Why do I feel worse?

[na49]

I'm sure the ridiculous thoughts won't be gone forever, but I haven't been having them as much. I admit I still have them though. I still sit here sometimes and wonder what she's thinking, does she miss me, does she want me to contact her etc.

 

Those thoughts have been replaced by just anger and sadness about this whole thing. When I think about the BU I want to punch something, scream into a pillow and then bawl my eyes out. I don't necessarily want to do any of that self destructing stuff though.

 

I'm pretty mad at myself. Today I was standing outside my class, there's a girl sitting alone on her phone. She's in my class. She's really cute and looks to be kind of quiet. I was so close to just sitting down next to her and asking her some question about the class to strike up a conversation. Just to put myself out there. but NOPE! I live in my head and I thought about it long enough for the opportunity to pass. f*ck!

 

Now as for my workout part of my post. Do you think that using weights will give me better results than using machines? I still feel nervous doing free weights by myself. I really just need to go and do it though.

[Chi townD]

Free weights, you have to activate your fast twitch muscle responses to control the weight. But, if you're going heavy with the free weight than ALWAYS have a work out buddy.

[na49]

I usually do go with a buddy, but most days I'm by myself I use the machines. I haven't felt anything from using them lately though, so I think I want to use the free weights more.

 

Also on days I do cardio, how long do you think I should spend on the treadmill? I haven't been doing much cardio lately.

[LostOne1]

I'm sure the ridiculous thoughts won't be gone forever, but I haven't been having them as much. I admit I still have them though. I still sit here sometimes and wonder what she's thinking, does she miss me, does she want me to contact her etc.

 

Those thoughts have been replaced by just anger and sadness about this whole thing. When I think about the BU I want to punch something, scream into a pillow and then bawl my eyes out. I don't necessarily want to do any of that self destructing stuff though.

 

I'm pretty mad at myself. Today I was standing outside my class, there's a girl sitting alone on her phone. She's in my class. She's really cute and looks to be kind of quiet. I was so close to just sitting down next to her and asking her some question about the class to strike up a conversation. Just to put myself out there. but NOPE! I live in my head and I thought about it long enough for the opportunity to pass. f*ck!

 

Now as for my workout part of my post. Do you think that using weights will give me better results than using machines? I still feel nervous doing free weights by myself. I really just need to go and do it though.

It will happen.. happened to me man. Out of all the girls I have met recently.. the girl I liked the most I blew it with her. Or at least I think I did... sadly I gotta see her tmrw in class now. Sucks seeing her and then myself ignoring each other.

 

But man at times you GOTTA make it count. Because 2nd chances don't come easily if ever at all... so next time make it work and seek this as a lesson learned!

 

On to the next one.....

[na49]

I just need to get over the hump. I'm literally so close to just breaking out of my shell and talking to these people on a regular basis but I still can't do it. We got back a test today and the two girls in front of me did really bad. I wanted to ask them if they wanted to study together for the next one (but fit it into a conversation of course so I didn't seem like a total freak) Of course I didn't though...

 

Well I'm still angry as hell about the BU now. Not really missing her but still feeling that anger and sadness over how things ended between us. I feel like if my BU ended mutually with no cheating it, this would be the point where I'd be over it. I accept that she didn't want to be with me. That part I don't have a problem with because no one HAS to be with anyone and as good as I thought I treated her, if she wants to date someone else. That's her right.

 

What isn't her right is cheating on me. Insulting me with her friends. Lying to me on multiple occasions. Keeping me hanging on a string until finally cutting it one day and sending me into this massive depressive state. Never acknowledging what she did was wrong, and never apologizing for anything. Blaming the entire BU on me and telling me why I suck so bad before letting me know her friends thought I wasn't good enough.

 

That sh*t is not okay! The way I feel right now (and we'll see how long this lasts) I am honestly 100% fine with never speaking to her again for as long as I live.

 

Also I went with free weights over the machines at the gym today. WOW what a difference.

[Chi townD]

What isn't her right is cheating on me. Insulting me with her friends. Lying to me on multiple occasions. Keeping me hanging on a string until finally cutting it one day and sending me into this massive depressive state. Never acknowledging what she did was wrong, and never apologizing for anything. Blaming the entire BU on me and telling me why I suck so bad before letting me know her friends thought I wasn't good enough.

 

 

The above statement is what has me scratching my head. If you KNOW all of this about her, then why the hell are you having a hard time letting go of someone that would treat you so badly? Everytime you THINK you miss her, just read that paragraph. She did ALL of that to you while doing it with a smile on her face. Is that a person that is worth a moment of your time? Hopefully, the answers "NO".

 

How's the gym working out for you? Are you starting to notice a difference yet? And eat clean dude. I have a feeling you're still eating and drinking a bunch of crap.

 

Clubs! Do you really want me to go there?

 

Seriously dude, you're like a little brother I got to smack in the head a few times.

Edited March 7, 2013 by Chi townD

[cavalier99]

I just need to get over the hump. I'm literally so close to just breaking out of my shell and talking to these people on a regular basis but I still can't do it. We got back a test today and the two girls in front of me did really bad. I wanted to ask them if they wanted to study together for the next one (but fit it into a conversation of course so I didn't seem like a total freak) Of course I didn't though...

 

Well I'm still angry as hell about the BU now. Not really missing her but still feeling that anger and sadness over how things ended between us. I feel like if my BU ended mutually with no cheating it, this would be the point where I'd be over it. I accept that she didn't want to be with me. That part I don't have a problem with because no one HAS to be with anyone and as good as I thought I treated her, if she wants to date someone else. That's her right.

 

What isn't her right is cheating on me. Insulting me with her friends. Lying to me on multiple occasions. Keeping me hanging on a string until finally cutting it one day and sending me into this massive depressive state. Never acknowledging what she did was wrong, and never apologizing for anything. Blaming the entire BU on me and telling me why I suck so bad before letting me know her friends thought I wasn't good enough.

 

That sh*t is not okay! The way I feel right now (and we'll see how long this lasts) I am honestly 100% fine with never speaking to her again for as long as I live.

 

Also I went with free weights over the machines at the gym today. WOW what a difference.

 

Love the anger. Compared to ..does she miss me, what is she thinking, did i miss a chance by not answering her texts ecetera.

 

Its about time. Finally some self esteem. Cav

[McDonald]

I just started p90x again Na. I say check it out because it give you routines, teaches you form, and it's 6 days a week for about an hour and 15 min. It really gets your mind off things.. At least for 90 days. And it gives you a goal to push through to day 90. I'm on day 17 and already seeing results. I prefer it over just a normal workout. And you can do it at the gym or in your room.

[na49]

The above statement is what has me scratching my head. If you KNOW all of this about her, then why the hell are you having a hard time letting go of someone that would treat you so badly? Everytime you THINK you miss her, just read that paragraph. She did ALL of that to you while doing it with a smile on her face. Is that a person that is worth a moment of your time? Hopefully, the answers "NO".

 

How's the gym working out for you? Are you starting to notice a difference yet? And eat clean dude. I have a feeling you're still eating and drinking a bunch of crap.

 

Clubs! Do you really want me to go there?

 

Seriously dude, you're like a little brother I got to smack in the head a few times.

 

Good question. Why would anyone have trouble getting over someone who cheated on them and disrespected them the way that my ex did? Well I think my problem is that I'm still in disbelief. It could be part of this innocence I still have. I don't believe that anyone can do what she did and not regret or feel guilty at all. I don't believe that anyone can do something like that and not believe that they did anything wrong. I don't believe that anyone can actually do what she did. I don't believe that I can be the only one who sees it as wrong. Everyone else still respects her but me. How the f*ck does that even work?

 

I am noticing a difference in my arms mainly. I've also lost about 5 pounds since I've started going. I've been eating cleaner. I admit I have slip ups where I eat junk. I haven't been eating as much junk as I used to. I don't drink soda anymore, I just drink water and green tea with meals. I've also been eating smaller meals so that I'm less hungry during dinner. Not eating before bed. etc.

 

No news on the cubs yet.

 

I appreciate you and everyone else smacking me in the head a few times. I really need it. Who knows if I'd be as active in trying to move on as I am (counseling, the gym, new wardrobe, blocking her number/on facebook, etc) if I hadn't posted here. I may have still been in my "f*ck it" attitude where I was perfectly fine with letting myself go instead of trying to become better from this whole thing.

Edited March 8, 2013 by na49

[Simon Phoenix]

Good question. Why would anyone have trouble getting over someone who cheated on them and disrespected them the way that my ex did? Well I think my problem is that I'm still in disbelief. It could be part of this innocence I still have. I don't believe that anyone can do what she did and not regret or feel guilty at all. I don't believe that anyone can do something like that and not believe that they did anything wrong. I don't believe that anyone can actually do what she did. I don't believe that I can be the only one who sees it as wrong. Everyone else still respects her but me. How the f*ck does that even work?

 

I am noticing a difference in my arms mainly. I've also lost about 5 pounds since I've started going. I've been eating cleaner. I admit I have slip ups where I eat junk. I haven't been eating as much junk as I used to. I don't drink soda anymore, I just drink water and green tea with meals. I've also been eating smaller meals so that I'm less hungry during dinner. Not eating before bed. etc.

 

No news on the cubs yet.

 

I appreciate you and everyone else smacking me in the head a few times. I really need it. Who knows if I'd be as active in trying to move on as I am (counseling, the gym, new wardrobe, blocking her number/on facebook, etc) if I hadn't posted here. I may have still been in my "f*ck it" attitude where I was perfectly fine with letting myself go instead of trying to become better from this whole thing.

 

First of all, you don't know who respects her or who doesn't. Second of all, you have no idea if her friends think what she did to you is OK or not. All of us have friends who have done things that we might not agree with. It doesn't mean they stop being our friend. I'm sure you have disagreed with certain things your friends have said or done, but you are still friends with them. You don't know what her friends think and even if you did -- IT DOESN'T F--KING MATTER. They are her friends, not yours. What does it matter what they think? Why the hell do you even care? It makes literally no sense.

[na49]

First of all, you don't know who respects her or who doesn't. Second of all, you have no idea if her friends think what she did to you is OK or not. All of us have friends who have done things that we might not agree with. It doesn't mean they stop being our friend. I'm sure you have disagreed with certain things your friends have said or done, but you are still friends with them. You don't know what her friends think and even if you did -- IT DOESN'T F--KING MATTER. They are her friends, not yours. What does it matter what they think? Why the hell do you even care? It makes literally no sense.

 

Apparently most of her friends thought getting rid of me was a good idea considering all of the sh*t she was probably talking about me. but I get your point. I know how stupid it is, I really need to stop worrying about what they think.

 

I also need to stop worrying about whether I should say "hi" to people who she knows that I met through her. I saw two of her friends today. I look at them, they look at me and I just keep walking. That's how it should be though. They aren't my friends at all, I don't really even know them. I just feel weird about doing that for some reason.

[McDonald]

ex's friends suck. You lose the whole package when you lose your gf. Thats why its important to not lose sense of your own individuality during a relationship... thats what i did and it made this BU that much harder. She moved and got new friends who were cool with her new boyfriend before she moved in. They didnt know me.... my ex's moving to a new place was what really ended my* relationship.. or at elast showed my ex what else is out there... thanks you sl*t.

Edited March 8, 2013 by McDonald

[Simon Phoenix]

Update for Hopeful or whoever cares. Broke NC with my ex tonight. Technically, I broke it Sunday when I liked one of her pictures on Facebook, but I formally broke it tonight when I made a little comment on an inside joke that we had ended with a "hope you're well", something completely close-ended to where she'd have to make an effort to respond. She responded about 90 or so minutes later with a comment on the joke I made plus a "Hope you're well, too". I sent a funny comment back about an hour later.

 

Anyway, my NC has bitten the dust after five-plus months. Got a ways to go obviously and I have to parlay my pithy banter into a meetup where I can work whatever charm I might have, but I sent her an intentionally close-ended text and she responded, so I guess that means that she doesn't hate me. I definitely felt like a breadcrumb giver though, which is weird. Anyway, that's the latest progress report -- have to figure out the best way to step up the communication though. I figure more pithy banter that's a bit more direct is the way to go, then ask her out to a lunch/coffee. If I can get that meetup, I'm pretty confident I can do my thing from there.

 

**Disclaimer for na49 and McDonald: Just because I broke NC does not mean you should. My ex did not cheat on me or dump me for another guy. She was a bit of a forced dumper.**

[na49]

Simon- I'm sure breaking NC hasn't sent you spiraling back to day one. I know you're not climbing the walls waiting for her response and all of that other sh*t. When you're as indifferent as you are, I doubt it really matters much. Like you said, you don't feel like you "need" her anymore. She'd just kind of be a bonus.

 

Meanwhile, me breaking NC and looking at her facebook would drive me insane and I'd have those new pictures of her burned into my brain for months. So don't worry, I won't be breaking it. I'm still pretty angry at her for how things ended, because that part of it was completely her fault. She could have told me earlier that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She didn't need to cheat on me and lead me on like she did which made me look like a fool because EVERYONE knew what she was doing but me. So there I am following her like a puppy dog and everyone else is standing around scratching their head.

 

The disbelief that a girl could do something like that to someone is still what gets me.

[Toddbt12y1]

We all fail, from time to time, huh? I'd rather be hung from a tree, by my balls, then contact my black-hole of a vagina ex. Btw, did I mention: Don't get within three-hundred yards of her: It will suck you into oblivion.

 

Hahaha....I do both free/machine(machine tones/free builds) love it...

[Harradin]

The disbelief that a girl could do something like that to someone is still what gets me.

 

I think that's a natural thought that the dumpee always thinks about in the breakup, especially a bad breakup if the dumper was cruel in some way (cheated etc.) I still have disbelief about what my ex did.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon- I'm sure breaking NC hasn't sent you spiraling back to day one. I know you're not climbing the walls waiting for her response and all of that other sh*t. When you're as indifferent as you are, I doubt it really matters much. Like you said, you don't feel like you "need" her anymore. She'd just kind of be a bonus.

 

Meanwhile, me breaking NC and looking at her facebook would drive me insane and I'd have those new pictures of her burned into my brain for months. So don't worry, I won't be breaking it. I'm still pretty angry at her for how things ended, because that part of it was completely her fault. She could have told me earlier that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She didn't need to cheat on me and lead me on like she did which made me look like a fool because EVERYONE knew what she was doing but me. So there I am following her like a puppy dog and everyone else is standing around scratching their head.

 

The disbelief that a girl could do something like that to someone is still what gets me.

 

Yeah, not at all. I went in not expecting a response, so her responding gave me a little burst. It wasn't a wordy "Oh Simon, I missed you, yada yada yada" response, but then again, it has been five-plus months. Even if she does feel that (not saying she does), she's probably not going to come right out and say that. I would guess she's a little curious/suspicious as to why I messaged her.

 

Anyway, I just mentioned you because I didn't want to be the inspiration for you to say "f--k it, I'm messaging that terrible bitch and telling her I love her." I'm glad you are showing some anger though, shows me that you are finally progressing through the stages.

[Chi townD]

Okay, look na49. Here's the deal. You LOVED the drama. You LOVED the fact that she was chasing you. But, you have to realize that the ONLY reason she was chasing you wasn't because she wanted to get back with you, it wasn't because she wanted to TRUELY apologize, it was to ease her own guilt. Peroid. Nothing else AND you figured it out that, that was the ONLY reason.

 

And when you finally shut that door, did she continue at all? NOPE!! She was like, "Oh, he doesn't want to be friends like the rest of my Ex's? Oh well!........NEXT!"

 

Her "friends" have seen you around campus. Do you think they're running to her and saying, " Guess who I saw this morning?" NOPE!! And even if they do tell her, her response is probably "so what". See, you are a nonfactor in her life now. She realizes that she gave it a shot and you wanted nothing to do with it. "Oh well....at least I tried!" and she's' forgiven herself because at least she TRIED to get you in the friend zone. That was her only goal, and she didn't achieve it. So, she kicked anything to do with you to the curb. She realizes that there are plenty of guys and plenty of friends out there and she not going to waste anymore time on you.

 

Probably stings a little to read that. BUT! Once you start to realize that she is a very selfish person who didn't really love you, the better off you're going to be. And the faster you can heal.

 

Keep making positive changes. It's time to put this girl in your wake and keep going forward. I have a feeling that you are on the edge of a major breakthrough. It's just that thread of her thats keeping you from falling into a new and great life.

[na49]

I think that's a natural thought that the dumpee always thinks about in the breakup, especially a bad breakup if the dumper was cruel in some way (cheated etc.) I still have disbelief about what my ex did.

 

It's just frustrating to think that to her "I wasn't good enough" and what she did was completely justified and she feels like it's my fault the relationship failed. While breaking up with me she told me how much I sucked. (and the phone conversation kept breaking up because the service in her dorm room sucks so it was just annoying lol) No tears on her end though. She knew what she wanted and she got it. This was before I knew she cheated of course.

 

It probably sounds like BS, but I seriously think if there was no cheating involved, I would be so much further along in moving past this BU than I am right now. I accept that she didn't want to be with me because she didn't have to. I just don't like the way it ended. (not looking for "closure" or any crap like that. I'm way past that part) I wanted closure like 3 times before going NC and didn't get anything but insults and stories about the cute things she was doing for her new rock star. Like playing his songs that no one will hear because he's not famous for him on the piano awww what a sweetheart she is

 

:sick::sick:

 

I wish I saved the conversation I had with her two friends when they were telling me she cheated on me. I deleted it so that I wouldn't read it. but I really want to reread them now. If I read them, I don't think I'd ever miss her again. Just to live in that moment again would frustrate the hell outta me but make me hate her guts more than I do now. Hearing all about how she was walking around with him holding hands. Told her friend she had a problem, but then her friend asked her about it and she responded "Nope everything is fine now :) :)" (this was after she just dumped me)

Edited March 8, 2013 by na49

[Harradin]

It's just frustrating to think that to her "I wasn't good enough"

 

I have the opposite problem, its frustrating that she left me for someone significantly worse then me, it makes me wonder if I was really worse then him. It especially makes no sense considering I'm the one who's in very good physical shape where as he's fat, I'm fiercely loyal and caring where as he manipulates and controls, I'm doing a maths degree where as he's a low end IT Technician (ironically I know more IT then he does.) It sounds like I dodged a bullet if she wants to settle for less but it hurts when you love them.

 

It probably sounds like BS, but I seriously think if there was no cheating involved, I would be so much further along in moving past this BU than I am right now. I accept that she didn't want to be with me because she didn't have to. I just don't like the way it ended.

 

You summed up what I feel/felt. I would have gotten over the relationship quickly if she had fallen out of love with me or something, it wouldn't have been an issue. Its the fact that I was looking after her and being there for her through her family issues when she suddenly dumped me out of the blue for my "friend." Then I found out they had gone to see each other when I was away the weekend before she left, and that my "friend" started making moves on her when she found out about her family issues. What sort of people do those things?!

[Simon Phoenix]

Honestly, a girl cheating makes it 87,000 times easier for me to move on. If someone is willing to betray me like that, then f--k them. It's pretty much an open-and-shut thing.

[na49]

Okay, look na49. Here's the deal. You LOVED the drama. You LOVED the fact that she was chasing you. But, you have to realize that the ONLY reason she was chasing you wasn't because she wanted to get back with you, it wasn't because she wanted to TRUELY apologize, it was to ease her own guilt. Peroid. Nothing else AND you figured it out that, that was the ONLY reason.

 

And when you finally shut that door, did she continue at all? NOPE!! She was like, "Oh, he doesn't want to be friends like the rest of my Ex's? Oh well!........NEXT!"

 

Her "friends" have seen you around campus. Do you think they're running to her and saying, " Guess who I saw this morning?" NOPE!! And even if they do tell her, her response is probably "so what". See, you are a nonfactor in her life now. She realizes that she gave it a shot and you wanted nothing to do with it. "Oh well....at least I tried!" and she's' forgiven herself because at least she TRIED to get you in the friend zone. That was her only goal, and she didn't achieve it. So, she kicked anything to do with you to the curb. She realizes that there are plenty of guys and plenty of friends out there and she not going to waste anymore time on you.

 

Probably stings a little to read that. BUT! Once you start to realize that she is a very selfish person who didn't really love you, the better off you're going to be. And the faster you can heal.

 

Keep making positive changes. It's time to put this girl in your wake and keep going forward. I have a feeling that you are on the edge of a major breakthrough. It's just that thread of her thats keeping you from falling into a new and great life.

 

You've been spot on about her since I started posting here. You're spot on again. There hasn't been anymore attempts because why should she make anymore attempts? I don't mean THAT much to her. I didn't mean that much to her when we were together. It does sting to read that, it's a major shot to the ego, but I'm not going to let that beat me.

 

I feel like I'm on the edge of a major breakthrough too. Just the way I've felt about this whole thing the past few days is a new feeling to me. More anger/it's her loss than sadness/it's my loss.

 

Originally I wanted to talk to my counselor about my guilt for moving on, but since going to see her last week, I've felt less guilty about that. I think I need to figure out what I am going to talk about because my appointment is only 30 minutes.

[suladas]

The anger will go away. I was furious for so long with my ex, but i've let it go. Even the blow up on tuesday got me pissed off but i'm well over that. The weird thing is, tuesday annoyed me but it seemed to be yet another step in completely forgetting she exists and not caring.

 

Don't get caught up wondering how they could be so horrible or whatever just move on and you will get over and forget it. You don't need closure or anything else from them, you will give it to yourself.

[McDonald]

Na you and me are in the same boat except my gf didn't cheat on me or tell me I sucked. However what I'm tryin to get at is that her cheating on you is not prolonging you moving on. You are prolonging you. I haven't completely move on yet and my gf didn't cheat on me.

 

However, sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if she did do something Wrong during the relationship. Because during the RS nothin was wrong... I think that is what is making it hard on me. Me not doing anything wrong either makes it difficult to move on. You ask yourself... What can I do differently? Well not much... She just left because she was looking for something else. That's it. It has nothing to do with you... It's her, and Na your ex lost something when she broke up with you. None of her new BFs will be as loyal as you, or as carring. No other bf would mourn this long over the loss of her. Remeber that. It's all her loss.

 

If only the ex's could see how much we care lol

[na49]

I've been riding this anger/indifference for the past 3 days and I'm loving it. I think of her, miss the way she was, realize it's how she was and now who she is. I hate who she is and how she treated me. I wish her the best in finding someone who will put up with her like I did. She's got problems. I've got problems. She's not my problem.

 

My relationship was pretty picture perfect too all things considered. We rarely ever fought (I actually think we didn't fight enough) and we both loved each other (or so I thought) so the end was really surprising to me. I think it always is though. I never thought she'd leave me, I actually thought I would be the one to leave her and if you didn't know any better you'd think she loved me more than I loved her with how obsessive she was about me.

 

She is very good at saying "I love you" but I was better at showing it. I'll take that skill with me into future relationships and pride myself as someone who is loyal to the person I'm dating.

 

The funny part is I bet she thinks I don't care at all. She's definitely appalled at me rejecting her "civil" attempt at friendship. Meanwhile when I'm asking for friendship a few weeks after the BU, she's insulting me and when I tell her to talk to her new friends about her new boyfriend, she tells me her new friends are better than me anyway.

 

I guess the thing I need to wrap my head around is that not everyone is my friend. Not everyone has my best interest in mind. and some people don't care about how I feel.

 

Cheating would make it easy for anyone who isn't me to move on.