Author na49 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 I just don't understand why I still have urges where I want to see what she's up to even though every time I do, I get hurt more and more. I think this just my ego taking a hit. I'm offended that she hasn't tried to contact me again since I blocked her. I hope my counselor can give me a way to deal with this circular thoughts, I've been running in circles for the past 2 months with these feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I just don't understand why I still have urges where I want to see what she's up to even though every time I do, I get hurt more and more. I think this just my ego taking a hit. I'm offended that she hasn't tried to contact me again since I blocked her. I hope my counselor can give me a way to deal with this circular thoughts, I've been running in circles for the past 2 months with these feelings. I think they are perfectly normal actually. Reminds me a lot of my thoughts before. It took a long time for them to lesson. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 I just get done blocking this guy who was my way of checking on her without checking on her. I feel relieved about it yesterday, and now BAM! I want to check still. I know how much it hurts and it doesn't stop me. I know that I need to wait for this to pass, I just hate how it doesn't go away. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I think they are perfectly normal actually. Reminds me a lot of my thoughts before. It took a long time for them to lesson. I remember when you were posting like crazy. almost like NA. Heck maybe more. Lol NA- saludas is right. they are sorta normal you just have them more than most. they will lessen eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I'm talking to another one of her friends, my heart always beats really fast when I talk to this guy. I'm so afraid he's going to mention her in one way or another. I hate it, but I tell him stuff hoping that he'll tell her. I almost want to ask him how she's doing but maybe I'll just go bang my head against the wall instead. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I remember when you were posting like crazy. almost like NA. Heck maybe more. Lol NA- saludas is right. they are sorta normal you just have them more than most. they will lessen eventually. Ya I was a dahm mess before, she f*cked me up bad. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 . I hate it, but I tell him stuff hoping that he'll tell her. Dude dude dude. What are you doing? Why are you talking to one of her friends. WTF man. Whats up with you recently? You really need to stop this. I've always said you've done a great job at NC. But not so much recently. You are sorta back door breaking NC. This stuff is just hurting you now and setting you back. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Come on guys!!! get yourselves outta the hell hole! Look at other sexy girls.. do some cool amazing stuff. **** yo I got like 2 midterms and a speech to make this week.. but you don't see me ****ting my pants. Come on guys get that confidence up and learn to forgive and forget. Move on cause when you look town the tunnel at the future it's going to be amazing. Your FREE no relationship hold downs.. do what boys do and ENJOY the single life.. ohhh yeaaaa!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Come on guys!!! get yourselves outta the hell hole! Look at other sexy girls.. do some cool amazing stuff. **** yo I got like 2 midterms and a speech to make this week.. but you don't see me ****ting my pants. Come on guys get that confidence up and learn to forgive and forget. Move on cause when you look town the tunnel at the future it's going to be amazing. Your FREE no relationship hold downs.. do what boys do and ENJOY the single life.. ohhh yeaaaa!! Hey Lost. What's up man. Im doing really good recently. Were just trying with limited success to talk NA off the ledge. He seem like he is spiraling out of control a little. Meh i guess setback are normal. Im pretty much on the down hill part now. No more tears left. Cav Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Won't do anyone any good to ask anyone to heal and join the boat ride to the shore of stability. That is impossible. Some of them, their willpower isn't ready yet. But when it is, they will not require a boat; they will swim themselves back to shore; and be much stronger for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 This is a different friend, I had no idea he knew her until he mentioned her to me one day and told me when he asked why I was in a picture with her she said "that's my ex boyfriend". Well I don't feel like talking with him set me back at all, I was just being friendly because he said "hi". I don't know what got into me today, just this morning I was feeling angry. Now I'm a mess, I guess it's a good thing I have my counselor tomorrow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 This is a different friend, I had no idea he knew her until he mentioned her to me one day and told me when he asked why I was in a picture with her she said "that's my ex boyfriend". Well I don't feel like talking with him set me back at all, I was just being friendly because he said "hi". I don't know what got into me today, just this morning I was feeling angry. Now I'm a mess, I guess it's a good thing I have my counselor tomorrow. Eh, heh. Welcome to the nuthouse. You will get better though. Maybe crazy, but you'll get better. From one crazy person to another, hi. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Eh, heh. Welcome to the nuthouse. You will get better though. Maybe crazy, but you'll get better. From one crazy person to another, hi. Hi! I'm happy to be here! Good thing I stopped talking to that guy, I told him I had to go study. (which I do) because I was THIS close to telling him my feelings about my ex and just telling him "not to tell her". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Man if i could devise and patent some sorta neural network super computing processor that we could hook our brains into, that would allow us to spin out these thought at like 10 to 20 times the normal pace...f*ck id make a fortune. NA will be the 1st test subject! :p Dont worry NA. I think your going to burn out on this soon. You are really working your young brain hard on this problem/bu and it will eventually come together like a puzzle being completed. Edited March 4, 2013 by cavalier99 4 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Ya NA you'll be fine, I see a lot of the same thoughts in you I had, and it does get so much easier. Ended things with my FWB, worried I hurt her. I don't know how people ending an actual relationship can be so cruel, I was worried about hurting someone I just had sex with a few times. Going to the bar for a female friends birthday next weekend. Going to make sure she introduces me and hopefully hooks me up with one of her hot friends. Even if not, my goal is to at LEAST ask for a number or try to take a girl home for a ONS. Even if I fail, at least I tried because I have never put myself out there that much before. Life goes on, it just takes a while to realize that..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Come on guys!!! get yourselves outta the hell hole! Look at other sexy girls.. do some cool amazing stuff. **** yo I got like 2 midterms and a speech to make this week.. but you don't see me ****ting my pants. Come on guys get that confidence up and learn to forgive and forget. Move on cause when you look town the tunnel at the future it's going to be amazing. Your FREE no relationship hold downs.. do what boys do and ENJOY the single life.. ohhh yeaaaa!! Liking for the cursing. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Liking for the cursing. Well I guess you can see the change in my tone of text... When I read it I see a much more positive person and more cheery too. Time to smile people.. times are changing and so will you all soon too... for the better! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Well that went well. You guys were right about figuring out exactly what I wanted to talk about. I tried to get out as much as I could, and my counselor told me a lot of good things. At first I thought it would be better to have a male counselor, but I think the female counselor will give me just as good of a perspective. As I was telling my story, she felt that my ex wasn't a very nice person. I cited a few examples and she told me that's not really how relationships work. I mentioned how she wanted to change things about me, and she told me "people don't date people to change them, they date them because they like them as they are". Which definitely stuck. I also mentioned my two versions of her, the way I used to see her and the way she is now and she told me that people change. Which I knew already, but it really hit home hearing it today. This is the time where changes happen, and I need to figure out who I am. When I mentioned that I want her back, before I even could finish, my counselor asked "Why?" I didn't really give a good reason. (probably because there isn't one) It seems like the "circular thoughts" and the "blaming myself" comes from the low self esteem/confidence which is also pretty obvious but it just makes a lot more sense after talking about it with her. I mentioned how I felt inferior to this guy, and she said if we live our life comparing ourselves to others all the time we'll never feel good about ourselves. Another thing that stuck. I have an appointment next week for only 30 minutes so I need to make sure I go in with a plan on what I want to talk about. The time went quicker than I thought. I'm happy everyone here talked me into going. I'm thinking about what we talked about during my session rather than thinking self defeating thoughts about her. Which is a nice change of pace. Holy crap I'm excited to go back. I still have so much more to say. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Awesome na. Good to hear. Sometimes it just helps to have someone spell it out for you verbally instead of reading it on a computer screen. Keep it up man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 It really did help. Sometimes when I'm sitting alone, I vent about all of my thoughts and get them out of my head. but getting them out of my head and having another person respond to them in person just seems to be what I needed. Next week I think I'll go into more detail on feeling guilty about trying to move on, ignoring her texts during the winter break and the "blocking the number" fiasco. I briefly asked how she felt about going completely black on the person you're trying to get over by ignoring them etc. She seems like she may be against NC but she did tell me not to facebook stalk and whatnot. She's going to give me a book to read on Thursday, so maybe that will help me build some confidence too. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 It really did help. Sometimes when I'm sitting alone, I vent about all of my thoughts and get them out of my head. but getting them out of my head and having another person respond to them in person just seems to be what I needed. Next week I think I'll go into more detail on feeling guilty about trying to move on, ignoring her texts during the winter break and the "blocking the number" fiasco. I briefly asked how she felt about going completely black on the person you're trying to get over by ignoring them etc. She seems like she may be against NC but she did tell me not to facebook stalk and whatnot. She's going to give me a book to read on Thursday, so maybe that will help me build some confidence too. Well, that's kind of an oximoron. Look, don't look to this woman to give yourself permission to reach out to the wicked witch and break NC. To break all the hard work that you've already put forth! Look, you're doing a lot better. You go to the gym, you bought new clothes, you've slowly started to open up to people and you're seeking outside help to try and move even farther in your healing. Don't call the wh*rebag and end up unraveling everything that you've accomplished. Don't go back to square one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I think I'm at a spot where I wouldn't do anything that will set me back. As much as I would love to message her, or look at her facebook. I have no plans on doing either of those. I feel like my counselor will not like the fact that I ignored her when she asked to talk, but it's all irrelevant now. By the looks of it, my counselor seems to think my ex is evil just like all of you do. Even she is confused why I would want her back. From what I heard from her today, it seems like the only way I can get over this is by meeting new people. Which makes sense, because that's the one thing I haven't been doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 You sound great! Glad everything went well and you are finally finding some peace with this! Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I messed up pretty bad last night. She ended up texting me... but like you Na, I dont think I would do anything to set myself further back.... sadly for me though my counselor is sick and I wont be able to see her for another 3 weeks and this is the time i really have to talk to her! Link to post Share on other sites
jagdude14 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I wish my ex cared enough to text me Link to post Share on other sites
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