Why do I feel worse?

[McDonald]

Maybe you feel like you did something wrong for her to cheat. So you feel like you can improve and show her you improved to get her back...

 

None of that is true though

[na49]

Maybe you feel like you did something wrong for her to cheat. So you feel like you can improve and show her you improved to get her back...

 

None of that is true though

 

Well that's how I feel/felt about it. Not to mention the guy she left me for is older, richer, better dressed, musically talented ("rock star" ) He's also apparently an alcoholic.

 

How dare I not be any of that! It's totally my fault!

 

I wish she knew that I was improving. I feel like she thinks I'm still the same pu$$y that she dumped. but I'm not really concerned with what she thinks of me especially because she probably doesn't think of me.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well that's how I feel/felt about it. Not to mention the guy she left me for is older, richer, better dressed, musically talented ("rock star" ) He's also apparently an alcoholic.

 

How dare I not be any of that! It's totally my fault!

 

I wish she knew that I was improving. I feel like she thinks I'm still the same pu$$y that she dumped. but I'm not really concerned with what she thinks of me especially because she probably doesn't think of me.

 

Don't make me break out the baseball bat.

[suladas]

Don't make me break out the baseball bat.

 

X100. It just shows you're not over her. Who gives a f*ck what she thinks?

[na49]

Leave the baseball bat Simon. I don't care THAT much.

 

This feels weird, usually I go into one of my depressive "I miss her" stages by now, but I still don't feel anything. It's almost like I'm expecting to just have one of those f*ck ups and it's not happening.

[na49]

Wow I didn't post in my diary at all yesterday. I think that's a sign of improvement. I honestly have felt the same way I've been feeling. No steps backwards. I'm just as disgusted and angry about my BU/her as I have been.

 

I got on Facebook this morning and said "If I see a picture of her right now... I think I'm going to throw up".

 

I have no idea what I want to discuss with my counselor tomorrow. I need to pick one topic and stick to it because sessions go much quicker than I thought.

[cavalier99]

I guess just discuss your feelings now of anger and betrayal. Whatever seems to be the biggest issue of the moment. Self esteem also. Cav

[iouaname]

In my experience, the first few sessions tend to be unstructured and just about talking and understanding where you're at. Once they develop an understanding of your situation, they structure the sessions more to help you.

 

It's good that you've decided to take this step! It's you taking control of your situation and you should feel good about that!

[na49]

I think the issue at the moment is the anger/betrayal. I don't feel regret for trying to move on at all which is what I thought my biggest issue was last week. I must have had an epiphany this week. I don't miss her or want to know what she's doing at all right now. The only thing I want to do is call her an evil b*tch

 

Self esteem is the big picture issue though, so maybe discuss that?

[McDonald]

I feel like self esteem is the problem. Once that is back up there... then you will feel like you can talk to anyone (any girl)... that you can finally be happy ALONE. Thats where you want to get yourself

[na49]

That's something that I need to mention, that I'm not happy with my single life and feel like I need a relationship to be happy.

 

Gah I'm still so f*cking angry about it. It just makes me sick thinking that she could do what she did and not have any repercussions for her actions. Everyone tells her "Oh you're so much better off without him!" She doesn't get hurt at all and kicks me to the curb. She f*cks her new boy toy and no one gives a crap about me or how hurt I am. She has everyone feeding her what she wants to hear and it makes me so mad. :mad:

 

and this is the same witch that I pine for to come back to me? There's something seriously wrong with that picture.

[cavalier99]

I can see your solidly in the anger stage now. Thank God the: i feel guilty for moving on ,does she miss me, did i blow her wanting me back stage has past.

[McDonald]

I wish my ex out me down during the BU... so I could somehow get angry at her... but all she did wrong was I guess break up with me?

 

How can I get angry at that?

[na49]

I can see your solidly in the anger stage now. Thank God the: i feel guilty for moving on ,does she miss me, did i blow her wanting me back stage has past.

 

I still have no idea what to discuss tomorrow with my counselor lol. I originally wanted to talk about that stage because I figured I'd be in it.

[Amelie1980]

I wish my ex out me down during the BU... so I could somehow get angry at her... but all she did wrong was I guess break up with me?

 

How can I get angry at that?

 

You don't want that. My ex put me down so bad. it has destroyed my self.confidence.

[McDonald]

You don't want that. My ex put me down so bad. it has destroyed my self.confidence.

 

I never had strong self confidence. Then she came into my life and it shot really high up.

 

Now shes gone and its back down there. Its going upward... but not as fast as I want.

 

And she did leave me for someone else... so I guess that is something to be angry about.

[na49]

My second counseling appointment went well. My counselor said she noticed a change in my attitude from the week before and I mentioned the anger. She gave me a self help book which mentioned different blocks that lead up to "freedom" (pretty much being completely over it) and I noticed that anger came after guilt which is very ironic for me. According to this, I've still got a way to go before I'm over this completely, but it's nice to track my progress. She told me to read the book and we'll discuss it during my next session which is next Thursday.

 

I wanted to move on to self esteem but she thought that self esteem is the bigger issue and we should attack the breakup and get everything about that out of the way before going to self esteem.

 

I mentioned my guilt for moving on and even though you guys have been telling me this for months now, it stuck hearing it today. Blocking her number was what I had to do at the time. I did whatever was necessary for me at that specific time, and I should feel confident in the decision that I made because at the time it was the right decision. She told me to be selfish and worry about myself. Whatever I need to do is what I need to do and it doesn't matter what others may think about it. It was a refreshing outlook and I definitely feel more confident in my decision.

 

I saw the douche rocket today. Only the second time I ever saw him in person. I had to laugh about it as frustrating as it is to see the guy who f*cked my girlfriend because she let him casually walking to his car going about his business.

[Chi townD]

I saw the douche rocket today. Only the second time I ever saw him in person. I had to laugh about it as frustrating as it is to see the guy who f*cked my girlfriend because she let him casually walking to his car going about his business.

 

 

Is this the superstar/rockstar/ recording artist that no one has ever heard of and isn't THAT big if he has to go to college because he's not rolling in the dough? That douche rocket?

[na49]

Is this the superstar/rockstar/ recording artist that no one has ever heard of and isn't THAT big if he has to go to college because he's not rolling in the dough? That douche rocket?

 

Yup that's the one

 

I was sitting my car waiting for security to come help me jump start it and I saw him walking to his car. From what I noticed, his car isn't even that nice. I was expecting him to drive a Lamborghini or a Mustang or something. Boy oh boy was I wrong!

 

I hope she's having fun with him though. He totally "gets her" He also gets how to get into idiot freshman girl's pants apparently.

[McDonald]

Good for you Na. Sounds like your appointment went well. This guy isn't even special. You should laugh when you see him. He's just someone else who has fallen into your exes trap. And unlike him, you have been able to dodge the bullet... Actually in your case it sounds like a train.

 

I talk to my counselor tomorrow. Today has been really stressful because I have finals coming up and Im extremely far behined... None of this would have been a problem if it wasnt for the BU.

okay enough of the rant

[na49]

I think that my ex has fallen into his trap to be honest. but that's her problem. I have to shake my head with some of the guys she hangs out with. My confidence has been MIA since she dumped me, but I am so much better looking than these guys she's hanging out with now. Even the douche rocket is no GQ model. He looks scary to be honest. I've probably got more muscle than he does and that's saying something.

 

Honestly more power to her though. If that's what her ideal man is like (a manchild/alcoholic/pothead), then she had no business dating me and wasting my time in the first place.

 

Completely random, but I'm thinking about doing cardio at the gym tomorrow. How long should I go on the treadmill for? I feel dead after like 15 minutes but maybe that's because I have the speed too high? Also should I only do cardio or lift some weights after?

 

lol I probably put more thought into going to the gym than I need to. It's just my nature to over think things apparently.

 

also McDonald, don't worry about ranting if you want to. It feels much better to post this crap we have in our head. Good luck with your counselor tomorrow, let us know how it goes. I hope I can survive over a week without seeing mine.

Edited March 12, 2013 by na49

[McDonald]

I think that my ex has fallen into his trap to be honest. but that's her problem. I have to shake my head with some of the guys she hangs out with. My confidence has been MIA since she dumped me, but I am so much better looking than these guys she's hanging out with now. Even the douche rocket is no GQ model. He looks scary to be honest. I've probably got more muscle than he does and that's saying something.

 

Honestly more power to her though. If that's what her ideal man is like (a manchild/alcoholic/pothead), then she had no business dating me and wasting my time in the first place.

 

Completely random, but I'm thinking about doing cardio at the gym tomorrow. How long should I go on the treadmill for? I feel dead after like 15 minutes but maybe that's because I have the speed too high? Also should I only do cardio or lift some weights after?

 

lol I probably put more thought into going to the gym than I need to. It's just my nature to over think things apparently.

 

also McDonald, don't worry about ranting if you want to. It feels much better to post this crap we have in our head. Good luck with your counselor tomorrow, let us know how it goes. I hope I can survive over a week without seeing mine.

 

 

Overthinking thinking things... such as a simple hello is what I do best hahah

 

for the workouts... A lot of people run for a certain time or distance.. but really its about getting into your THRZ (Target Heart Rate Zone).

Once you find what that number is.. you want to maintain it for at least 30 minutes. This does not count the warm up or cool down or the time it takes to get your heart rate to that particular number.

The easiest way to find your target heart rate zone is to take 220 and subtract your age.

 

Ex: 220-20= THRZ 200

 

that means for at least 30 minutes of cardio you want your heart rate to be around 200. It doesnt matter how fast you are running.. because an athelete will be able to run much faster and maintain 200 than someone out of shape. Nevertheless, they are getting the same workout. get it?

 

Or... you can just go the standard 3 mi run.

 

Sorry Im taking a class on all this right now lol. Im just seeing if Im ready for my final haha.

 

I prefer to run outdoors as you can set the speed yourself and find a nice 3 mile loop. My schools right by the beach so I run on the beach all the time and try to scope out nice looking girls... cause im single now haha.

 

Also if you want to combine weights and cardio. I would do the weights first. When you lift, water and blood rushes to your muscles so to speak. Running after a workout will help your healing process and get the blood flowing throughout your body quicker. But dont do too much.... dont do leg workout and then running.

 

This is what I do in a day if you want a schuedle:

Monday: Chest and back; Abs - basically pushups and pull ups. Then 15 min of abs

Tuesday: Some type of cardio- Runs, sprints,

Wed: Shoulders and Arms; Abs - Working on the shoulders, then biceps, then triceps. Then repeat.

Thursday: Some type of stretching... I do yoga lol. Really helps calm me down.

Friday: Legs and back; Abs- more pullups and then leg workouts. Notice how thursday isnt cardio.. because Friday I work on legs.

Saturday: Some type of aerobics. Like swimming.. fighting (kenpo, Judo)

Sunday: Recovery

 

If you want my actual workout routine let me know.. Ill be happy to share it with you... but bascially this is p90x in a nuthsell lol. I just made it work for me. ITs all about muscle confusion. Dont work the same muscles out two days in a row. And make it Fun. Oh and DONT USE MACHINES!!!! thats just my rule though lol

Edited March 12, 2013 by McDonald

[na49]

Alright so I'll go with a bit slower tomorrow. I'm still new to this whole going to the gym thing, so I don't know what I want to do on set days yet. I also don't know many workouts that I can do without machines. Like today I did biceps and chest (but I also didn't spend as much time as I wanted to because I needed to go to my counselor)

 

I'd love to see your workout routine. It will give me something to base my own routine off of once I make one. I know I'll probably do cardio every Tuesday from now on.

 

Maybe I'll do some triceps tomorrow and finish with the treadmill?

[Chi townD]

Another thing you can do is look on the internet for 5k runs in your area. I do them, but I do themed ones if they are available. Mud runs, warrior runs, rave runs (this was actually fun. You wear a white shirt and throughtout the run people watching hit you with neon colored powder/paste and by the end, you're a colorful blob.). A LOT of girls do this run, and are pretty friendly.

 

But the BEST is the 5k run for your life, zombie run. You wear a flag football belt with 4 flags on it. That's your health meter. The course is muddy and has water elements and obstacles. But, there are people dressed on the course as zombies. Their sole purpose is to get your flags. If a zombie gets all of your flags, then your dead, you finish the race, but at the end your classified as infected or dead. If you make it through with one or more flags, then you survived. But it's a hell of a cardio when you got zombies chasing you. Plus, your race bib is worth one free beer at the end. Which is a plus in my book.

 

So, if there's a girl in the gym that you actually start a conversation with, that might be a fun thing to do together.

[McDonald]

Alright so I'll go with a bit slower tomorrow. I'm still new to this whole going to the gym thing, so I don't know what I want to do on set days yet. I also don't know many workouts that I can do without machines. Like today I did biceps and chest (but I also didn't spend as much time as I wanted to because I needed to go to my counselor)

 

I'd love to see your workout routine. It will give me something to base my own routine off of once I make one. I know I'll probably do cardio every Tuesday from now on.

 

Maybe I'll do some triceps tomorrow and finish with the treadmill?

 

Alright. What day do you want to see?

 

I almost purposely ran into her today. I know shame on me! its cause this week will be the last week in which I know her schuedle... after this week.. the quarter will change which means new classes and for the first time I will really have no idea what she is doing.

 

Its kinda a weird feeling. Like, thats it.