. If I found out everything that I've been saying I don't want to know, it would be a huge slap in the face from reality. Every time I get close to moving out of "ridiculous fantasy land", I get scared and come back because it's where I'm comfortable. I like to think that learning what she's up to would help me move on, but every time I found things out about her, I never felt better.

[cavalier99]

I guess it's either apologize and appeal and look like a clown or don't apologize and look like a jerk. I've probably said this before, but I wonder what would happen if I did try to apologize or be civil towards her now. 2 months after ignoring her attempts at friendship and blocking her number. Just when I show some balls and stick up for myself, I feel guilty like I did something wrong. How ridiculous is that?

 

I'm still confused why I'm so concerned about what she thinks of me to be honest. If I found out everything that I've been saying I don't want to know, it would be a huge slap in the face from reality. Every time I get close to moving out of "ridiculous fantasy land", I get scared and come back because it's where I'm comfortable. I like to think that learning what she's up to would help me move on, but every time I found things out about her, I never felt better.

 

Lol this is the classic NA post. I'm lovin it. You express your self so well NA sometimes it is like seeing into your brain. Lol

 

Well there is nothing to apologise about. I mean KILL that thought..as it is ridiculous like you said. She never apologised to you anyway and even if she wanted to.... the right thing to do was cut her off and let her suffer anyway (not that i think your blocking her stung that much to tell the truth).

 

As far as your thoughts about what she thinks of you and what is going on with her life. We all have these to an extent. You seem extra stuck on this part but I'm sure it will die down with more time.

 

What I'm surprised about is that your not more upset about her cheating on you and the humiliation of the end.

 

I'm still super angry at times about the way things ended and some crap she pulled towards the end and how she treated me like crap because her attention was on the new guy she was monkey jumping to. And I'm upset at myself for no being more of a man and walking. Sometime i feel it is like a PTSD type trauma I'm trying to get over. And ill relive some of those specific painful moments again in my mind with great clarity until i shut it down.

Edited February 22, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

I leave it all on the table. I'm a no BS type of guy when it comes to this. However I'm feeling, you guys will know

 

She did never apologize really. The closest thing was her "I know we ended on terms but.." text. I honestly hate citing things from the past and trying to make them look relevant now though.

 

I'm definitely not as pissed as I should be about the cheating but believe me when I remind myself of everything, I get mad. When I think of her talking to her friends about me and how much I suck. When I think of her holding hands with this guy while she's wearing a necklace that was a symbol of our relationship. While she's flirting with him after I went to bed. It's just disgusting. I'm probably in disbelief that anyone could do something like this. It must be a part of my "innocence" that I'm holding onto where I don't believe anyone can be that bad.

[cavalier99]

Ha well i didn't want to necessarily remind you again of those moments. However i think your better off angry than wanting to apologise to the sweet princess cheating skank ho. Lol

 

She really doesn't deserve you. And you deserve so much better and will have it with some cool girl one day. That will be a great day when your with a new GF and happy walking around campus. You wont care about the ex at all. Bet your ex will get a jolt if she saw you with some one else. Id pay good money to see that. Lol

Edited February 22, 2013 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

Well dude. Any thoughts we put into them truly are a waste of time. I'm sorta upset at myself when i go down memory lane also. This happens more than id like.

 

I want to just be excited about the cool things I'm doing or gonna do with my life now. I'm tired of hauling the extra weight of my ex around in my head. We need to lighten the load.

[Debbie2508]

 

She really doesn't deserve you. And you deserve so much better and will have it with some cool girl one day. That will be a great day when your with a new GF and happy walking around campus. You wont care about the ex at all. Bet your ex will get a jolt if she saw you with some one else. Id pay good money to see that. Lol

 

I second everything Cav has said, na.You sound like a great guy, caring, sensitive and articulate. One day( and not yet awhile as you're far too young to be tied down) you're gonna truly meet the girl you wanna spend the rest of your life with. Then you're going to have a huge, fairy tale wedding, with everyone here from LS as guests, Cav and Simon can both be best man =D, and there'll be no shortage of bridesmaids.... and you're ex will feel sick that she let such a popular, well liked and respected guy slip out of her hands, all those years ago.

[Bando89]

I was doing fine for the past 15/20 days. Today I just broke up...I found myself listening to sad songs that remind me of her while watching our happy pictures. I thought I would never had to cry again but here I am...

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess it's either apologize and appeal and look like a clown or don't apologize and look like a jerk. I've probably said this before, but I wonder what would happen if I did try to apologize or be civil towards her now. 2 months after ignoring her attempts at friendship and blocking her number. Just when I show some balls and stick up for myself, I feel guilty like I did something wrong. How ridiculous is that?

 

I'm still confused why I'm so concerned about what she thinks of me to be honest. If I found out everything that I've been saying I don't want to know, it would be a huge slap in the face from reality. Every time I get close to moving out of "ridiculous fantasy land", I get scared and come back because it's where I'm comfortable. I like to think that learning what she's up to would help me move on, but every time I found things out about her, I never felt better.

 

You have nothing to apologize for. I don't know who messed you up early in life to kill your self-esteem, but f--k dude.

[Hopeful714]

Whoa!!!... Something in the air today? I was doing great and found myself sitting at work wishing I had a date tonight with him and that led to thinking about the cheating, why he did it, what about myself wasn't good enough, why he didn't care at all about my feelings or me, etc. Got watery-eyed in my car on the way home, then felt insecure at the grocery store when I saw girls I thought he may find attractive. How messed up was that? lol At the end of next week I'll be headed into month 7! I hope this is still normal to happen here and there at this point in time? It's F'ed up.

 

na-The thing with you is I don't get why you feel like you owe an apology. You didn't do anything wrong. I suspect you still feel bad because you blocked her on the phone. What was the ending of the text she sent about ending on bad terms?.....what did she say after that? The way I see it is she was ending it regardless of anything else that happened, so then really then why should you even feel bad you blocked? If she was looking for you to fight for her that's ridiculous...she should have been fighting for you at that time. She didn't. Mine didn't. Cav's didn't...we got kicked in the gut, were in deep pain, and retreated like hurt pup's do. THEY never came back. If these people expected us to beg, its like really? And when we didn't they just moved on. So really, what's wrong with us here?

 

cav-I felt plenty times like I had PTSD from this. I also didn't realize that your ex cheated on you. After 8 yrs and an ending like that, dang...be happy your doing as well as you are!! If you don't mind though, I'm curious as to why after 8 yrs together you guys never got married and if that's why she left? Not that I think all relationships need to ultimately head to the alter....because they don't. But if someone wants a family, I guess I could see where they may have be coming from. Again, just curious....don't feel like you have to say more then you want.

 

Sorry if this all sounds regressive.

[Simon Phoenix]

Whoa!!!... Something in the air today? I was doing great and found myself sitting at work wishing I had a date tonight with him and that led to thinking about the cheating, why he did it, what about myself wasn't good enough, why he didn't care at all about my feelings or me, etc. Got watery-eyed in my car on the way home, then felt insecure at the grocery store when I saw girls I thought he may find attractive. How messed up was that? lol At the end of next week I'll be headed into month 7! I hope this is still normal to happen here and there at this point in time? It's F'ed up.

 

na-The thing with you is I don't get why you feel like you owe an apology. You didn't do anything wrong. I suspect you still feel bad because you blocked her on the phone. What was the ending of the text she sent about ending on bad terms?.....what did she say after that? The way I see it is she was ending it regardless of anything else that happened, so then really then why should you even feel bad you blocked? If she was looking for you to fight for her that's ridiculous...she should have been fighting for you at that time. She didn't. Mine didn't. Cav's didn't...we got kicked in the gut, were in deep pain, and retreated like hurt pup's do. THEY never came back. If these people expected us to beg, its like really? And when we didn't they just moved on. So really, what's wrong with us here?

 

cav-I felt plenty times like I had PTSD from this. I also didn't realize that your ex cheated on you. After 8 yrs and an ending like that, dang...be happy your doing as well as you are!! If you don't mind though, I'm curious as to why after 8 yrs together you guys never got married and if that's why she left? Not that I think all relationships need to ultimately head to the alter....because they don't. But if someone wants a family, I guess I could see where they may have be coming from. Again, just curious....don't feel like you have to say more then you want.

 

Sorry if this all sounds regressive.

 

Don't make me play bad cop with you too

[cavalier99]

Well technically at the end I'm not sure if she cheated. But she did lie to me repeatedly and went out to dinner with him and told me she was with a friend and was planning on seeing me that same night. I actually went out to where she said she was eating and she wasn't there. She Picked up my call said she was there. Then I was driving around calling her ecetera. She wouldn't pick up. Pure trauma. This is one night after getting her flowers ecetera.

 

This is on top of the last month her saying this guy was always walking her to her car after class and she would never pick up my calls. Then she blamed me for being paranoid etcetera and he was just being friendly. I basically new a BU was coming for like a month. Cant believed i stayed.

 

As far as marriage. She pulled this crap 4 years earlier when things were good and cheated. We broke up. Then we got back together. Big mistake. Although we still we in love i couldn't pull the trigger after that. I was more distant. I got over it but i think id be married if that stuff hadn't happened 4 years ago. Maybe we were both a little co dependent. In the end this is for the best. She did me a favor i think.

[Hopeful714]

LOL!

 

You, Lost and suladas are the voices of reason today!

This feeling better pass by tomorrow!

 

But really after 6 months? uggh

[Hopeful714]

Wow- she cheated. Or was damn close to it. Once the lies start...its all downhill from there. And yes, if she did cheat earlier, you were correct to wait. Obviously she wasn't totally committed to the RS. Which also means she may not be to the next one either. Not that it should matter.

 

At the end I was suspicious of the lies and disappearing acts too...(and I knew it happened before). I was told..."your gonna make it happen" which I thought was such a messed up thing to say. I knew at that point he was already gone.

 

I can't wait to be finally done with this. But yea, after 8 years that's a lot to go through. I'm sorry.