McDonald Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 It's a good idea. I'm just upset at myself for the fact that im in female heaven... , My school is right on a beach... And I used to be able to talk to the,... Now here's the oppritunity to hit on them without worrying about my gf getting angry because there isn't one. And I can't do it.... Damn I have dwelled on this way too long I'm tired of her being happy all the time. I should have ended it myself when. Saw some warning signs on my end But no. The good guy n me said I could easily fix it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 It's a good idea. I'm just upset at myself for the fact that im in female heaven... , My school is right on a beach... And I used to be able to talk to the,... Now here's the oppritunity to hit on them without worrying about my gf getting angry because there isn't one. And I can't do it....t That comes later. Online dating is easier as you have built rapport before you're face to face. Do it! What's stopping you? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Meh, I like talking to girls face to face. Online dating has its purpose I'm sure, but it's not my cup of tea. Then again, I don't really even like texting. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 That comes later. Online dating is easier as you have built rapport before you're face to face. Do it! What's stopping you? So far online dating for me has brought out all the crazyes and also most of the girls I talked to just came out of a bad relationship.... I think it's okay for those that have no time to date and look around.. but you got the beach man! no need for online dating! Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'll take my chances meeting a girl at college before going to online dating. Sadly I might still want my ex too much because even though there are a few girls I like, there are none that are blowing me away. I'd like to talk to them as friends though, I'm not in any position to date anyway with where my head is at. Now is a time where I'd love being friend zoned lol. Hell I could even ask one of the girls I met if they had any friends they could introduce me to. All I've got to do is work on making that happen. I feel like I want progress right away so I talk to someone once, nothing happens then I give up. I know I keep asking about this, but I don't know if I got an answer. How should I deal with this friend of her's? He's trying to be friendly and talks to me. Asks if he can go to the gym with me, but I just want to tell him to f*ck off. Not because he's annoying even though he is, but because I always think he's with my ex and she's trying to get in contact with me when he messages me. (crazy and stupid I know, that's why I want to stop torturing myself like that) I think one day I'm having a bad day I might show my hand to him and ask him to tell my ex how I feel about her and how miserable I am. Link to post Share on other sites
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'll take my chances meeting a girl at college before going to online dating. Sadly I might still want my ex too much because even though there are a few girls I like, there are none that are blowing me away. I'd like to talk to them as friends though, I'm not in any position to date anyway with where my head is at. Now is a time where I'd love being friend zoned lol. Hell I could even ask one of the girls I met if they had any friends they could introduce me to. All I've got to do is work on making that happen. I feel like I want progress right away so I talk to someone once, nothing happens then I give up. I know I keep asking about this, but I don't know if I got an answer. How should I deal with this friend of her's? He's trying to be friendly and talks to me. Asks if he can go to the gym with me, but I just want to tell him to f*ck off. Not because he's annoying even though he is, but because I always think he's with my ex and she's trying to get in contact with me when he messages me. (crazy and stupid I know, that's why I want to stop torturing myself like that) I think one day I'm having a bad day I might show my hand to him and ask him to tell my ex how I feel about her and how miserable I am. . You will all just magically have the confidence to go up and start talking to girls. You're asking the wrong questions it doesn't matter just stop taking to him. Simple. Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 So far online dating for me has brought out all the crazyes and also most of the girls I talked to just came out of a bad relationship.... I think it's okay for those that have no time to date and look around.. but you got the beach man! no need for online dating! You haven't talked to enough. Small sample size. Link to post Share on other sites
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 There will always be excuses. That's all it comes down to. Want to be over your ex? The only way that is happening is boating your confidence. Only f u c k i n g way. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 There will always be excuses. That's all it comes down to. Want to be over your ex? The only way that is happening is boating your confidence. Only f u c k i n g way. I do agree with you there that having someone else around, having that ego boost will speed this process up greatly. Thats one thing that im lacking. Someone else to lean on.... I really wish I maintained contact with my "girlfriends" while i was dating my ex. But the ones I did.. my close friends from day 1 of school... she made me push them out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'm much more confident now than I was when she first dumped me. It's noticeable actually, I've done a lot of changing. I'm nowhere near where I want to be though. I need to get out of fantasy land for good and realize that my ex is an evil person who doesn't care about me or my feelings. She's been an evil person who didn't care about my feelings since before we broke up. Her new friends were more important to her than her long time boyfriend. I have to get angry again. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Yaaaaaayyyyy. NA is alive and kicking. Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 Still alive and kicking. I saw the counselor today. I feel like I didn't get the answers I was looking for on my BU and we're going into finding more sh*t for me to do because that is a major thing keeping me back obviously. She told me I'm living in the past (duh) but oh well I really am. Staying in the past and analyzing everything is getting me nowhere. I have to try to get busy doing something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I've been telling you that since post one! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 I've been telling you that since post one! lol I know. You guys have been telling me a lot of the things she's been telling me. For some reason it sticks more hearing it in person. She messed with my head a little, she asked me if my ex knew how I was feeling and I said "No" then she asked me if I ever considered telling her. Now I'm going over whether or not it makes sense to tell her. Dammit! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 lol I know. You guys have been telling me a lot of the things she's been telling me. For some reason it sticks more hearing it in person. She messed with my head a little, she asked me if my ex knew how I was feelig and I sa"No" then she asked me if I ever considered telling her. Now I'm going over whether or not it makes sense to tell her. Dammit! Listen. Like anything you take the good and leave the rest. Telling your ex would be an idiotic move and i would have challenged the conselor on that one. Dont just spill your guts to her all the time. Focus on getting some good coping skills. Have her teach you some techniques. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) She did give me advice that you and I already know which is if I did tell her how I felt, I'd need to prepare myself for any outcome and we both kind of agreed that I'm probably not ready to handle any outcome that isn't her being accepting and apologetic beyond just an "Oh I'm sorry you feel that way but me and the douche rocket are going out to dinner now. I'm wearing his favorite outfit! I'll talk to you later?" I need to get out of the past. coping techniques would be perfect for me. I'll have to go to my next appointment with an idea of what I want to talk about. I also have to take her advice with a grain of salt because I feel like she's "anti NC" in a way. Edited March 21, 2013 by na49 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 You haven't had hide or hair contact with her in 4 months. Do you honestly think telling her now would make a damn bit of difference? One think you can do is compose everything you feel in a letter to her. Then, once you finish it, then burn it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Good point. She'd probably be really confused as to why I was contacting her after so long and it might seem desperate on my end. Like I haven't met anyone new so I'm reaching out to a girl who I used to date? That's not a good look on my part. and God knows she'll let EVERYONE know about it too. I'll just keep all of these stupid thoughts in this thread rather than act on them. Who knows what I would do if I didn't get feedback on all of this crap? My ex may have been the one to block my number. She (well actually her friend who actually referred to herself as my ex's "secretary". are we in college or no?) did threaten to call the police for harassment if I kept calling her asking for an apology when I first heard that she cheated on me. but she's someone else's problem. I saw the dude who's profile I blocked yesterday when I was walking to the gym. He stopped and stared at me, but I just kept walking. I shook my head and laughed to myself, this guy looks like such a goon. If these are the types of people she's hanging around with now. I know she's downgraded. She's definitely not the same innocent girl that I used to date. (duh) Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 You keep on writing that people that know her are stopping and "staring" at you. I don't believe that there's a conspiracy here. I think you might be looking into things a bit too much. Okay, this semester is about done and I have a feeling that you didn't make any plans for a trip during spring break. So, you need to look into clubs, intramural sports....something... Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 You keep on writing that people that know her are stopping and "staring" at you. I don't believe that there's a conspiracy here. I think you might be looking into things a bit too much. Okay, this semester is about done and I have a feeling that you didn't make any plans for a trip during spring break. So, you need to look into clubs, intramural sports....something... I'm definitely making it sound like more than it is. He just looked at me. I doubt he's running and telling my ex. I doubt anyone is running and telling my ex. No one gives a crap about something that happened 5+ months ago. except for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm definitely making it sound like more than it is. He just looked at me. I doubt he's running and telling my ex. I doubt anyone is running and telling my ex. No one gives a crap about something that happened 5+ months ago. except for me. Okay, GOOD! Now that we've come to the realization that no one gives a crap (including your Ex) lets, from now on, FOCUS on YOUR progress. Everyone here wants to see your success story. Everyone here want to see you help other people with their situation because of your success story. Let's get to a successful finish line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 I was planning on having a good day today, but then I had a dream about her last night and now I'm playing the blame game. Thinking of everything that I may have done "wrong" or could have done "better" and I'm feeling terrible. Like it was my fault she left. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend. No one is. She was my first, so I had a lot to learn. but I didn't deserve to be cheated on right? God damn the self esteem is going in the sh*tter again.. and I was doing so well last week. Link to post Share on other sites
NewPerspective93 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) Of course you didn't deserve to be cheated on. Don't place the blame on you. Don't live in the past; further analyzing confrontations as the one with you ex's friend aren't going to yield desirable results but will only pull you down the hole you still might be in( thinking about her, wondering what she's doing, see if the friend is going to tell her about you at the gym). I'm guilty of over analyzing and over thinking things, and it will not help you one bit! I feel that it helps when one thinks about the other persons' feelings, in this case, your ex is probably indifferent about all of this. Why shouldn't you? You can't change the way she feels and being angry and bitter over it will not help you out in the long run. The best thing you can do is smile and move on with your life for the storm has almost passed. You can't control how she feels right now, and isn't that a relief? I'd be relieved knowing that, for that means I can move on for good knowing that I've done what I could, under my control. How she feels/does is out of your range, so let it go. Why invest your precious time in wondering what she could or could not be doing? Like Chi town, I don't think you should make contact to tell her whatever you thought about. It's been a while and frankly, your ex might not care at all. Stab to the heart that she doesn't care, I know, but the truth is better than curiosity. Cheers. Edited March 23, 2013 by NewPerspective93 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I was planning on having a good day today, but then I had a dream about her last night and now I'm playing the blame game. Thinking of everything that I may have done "wrong" or could have done "better" and I'm feeling terrible. Like it was my fault she left. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend. No one is. She was my first, so I had a lot to learn. but I didn't deserve to be cheated on right? God damn the self esteem is going in the sh*tter again.. and I was doing so well last week. I think it's common for the dumpee to blame themselves, but don't :0 it won't do any good to aid in your healing. My ex was my first relationship too, and I think he cheated on me as well. I wasn't perfect and neither was he. I realized my mistakes and trust me I couldn't believe how stupid and sh*tty I had been towards the end of my RS. But then I realized that I may have not made those mistakes if I took the time to realize that my ex was slowly backing away and treating me poorly. Please don't blame yourself. I used to do it a lot, and no good ever came from it. All I had to do was realize what I KNOW I should improve on and what not to do anymore, then from that you learn to forgive yourself and understand that you can do better the next time around Making mistakes is how we learn. No one is perfect and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Your ex cheating on you shows that she has much to learn as well and isn't taking the time like you are to improve on that since she's with someone else. She will continue to make the same mistakes unless she takes the time to herself to see her wrong doings. You are doing fine Na keep up NC. I'm in the same boat as you and we'll get through together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I've been having kind of a depressed weekend too, na, after having a really good one I think that it's kind of just how it goes - the ups and downs. I just keep looking at the way that I felt 3 months ago and comparing it to now, and then trying to see how that progress would translate to 3 months from now. It has to get better! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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