Why do I feel worse?

[Minneloa]

Coming here and expressing your feelings is not pathetic.

 

Going to the concert and staring longingly at your ex would be pathetic.

 

From what I have seen in your posts, you are progressing. Stay strong!

 

M.

[Simon Phoenix]

Her friends don't care about you. And choir concerts are boring. And it's easy to have sex without love, at least for me and most men. And don't cry.

[cavalier99]

Its ok NA ....shed some tears of joy that THE WITCH is out of your life. Cav

[McDonald]

at least you have a job!!!! Then theres me.. Im either sitting on my ass, working out, or studying. Thats it... what a cool life huh

 

 

I actually just saw my ex about 5 minutes ago when I was walking to class. I waved and she smiled... that was it. Probably could have had a conversation... but I was on the phone. Wish I wasnt... wish I could have said something like good luck on finals or have a good spring break...

 

but maybe its better that we didnt talk. Today is the last day we will probably run into eachother going to class. Or at least the alst time I can anticipate it.

 

From now own, I will have no idea what she is doing...

weird feeling.... kinda sad... maybe its the final realization that its done.

 

wow what a ride. Definitly getting my moneys worth out of this themepark.

[Chi townD]

na, you need to stop worrying about these people that you're passing by. They get a fleeting look at you and do you think it's ruining their day? They forget about you 30 seconds after you walk by. But, you let it ruin your whole day. They're not taking it home with them, but you are. You need to get a grip and realize that they are nothing. They aren't nice people or people you want to assoicate with. They aren't worth your time or energy. Dude, you are backsliding and I don't know why. I remember posts where you got enough nerve to talk to other girls and you were riding high all day long. I don't know why you don't crave that feeling everyday. You have to make a mental note to put yourself out there. No one is going to bite your head off. After a while, you'll get use to it and it will be easy to talk to people.

 

Time to get back up on the horse.

[na49]

I'm pretty pissed that I had those feelings earlier. I'm really angry again lol (damn mood swings ) I hate how I have spurts of confidence and it never sticks. Some days I can strike up a conversation with a girl sitting next to me who I've never talked to in my life. Then every other day I sit there quietly, keeping to myself. It makes me feel like I'm not going anywhere with the building confidence and self esteem.

[LostOne1]

at least you have a job!!!! Then theres me.. Im either sitting on my ass, working out, or studying. Thats it... what a cool life huh

 

 

I actually just saw my ex about 5 minutes ago when I was walking to class. I waved and she smiled... that was it. Probably could have had a conversation... but I was on the phone. Wish I wasnt... wish I could have said something like good luck on finals or have a good spring break...

 

but maybe its better that we didnt talk. Today is the last day we will probably run into eachother going to class. Or at least the alst time I can anticipate it.

 

From now own, I will have no idea what she is doing...

weird feeling.... kinda sad... maybe its the final realization that its done.

 

wow what a ride. Definitly getting my moneys worth out of this themepark.

Don't worry.. the adventure is still going to go on.. trust me. Your going to go through a new journey now and it WILL be fun. You just have to accept it's that part in life when we have to let our loved ones go.

 

Kinda like High school.. some of us had to see the school one last time or our friends one last time before we head to college/uni. Then we start a new journey and you right now are starting a new one. So be happy you're alive and can still move on.

 

Believe in your self man!

[na49]

F*ck I need to get a grip. I'm thinking of her being at her concert now, probably having the time of her life with all of her choir friends. Maybe her and the rock star will have sex in her dorm room before he drives home in his cheap car. She'll probably write an essay on facebook about how lucky she is to have all of her friends and how happy she is with her life.

 

It's making me feel so depressed... I seriously need more hobbies.

[Simon Phoenix]

F*ck I need to get a grip. I'm thinking of her being at her concert now, probably having the time of her life with all of her choir friends. Maybe her and the rock star will have sex in her dorm room before he drives home in his cheap car. She'll probably write an essay on facebook about how lucky she is to have all of her friends and how happy she is with her life.

 

It's making me feel so depressed... I seriously need more hobbies.

 

I don't know what choir concerts are like in your neck of the woods, but they aren't exactly festivals of sex and fun. You aren't exactly missing Woodstock or Lollapalooza or Coachella here. Get a grip man.

[na49]

I don't know what choir concerts are like in your neck of the woods, but they aren't exactly festivals of sex and fun. You aren't exactly missing Woodstock or Lollapalooza or Coachella here. Get a grip man.

 

Not sure why, but reading this was hilarious.

 

It's probably my ex's glorified version of her concerts that has me thinking this. She's always so excited to be in them which makes me think that they're something to be excited about. I was bored during them and she never had a solo or anything either.

 

Anyway, I'm sure this feeling will pass. Maybe the reason why I'm so bummed is because I actually know what's going on in her life for the first time in a long time. and I feel better when I have no idea what she's doing.

[emmalynro]

Whatever, back in the day my buddies and I would put on our uniforms, bust

out some diLasso and Desprez and Palestrina, then get totally ripped on tequila and coke before we banged a bunch of hookers.

 

Na: you seem to have a real imagination. Why not put that to use and start some creative writing?

[Simon Phoenix]

Not sure why, but reading this was hilarious.

 

It's probably my ex's glorified version of her concerts that has me thinking this. She's always so excited to be in them which makes me think that they're something to be excited about. I was bored during them and she never had a solo or anything either.

 

Anyway, I'm sure this feeling will pass. Maybe the reason why I'm so bummed is because I actually know what's going on in her life for the first time in a long time. and I feel better when I have no idea what she's doing.

 

If I was in a relationship with a chick who was singing in a choir and wanted me to watch, I'd be inventing reasons to skip it. Like "nah, I can't, I have to watch the Big East tournament for class." But yeah, creative writing might serve you good. You somehow turned a choir concert into a Hedonistic festival of booze, boobs and buttsex. That takes talent.

[na49]

If I was in a relationship with a chick who was singing in a choir and wanted me to watch, I'd be inventing reasons to skip it. Like "nah, I can't, I have to watch the Big East tournament for class." But yeah, creative writing might serve you good. You somehow turned a choir concert into a Hedonistic festival of booze, boobs and buttsex. That takes talent.

 

If I told her that, she'd accuse me of not loving her. Tell her friends and probably dump me. Meanwhile, she always blew me off. I wanted to hang out a week before we started college and she didn't want to because "she had to pack".

 

I'll definitely be able to say "No" a lot more in my next relationship. I'll also be setting boundaries right away.

 

lol the festival of booze, boobs and buttsex would be after her concert. In her dorm room with her rock star boyfriend, but I get what you're trying to say. The thoughts are ridiculous.

[Simon Phoenix]

If I told her that, she'd accuse me of not loving her. Tell her friends and probably dump me. Meanwhile, she always blew me off. I wanted to hang out a week before we started college and she didn't want to because "she had to pack".

 

I'll definitely be able to say "No" a lot more in my next relationship. I'll also be setting boundaries right away.

 

lol the festival of booze, boobs and buttsex would be after her concert. In her dorm room with her rock star boyfriend, but I get what you're trying to say. The thoughts are ridiculous.

 

I'd accuse her of not loving me by forcing to watch her sing in a group of other people But yeah na, you need to stop with these thoughts. You are doing better than before in that they are less frequent, but the thoughts you have today are some of the most absurd. Like you should be laughing at yourself at how out of left field they are.

[cavalier99]

I just quickly browsed through the recent posts.

 

What all this about coke, hookers, and butt sex with NA's ex during the church choir concert?

[na49]

Just a rough night cav. The first night that I know something going on in her life, so of course I drive myself insane with these thoughts.

[cavalier99]

Just a rough night cav. The first night that I know something going on in her life, so of course I drive myself insane with these thoughts.

 

Its all good man. I love your vivid imagination! Sure glad i don't know anything about my ex..my mind is a dangerous place..trying to only use it when necessary lol

[suladas]

Oh yes your mind is dangerous. Yes it does suck when you know what's going on in their life. I hate it. I wish I could know absolutely nothing about what my ex was doing, but such is life and just have to deal with it. Funny though you mention choir, I seen on FB a while after the BU she had joined a choir. I laughed so hard at that.

 

But yea I remember when she left on vacation we were suppose to go on together, holy f*ck that hurt.

 

But it's best just to say f*ck it and not let it bother you.

[McDonald]

I just quickly browsed through the recent posts.

 

What all this about coke, hookers, and butt sex with NA's ex during the church choir concert?

 

I just got back on after studying and this was the first thing saw haha.

 

Na I one exactly how you feel. This whole quarter of school for me I knew everything that my ex was doing. Today was the last day that I will know her Schuedle. It sucks but m also relieved. And of course I ran into her so it was like the last goodbye in a way.

 

I forgot wherein was going with that. I've been drinking a bit :/

 

But Na if You ever see this rockstar bro f*g with your ex just say "how do my kids taste?"

 

Boom.

[LostOne1]

I don't know how I could have sex with someone that I'm not in love with. I'd rather be having sex with someone I'm in love with because then I know I'm exclusive. (well that's what I thought at least )

 

Today is definitely the worst day I've had in a week. Today my school is having a concert and she's in choir. So I'm just thinking about how I would have been going to it tonight to see her. I have flashbacks to when we were together, sitting in the crowd watching her, having her look over at me and smiling and me smiling back. Then I saw her friends today and look at them, they look at me and keep walking. It hurts me for some reason even though these people aren't my friends. They're hers. It makes me feel like they all think that I'm the bad guy. I just want that innocent girl back but she doesn't exist..

 

Gah I'm tearing up writing this. This is pathetic. I gotta go to work soon too!

It's called giving it time till you meet the next girl.. and you won't even know it when it hits you when you first see this new girl Your jaw will drop and knees will get weak and you will think.. holy **** I thought I'd never like anyone ever.. but why is this feeling coming back.

 

And you will move on... but with time. That's what happened to me and though I'm not with this new girl and who knows if I will be or not. It's kinda complicated now with her... but either way it will let you know that you can like or love again or that you have a heart that is willing to give someone else a chance.

[LostOne1]

I just got back on after studying and this was the first thing saw haha.

 

Na I one exactly how you feel. This whole quarter of school for me I knew everything that my ex was doing. Today was the last day that I will know her Schuedle. It sucks but m also relieved. And of course I ran into her so it was like the last goodbye in a way.

 

I forgot wherein was going with that. I've been drinking a bit :/

 

But Na if You ever see this rockstar bro f*g with your ex just say "how do my kids taste?"

 

Boom.

I wouldn't do that.. man I wanted revenge on my ex too. but I realized it wasn't me. I don't want to be an assole and drop to her level ever.

 

So it's best for NA to not be an assole. He's a good guy it seems and he shouldn't drop down to their level. He's better than that and can move on in a mature manner.

[McDonald]

I wouldn't do that.. man I wanted revenge on my ex too. but I realized it wasn't me. I don't want to be an assole and drop to her level ever.

 

So it's best for NA to not be an assole. He's a good guy it seems and he shouldn't drop down to their level. He's better than that and can move on in a mature manner.

 

Its a bad I idea forsure. I was just trying to have a good laugh and to show to Na that there are things that you can look at and laugh about in these situations... its not all sad faces.

[LostOne1]

Its a bad I idea forsure. I was just trying to have a good laugh and to show to Na that there are things that you can look at and laugh about in these situations... its not all sad faces.

Best way to get back at them is to be well off in life.. and to be successful and happy.

 

I mean when I look back all I know is I want to know everything I went through was worth it.

 

Some days I wonder if it is worth it... then there are days when I do something to make it worth it...

[na49]

I'll take however long it takes to move on. As long as I get to a point where I am indifferent towards her and wake up thinking about what I'm going to be doing with MY life instead of thinking about her and what she might be doing with hers.

 

I won't give her anymore ammunition to mock me. When I saw the douche rocket and his cheap car, I felt like yelling at him. I embarrassed myself enough during the first month after she broke up with me. To think I haven't had a conversation with her in over 4 months now. As pissed off as I am at her/about my situation, I'll never send her an angry email or do anything like that. I've got crazy thoughts but I have self control. (most of the time)

 

Just a rough patch last night. First thing I knew about in her life and it wasn't even because I wanted to find out about it. I'll be fine today.

[McDonald]

Just keep on swimming. For some reason, these past night have been hard for me. I think it's because I'm spending a good amount of time alone (studying..going to bed late). I do feel it getting better. I'm sure you do too. I'm at a point though where it's like idk what else to do to he myself to feel happier..

 

It sucks how these things are just out of control. How one person can make a decision like this.. That affects us greatly. It's all very selfish yet that's the world we live in.