Simon Phoenix Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I get where your coming from. Sounds like your in a good spot. Why don't you just call her and see if she want to go out? If she doesn't onto the next. Nothing to lose if she says no. We'll see. I might give it a week or two to a) make sure this is permanent and not just a phase -- I thought I was completely past even wanting to see her in early January then I went on a few dates and b) do some recon and make sure that she's actually available. But there's no shot clock or time limit to this. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 How long ago was your BU Simon? Also I think today is the best day I've had in a while. She just hasn't been on my mind that much all day. Until now of course where I wonder about if I fought for her more. but aside from from these stupid thoughts which I know will pass, I like to think that today is a sign of good things to come for me. Seems like were all having a good day. The stars have aligned! What's going on? NA's behavior is confusing me. Is this some new alternative universe. Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 How long ago was your BU Simon? Also I think today is the best day I've had in a while. She just hasn't been on my mind that much all day. Until now of course where I wonder about if I fought for her more. but aside from from these stupid thoughts which I know will pass, I like to think that today is a sign of good things to come for me. Break up 7 months, NC five. Simon can we get a re-cap on if you still are in like with her and feel comfortable enough to call....what the heck happened? No clue. Just kind of became comfortable with it all. I had been trying to repel my feelings (which I was doing a pretty good job of), then went on some dates and realized I still liked her. This pissed me off, but gradually I've come to peace with it for some reason. Can't really explain it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I meant why did you guys split to begin with? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I meant why did you guys split to begin with? Basically I got attached really quick, got scared of it because I don't attach to many people at all, and basically had a drunken meltdown where I completely withdrew from her. She was talking about meeting my family, going on trips with me, yada yada yada and I just got scared. She got spooked by my getting spooked, withdrew and boom went the dynamite. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Hmmmm... lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Seems like were all having a good day. The stars have aligned! What's going on? NA's behavior is confusing me. Is this some new alternative universe. Lol Don't get used to it. I'm already back to thinking "what if I fought harder for her" "what if I responded when she wanted to talk" I knew the feeling wouldn't last long. but I feel good that I felt as indifferent as I did earlier. At least I know I'm capable of feeling that way. I know that these stupid thoughts will pass. I always wondered why I feel like I need to remind myself she doesn't want anything to do with me. I see something that hurts me and I think "Okay that's enough, she's over me" it lasts for a while and then I think "Oh if only I saw something that would show me she's over me, I could get rid of these thoughts". Just goes to show that it's BS. You don't get "closure" from seeing them with someone new or seeing they love life without you or having them tell you they want to be frends. I think we all knew that already though. Gonna try to have a good day tomorrow. Let's see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ha you have "what if thoughts", i have "anger" thoughts....but not right now. I really never have what if thoughts..hmm weird. "What ifs" are bad. Then again anger is bad too. Both thoughts are still replaying the past. We cant change it..it is over. I'm going to watch The Walking Dead and chill. Lets have another good day tommorow!. Rock on! Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 That's probably where I've been the worst, is the "what if" thoughts. What if I had agreed to go to Vegas the night I flipped out? She wanted to go to Vegas with me as part of an impromptu trip (live about four hours away) and I said no because I was trying to save money. But yeah, four hours of not drinking would have prevented my meltdown, at least on that night. There are a few other "what ifs" that would go through my head, though I'm at peace with them. Until I invent a time machine, what's done is done. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Hmmmm... lol. Not quite sure what this means, but I'll roll with it Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Damn I wish I had a good day but today has been one of the worse lol. Lurking through this thread has helped though as these break ups are extremely similar to mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Had to post in my diary because I just got home from hanging out with my friend. After working out we went to get chinese food. (very counter productive but it was delicious and food definitely tastes better after working out lol) My BU came up and I ended up getting more emotional than I thought. I didn't cry in front of him, but I was pretty much venting and told him everything I've been writing on here for the past 2 months. "I feel guilty" "I feel like there's something wrong with me" "I feel like I have to apologize for trying to move on even though she hasn't apologized" blah blah blah. So far I'm having a good day. Had a good work out, hanging out with my friend took my mind off of things even though I did bring her up. I'm feeling low but not too low. I have to figure out what I can do when I feel this way to pick myself up before I get into my "woe is me. I want to tell her I love her. I want her back. I want to apologize." stage that everyone here is so familiar with. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I hope your noticing that your not thinking about her as much as you used to. Don't feel bad if you do get that "I want her back" feeling. It's only natural. If you see that your not thinking about it as much as you used too, then you know that in a little more time it will be less and less. I do possibly everything I can do to get my mind off it. Not as a destraction, but as a replacement. I'm doing everything I did before the break up, so I've come to realize that really there's nothing I can physically do to get her off my mind. I just have to hope that in time it won't be there.. Sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Bando89 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Two months after the break up, being doing quite fine the last 15 days, but don't know why the last 2-3 days are so difficult. I'm thinking about her more that I should, especially at night before sleeping :/ don't know why, ****... Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Had to post in my diary because I just got home from hanging out with my friend. After working out we went to get chinese food. (very counter productive but it was delicious and food definitely tastes better after working out lol) My BU came up and I ended up getting more emotional than I thought. I didn't cry in front of him, but I was pretty much venting and told him everything I've been writing on here for the past 2 months. "I feel guilty" "I feel like there's something wrong with me" "I feel like I have to apologize for trying to move on even though she hasn't apologized" blah blah blah. So far I'm having a good day. Had a good work out, hanging out with my friend took my mind off of things even though I did bring her up. I'm feeling low but not too low. I have to figure out what I can do when I feel this way to pick myself up before I get into my "woe is me. I want to tell her I love her. I want her back. I want to apologize." stage that everyone here is so familiar with. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, it's counter-productive. You won't feel better if you're always feeling bad about not feeling better! You're doing the best that you can, and that's what you should be doing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Not quite sure what this means, but I'll roll with it = It meant that from the way you were talkin, I smelled "LOVE" in the air...LOL But, you need to make the choice to contact ....or not to contact......take all the time you need...for sure. Personally, I see no reason that you shouldn't, sounds like nothing bad happened between you ...only a case of hebe jebe's. Worst that can happen is she is dating someone else. Best could be a Happy Ending for you...in more ways then one! lol This may be premature...but were you thinking of doing the manly thing and calling? Or tossin out the bread crumb text? I vote for the call!!! It'll blow her mind. -waaaaahhh- I wish I was being thought of.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 When I'm having the negative thoughts, it's hard to think positive. I was so close to stalking my ex (doing my creepy "look at mutual friends and try to figure out what is going on in her life" thing. It's very attractive of me. I know) I got up. Walked away from the computer, studied for an hour, had dinner, took a shower and now I feel a little bit better. I definitely am not trying to find anything out right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stalking! BAAAAAAAD for YOU! Try to do something else! I had a few "moments" today but I told myself I HAVE to live for me. It IS ridiculous to think of someone from 6 months ago who most likely doesn't think about me.... like cav said yesterday. I made another appt w/my counselor for Fri, and got a good work out in today. I can't keep wallowing....I just cant. I have to go forth. I want a happy ending!!!!!!!!! Edited February 26, 2013 by Hopeful714 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 I think (and this is probably obvious) my ego is bruised because she hasn't tried to contact me since I blocked her. She was willing to contact me but once I blocked her and told her to leave me alone. That was that. She wasn't going to go any further because it just wasn't that important to her anymore and I wanted it to be. Now why can't I just convince myself that she's done with me instead of trying to look for a BS reason like "oh maybe she's waiting for me to contact her" "maybe she wants me to contact her since I told her to leave me alone" I realize how stupid that sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Remember na, you blocked her because she cheated...and you knew it would lead to more games if you spoke...so YOU chose to let it go and move on. All of our egos were bruised...if not shattered. But we can get them back. We owe it to ourselves to at least try.... and try to find happy again..with people who are good to and for us:love::love::bunny: lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Yeah and she never even apologized to me so why do I have to apologize to her? I think I feel guilty for trying to move on because I feel like I'll ruin any chance for reconciliation in the future. I wonder what if I played the games with her? What if I answered her phone calls? What if I tried to play the games now? Would I have any chance of winning? Would anything good come from it? I'm pretty sure she's dating him or someone else, but I don't want to find out. I seriously have myself cornered with nowhere to go so I recycle these dumb thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Seriously, you don't/didn't want that second chance. Think you feel sick now? Think how you will feel if/when she cheats again. Cav, I, not to mention countless others on here all gave the 2nd chances (and I know in my case it was more)...they cheated again! Don't wish you could make the same mistake. It feels 1000x worse 2nd, 3rd, 4th time round. You need to start "seeing" yourself out of this situation. And, you don't want a RS where there are "games"...trust me. Keep going to the gym and "see" yourself buff with some new smokin hot babe on your arm who is good to and for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) I think it's annoying that I have to remind myself that I hate her and remind myself that I don't want her. I saw one of her friends post something on facebook relating to her from like 2 weeks ago. Now my heart is racing and I just want nothing to do with her. I feel sick already. I get such a weak feeling even when I see or hear her name. When I'm not blinded by all of this BS I know that I really just feel lonely. I saw one of my friends who I hadn't seen a while, I looked at her, she waved and I smiled and waved back. I wish I had the chance to get her number even though I think she has a boyfriend. She'd just be a cool girl to hang out. Edited February 26, 2013 by na49 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hey lostone. When did you become so indifferent? Congrats. That's awesome. I mean after all this time on this forum I'm still confused as to when people just get over it. I don't understand. Was it just time and NC? Did you just wake up one day and say. Ok I'm cool. Did it just sneak up on you? I mean as of a couple months ago or less you were still having a tough time. I think I asked you before so sorry if it is repetitive. For me it was a few things... #1 Seeing other girls.. kinda helped. But it was this new girl.. I don't know what happened. I just walked into class and boom my heart just started working again. I guess I kinda feel in love and 1st sight.. I just know when I saw her my lovey dovey feelings came back. I thought it was gone forever.. but I was wrong. The thing that hurt was that I don't think she likes me or has a terrible way of showing it. So it hurt again for a few days feeling like a mini BU. Then I realized I was too attached and need to back off. So I did and it helped going with the BU, because it let me distance myself easily. Another thing is my career.. I won't say what I am doing. But I got a HUGE project going on in the works. If it works, it means I'll be doing something big online. So this project has given me my career and life back that I gave up for my ex. It kinda makes me feel alive and on top of that being single is good too. I know I can ask a girl out without any pressure of being in a relationship. Imagine all those girls gone, because we were with our ex's and couldn't ask these girls out. It's also time.. and going NC. I haven't seen her FB or the guy I "believe" she cheated on me with at all. Which is a good sign, it means I don't care about how her life is right now. It's all about WHAT you want in life. I think I found a bit of what I want. I'd say life would be close to perfect right now IF my project takes off and this girl would go on a damn date with me hahah. But otherwise it's one of those things that DOESNT happen one day. You notice it after 2-3 weeks. You just go whoa.. I haven't thought of my ex in 3 weeks.. awesome and then you smile and know your finally content and happy with yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Yeah and she never even apologized to me so why do I have to apologize to her? I think I feel guilty for trying to move on because I feel like I'll ruin any chance for reconciliation in the future. I wonder what if I played the games with her? What if I answered her phone calls? What if I tried to play the games now? Would I have any chance of winning? Would anything good come from it? I'm pretty sure she's dating him or someone else, but I don't want to find out. I seriously have myself cornered with nowhere to go so I recycle these dumb thoughts. I know the feeling but when I met this new girl.. damn man. She makes my ex look like nothing. Sure this new girl confuses me like ****, but you need to look at a new relationship now. The old is gone man.. it's memories and that's it. THink of all your bday's that passed. They were probably mostly good, but now they are in the past. And you look for the next bday and that one should matter. The same can be seen for relationships.. the old is over and the new is waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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