Why do I feel worse?

[na49]

Well I didn't think of her much today. I went out, bought myself some new clothes and was doing stuff all day. Need to have more days like today.

 

I'm definitely the only one keeping the drama alive. It's so funny how I'm old news and yet I'm still under the impression it's like it was a week after we broke up and everyone still knows my history with her and everything. I'd be willing to bet most people have forgotten I was even with her given the fact she dumped me a little over a month after school started. but don't tell me that, I still walk around and see her friends and think "they're definitely gonna tell her they saw me" Blocking this guy is a nice weight off my shoulders. I lost sleep because of this crap, I feel a minor setback, but this will be gone in a few days. I always feel like this after I see something new relating to her.

 

I'm just happy this guy is blocked. No openings, I don't want any way of knowing what she's doing because if I have a way of knowing, I might use it. The setback last night made me lose sleep! How pathetic is that? Frustrating as hell, now I'm comparing him to me and wondering if he'll be getting my sloppy seconds (and they are VERY sloppy )

 

Is that usually how long sessions are Hopeful? I've got a lot to say and I doubt I'll get everything out on Monday. I'm really excited to go, I feel like if I can solve these issues, I'll be in a really good spot. That sounds so obvious, but I think I've got a good head on my shoulders and if I can just be less shy and have more respect for myself, I won't have trouble loving the college life.

[na49]

Woke up this morning feeling really angry and disgusted. She f*cks some other guy, and no one will see her for what she really is. Everyone will think she's this "really nice girl" and I'm the bad guy

 

I feel like screaming.

[Hopeful714]

Yea-an hour. Or at least it was for me. So like I said...plan what you are going to talk about and keep on track with out the riff-raff so you can get to core issues and make the most of your time.

 

On a positive...like I said before, I think the anger is good. Once I passed that, things began to improve dramatically. Also, ++ that you are getting out of the house and keeping busy.

 

Again..swim away from the sharks. The life boat is waiting. We are paddling to shore and then we are going to dating land.

[Toddbt12y1]

Woke up this morning feeling really angry and disgusted. She f*cks some other guy, and no one will see her for what she really is. Everyone will think she's this "really nice girl" and I'm the bad guy

 

I feel like screaming.

 

Doesn't mattee what they think.

 

Shadows, people hide in them until Light finds them...all in time.

 

People think my ex is a sweetheart. But for those that know the truth...who cares what they think...

[na49]

It's just annoying, they don't see anything wrong with her so I must have been the problem. If she didn't want to be with me, she's not obligated to be with me. She is obligated to leave me before pursuing someone else. She is obligated to be loyal to me until we are no longer together.

 

but apparently not. apparently holding hands, flirting and making out with another guy "isn't cheating" :mad::mad::mad: and when I tell her how much she hurt me her response is "This is why we aren't friends :)"

 

I feel like sending her an angry email saying how much I hate her. I won't do it obviously, but that's how annoyed I am right now. I need to go workout..

[cavalier99]

Woke up this morning feeling really angry and disgusted. She f*cks some other guy, and no one will see her for what she really is. Everyone will think she's this "really nice girl" and I'm the bad guy

 

I feel like screaming.

 

Good that your mad. But the thing is it is in the past. How are you a bad guy? I bet nobody even remembers at this point. And how does everyone think she is the nice girl. You don't know what people think. And quite frankly. WHO CARES? Certainly you don't.

 

When is counseling?

[Hopeful714]

na-nobody is OBLIGATED to do anything. People do as they will. If what they do is not in line with our values or ideas of "how it should be" then we have to accept that as it is and move on for our own emotional stability and happiness.

 

Yes, cheating is not usually "accepted". This is because it is well known that it is an act that "hurts" others and involves lying and deceit. And nobody should want or aim to do that...although it happens. Thing is she did have a choice and she chose to hurt you instead of fessing up to how she really felt. Crappy choice for sure...but she is a young dumb girl. You would have been hurt even if she broke it off the proper way.....but surely, not half as much or bad.

[cavalier99]

Spend less time thinking about what you think that people might think. As one grows up most of us get better at this. Otherwise your emotions and self esteem are at the mercy of others.

[na49]

The thing that gets me is does she even know that she hurt me? I think she lives in such a fantasy land where she doesn't think she did anything wrong. She probably thinks I'm the bad guy for not wanting to be friends with her. I just want to see people who do stuff wrong get their's and I feel like she isn't.

 

I hate to act like I'm the victim and it's all her fault. but I'm going freaking insane over this while she's out having a grand old time meeting new people, and living the college life which is completely here right.

 

Not sure if I'd rather be depressed about this or angry about it like I am now. Luckily the anger turns into indifference most of the time.

 

Counseling is tomorrow cav I have no idea what issue I should start with. The BU? My self esteem/confidence?

 

It's funny because everyone who I'm worried about have no idea they have such control over me. She probably thinks I'm over her and moved on. and if she knew I'm still stuck on her she'd have a big laugh about it. My friend told me this last week (and so have you guys) I was whipped when I was with her, and I'm whipped now that I'm not with her, it's just she doesn't know about it. I give everyone this power over me, so why can't I just take back some dignity and say "if you don't like me, that's your problem"

Edited March 3, 2013 by na49

[Hopeful714]

And- you did nothing to hurt anyone....so you are not the bad guy.

 

Also AGAIN, what goes around comes around. Give it time. People always eventually see true colors.

[cavalier99]

Yes discuss.

 

BU

Self Esteem

Spiraling repetitive obsessive thoughts (this is very important)

[Hopeful714]

I hope too you are going to the proper place.

 

Im sure at your college there are academic counselors and those that deal with emotional issues. You are going to the right one yea? just askin...wanna make sure you are well taken care of.

[na49]

I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but she was my first girlfriend. I did everything with good intentions and was as loyal as a dog.

 

So why the f*ck am I the bad guy again? Oh yeah, because her new friends thought I wasn't good enough for her.

[cavalier99]

I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but she was my first girlfriend. I did everything with good intentions and was as loyal as a dog.

 

So why the f*ck am I the bad guy again? Oh yeah, because her new friends thought I wasn't good enough for her.

 

Ohhhh God stop it.

[na49]

Do you think I'll feel different after my first session tomorrow? I'm really excited to hear what they have to tell me and ways that I can try to fix this.

 

My anger from earlier seems to be turning into indifference. For now at least. I was having a fake conversation with her before though. It was the same mushy crap I've thought about telling her for a while but never will.

[cavalier99]

Do you think I'll feel different after my first session tomorrow? I'm really excited to hear what they have to tell me and ways that I can try to fix this.

 

My anger from earlier seems to be turning into indifference. For now at least. I was having a fake conversation with her before though. It was the same mushy crap I've thought about telling her for a while but never will.

 

I think counseling might help but it isn't a magic bullet. Don't build it up too much. Its just another positive step to take. Also there are good and so so counselors. Just go and see. Good luck man.

[Hopeful714]

It's not magic for sure. You have to be willing to do the work.

 

For me its nice to get things out ....and if I bring home at least 1 idea that I can try to apply its worth it.

 

For example, this week it was suggested that I imagine myself in bubble (lol) and/or surrounded by a shield that deflects any negativity off myself that others may throw my way during my day. I am just not to let it bother me. Let it bounce or roll off! Sure, I could most likely read this somewhere but I guess for me it has a bit more of an impact coming from an objective person as opposed to a friend or book. Odd, but something to practice.

 

I was also told..and I knew this but need to remind myself...that I need to just learn to accept people as they are while using my shield. Especially if it is negativity I cannot remove myself from. (ex: co-workers, family, etc)

 

What a journey this whole thing has become...lol. Sure beats crying over an a-hole though!

[na49]

I agree that you could probably read about most of the advice that they give you online. It is just nice to tell your story and hear it from a person rather than throwing your problem into a search engine and getting a bunch of different websites with solutions.

 

I have no idea how I feel right now. It's a combination of anger and sadness. I'm pissed off at her and my whole situation, but I'm also upset that it had to end the way it did and that she wasn't who I thought she was.

[cavalier99]

I agree that you could probably read about most of the advice that they give you online. It is just nice to tell your story and hear it from a person rather than throwing your problem into a search engine and getting a bunch of different websites with solutions.

 

I have no idea how I feel right now. It's a combination of anger and sadness. I'm pissed off at her and my whole situation, but I'm also upset that it had to end the way it did and that she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

Ahh you getting to the upset at how it ended part. Good. I was upset at her and myself at how i dealt with it. This means now your getting past the "i miss her phase" and are moving further along.

[jagdude14]

I really am feeling stuck. I miss her so much. I am day 44? Of nc. I miss her. Not once has she reached out. So many unanswered questions. I just don't know how or why. I treated her the best and loved her so much.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm glad you are angry instead of pining, but a couple of things. 1) her friends don't look at the situation as black and white. Just because they still like her doesn't mean they think you are wrong. They probably don't think about you much at all and if it does it's "that dude your ex went out with". They aren't talking about your break, they don't give a s--t.

 

2) IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK. All that matters is what you think.

[jagdude14]

I am struggling this wknd has been so hard for some reason

[na49]

I think I'll always miss what I had, so I can't make myself now want to have that back. I wouldn't say I'm pining for her at the moment, but I'm just not satisfied. I'm sitting here with no motivation to do anything and I feel drained. I'm thinking about if and when I'll ever be able to handle friendship with this witch.

 

Like you said yesterday Simon, the only one keeping this drama alive is me. I'm a non issue to anyone anymore. No one gives a crap because no one has to give a crap. It's been 5 freaking months since she left me and she hasn't come back or regretted her decision. She's meeting new people daily while I'm taking baby steps to get over her.

 

I wonder how my counselor will feel about me going completely dark on her and ignoring her attempts at friendship.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think I'll always miss what I had, so I can't make myself now want to have that back. I wouldn't say I'm pining for her at the moment, but I'm just not satisfied. I'm sitting here with no motivation to do anything and I feel drained. I'm thinking about if and when I'll ever be able to handle friendship with this witch.

 

Like you said yesterday Simon, the only one keeping this drama alive is me. I'm a non issue to anyone anymore. No one gives a crap because no one has to give a crap. It's been 5 freaking months since she left me and she hasn't come back or regretted her decision. She's meeting new people daily while I'm taking baby steps to get over her.

 

I wonder how my counselor will feel about me going completely dark on her and ignoring her attempts at friendship.

 

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

[suladas]

Well i'm kind of getting a new perspective on things. Things went south with my new FWB thing lately and it feels like i'm on the other side of things. Never caring if I talked to or seen her again and just feeling meh about things. I got the feeling she had feelings for me, and even when she tried to tell me no I mostly didn't care and just didn't want to talk to her.

 

It gave me new light on how the other side feels. It's still not anywhere near the same as a real break up or anything though. Funny I don't even care that this is over, I never got even a hint of feelings for her, meanwhile she had some for me. Although I still want to be nice when I do actually end it today because I don't want to hurt her.