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Why do I feel worse?


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destroyed4sho
You just wont care or be angry anymore. Its good to get out the anger. I was there just like a month or so ago. Now recently I cant seem to give a S*hit. Although i just had a bad nightmare about her that was deeply disturbing. And come to think about it that dream really pissed me off.

 

OK im pretty pissed going to stop typing now and straigten out my head. Over and out.

 

What was the dream about? I had a bad dream too last night. I dreamt i woke up from my bed and I picked up some cup from my dresser and a bunch of mice jumped on my bed from the dresser and I started screaming bc I didnt know what they were. When I looked closely they looked like the bunch of black guinea pigs she had as pets. I tried to suffocate one of them with my pillow and then ran out of my room screaming. When I came back the one I suffocated was still ALIVE. ahhh silly dream but so damn scary!...lol...wth??

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What was the dream about? I had a bad dream too last night. I dreamt i woke up from my bed and I picked up some cup from my dresser and a bunch of mice jumped on my bed from the dresser and I started screaming bc I didnt know what they were. When I looked closely they looked like the bunch of black guinea pigs she had as pets. I tried to suffocate one of them with my pillow and then ran out of my room screaming. When I came back the one I suffocated was still ALIVE. ahhh silly dream but so damn scary!...lol...wth??

 

That is one f*cked up dream. Lol

 

i was with her post BU and and she was busy doing something. But it was sorta like we were back together. We were in hotel room. Then she was telling me about the 2 guys she was dating and using me help her decide. I then realized she wasnt paying attention to me and was distant. It was then i realized that i had broken NC. I started to get all those jealous feelings and hope that she would pick me again over them. Then i started asking /demanding answers on how she met then. Had she slept with them a lot ecetera

 

And I felt totally whipped and like a pussy. And i think her new guy was there and introduced himself. It was like we were both options. Then i became my current me and realized why did i meet up with her and how did i end up in that situation..

 

So i got really angry and told her again to NEVER to contact me again and im not putting up with her BS. I was like reliving the BU all over again with all the emotions.

 

this dream was very vivid and sorta f*cked me up. And the the thing is ive been pretty indifferent recently.

Edited by cavalier99
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Thank you for the clarification -- I don't disagree with the explanation.

 

 

 

Im sure it doesnt happen for everyone but i can clearly see that there are many on here that are afraid to let go and resist it even though they are close. They grip onto the hurt tightly for dear life like NA is doing. The grip will loosen eventually and he will slip into indifference kicking and screaming. :) lol

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destroyed4sho
That is one f*cked up dream. Lol

 

i was with her post BU and and she was busy doing something. But it was sorta like we were back together. We were in hotel room. Then she was telling me about the 2 guys she was dating and using me help her decide. I then realized she wasnt paying attention to me and was distant. It was then i realized that i had broken NC. I started to get all those jealous feelings and hope that she would pick me again over them. Then i started asking /demanding answers on how she met then. Had she slept with them a lot ecetera

 

And I felt totally whipped and like a pussy. And i think her new guy was there and introduced himself. It was like we were both options. Then i became my current me and realized why did i meet up with her and how did i end up in that situation..

 

So i got really angry and told her again to NEVER to contact me again and im not putting up with her BS. I was like reliving the BU all over again with all the emotions.

 

this dream was very vivid and sorta f*cked me up. And the the thing is ive been pretty indifferent recently.

 

Damn!! Your nightmare is some peoples reality on LS.

 

Maybe both our dreams mean we are TERRIFIED of them reappearing into our lives. Mine was so damn vivid too. Probably a sign that we are thinking about them less and less amd now its coming out through our subconcious. Hopefully, its a positive sign.

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Believe me id never go back. Ive been thru too much. But you right.. part of it might be some indifference another part might be that im too damn scared to ever open myself up to hurt like that again. Especially with her. Cav

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Simon Phoenix

I've had a hotel dream before, kind of. I was walking through a parking lot of the hotel I was staying at with my ex's sister and I get a call on my cell phone, but the cell phone is just vibrating. I picked up and clear as day, my ex is on the other line and says "Tell the front desk that you don't trust me anymore". I just responded "xxx, I really don't think the desk cares. They have other things they have to do." She just said "oh, ok" and hung up. Then I think I watched the Green Bay Packers play baseball or something.

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For me the BU was such a good learning experience, I am just taking all the good from it. As much pain as it caused me to be honest if one day my ex tried to come back, I would consider it and I don't think my opinion on that would ever change, unless I had found someone I connect with much better.

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I've had a hotel dream before, kind of. I was walking through a parking lot of the hotel I was staying at with my ex's sister and I get a call on my cell phone, but the cell phone is just vibrating. I picked up and clear as day, my ex is on the other line and says "Tell the front desk that you don't trust me anymore". I just responded "xxx, I really don't think the desk cares. They have other things they have to do." She just said "oh, ok" and hung up. Then I think I watched the Green Bay Packers play baseball or something.

 

Lol that made me laugh x)

I've had a similar dream...however it wasnt at a hotel, but in a hot, dry place like te Grand Canyon and I was with my best friend and my good guy friend. My phone was set down and I heard my phone vibrate...my ex was trying to FaceTime me. I just let it ring, my good guy friend looked at me and said "don't call him back, and don't answer when he calls again" I started crying...it wa pretty interesting lol

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ARRRRRGH another extremley vivid dream. another post BU meetup this time in Venezuela were I lived for almost 4 years. This time it was to discuss things? not sure why? Entire dream was in spanish and took place a mansion. we talked then new guy showed up. she had totally changed. completly different person.

 

i told how un cool it was that she actually invited him to our meeting to introduce me. i was flabbergasted she did that. i even talked to him awhile. almost told him i hope he is enjoying where i was for 8 years and i hope i left her in good shape down there ..but i held off. lol

 

there is too much detail to go into. i did end up surrounded by like 20 venezuelan girls who were hitting on me by the end of the dream so that is a plus.

 

i even said 'wow im surrounded by 20 venezuelan girls'.

 

and they said ' wow it is about time you noticed!" lol

 

on the bright side im making progress with my composure under pressure in these dreams.

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Wow what a weird reaction today. I seen my ex with who I am assuming she is dating/seeing whatever. And seeing what he looks like I just burst out laughing. Thinking wow that's pathetic if she is actually dating him. It just makes me think, counting down the days until she is begging me to take her back :laugh: I'm not even pissed or thinking I need to beg her to get back with me or any of that BS. It feels pretty awesome I must say.

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Hmm you guys have an interesting perspective on pain and us holding on to feel emotionally connected to them.... Urgh when is this gonna end man lol it feels like forever. It's been a while since I've dreamt the ex, maybe because I don't see his face as much as I used to I dunno. Maybe it is a good sign if you're dreaming her because past few days I've been feeling miserable about him and clearly he's on my conscious mind.. it sounds like your mind is looking for that fix again, since you aren't consciously feeding it. Suladas are you completely over her? Man I worry that your reaction is what my ex thought when he saw me dating someone else lol this rollercoaster needs to endddd!

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Hmm you guys have an interesting perspective on pain and us holding on to feel emotionally connected to them.... Urgh when is this gonna end man lol it feels like forever. It's been a while since I've dreamt the ex, maybe because I don't see his face as much as I used to I dunno. Maybe it is a good sign if you're dreaming her because past few days I've been feeling miserable about him and clearly he's on my conscious mind.. it sounds like your mind is looking for that fix again, since you aren't consciously feeding it. Suladas are you completely over her? Man I worry that your reaction is what my ex thought when he saw me dating someone else lol this rollercoaster needs to endddd!

 

hey boblet. im doing good except for the dreams. lol. i havent really started dating. i texed a girl whos number i got today but no reposnse back so that looks like a no go.

 

debating whether to go out tonight by myself. friends are pussying out. ill just have to ride solo! i do better on my own anyway lol :) no one to hold me back from all my awesomeness!! Cav

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I wonder what ever happened to Crash? Haven't seen him posting in a while

 

Mental hopital. Lol

 

 

 

...kidding :)

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Hmm you guys have an interesting perspective on pain and us holding on to feel emotionally connected to them.... Urgh when is this gonna end man lol it feels like forever. It's been a while since I've dreamt the ex, maybe because I don't see his face as much as I used to I dunno. Maybe it is a good sign if you're dreaming her because past few days I've been feeling miserable about him and clearly he's on my conscious mind.. it sounds like your mind is looking for that fix again, since you aren't consciously feeding it. Suladas are you completely over her? Man I worry that your reaction is what my ex thought when he saw me dating someone else lol this rollercoaster needs to endddd!

 

I'd say 99% over her. Mostly just lingering a bit because she lives next door, if she didnt I know I wouldn't even think about her at all. But I do still think we had great potential, but at the same time it is what it is and I'm not going to worry about it. I can't say for sure obviously especially because she is likely dating but I have a strong feeling that I will be hearing from her again.

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Stylish clothes, shoes, hair gel, deodorant, shaved, showered, cash, watch, awsosome personality, fun, out going, handsome ...check check check check check check check

 

all systems go!

 

wait ..must change months old smushed up condom that was in wallet for new one

 

ok good to go!

Edited by cavalier99
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I wonder what ever happened to Crash? Haven't seen him posting in a while

 

Crashvector? I remember one of his last posts said that he was gonna get physically fit and get a model body or something, would want to see whether he got it and how he got on!

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Crashvector? I remember one of his last posts said that he was gonna get physically fit and get a model body or something, would want to see whether he got it and how he got on!

 

im getting rocked. going to the gym a ton. just started personal training too. shooting for the six pack in a couple of months. major diet changes too.

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im getting rocked. going to the gym a ton. just started personal training too. shooting for the six pack in a couple of months. major diet changes too.

 

I've been in and out of gymming, been doing judo & kickboxing mostly though, been doing a bit of running too. I've stopped strength training because I have a serious amount of power and am pretty hench, trying to do as much cardio as possible to improve my stamina as its awful, I end up knackered in the middle of sparring. I'm gonna get a six pack at some point too, I think I'll wait until I've dropped a couple of kilos so I'm a bit thinner as my abs take punishment from kickboxing so I shouldn't need to do too much work on them!

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drpepper1886

Another good quote.

 

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone – that the only next possible step is to stop pursuing them – to leave them alone and walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try to a certain point. It’s just that you have to distinguish determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours with a reasonable amount of effort, and what is not yours, no matter how hard you try, never will be.
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My ex texted me saying she hopes im doing well and good luck this quarter.

 

Im ready to just punch myself in the face. like wtf is she doing.

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Didnt go out last night. At bar now getting effed up. Have no idea why im posting. Going to get laid by this girl im with..done deal..not best looking but fun. Feel good. Just wanted to give real time update. Rock on! Cav

 

ps glad i changed condom in wallet yesterday

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