Why do I feel worse?

[McDonald]

Doesn't it happen with you at work? I'm sure in some class at school you put in everything and got a terrible mark still? did you give up the world then?

 

There must have been a time when you took part in some sport and missed a great chance to help the team.. did you give up then after trying so hard?

 

The examples go on and on.... but the thing is you never gave up then.. so why give up now on a girl? Just because it didn't work once.. doesn't mean it won't work again.

 

I failed a class once.. took it again a year later and passed it. I coulda given up too.. but I didn't... so don't let it take you down!

 

Yes I have pitched in a state playoff baseball game and lost it for my highschool team.. there are other examples.. but none of those broke apart other things in my life. For some reason.. this break up did.

[suladas]

Met up with a friend I haven't seen in a few years yesterday, he had a bad BU in dec and got to say it felt pretty good to talk to a friend in person about it who is going through the exact thing. He dumped her, but said she was fading and pulling away and it was pretty much her who did it. The only difference is after 4 months she started texting him stuff like "I hate you, but I love you" she texts him all the time. He said he wants to be with her, but she's been a complete bitch since the BU, even going as far as saying he's not intelligent and stuff like that.

 

It really made me realize how similar we feel, both the first real GF we had. He's seeing someone new casually but said he still misses her and in a way compares her to his ex. Even said he feels like he will never get over here. It echoes my old, and some thoughts I still have.

 

It didn't do much to me overall, but it felt different to be talking to a friend in person about it and how we related so much on it.

[LostOne1]

Yes I have pitched in a state playoff baseball game and lost it for my highschool team.. there are other examples.. but none of those broke apart other things in my life. For some reason.. this break up did.

That's because you took this problem to heart more than others. And the others you let go of easier...

 

It's still the same concept you do something it fails.. you learn and move on. Only difference is this stuff hurt more because you took it to heart more.

[na49]

McDonald you need to get off of that idea. Not everything we put work into ends up working the way we want it to. I did the best I could in my relationship. Did everything with good intentions. It got me nowhere. That's just part of dating I guess. It doesn't matter how bad we want it to work, they aren't obligated to stay with us if they aren't happy anymore. If they want someone else, we can't do anything to change their mind once they've made their choice. It was them over us. It hurts. but no girl who loved us would do that to us.

 

I'll try to challenge myself this week. Start a conversation with one random person a day. I just need to find a good topic to talk about.

 

I've been pretty busy all day, but I did find myself thinking of her a little more than I'd like to. Almost wanted to call her from another number. I started having my fake conversations with her in my head. It was the same gooey crap that I've been wanting to tell her forever now.

[McDonald]

I do have to get off it.

 

One step at a time though. Im not really concerned with what she is doing anymore. And Im rarely thinking about her. But more of thinking about just having someone with me.

 

Like right now, I have finals in a ffew days and its hard to concentrate because Im trying to study alone and it sucks. My ex used to study with me all the time. Now.. nope.

 

I just have to keep pushing though. Im not going to let her ruin my LIFE. MY LIFE, not hers.

[na49]

I do have to get off it.

 

One step at a time though. Im not really concerned with what she is doing anymore. And Im rarely thinking about her. But more of thinking about just having someone with me.

 

Like right now, I have finals in a ffew days and its hard to concentrate because Im trying to study alone and it sucks. My ex used to study with me all the time. Now.. nope.

 

I just have to keep pushing though. Im not going to let her ruin my LIFE. MY LIFE, not hers.

 

I've got a bunch of exams the day before we're off for spring break. I'm trying to let those become more of a priority than thinking of her. I was just thinking about how if I saw her, I'd flip. I haven't seen her in almost a month now and that's for the better. It's so funny, I see everyone BUT her.

 

We give them this control over us and our thoughts. We let them ruin our day. They have no idea how much we're hurting and how they are still running our lives even when they left us. I know how you feel about studying alone too. Most study sessions ended up not being study sessions lol. F*ck I miss that. God dammit..

 

Oh well just have to keep pushing. These emotions will pass. We'll both be much better from all of this and be happy again.

[McDonald]

I know. i cant wait till we are both over it, can help people on this board in our situation. And share the stories of how great our new lives are and our new gfs lol.

 

but right now Im just trying to live in the present. I have my biggest exam on tuesday and Im so far behiend because of all this. funny becaue she has no clue. In her eyes. I have been over it.

[LostOne1]

McDonald you need to get off of that idea. Not everything we put work into ends up working the way we want it to. I did the best I could in my relationship. Did everything with good intentions. It got me nowhere. That's just part of dating I guess. It doesn't matter how bad we want it to work, they aren't obligated to stay with us if they aren't happy anymore. If they want someone else, we can't do anything to change their mind once they've made their choice. It was them over us. It hurts. but no girl who loved us would do that to us.

 

I'll try to challenge myself this week. Start a conversation with one random person a day. I just need to find a good topic to talk about.

 

I've been pretty busy all day, but I did find myself thinking of her a little more than I'd like to. Almost wanted to call her from another number. I started having my fake conversations with her in my head. It was the same gooey crap that I've been wanting to tell her forever now.

Funny thing is.. my ex's anniversary with me was this week.. I totally forgot and the day passed by... I remembered today seeing the date...

 

I guess that means I'm fully over her? Although it makes me wonder if she at least thought of me once that day. To know what she threw away.. but I guess sometimes time tells you that lesson. Depends where I am in life 5-10 yrs from now and her, that would show her if she made the right or wrong decision. Though I would assume no person after 10 years would ever say they made a wrong decision....

[na49]

I have trouble living in the present. I'm already worrying about next month which would be our anniversary and if I'm going to hear from her or not. I'm thinking of her a little too much this morning... f*ck.

[cavalier99]

I've come to believe that doing your best to live in the now is critical to getting over a BU. In fact it is critical to general happiness. I'm striving for this all the time now. Cav

[asdfasdf1234]

NA and well all of you: how long were the relationships?

 

Btw, just looking forward to your next relationship doesn't solve the problem of feeling inadequate. You will go into your next relationship thinking you're the lucky 1 when in fact she should feel like she is the lucky 1. If there is 1 thing I've discovered in the past 10 years of dating it is that women are turned off my neediness.

[cavalier99]

8 year RS

5 1/2 months NC

 

Ha...little NA49 was 10 yrs old and still sleeping with his stuffed animal and sucking his thumb when I started banging my EX. Lol

Edited March 17, 2013 by cavalier99

[McDonald]

8 months of officialy dating but together for about a year.

 

However its the whole.. she was the first person i met in college... became my best friend type thing. Im not even missing her.. its the idea.

 

Like right now Im studying alone.... where as before we would always study together and my marks on my exams were amazing.. now they are in the sh*ts

[na49]

Holy f*ck I don't know what happened in a few hours, but I'm feeling the most depressed about my BU than I've felt in a while.

 

I tried studying earlier and just couldn't so I closed the book and stopped. I'm missing her and hating her at the same time. Even having the urges to check up on her which I haven't had in a while now. For some dumb @ss reason I feel like calling her and talking to her. What the hell is happening?

 

oh well I guess I was bound to have bad night eventually. I've been doing so well lately.

[cavalier99]

Holy f*ck I don't know what happened in a few hours, but I'm feeling the most depressed about my BU than I've felt in a while.

 

I tried studying earlier and just couldn't so I closed the book and stopped. I'm missing her and hating her at the same time. Even having the urges to check up on her which I haven't had in a while now. For some dumb @ss reason I feel like calling her and talking to her. What the hell is happening?

 

oh well I guess I was bound to have bad night eventually. I've been doing so well lately.

 

I had one of those days like a month or so ago. Like i was mourning a deep deep loss like a death or something.

 

It is progress. Every time you go thru this and come out the other side the BU is further in the past and you are that much close to getting over it. Cav

[na49]

How have you been feeling lately cav?

 

I don't even know if I want to bawl my eyes out and really mourn my loss. I haven't cried over her in a little over a month I think. My anger has replaced my sadness for the most part. Not tonight though. I just feel miserable and don't have any motivation to do anything.

[cavalier99]

I've been doing ok. It is sorta hard to say really. Im not 100 percent indifferent yet. I seem to be on a plateau but it is an OK plateau. Im not really that pained by the whole thing anymore. Ill have my bad moments but that is ok.

 

Unfortunately i still think about her but not as much. But like i said ..it isn't that painful but she is still there sometimes.

 

So i guess that is where I'm at. I'm working out a ton!! I do notice that the thoughts of her are sorta blending into other fond PAST memories in general. She just isn't in my life anymore and i guess time is just dragging me further and further away from the BU.

 

Not sure if any of that made sense...Hard to explain really but overall im A OK. Cav

Edited March 18, 2013 by cavalier99

[McDonald]

How have you been feeling lately cav?

 

I don't even know if I want to bawl my eyes out and really mourn my loss. I haven't cried over her in a little over a month I think. My anger has replaced my sadness for the most part. Not tonight though. I just feel miserable and don't have any motivation to do anything.

 

I broke down a bit today. Started to cry just because I am so over not being able to get any work done... saying things Like "I was doing s owell in school.. then you just crushed it all". however.. I got angry pretty quick because her breaking up with me did hurt me and ruin a lot. So I was able to shake myself out of it. I also just got back from a spontaneous run. today was supposed to be my recoverey day... but I had to let off some steam. Sometimes Na when you start getting thoughts.. why dont you try to go on a quick run. or drop to the floor and do 50 push ups. maybe you can condition your mind to the physical pain... and wont think about it as much. IDK im just throwing out ideas.

[destroyed4sho]

How have you been feeling lately cav?

 

I don't even know if I want to bawl my eyes out and really mourn my loss. I haven't cried over her in a little over a month I think. My anger has replaced my sadness for the most part. Not tonight though. I just feel miserable and don't have any motivation to do anything.

 

 

I remember you posted yesterday(?) about how you would choose a new girl vs. going back to your ex. These are all signs that you are over it. You are already there Na...you just need a confidence boost.

 

Just remember everything happens for a reason. Think of it this way, you are young and this BU has done a lot for you. It has lead you to this forum where you have read about other peoples situations, made you understand the dynamics and psychology of relationships/BU, consequences, and most importantly empathize with others at their darkest moments.

 

You are many steps ahead of your male peers! I wish I had all this knowledge at your age bc maybe I would have made better decisions in choosing partners.

[LostOne1]

I have trouble living in the present. I'm already worrying about next month which would be our anniversary and if I'm going to hear from her or not. I'm thinking of her a little too much this morning... f*ck.

you won't hear from her like I didn't hear from my ex.. and if you do it will be bread crumbs...

 

Honestly my anniversary came and passed and I realized it only a few days after. But it felt good, because I realized I was okay now. Though I'm sure my ex was thinking I forgot or didn't care because I forgot it one year. Haha after that she always used that against me if she got mad at me even over the littlest things.

 

Face it.. it will be a normal day and if school stress is high you won't remember it.

 

I guess I am now at 9 months BU and about 5 months NC and so far things are good. I feel a bit relived actually. Sometimes I wonder if I should've BU with her instead and that a few yrs ago. I think i realized I felt like she was this vampire sucking on my blood every day!

 

Now she's gone I feel good actually for once like I have energy and no BS to deal with anymore. It kinda feels nice actually and I guess I see why my ex maybe wanted to be out. Maybe she likes her life away from me too.

[McDonald]

For me though, I feel if school stress is high, its because of this BU because usually im not that stressed out.

[na49]

I don't know why but I've been going backwards now. Just last week I'm posting about how it's her loss and now all I want to do is check up on her. Find out if her and the douche rocket are still together, if she's single or if she's found someone new. Find out where her head is at. and self destruct. again.

 

I feel like a kid who got something valuable taken away from them and I'm crying because "it's not fair".

 

Instead of doing all of that unproductive stuff I'm posting here. Even sweating my @ss off at the gym didn't help me today.

[asdfasdf1234]

You are already there Na...you just need a confidence boost.

 

This.

 

The fact of the matter is you will never come to a point where you wake up and say, "oh sh*t, I don't care anymore!" Not going to happen.

 

What will happen is you will go to a party and hook up with someone, or have a friend tell you about some girl who is interested in you, anything that boosts your confidence. That will be the day where you are over it. Where you remember, hey, I've had one GF; chicks think I'm attractive. There are tons of women who want to date me.

 

It is at that point you will look back at all of this and think, "WTF was I thinking!?!?!" That will be a fine day for you my friend. Unfortunately, no amount of chilling in your room playing the situation over and over in your head will make it happen. It will have to be some sort of outside influence that reminds you that you can date anyone you want.

 

It is just a matter of time. It will happen. I know you might think it won't, and you will have down days, but just remember IT WILL HAPPEN.

[na49]

Every day that I don't get that confidence boost is another day I feel like sh*t and wonder if I ever will get past this. I'm the only one who can control this whole situation and I feel like it's just beating me. I feel so drained just by seeing one of her friends make a status with her name in it. Just a reminder that her life is going on, she's going out, living life, and has forgotten about me and yet I'm still hung up over this b*tch. and even worse, want her to know I'm hung up over her!

 

Someone slap me. Multiple times.

 

lol I could go back and read my posts from a week ago and wonder how I go from feeling like that to feeling like this.

[asdfasdf1234]

Every day that I don't get that confidence boost is another day I feel like sh*t and wonder if I ever will get past this. I'm the only one who can control this whole situation and I feel like it's just beating me. I feel so drained just by seeing one of her friends make a status with her name in it. Just a reminder that her life is going on, she's going out, living life, and has forgotten about me and yet I'm still hung up over this b*tch. and even worse, want her to know I'm hung up over her!

 

Someone slap me. Multiple times.

 

lol I could go back and read my posts from a week ago and wonder how I go from feeling like that to feeling like this.

 

Hey I am all for venting but maybe what you need is a break from venting so much. Maybe take a break for a week from posting on here and see how you feel. Psychology is a strange thing, and watching yourself write all these things about how you feel can in a way make you feel even worse. I could be wrong but it's just a thought.