Why do I feel worse?

[destroyed4sho]

This.

 

The fact of the matter is you will never come to a point where you wake up and say, "oh sh*t, I don't care anymore!" Not going to happen.

 

What will happen is you will go to a party and hook up with someone, or have a friend tell you about some girl who is interested in you, anything that boosts your confidence. That will be the day where you are over it. Where you remember, hey, I've had one GF; chicks think I'm attractive. There are tons of women who want to date me.

 

 

So damn true when I think about how I got over previous break ups.

 

This is the final step...and then its bliss from there on out.

Need to put my adult pants on and put myself in situations where this may happen.

 

NA-All you need is an opportunity, a chance and then its done. The heavy burden is lifted and we are free.

[na49]

I guess that's true. There's not much more that I can do to try to move on than that. I've done pretty much everything I could. Go NC and stick to it, Block her, new wardrobe/hairstyle, going to the gym/getting healthier, going to counseling, the only thing I haven't done is put myself out there. and of course that's the hardest thing for me.

 

it's made extra hard on nights like tonight where my motivation and confidence disappear. How do other people get themselves pumped up when they're having a bad day?

[willnotsettle]

I am so MAD and HURT that I let myself down. I was doing so good with NC 1wk before my 30 days and he shows up asking if I had received any of his texts. Then we started talking and I got weak and we fooled around but no sex. Then he says to call/text him it's a 2 way street meaning? It's been a week since this happened and he's has text me once I have text him three times he does answer. I just feel awful because the reason i went NC hasn't changed. I just cry for being so stupid. Now what?

[cavalier99]

I am so MAD and HURT that I let myself down. I was doing so good with NC 1wk before my 30 days and he shows up asking if I had received any of his texts. Then we started talking and I got weak and we fooled around but no sex. Then he says to call/text him it's a 2 way street meaning? It's been a week since this happened and he's has text me once I have text him three times he does answer. I just feel awful because the reason i went NC hasn't changed. I just cry for being so stupid. Now what?

 

Sorry. All you can do is go back to NC and stick with it 100 percent. Then it will get better. Lots of ups and down... but better guaranteed. Cav

[na49]

Sticking to NC really is the only way to feel better even though sometimes I like to trick myself into thinking by reaching out to her I would feel better.

 

Just seeing her name drove me crazy. Seeing her name in a status made by a guy who is just her friend. I didn't even see a picture or anything and I'm still going insane. That's more proof that I'm nowhere near being over her.

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess that's true. There's not much more that I can do to try to move on than that. I've done pretty much everything I could. Go NC and stick to it, Block her, new wardrobe/hairstyle, going to the gym/getting healthier, going to counseling, the only thing I haven't done is put myself out there. and of course that's the hardest thing for me.

 

it's made extra hard on nights like tonight where my motivation and confidence disappear. How do other people get themselves pumped up when they're having a bad day?

 

By refusing to get mired in the muck. You tend to give up it seems, one bad thought and you are in the dumps. You need to learn some resolve.

[suladas]

NA i'm sure you're still improving, even if you don't think so.

 

In a way I had a bit of a setback this weekend. I got hurt at work on friday once again and it made me feel kinda sad that I don't have someone to be there for me in that way. But at the same time it's not missing "her" it's missing not having anyone. But compared to when I got hurt 2 weeks after the BU, it's huge to see how much i've changed. Getting to the point of not caring really is nice I just wish overall life would stop ****ting on me lately, it's starting to get me down.

[na49]

By refusing to get mired in the muck. You tend to give up it seems, one bad thought and you are in the dumps. You need to learn some resolve.

 

I've been better about dealing with them lately, but something happened a few nights ago and now I'm just not nearly as happy or angry as I was. I'm back to that "I miss her" phase. The annoying part of it is I'm "missing" the same person I was completely disgusted with last week.

[asdfasdf1234]

I've been better about dealing with them lately, but something happened a few nights ago and now I'm just not nearly as happy or angry as I was. I'm back to that "I miss her" phase. The annoying part of it is I'm "missing" the same person I was completely disgusted with last week.

 

Dude, you don't miss her. You just miss the confidence boost a GF gave you.

 

How many GFs have you had? Was this your first one? How many girls have you kissed?

[Simon Phoenix]

I've been better about dealing with them lately, but something happened a few nights ago and now I'm just not nearly as happy or angry as I was. I'm back to that "I miss her" phase. The annoying part of it is I'm "missing" the same person I was completely disgusted with last week.

 

You miss the idea of her, not her specifically. And like others said, you have improved, but your first instinct is still to wallow instead of fight.

[na49]

Dude, you don't miss her. You just miss the confidence boost a GF gave you.

 

How many GFs have you had? Was this your first one? How many girls have you kissed?

 

She was my first everything, and the only one I've kissed and done all of that other jazz with.

 

Not sure why but I'm going backwards, but I even felt like I want to apologize because I was replaying everything that I could have done better. I was convincing myself that it would change anything. What would her honest reaction be to an apology at this point?

 

Also I have no idea how I'm going to tell this guy who talks to me on facebook to get lost. I know I shouldn't, but every time I talk to him I tell him I'm feeling down and hope he'll tell my ex. I don't want that to happen but it does. I realize that one day I will flat out tell him that I miss my ex and still love her and tell him to let her know that. It's horrible.

 

He wants to go to the gym with me, should I go with him or just tell him no? He's a nice guy, it's just the whole being friends with my ex thing that makes me want nothing to do with him.

 

I was fighting it all last week, but for some reason I must have got tired and gave up. So now I'm back to where I started. Maybe seeing my counselor will help me come back to reality. I don't see her until Thursday so I need to survive until then.

[Simon Phoenix]

Na, fight. Stop letting these thoughts overwhelm you. Stop turtling into a ball.

[McDonald]

na it should be that your tired of fighting for this relationship, or the idea of her. Its wearing you down. So instead of giving up on yourself, just give up on her. i know that sounds really harsh... the whole idea of"me having to give up? too lose?" But it isnt that, its just letting go. Its around that time.

[Chi townD]

Good Lord, dude. Really?!?!

 

Seriously, you got to let this go! I mean, damn!

 

You haven't seen or heard from her since LAST quarter. Has she tried other avenues to contact you? NOPE! Has she had people inquiring about you? NOPE! Has she tried calling you on a burner phone? NOPE! Has she tried to figure out your schedule so she can run into you? NOPE! This friend of hers knows that you've been working out at the gym a lot. Has she been making it a point to hang out around the gym with hopes of running into you? NOPE!!! Have you seen her since you blocked her? NOPE! I assume she knows where you work. Has she made an appearance there? NOPE!

 

The fact is, she doesn't give a rats ass about you. period! This is my impression of her, "Oh, so he really doesn't want to be friends? Oh well.....NEXT!"

 

She not worth your time or effort. She doesn't deserve a thought in your brain, but you're giving her a free pass inside your mind.

[na49]

She hasn't done anything to try to reach out to me. because she doesn't want to. I thought I took her off the pedestal but apparently I still have her on it. Thinking that she'll want to come back one day when I have every reason to believe she's done and has been done with me.

 

She tried being my friend. It didn't work out, I don't mean that much to her so she's meeting new people and making new friends. I see it happening before my eyes. It's frustrating to think that, but it's the truth I need to accept and remind myself of.

 

I really need to put up more of a fight with these ridiculous thoughts, otherwise I'll never get better and I'll keep living in fantasy land.

[Simon Phoenix]

She hasn't done anything to try to reach out to me. because she doesn't want to. I thought I took her off the pedestal but apparently I still have her on it. Thinking that she'll want to come back one day when I have every reason to believe she's done and has been done with me.

 

She tried being my friend. It didn't work out, I don't mean that much to her so she's meeting new people and making new friends. I see it happening before my eyes. It's frustrating to think that, but it's the truth I need to accept and remind myself of.

 

I really need to put up more of a fight with these ridiculous thoughts, otherwise I'll never get better and I'll keep living in fantasy land.

 

And the fact of the matter is, you shouldn't want to be friends with someone who will betray you and belittle you in the way she did. I really don't get why you ignore those things when you do.

[na49]

And the fact of the matter is, you shouldn't want to be friends with someone who will betray you and belittle you in the way she did. I really don't get why you ignore those things when you do.

 

It's probably because I still am in disbelief that she did what she did. I can't believe that someone who was as close to me as she was would just get up and do something like she did. I tell myself that her contact was what I wanted to hear (then feel guilty) instead of seeing it for what it probably was which was friend zone BS and not her regretting her choice.

 

I need to get out more. This stuff happens all the time, I'm going to probably be broken up with/break up with another partner in the future. I just hope I don't go crazy over it like I have been over this BU.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's probably because I still am in disbelief that she did what she did. I can't believe that someone who was as close to me as she was would just get up and do something like she did. I tell myself that her contact was what I wanted to hear (then feel guilty) instead of seeing it for what it probably was which was friend zone BS and not her regretting her choice.

 

I need to get out more. This stuff happens all the time, I'm going to probably be broken up with/break up with another partner in the future. I just hope I don't go crazy over it like I have been over this BU.

 

What do you mean "you don't believe?". Dude, believe it. It happened, what is there not to believe? People suck, and you are in some weird form of denial about that. It's not as complicated as you seem compelled to make it. There's no hidden riddle.

 

She f--ked you over. Deal with it. Stop denying it happened, that's stupid.

[Chi townD]

Problem is you got WAY too much free time on your hands if you're having this many thoughts about her. You are not busy enough. Ive told you about clubs, co ed sports, taking a trip, get jazzed about something and looking forward to it.

[na49]

I feel like I'd need to see her and this douche rocket making out or see pictures of them for me to know it's real.

 

At the same time I don't want to set myself back and that's what would happen if I did see pictures of them together. Seeing her name threw me into a major depressive state, I'm pretty sure pictures might drive me crazier than I've been in a long time.

[Simon Phoenix]

I feel like I'd need to see her and this douche rocket making out or see pictures of them for me to know it's real.

 

At the same time I don't want to set myself back and that's what would happen if I did see pictures of them together. Seeing her name threw me into a major depressive state, I'm pretty sure pictures might drive me crazier than I've been in a long time.

 

How the hell do you not know it's real? I feel like you are hanging on to this because you want to deep down. You know it's real, you've known it's real for several months now. I think you are deluding yourself and I somewhat think it's intentional. You've been making considerable progress in recent week and I think that scares the s--t out of you, therefore you are trying to feed yourself lies.

[cavalier99]

Huh...What happened? Is NA in melt down mode?

 

Alert....Must call in reinforcements. Where is Lost?

 

...stay right were you are NA. We are on our way. Lol

 

 

You'll be fine. All is well... just breath..and shut down brain for the night. Look at some porn, beat off, and smoke a J and chill. Cav

Edited March 20, 2013 by cavalier99

[McDonald]

Huh...What happened? Is NA in melt down mode?

 

Alert....Must call in reinforcements. Where is Lost?

 

...stay right were you are NA. We are on our way. Lol

 

 

You'll be fine. All is well... just breath..and shut down brain for the night. Look at some porn, beat off, and smoke a J and chill. Cav

 

Probably the best advice I have seen on LS

[asdfasdf1234]

Na: if you were one of my boys I definitely have a hot chick come over and give you a bj. That is what you need right now it will get your mind off of all of this.

 

Now listen to me very very carefully this works I have done it it will get you out of your funk 100 percent guaranteed.

 

Okay so that obviously isn't going to happen (the bj thing) so what you need to do what you NEED TO DO is go on plenty of fish AND OkCupid. Make a profile on both sites. If you have any women friends invite them over go through every picture you have and tell them to pick out the 5 or 6 best ones you have and upload those.

 

Next I want you to go through and message EVERY girl that is a 5 or over. There will be hundreds of them so I need you to write a generic message or better yet I can write a generic message for you to send all of them. If you message 100 girls I guarantee you at least 20 will reply probably more. Of those 20 you will easily get 5 dates. Online dating is a NUMBERS GAME. Do not even look at the girls profiles that your messaging except for their profile picture you want to forget about them because the only ones that matter are the ones that respond to you

 

On your first date you're probably going to be a little bit nervous. That is to be expected. Take a shot or 2 of tequila (don't get in the habit of doing this every time). I know it might be tough for you to make the first move but there are plenty of girls that can sense this and they will make a move. Just be funny and have fun it isn't even crucial if you get to first base on the first day.

 

I guarantee you if you follow the above advice you will be over this girl within the next 2 to 3 weeks. DO IT. I will be here if you have any questions. You obviously have the time on your hands to do this so get busy!

Edited March 20, 2013 by asdfasdf1234

[asdfasdf1234]

Come to think of it the advice above applies to all of you guys. We are in a very fortunate age and that is the age of the Internet. Never before can a man contact hundreds of women within an hour or 2. You are not trying to meet your future wife but you never know it could happen. What you were trying to do is build up your confidence and that takes going out on dates and talking to girls.

 

By the way I'm not making this up I've done all of this before. It works guys, it works really well. The bonus is you will be talking to so many women at a given time you won't care about any of the other girls you're talking to. This is perfect as the less you care about the outcome of the day the better you will do on the date. That's why I said message 100 girls shoot if you can message 200 - 400. The more you have in your queue the better! I seriously had 5 dates a week but different girls for 2 months straight. They weren't all drop dead gorgeous but that wasn't my goal my goal was building confidence and getting better at talking to women. And more than anything my goal was forgetting about my ex girlfriend!

 

Good luck boys go out and make it happen!!!