Author na49 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 Well that post definitely boosted my morale a bit. You're right, as much as I've been beating myself up lately, I haven't acted on any of these urges. I should take some pride in the amount of self control I've shown by not checking on her or messaging her. This thread has kind of been my journal, but if I want to write more personal thoughts I think a journal wouldn't be a bad idea. My counselor actually told me to keep a journal this week to see how I do with a week off. I'll definitely give it a shot. I'll do anything to feel better at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Just got back from Vegas. So na, what the f--k is up? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Na they have made a good point. Sure you are still thinking about it, but the fact is you have no yet acted on your impulses. So pat yourself on the back buddy and take it easy on yourself. You are doing just fine. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Just got back from Vegas. So na, what the f--k is up? Shoulda took NA with ya! **** we all shoulda gone! Guys night out! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Shoulda took NA with ya! **** we all shoulda gone! Guys night out! And girls 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 Just got back from Vegas. So na, what the f--k is up? Oh just the same old sh*t Simon. I hope you had a good time in Vegas. Link to post Share on other sites
polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 NC hasn't been easy and I've been using this website as my diary lol. For some reason, I've felt worse since coming home from the movies last night. I saw Django Unchained (which is a great movie. I recommend seeing it if you haven't ) Anyway, I got home last night and felt like crap. I actually ended up crying concerning the breakup for the first time in over two months. My curiosity was killing me. I wanted to check her facebook. Check her twitter. Even wanted to message her. Just update myself on her life. I sat there and wondered who she was dating now. Was she still with the guy she cheated on me for? As far as I knew, he didn't even like her like her like she thought. Has she found another guy? How does she go from guy to guy so easily? Does she ever actually love them? Or just need to say that she loves someone? I felt like because I blocked her number and told her to leave me alone, I pushed her further away. She'll want nothing to do with me ever again. I'll be seen as this "bad guy" that I'm really not. Blocking her and telling her to leave me alone was for me. Not her. I don't know if anyone could heal when they get calls and texts late at night that say things like "I miss you" "We need to talk" Last week, I was feeling better than I am this week. Any reason? Or is it another example of the emotional roller coaster I'm on? Dude, why do you consider a woman who CHEATS on you, even if it's emotionally, you should be first to dump her. This is applicable to a girl too. Why should you deal with someone who doesn't even bother to care for your emotional needs? Why should you wait for her to say Good-Bye? Be the first to do it and get rid of it completely. I know it's easy said than done, given that you are the one to be sincere in your attachment - you are the one to suffer. Today she CHEATED on you, tomorrow, on somebody else. Why do you even need a girl who does like this. Does she have a character? Go for somebody who is trustworthy, not like this. People can be crazy, but not to the point of letting us suffer in this process, because we are emotionally connected. Think dude, we may feel we need the person so much. But is it worth it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Oh just the same old sh*t Simon. I hope you had a good time in Vegas. Lost some money, drank some booze, watched a crapload of college basketball in sportsbooks and by pools. You should have gone though, so many hot chicks in tight little dresses with heels that would have snapped you out of your doldrums in dealing with your assface ex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Gee Simon! Sounds like you had a fun time away! Sounds like you got out of your comfort zone and your norms to decompress, recharge and have a good time. Took the time to do something new and have new experiences... Do you know anyone that could benefit from taking a page out of your book? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 There should be a planned LS trip to vegas haha. I think polyglot the reason why its hard to just let it go is because we are remembering who they were and at one point they did care. At least mine did. OR so I thought.. but we wouldnt have dated otherwise. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Just got back from Vegas. So na, what the f--k is up? F*ck i'm jealous, suppose to be going there in early May but not sure if it will happen because of money. I've heard it's incredible. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 F*ck i'm jealous, suppose to be going there in early May but not sure if it will happen because of money. I've heard it's incredible. I go every year, or most years, for the first weekend of the NCAA basketball tournament. Been probably 15 times in all at various times. It's pretty fun and it'll blow you away the first time you go. However, three days is probably the max you can be there before you hit sensory overload. The lights, the noise, the beautiful women everywhere, it's nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Just remember folks... "what happens in vegas stays in vegas!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 God dammit, I thought going out the whole day would make me forget about her and my urges. I did for a while, then I come home and bam! I want to check up on her again. I want to contact her again. I feel like it will change something when we all know it won't. I think part of me wants to contact her this week because I know she's probably not doing anything. I just want to get rid of this urge already.. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 What would be the purpose of contact? This person took a s--t on you. Why do you not care about this? Why do you have no self-respect? Why do we keep having this same conversation? Aren't you bored with having to discuss this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 Of course I'm bored of having this conversation. Contact wouldn't change anything, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to contact her. I think I do have some self respect. As stupid as all of these urges are, I haven't acted on any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Of course I'm bored of having this conversation. Contact wouldn't change anything, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to contact her. I think I do have some self respect. As stupid as all of these urges are, I haven't acted on any of them. That is true that you haven't acted on them. But what is the goal if you did act on them and contact her? What do you think it will accomplish? Why do you think it will have that effect? I'd like you to answer those questions honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 Well I'll tell you now, you're not going to like the answers. Even I don't really like the answers. They look so much worse in writing than they seem in my head lol. What do you think it will accomplish? I like to think my situation is different from everyone else's. I like to think she is different. I think that contacting her will result in reconciliation between us because believe it or not, my head is not as f*cked as it was 3 months ago. I'd be able to handle a conversation with her now, where I used to climb the walls every text I got. That probably sounds like BS, and maybe if I actually had a conversation with her it would be. but I have improved since, and am still improving. or trying to improve at least. Why do you think it will have that effect? I think I kind of answered that already. but I like to think that she's different. I like to think that by reaching out to her she'll think "Oh, wow I really f*cked up. I really miss him and don't want to mess things up again. I'm happy to see he feels the same way because I thought he hated me" I have no idea where her head is at, so I'm just assuming her head is where I want it to be. Also the texts she sent me 3 months ago still play a huge part in my thinking. I feel that she still misses me and still wants to talk to me after all of this time. Delusional? Extremely! Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I'm surprised your on the same thoughts so long and not changing. My weekend was kinda sh*tty seeing her go on a date, but those thoughts are already gone. Probably helped that I got laid today, but I just get rid of the bad thoughts and keep going. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Well I'll tell you now, you're not going to like the answers. Even I don't really like the answers. They look so much worse in writing than they seem in my head lol. I like to think my situation is different from everyone else's. I like to think she is different. I think that contacting her will result in reconciliation between us because believe it or not, my head is not as f*cked as it was 3 months ago. I'd be able to handle a conversation with her now, where I used to climb the walls every text I got. That probably sounds like BS, and maybe if I actually had a conversation with her it would be. but I have improved since, and am still improving. or trying to improve at least. I think I kind of answered that already. but I like to think that she's different. I like to think that by reaching out to her she'll think "Oh, wow I really f*cked up. I really miss him and don't want to mess things up again. I'm happy to see he feels the same way because I thought he hated me" I have no idea where her head is at, so I'm just assuming her head is where I want it to be. Also the texts she sent me 3 months ago still play a huge part in my thinking. I feel that she still misses me and still wants to talk to me after all of this time. Delusional? Extremely! Sounds EXACTLY like what I use to think. Ya everyone's situation is different, but the bottom line is the same, your ex doesn't want to be with you and NOTHING, NOTHING you say will change that. It is not easy to accept, but it's the truth. Now compound the fact that you need to have more self-respect and not want her because she cheated on you. And here's one thing I learned NA. You can live your life missing and hoping your ex comes back, but don't miss living your life hoping your ex comes back, and well as times go by you'll forget them anyway. To be completely honest I still wish my ex would contact me (though I know I have a better chance winning the lottery), but I got to a point that i'm not going to put my life on hold and be miserable for anyone. I'm going to go out have fun meet and see new people, and there is a very good chance I will end up meeting someone new who I like better and completely forget about my ex. But cheating just makes it so much worse, I really don't know if I would ever recommend someone get back together after that, especially at your young age. Meet someone new who hasn't disrespected you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah, that's pretty bad. Why I ask if you have any self-respect is because this girl betrayed you in the worst way possible and did not apologize for it. She made fun of you on top of it and insulted you. What is it in you that makes you think that's OK for her to do? Could you honestly actually go back to someone who did that? If you could, why do you think so little of yourself? If she wanted to actually talk to you, don't you think she would have made more of an effort three months ago? She hasn't tried since you blocked her, has she? It just kills me that you think so little of yourself that you actually are still entertaining these thoughts in your head. I'm very glad you aren't acting on them, but the fact that you still have them concerns the hell out of me. It sucks and it is delusional. Even if she wanted to come back to you (and she's given absolutely no indication that she is even considering such a thing), the fact that not only are you somewhat considering it, but would go head over heels to lick her feet like a dog just saddens me. I hate being the heavy and the *******, but I really don't get this at all. I don't know who screwed you over early in life to make you think so little of yourself and your place in this world, but you have potential. I see the advice you give on here to others and it's pretty darn good. I just wish you had the self-confidence, motivation, backbone and initiative to carry it out in your own life. You are letting the most fun years of your life go by unfulfilled while you pine for a worthless cheater who doesn't deserve an ounce of your love. You need to snap out of this pattern. You are putting your life on hold for a horrible person. I mean, this thread is nearing 100 pages and you are still a lap dog. STOP THIS CRAP NOW. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Well I'll tell you now, you're not going to like the answers. Even I don't really like the answers. They look so much worse in writing than they seem in my head lol. I like to think my situation is different from everyone else's. I like to think she is different. I think that contacting her will result in reconciliation between us because believe it or not, my head is not as f*cked as it was 3 months ago. I'd be able to handle a conversation with her now, where I used to climb the walls every text I got. That probably sounds like BS, and maybe if I actually had a conversation with her it would be. but I have improved since, and am still improving. or trying to improve at least. I think I kind of answered that already. but I like to think that she's different. I like to think that by reaching out to her she'll think "Oh, wow I really f*cked up. I really miss him and don't want to mess things up again. I'm happy to see he feels the same way because I thought he hated me" I have no idea where her head is at, so I'm just assuming her head is where I want it to be. Also the texts she sent me 3 months ago still play a huge part in my thinking. I feel that she still misses me and still wants to talk to me after all of this time. Delusional? Extremely! Then freaken DO IT ALREADY.....EMAIL THE BITCH The world wont come crashing down on you if you do....God will not shower fireballs at you. You always say you want to but.then when someone says to do it you respond with...oh Icant, its not.the right.thing to do..blah blah.blah You.need a little.bit.more pain to get over it and you will lose some dignity but hell it may be worth it and for the best. Heck, you may even get laid one more time, but trust me the bliss wont last long. It would be only a matter of time.before she dumps/cheats on you again. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Ill give NA kudos for being honest. As for the rest i agree NA needs to let it go. I mean we all hold onto some false hope on some level but it really needs to evelove into a passing thought after months not a dominant one. Cav 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Then freaken DO IT ALREADY.....EMAIL THE BITCH The world wont come crashing down on you if you do....God will not shower fireballs at you. You always say you want to but.then when someone says to do it you respond with...oh Icant, its not.the right.thing to do..blah blah.blah You.need a little.bit.more pain to get over it and you will lose some dignity but hell it may be worth it and for the best. Heck, you may even get laid one more time, but trust me the bliss wont last long. It would be only a matter of time.before she dumps/cheats on you again. I normally would be pissed at this advice being given, but maybe you are right. Maybe he needs to get beaten upside the head with a metal pole and kicked in the balls 14 times for this crap to finally register. Odds of him getting laid again are nonexistent though IMO -- he'd probably just get mocked or made fun of or be assigned to carry her purse throughout the mall while she shops for shoes. But maybe you are right, maybe he needs to be humiliated again. Link to post Share on other sites
GudDude2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I know it's hard my man, I'm in the same boat. Curiosity can get the best of us, I know, I was very tempted today when I drove past her apartment building look at the cars parked out front knowing one was her new bf's. If I had looked it would have spiralled rightboutnof control downward. Then it would have been memorizing the make, the color, the license plate, I would have turned into a full-fledged stalker from just one tempting glance. One glance and move your boot back to heartbroken lane. If you want to prolong the agony, by all means let that curiosity get the best of you. I reasoned I'd rather not know, besides it's not about what shecdoes it's about what we do. Put all that extra thought on yourself on the things that you can do to make yourself a better person for someone who actually deserves you.....stay strong, I am! s 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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