Why do I feel worse?

[Simon Phoenix]

You know, if you put in just half the effort into meeting new people (new girls) and putting forth positive changes rather than the effort you put into wondering what she's doing, then you would have made some massive progressions by now.

 

Exactly. He's so concerned with what she's doing instead of figuring out what he should be doing. It sucks.

 

na, your ex's life is not nearly as exciting or dramatic as you think it is. In fact, it's probably pretty boring.

[McDonald]

Na--

If you contact her she probably will have a conversation with you. I dont think you will get the "final rejection" that people here say will happen.

 

It will probably be

"hey how are you?"

"Im good you?"

blah blah blah

 

I feel like its been long enough where she will be fine with talking to you and having you as a "friend".

 

Na, is that what you want? do you want to be her friend? Why do you want to be her friend? -- ask yourself those questions and if "well a relationship" comes up at all.. THEN DO NOT CONTACT HER

 

The whole conversation will just send you back...she wont reject you.. she will accept you... and it will mess you up even more because you will once again be led on! Believe me please. This is whats stopping me from contacting my ex.

[na49]

Welp guys, you can all come smack me now. I'm ripping the bandage off, doing all of my facebook stalking. The douche rocket put her in the friend zone, she's also got another guy in a few pictures but nothing lovey dovey, I think the guy is gay but he's one of her "best friends" Then there was another guy who looked way too good for her but she was writing how she was in love with him so who knows? It seems she's talking to her ex again or at least her ex is talking to her. They've always been friends even after he dumped her so that's whatever.

 

Not even sure what I would say to her honestly. like "Hi remember me?" Probably fooling myself with all of this, but I feel like I need to do this crap and need to have her reject me so I can know for a fact we're through. As if it wasn't obvious enough. I was honestly hoping to see pictures of her with a guy and love quotes all over the place. Nope. None of that. So who knows, maybe she's doing her and just being single. Flirting with guys and inviting a different guy to her room each weekend.

 

This is what I was afraid of. Why am I asking so many freaking questions?

[RiceaRoni]

So who knows, maybe she's doing her and just being single.

 

Then do your own thing and enjoy the single life too Na..Don't worry about her anymore. It's like you said "she's doing her" so you should "Do YOU, Na"

 

I know how much you want to talk to her, see her, etc; because I want to do that with my ex sometimes too, but there's no use...she left, and since she left she has to be the one to come back on her own..

 

YOU'RE SINGLE NOW! haha live it up

[na49]

Then do your own thing and enjoy the single life too Na..Don't worry about her anymore. It's like you said "she's doing her" so you should "Do YOU, Na"

 

I know how much you want to talk to her, see her, etc; because I want to do that with my ex sometimes too, but there's no use...she left, and since she left she has to be the one to come back on her own..

 

YOU'RE SINGLE NOW! haha live it up

 

If I didn't hear from her so much the week before I blocked her number, this would be so much easier. I'm under the impression that she was trying to come back with all of her late night texts/calls. I don't want to completely lose my dignity by talking to her like she feels the same way I do when she feels the complete opposite. I also would hate to have a civil conversation as "friends"

 

God dammit! I wish I just saw a picture of her f*cking another dude so I could know it's over. but nope! she's single and my hope stays alive.

 

I don't know if it will hit me later, but I'm not as miserable as I thought I'd be. I basically found out everything I already kind of knew.

[McDonald]

she was trying to come back with all of her late night texts/calls

 

 

this was months ago.. has she tried to reach out to you since? I dont think so.

[destroyed4sho]

Your totally right. But i think all of us here can take on an 18 year girl!! right?!

We can tell him exactly what to say to get a straight answer, black and white. so he can get rejected Again!

 

But na also has to realize the environment he is in. He is in college! 18 years old! The only thig girls want to do at that age is bang as many guys as possible and BRAG about it.

I mean that is what my college experience was like. Everyone just wants to bang during the weekends....and study during weekdays. This is the environment he is in and he has to adjust to it.

I remember when I was in college everyone was just banging everyone in dorms. Even this guy in a wheelchair was gtting laid left and right. And yes, he was in a WHEELCHAIR. I am sure he wasnt upset if those girls were banging others. he was just glad to get some. :-)

Na has to change his mentality bc this is what college is all about nowadays. He has to too or else the next 4 years are going to be hell and depressing.

 

He is a sensitive kid and good for him. but his environment is not going to change. he has to adjust to survive.

 

 

Na--

If you contact her she probably will have a conversation with you. I dont think you will get the "final rejection" that people here say will happen.

 

It will probably be

"hey how are you?"

"Im good you?"h

blah blah blah

 

I feel like its been long enough where she will be fine with talking to you and having you as a "friend".

 

Na, is that what you want? do you want to be her friend? Why do you want to be her friend? -- ask yourself those questions and if "well a relationship" comes up at all.. THEN DO NOT CONTACT HER

 

The whole conversation will just send you back...she wont reject you.. she will accept you... and it will mess you up even more because you will once again be led on! Believe me please. This is whats stopping me from contacting my ex.

[McDonald]

Your totally right. But i think all of us here can take on an 18 year girl!! right?!

We can tell him exactly what to say to get a straight answer, black and white. so he can get rejected Again!

 

But na also has to realize the environment he is in. He is in college! 18 years old! The only thig girls want to do at that age is bang as many guys as possible and BRAG about it.

I mean that is what my college experience was like. Everyone just wants to bang during the weekends....and study during weekdays. This is the environment he is in and he has to adjust to it.

I remember when I was in college everyone was just banging everyone in dorms. Even this guy in a wheelchair was gtting laid left and right. And yes, he was in a WHEELCHAIR. I am sure he wasnt upset if those girls were banging others. he was just glad to get some. :-)

Na has to change his mentality bc this is what college is all about nowadays. He has to too or else the next 4 years are going to be hell and depressing.

 

He is a sensitive kid and good for him. but his environment is not going to change. he has to adjust to survive.

 

You are 100% correct. Im in the exact same situation 19 in college... girlfriend left me for someone else.. IM in a fraternity.. 100's of girls around all the time. I live inthe frat house so how much better can that be? But it sucks cause Ima sensitive person as well and after having a girlfriend... ive realzied that i amy like having a gf around more than random hookups on the weekend

 

Lol I would have never said that the first few months of college though last year.

[Harradin]

This thread needs a TaraMaiden post, it worked for me when I used to do a lot of threads!

[RiceaRoni]

Na I remember you telling me on one of my threads that I needed to block my ex and never look at his pages..you said block block block! haha and you even asked me again if I made sure I blocked him and stopped looking

 

I want to give the same advice back at you

 

Stay Strong Na! Don't look at her pages again and go live your college life!

and holy cats, it's spring break for Pete's sake...go have some fun

[Simon Phoenix]

If I didn't hear from her so much the week before I blocked her number, this would be so much easier. I'm under the impression that she was trying to come back with all of her late night texts/calls. I don't want to completely lose my dignity by talking to her like she feels the same way I do when she feels the complete opposite. I also would hate to have a civil conversation as "friends"

 

God dammit! I wish I just saw a picture of her f*cking another dude so I could know it's over. but nope! she's single and my hope stays alive.

 

I don't know if it will hit me later, but I'm not as miserable as I thought I'd be. I basically found out everything I already kind of knew.

 

She wasn't trying to come back. She's not going to come back.

[cavalier99]

Huh. What happened? I left for a little and NA is in metdown mode and twitter and facbook stalking everyone? C'mon guys it was only a day or so...f*Uck who was in charge Lost, Simon....WTF

 

Did we accidently leave NA in charge? Holy Sh*t. lol

[Simon Phoenix]

I actually don't mind that he looked on her Facebook. Better than actually talking to her. It can actually be helpful if he uses the information correctly. He now knows that she hasn't found this great solution and that she hasn't exactly found her way. That her life isn't that great and that she's a dumbs--t for f--king him over. That's how I would see it.

 

But i'm afraid na won't use this information correct. He'll try to see this as an opportunity to try to beg for her back. Because he is a bit of a numbskull with no self-respect. Hopefully he won't be stupid enough to do this though.

 

na, if you contact this girl and try to get her back, I have no sympathy for you because that would be one of the most stupid things I've ever seen done.

[na49]

I know that reading this crap is probably pretty frustrating for everyone. It's funny because I read threads by other people who are delusional and feel like bashing my head against my keyboard. Then here I am, being delusional as ever.

 

Well, I'm thinking of how I want to react to what I saw. Obviously it's never a good idea to stalk your ex, but I definitely needed a reminder that she's gone. (because her not being here isn't enough of a reminder apparently) Well everything I saw tells me she's happy as hell without me. Not because I'm gone, but me being gone hasn't made her regret her choice. She's going out with her girl friends and probably hooking up with different guys. So who am I to keep her from her happiness? I'd hate to be the crazy ex who won't leave her alone. I told myself I wouldn't be like her ex before me (who she's friends with now ) who was constantly up her @ss and talking crap about me trying to get her back when the kid never met me. If those are the people she likes, then she picked the wrong guy when she asked me out.

 

This is the same girl who's friends told her I "wasn't good enough for her". If she didn't believe it then. From everything I saw, she DEFINITELY believes it now. She's going to the douche rocket's concert that was probably in his neighbor's garage and just doesn't seem to be missing me much. (shocker!) I obviously wanted to see a picture of her with a guy and something about how in love she is, and one or two tweets made me think she was. but then more recent tweets looked like she was tweeting about a BU. but for all I know she is in a relationship. She just isn't writing about it like she used to do when she was with me. Wouldn't it suck to reach out, mention reconciling and have her tell me she's in a relationship.

 

I won't reach out to her because I don't know how it would go. To show up out of nowhere and start talking to her when we've spent so much time apart would just look silly and desperate on my part. She is under the impression that life is better without me. So that's her own business. I need to convince myself that life is better without her. and I can name a few reasons it is. I actually have money now!

 

This post is already too long though. I'm going out now.

[Damsel in Distress]

God dammit! I wish I just saw a picture of her f*cking another dude so I could know it's over.

 

It's really sick, but I feel the same way. I feel like if I saw that kind of picture it would finalize the break in my mind and make it easier to move on. That kind of picture would just scream "I'VE MOVED ON AND I NO LONGER WANT YOU IN MY LIFE"

 

In truth, the fact that he hasn't spoken to me in a month says the same, but doesn't the heart look for loopholes. I was never told it was a breakup, in fact I was told he was confused but he was NOT breaking up with me. I've read Tara Maiden's words.... a month of silence is surely evidence that he does not want me in his life. Still I want the f*cking picture. But I imagine even then I could convince myself that he was trying other women only to eventually realize I was perfect.

 

Na, everybody gives you a hard time, but gosh even an older person like me has a hard time and finds their heart ruling over their heads. You are very young, and it's a hard lesson to learn. at least you are on LS hearing the words everybody is saying (and you are saying to others!). Hopefully eventually it sinks in. I need it to sink my my thick head too.

 

Btw, am I the only one that thinks of Na as Sodium??

[Hopeful714]

Hey everyone. Long time...no post..and wow.

 

Na-Im sorry to hear you are still where you are. I haven't looked all the way back to everything I've missed, but I read a few pages and I see not much has changed except the new news you acquired on your latest stalking spree..lol.

 

If anyone cares where I've been...well, after my last internet stalking spree that led to the discovery of the ex on a sex site I got pretty disgusted. I felt done with him, done with LS, done with pining...basically done with many things. So, got really busy with things and began to catch up on my life doing things that had severely been neglected while I sat around pining. I was feeling pretty good...went out and bought a bitchin* new car, threw myself back into my job, really cleaned my house finally. For a good while I thought it was finally over...that I was healed...but it started seeping in again. The hurt, the missing, the loneliness.

 

Only advice I have right now is to keep moving forward. Try to get out and meet new people. This I haven't really thrown myself into yet but I know I must. Thing is though from what Ive read many throw them selves out there but its just not "the same". The connection is not there. Next month will be month 8 for me. I'm sooo tired of these thoughts.

 

No want or need to break NC here...never will. But I really am beginning to question why this is taking so long and why some of us still are stuck in this hole while the ex's clearly have moved on. I don't for a second think any of the ex's lives are "great", nor do I think ours are that bad...if anything I think we are just still missing what is in the past while we try to find our way to a new future. I suppose for some it takes longer then others. Hope all is well w everyone!!

[cavalier99]

Hi hopeful. Sorry to hear you had a small setback. No biggie. Sounds like for the most part your doing well! Congrats on the car and getting active. Just keep on truckin and start dating!

 

Im really good and acutally feeling sorta happy recently. Im definitly getting over the BU. My new state feels sorta permanent. I still think of her but most of the strong strong emotions seem to be gone. Knock on wood.

 

I met a hot latina dance instructor girl (hot body and nice personality) that i might ask out. Lots of positive vibes, her grabbing my arm, leaning into me, laughing at what I say ecetera. Got her number we dicussed dancing and she gave me the call me sign as i left.

 

Anyway im feeling extremley confident and really am not concerned if it works out or not. I think ill probably get laid at least. And no i will not miss my ex. If she called my now to reconcile id turn her down. Life is A OK. Rock on! Cav

[Hopeful714]

Ooooh LA LA! A latino dancer! Nice!

 

Heck ya!

 

Yea...hope its just a little set back for me...I need to get out there more and begin to date....its the only way!

 

Keep ya posted!

 

Thanks cav!

[na49]

Well getting out last night was nice, but I had trouble sleeping. I wasn't surprised honestly, because I facebook stalked her, it will take me some time to move past this like it has before.

 

I'm pretty frustrated because I saw pictures of her with different guys in a bunch of pictures. Saw tweets relating to how "in love" she was with a guy and I STILL have hope. The whole point of me doing the facebook stalking was to get rid of any last shred of hope but no. Of course I'm still under the impression that she misses me and still wants to talk to me.

[Minneloa]

\Of course I'm still under the impression that she misses me and still wants to talk to me.

 

What gives you this impression? Serious question.

[Chi townD]

What gives you this impression? Serious question.

 

 

He doesn't. He's delusional. And scared as hell to take a step into a world that doesn't have his Ex in it.

[na49]

He doesn't. He's delusional. And scared as hell to take a step into a world that doesn't have his Ex in it.

 

No argument from me. I really am being delusional at this point. Everything I see tells me she's moved on and I'm still holding onto nothing.

[iouaname]

na - have you taken my suggestion about journaling? I really think that you should. I know that you use this thread for basically the same purpose, but I also imagine that you're sort of conservative with what you reveal here? I am, as well. Sometimes it's nice to just have a word document where you can go to town with all of your feelings. When I'm feeling bad, it's actually something that I look forward to doing. I think it might be really helpful for you.

[Harradin]

I wonder whether this might help, not sure how it can help but I'd thought I'd post it. What it seems like to me is that you need to move forward but you keep using the idea of your ex to stay where you are.

 

[Simon Phoenix]

This youtube also applies to na.

 

 

Also, na, my question isn't why you think she misses you. It's why the f--k would you want to go back to something that toxic.