McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I feel like for me, it's because I feel like I won't be able to replace her. That I'm doing everything I wanted to do before the relationship... And not as happy as I should be. Yea she's treating me like sh*t. But because I still have this lonliness, it's like she can cure it. Idk. I'm trying to be completely honest with my feelings. No need to lie to you guys. That's why I want to reconcile again... Though I personally have nothing to reconcile about. Idk really. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 You need to go find a new girlfriend. Even if it sadly rebounds. Just to show to yourself, you are capable of moving on... You cannot help, but feel how you feel. I appreciate the openness you show. It is hard enough to be so humble, and in this day/age, being a man, and showing any form of emotion like this. You can do better...it requires that effort; it is scarey. You are used to her. Someone else, you wouldn't be. It is thus scary and hard. But you can manage.. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Guys.. you ALL can find someone else. No DO NOT SAY REPLACING.. you CANNOT replace anyone. What you really are doing is FINDING someone new. Replacing them means you want the same person.. which you DON'T.. because obviously that type of person is NOT healthy for you. People's confidence takes a HUGE hit and that is what pulls us back. I won't say I have all my confidence back, but I realized one thing... STOP worrying about what the ex or other people think.. it's ALL about what we think of ourselves. Hardest part for me was taking other people's opinions to heart.. and now I don't as much. I realized people will hate and hurt you, but people will love and help you too. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 What about gaining trust though? Its not a problem now. But I forsee me having trust issues in the future Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 What about gaining trust though? Its not a problem now. But I forsee me having trust issues in the future I think you WILL trust someone again.. it just might take longer. You'll spend more time from now on being sure the girl is credible in some form. But the truth is there is no way to 100% trust anyone. All people can break trust, so it's a risk we take. I'll be honest, I was all up for marriage with my ex. But now.. I don't think I am much into it. I suppose I realized like you trust is hard to give, earn and respect. And the truth is some people will break it and you can't do anything about it but move on. In my case I'm okay with dating.. but no way would I think of marriage now. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 the funny thing with my ex is that I truseted her 200% because she never gave me a reason not too.. she was never very social, never really went out etc. She always had trust issues with me because I was the social one. During the break up she said" I thought you would be the one to break up with me" I was just stunned that she would say something like that. It was like a big joke to her. It never seem to hurt her... or she never seemed to know how much she hurt me. Guess I thought she was something more... but she is just like all the other ones. You know, I always though very pretty girls had attitude problems. But not her.. so I thought Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 the funny thing with my ex is that I truseted her 200% because she never gave me a reason not too.. she was never very social, never really went out etc. She always had trust issues with me because I was the social one. During the break up she said" I thought you would be the one to break up with me" I was just stunned that she would say something like that. It was like a big joke to her. It never seem to hurt her... or she never seemed to know how much she hurt me. Guess I thought she was something more... but she is just like all the other ones. You know, I always though very pretty girls had attitude problems. But not her.. so I thought same here.. my ex always thought I would leave her. In the end she left me ironically haha. I can laugh it off now, because it's funny how it works. It just shows that logically that more insecure people have an easier time breaking up with us. Because they find something better and since they are insecure they go for what they think is better. We don't worry, because we trust them, but also because in reality WE CAN find someone better if we wanted too. But we choose not to and choose them. As I see it.. who cares if she BU with you. Now you have a chance to go out there and find someone else. Just don't go for a insecure girl or a total non social one. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) same here.. my ex always thought I would leave her. In the end she left me ironically haha. I can laugh it off now, because it's funny how it works. It just shows that logically that more insecure people have an easier time breaking up with us. Because they find something better and since they are insecure they go for what they think is better. We don't worry, because we trust them, but also because in reality WE CAN find someone better if we wanted too. But we choose not to and choose them. As I see it.. who cares if she BU with you. Now you have a chance to go out there and find someone else. Just don't go for a insecure girl or a total non social one. It took awhile but I am starting too see things more clearly now. Or it could just be all the coffee and late nights on campus that are making me think these things. But, yes you are right. Just she wasnt non social when I met her and she didnt seem in secure. Lol she really doesn't deserve eveything I can give her Edited March 5, 2013 by McDonald Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I don't think I would have problems trusting someone else if I felt the way I felt about my ex. I may just be saying this now because I'm lonely, I'd imagine it would be hard for me to be okay with my next girlfriend having a lot of guy friends. I was the opposite of controlling with my ex and got cheated on. If cheating is really completely out of my hands, there's nothing stopping my next girl from pulling the same thing which is scary. My ex was the social one, I let her have all of her friends, but it seemed to be a problem whenever I went out with my friends because I wasn't staying home video chatting with her. When one of my friends who moved when I was in high school came back, I told her I was going to hang out with him and she told me "Don't text me when you're with him". Umm... okay? Whatever, I don't feel like writing about her right now. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I don't think I would have problems trusting someone else if I felt the way I felt about my ex. I may just be saying this now because I'm lonely, I'd imagine it would be hard for me to be okay with my next girlfriend having a lot of guy friends. I was the opposite of controlling with my ex and got cheated on. If cheating is really completely out of my hands, there's nothing stopping my next girl from pulling the same thing which is scary. My ex was the social one, I let her have all of her friends, but it seemed to be a problem whenever I went out with my friends because I wasn't staying home video chatting with her. When one of my friends who moved when I was in high school came back, I told her I was going to hang out with him and she told me "Don't text me when you're with him". Umm... okay? Whatever, I don't feel like writing about her right now. Maybe your next girl friend should be more into you than you are into her. That would be a nice change up. I'm all for things being relatively equal in a relationship but it is better when you hold a little more sway. Especially after being castrated in your last relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Maybe your next girl friend should be more into you than you are into her. That would be a nice change up. I'm all for things being relatively equal in a relationship but it is better when you hold a little more sway. Especially after being castrated in your last relationship. The funny thing is that I thought my ex was more into me than I was into her. She'd write long love letters on my walls every week. Make statuses about how great I was. How "lucky" she was to have me. How I treated her like a princess and all of this sh*t. Then college happens and I don't look so good anymore. Older bad boys are better than the young "good" guy. We all know what happens after that. We find out who was more into who and here I am 5 months later. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 The funny thing is that I thought my ex was more into me than I was into her. She'd write long love letters on my walls every week. Make statuses about how great I was. How "lucky" she was to have me. How I treated her like a princess and all of this sh*t. Then college happens and I don't look so good anymore. Older bad boys are better than the young "good" guy. We all know what happens after that. We find out who was more into who and here I am 5 months later. My ex would tell me everyday how much I meant to her, how much she loved me. There was one time when she said if I left her she wouldn't know what to do with her self and that she may just kill herself.... Yea WTF is that. Way to trap me in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Trust shouldn't be an issue as long as you establish boundaries. I will trust someone until they give me a reason not to trust them. But if and when that happens, that trust be gone. You can't be afraid of your partner cheating on you. What you can do is a) not cheat on them and b) if they do cheat on you, you punish them appropriately. It's when you let people walk all over you is where you have the problems. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Now that I caught up on school work I have more time to myself and this is where I F up. Why do I care what my ex thinks about me? Yea I posted something that I shouldn't have. But it shouldn't matter what she said back though I was trying to illicit a response... But I have this feeling to apologize because it was a dick move and immature of me. Not worth it huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Now that I caught up on school work I have more time to myself and this is where I F up. Why do I care what my ex thinks about me? Yea I posted something that I shouldn't have. But it shouldn't matter what she said back though I was trying to illicit a response... But I have this feeling to apologize because it was a dick move and immature of me. Not worth it huh? There's no point. What's done is done. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 No. it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I guess I just have to stop bein the nice guy. I've always had that problem. Where I can't really get mad at people because I'm just too nice at times. Like this girl hurt me big time... And I'm angry I can't be angry for more than a day. However not really sad---- MAYBE I'm at the point where I don't care about it. That there's no point for me to be angry because it doesn't matter and there's no need to be sad. I think I have been moving on... It just doesn't want too. But at least my body is no longer fighting it Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yeah, if there's one thing I'd suggest, it's for you to be less passive-aggressive. Your girl would probably have respected you more if you flat-out told her she sucked than doing the anonymous writeup thing you did. That was about as passive-aggressive as it gets. Now, that doesn't mean you need to contact your ex and tell her off. The time for that has passed. But being passive-aggressive isn't necessarily being "the nice guy". It's being a dick, but in a lot less strong and direct way. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yeah, if there's one thing I'd suggest, it's for you to be less passive-aggressive. Your girl would probably have respected you more if you flat-out told her she sucked than doing the anonymous writeup thing you did. That was about as passive-aggressive as it gets. Now, that doesn't mean you need to contact your ex and tell her off. The time for that has passed. But being passive-aggressive isn't necessarily being "the nice guy". It's being a dick, but in a lot less strong and direct way. I did tell her during the breakup how much this all sucked how wrong it is Etc. Idk why I posted that a few days ago.... Idk because its been three months already. I think I was upset that she hasn't reached or anything and I was teyig to get a response or show her hey I'm still hurting a bit. Well, I got my response lol. But now I want to tell her that I'm sorry and it is a dick move. But that's because the part of me that says lets stay friends is saying do that to keep the friendship alive somehow. But--- I guess there hasn't been a friendship nor will there have been one. And that it shouldn't bother me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 But also-- I shouldn't feel bad about posting it. Those were my true emotions. And I shouldn't care what she thinks anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 But also-- I shouldn't feel bad about posting it. Those were my true emotions. And I shouldn't care what she thinks anymore But you posted it, hoping to get a rise, out of her. So, you did care... Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) But you posted it, hoping to get a rise, out of her. So, you did care... Yea. But I'm saying now I should get myself to the point where I don't care what she thinks. Where I shouldnt have to reply Edited March 5, 2013 by McDonald 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Dude, she sent you a one word response. I'm willing to bet she has forgotten about it already. She just wanted to tell you how stupid she thought it was that you would post something like that. I doubt she's mad at you, she probably shook her head about it and then went to go suck off her new boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like I'm tricking myself into thinking I can handle a friendship with her. Then I go through what a friendship would mean and I realize I'm not. Friendship means hearing about her life and everyone and anyone in it. (a new boyfriend) I can't deal with that and probably never will be able to. It was funny, today I was sitting outside of one of my classes and who is sitting there? The dude I blocked over the weekend who is friends with my ex. I have no idea if he knows who I am or if I blocked him. I doubt he knows me or knows that I blocked him. I just like to keep drama alive because it makes me feel important apparently. I haven't seen my ex in so long, it almost feels like she doesn't go to the same school as me anymore. Even though she does and all of her friends are reminders of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Just move on man, it's not worth it. Had another blow up with the ex today. Asked her again to not be so loud, she told me to f*ck off. A bit more argueing and then she said don't contact her again, if I have a problem call the police. Got to say it ruined my day, her telling me to f*ck off actually hurt to read. She also thought I was using it as a pathetic excuse to talk to her. The person who use to care about you getting to that point, it stings. But the good part is, I don't blame myself, I don't think well I contacted her too many times or anything like that. I know it is her issues. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day and I feel off now but I know it won't last. And it's not sadness, more shock then anything. A very small part of me thinks it's largely due to sh*t going on in her life, but it still doesn't matter. I'm not holding my breath for anything to change. Maybe it will blow over in a few months or a year, maybe not. But she's dead to me now, as much as possible still living next door. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Its not really the response thats bothering its what I said. Because now I feel like I stooped to her level.. Im upset at myself that instead of being able to walk by them.. I had to go in another direction. Link to post Share on other sites
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