McDonald Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 The problem is: You want her back. I think its moremore or less my ability to not be happy when I am alone like right now lol. This pat week I was doing pretty good because i was with my friends on spring break. Not everyone is back yet including my roomate... so I am alone right here. And if it is the girl.. its more of the companionship that im missing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I think its moremore or less my ability to not be happy when I am alone like right now lol. This pat week I was doing pretty good because i was with my friends on spring break. Not everyone is back yet including my roomate... so I am alone right here. And if it is the girl.. its more of the companionship that im missing.. Companionship in place of love, alas. I do understand that being near people helps a lot. That is why it is encourage. But you have to start being comfortable alone. I know that will happen one-day, but not right now. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 When she leaves my mind for the last time... or when I date another girl.. is when I think I will be happy alone again. I mean holy crap I went 19 years alone and was fine!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 When she leaves my mind for the last time... or when I date another girl.. is when I think I will be happy alone again. I mean holy crap I went 19 years alone and was fine!!!! Maybe you will be happier as you move on to another girl, and I hope you get another female. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 what happen with latin dance instructor? Didnt answer my text about going out. Which i was surprised about. Her loss. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Didnt answer my text about going out. Which i was surprised about. Her loss. Lol That is a great attitude to have, and I hope you keep it. Do not wait around anymore, just see it as their loss. with that type of attitude my older brother went through plenty of women, with no-care if they chose him or not, and now he is married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Quit making everybody Jealous ....btw what's her number? jk Ha. You can have it. I wont be calling her (hmm unless i get super horney). I was just a one night think for me although i know shed see me again. I was Super Man! Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Maybe you will be happier as you move on to another girl, and I hope you get another female. It will happen within the next few weeks as the parties start back up lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 A day with family, basketball, and great food has finally come to a close and as I sit here what do I want to do? Break NC! I want to text her on our anniversary next week, just a casual "I hope you're doing well". I've closed the door after blocking her number, and feel like opening it up just a crack again. I'm still not sure how badly it would affect me. I'd definitely be eye balling my phone for a response, but I don't think I'd lay in bed and cry over not getting a response. I'm not looking to be her friend. Maybe just to remind her I'm not dead. or maybe I drank too much wine with my family. Oh well. I hope everyone had a nice Easter. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Happy Easter NA and everyone! Cav Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) na i broke nc today and i must say dont do it unless you want non-emotional>> useless>> messages In response to your message on my thread... WE did have a 4 text conversation. It was just hey how are you? Im doing good you? then I say "Im doing alright, just getting ready for school". That was it. However it was strange because for the first time... there was no emotion attached. It was done and i didnt sit around waiting for a response. Kinda dumb though.... she texts me about the hope you do well.. I initiate a convo... then she gets boring. So basically her text was all for her.. her guilt.. Edited April 1, 2013 by McDonald 1 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 A day with family, basketball, and great food has finally come to a close and as I sit here what do I want to do? Break NC! I want to text her on our anniversary next week, just a casual "I hope you're doing well". I've closed the door after blocking her number, and feel like opening it up just a crack again. I'm still not sure how badly it would affect me. I'd definitely be eye balling my phone for a response, but I don't think I'd lay in bed and cry over not getting a response. I'm not looking to be her friend. Maybe just to remind her I'm not dead. or maybe I drank too much wine with my family. Oh well. I hope everyone had a nice Easter. It would hurt more then you can imagine, trust me on that. Your heart is trying to bargain with your head, and it's not a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cognitive Miser Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 A day with family, basketball, and great food has finally come to a close and as I sit here what do I want to do? Break NC! I want to text her on our anniversary next week, just a casual "I hope you're doing well". I've closed the door after blocking her number, and feel like opening it up just a crack again. I'm still not sure how badly it would affect me. I'd definitely be eye balling my phone for a response, but I don't think I'd lay in bed and cry over not getting a response. I'm not looking to be her friend. Maybe just to remind her I'm not dead. or maybe I drank too much wine with my family. Oh well. I hope everyone had a nice Easter. DON'T YOU EVEN DARE DO THAT. Bad NA, bad... If you ever need something to do to take your mind off of that evil wench I'd be happy to send you my economics and psychology homework for you to occupy yourself with 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GB25 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) na i broke nc today and i must say dont do it unless you want non-emotional>> useless>> messages In response to your message on my thread... WE did have a 4 text conversation. It was just hey how are you? Im doing good you? then I say "Im doing alright, just getting ready for school". That was it. However it was strange because for the first time... there was no emotion attached. It was done and i didnt sit around waiting for a response. Kinda dumb though.... she texts me about the hope you do well.. I initiate a convo... then she gets boring. So basically her text was all for her.. her guilt.. Wow so funny. Same thing basically happened to me. Its damn true when you say "useless non emotional"..about a month ago i get a text from the ex after like 4 weeks NC Her: " So how have you been?" ( I wait about 40 min to reply) Me: Ive been good, you?" ( she waits 2.5 hrs to reply) Her: " No complaints"... Annnnnd that was it..didnt see a need to write back. So she texted me and then gives me that crap reply..best thing to do is just never talk to them again bc its all a damn game. She did the same thing about a month later. Asked me a question then got boring. I think she just likes to make sure I am alive or dont hate her. I dont give in and really start a convo I answer her question and thats it. So I never really set myself up for hurt bc i dont try to make convo. Edited April 1, 2013 by GB25 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 My ex has been contacting me every week or every two weeks (it seems like the time he goes in attempting to contact me gets longer and longer each time), and I find it so hard to not respond. Thanks for all sharing your experiences breaking no contact, it helps me to keep my resolve in not responding... Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Wow so funny. Same thing basically happened to me. Its damn true when you say "useless non emotional"..about a month ago i get a text from the ex after like 4 weeks NC Her: " So how have you been?" ( I wait about 40 min to reply) Me: Ive been good, you?" ( she waits 2.5 hrs to reply) Her: " No complaints"... Annnnnd that was it..didnt see a need to write back. So she texted me and then gives me that crap reply..best thing to do is just never talk to them again bc its all a damn game. She did the same thing about a month later. Asked me a question then got boring. I think she just likes to make sure I am alive or dont hate her. I dont give in and really start a convo I answer her question and thats it. So I never really set myself up for hurt bc i dont try to make convo. It's dumb. They think they are being nice but it really hurts us more or sets us back. It's all a game to them. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) RULE # 1 NEVER EVER BREAK NC UNTIL 100 % INDIFFERENT not a "hi" or "ok" nothing this is really the only rule you need and it is easy to follow it requires no action. Cav Edited April 1, 2013 by cavalier99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Sometimes you feel worried, you feel that something is going wrong. In this case, DO NOT contact the ex. All your being will shout for reaching out and exploring what's wrong. Sometimes you feel there is something positive happening. Messaged my ex, he seemed to be really happy and responding faster and leading the short talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 I don't think it's much of a game on their end actually. I don't think they are sitting there plotting how it will make us feel and how they will word their message. They just kind of message us. They have a goal of what they want their contact to accomplish, whether it does or not doesn't really matter to them. They want to know what we're up to. They aren't dying to know. but they're curious so they ask. I've been doing better since checking her facebook last week. I still have trouble sleeping and I noticed I started having trouble the night I checked so I assume it has something to do with what I saw. but I'm sure that will pass with time. School starts up again tomorrow, so I should have a little less time to myself which is a good thing. I still have urges to contact her. Not pour my heart out, but just start a conversation with her. For some reason I'm convinced it would go somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 RULE # 1 NEVER EVER BREAK NC UNTIL 100 % INDIFFERENT not a "hi" or "ok" nothing this is really the only rule you need and it is easy to follow it requires no action. Cav I do agree with this. It's like taking off a bandage before the wound is completely healed and it starts to bleed again, so in the end it takes even longer to heal. Don't check or take it off until you forget there is even a wound. I wish I had the option of NC it would of made my road so much easier. Some people might say I am lucky to still be in somewhat contact with my ex (maybe in some ways) but for healing it wasn't good. You take things and make them into something they aren't, and just keep thinking about them more when there is contact involved. You have to get use to them not being apart of your life anymore, the sooner the better. It doesn't matter what it is to them, who cares what they think. You need to do what is best for you, and that is forgetting they exist. Sure it feels good now I can be in contact and feel nothing, but if I was NC since the BU i'm sure I would still be at this point and would of got there quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I still have urges to contact her. Not pour my heart out, but just start a conversation with her. For some reason I'm convinced it would go somewhere. What would you say if you were too? and are you sure those feelings are actually still there or are you making them up. My problem right now is that I actually am doing fine, yet I do not want her to know that. I want her to think Im still hurting, that was she did was bad etc so that she could feel some pain that I have felt, because she does have guilt or she wouldnt have tried to relieve a bit by messaging me. Yes the message wasnt for me, but it was for her guilt. Nevertheless, it shouldnt matter what she thinks. What Im trying to say Na is try to figure out how you actually feel and separate that from how you think you feel or how you are making yourself feel. TaraMaiden revealed something to me about this in a post from her on my thread when I asked "why do I want to tell her that Im not oaky.. when really I do feel fine"-- This can be compared to you wanting to pour your heart out.. though in reality you may be alright-- "You dumped me. You made me unhappy. You messed with my heart and dragged it over broken glass and hot coals. Now you want to know whether I'm ok? Yes. Actually, I am ok. I'm happier, and well on the way to recovery. I'm doing fine and feeling better. I'm beginning to realise the worth and value of living well, and that I CAN do it without you. But you know what? I'm not going to tell you that. You know why? Because if I do, it will relieve your guilt. It will make YOU feel better about dumping me, and somehow relieve the bad feelings you have about what you did. And I just want you to carry on carrying. I want you to suffer a little bit now, in a fraction of the way you made ME suffer. I want you to believe I'm still in the hell-hole you threw me into, because that means you still feel the churning inside, when you hurt someone you have feelings for. so, for your information (untrue as it may be), no, I'm not fine. I'm still unhappy, still mourning, still not over you, still in pain and it's still all your fault. Carry that, a bit longer, why don't you, bitch?" Ive been able to realize that i am actually doing fine, and that the sadness I get is what Im creating on myself because I dont want her to see me happy, Isnt that weird? In the end, its all on me. What I text my ex, it doesn't even matter, it doesn't change anything. Its on us now to just make ourselves happy, to enjoy our lives and not care what the Ex's think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 What would you say if you were too? and are you sure those feelings are actually still there or are you making them up. My problem right now is that I actually am doing fine, yet I do not want her to know that. I want her to think Im still hurting, that was she did was bad etc so that she could feel some pain that I have felt, because she does have guilt or she wouldnt have tried to relieve a bit by messaging me. Yes the message wasnt for me, but it was for her guilt. Nevertheless, it shouldnt matter what she thinks. What Im trying to say Na is try to figure out how you actually feel and separate that from how you think you feel or how you are making yourself feel. TaraMaiden revealed something to me about this in a post from her on my thread when I asked "why do I want to tell her that Im not oaky.. when really I do feel fine"-- This can be compared to you wanting to pour your heart out.. though in reality you may be alright-- Ive been able to realize that i am actually doing fine, and that the sadness I get is what Im creating on myself because I dont want her to see me happy, Isnt that weird? In the end, its all on me. What I text my ex, it doesn't even matter, it doesn't change anything. Its on us now to just make ourselves happy, to enjoy our lives and not care what the Ex's think. I think the reason is you want her to think your sad is because it shows her how much you loved her and that all this suffering and sacrifice should be acknoledged by her and will result in her taking you back and assuaging your hurt.. Not so much that you want her to feel guilty. Cav Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 I hope she thinks I'm still hurting. When I did see her, I looked over at her quickly, and bolted for the gym with my head down (which is where I was walking towards) I honestly feel like she thinks I'm over it and happy she's gone. She probably thinks I hate her because I didn't accept her friendship, I ignored her, and not sure if she found out I blocked her number or not. (which I don't know if I like or not. If she's tried to call me these past 3 months, I want to know, but I don't) As for what I'd tell her. Nothing really. Just a simple "hey, I was thinking of you. I hope you're doing well" I'd eyeball my phone for a response though, and wonder why she didn't respond if she didn't. The more brief response she would give, the worse I would feel. I also feel like asking one of her friends who I'm "friends" with (not really, he just talks to me sometimes) how she's doing. I'd hate to stroke her ego though. If she was under the impression that I was the reason she was missing out on all of these "great new people" she's met. Then why the f*ck would I want to come back so she can reject me again and feel even better? Since dumping me, she's had more and more of an ego and become more and more of the person she told me she hated. She was known in high school, but wasn't "popular". Now she thinks she's "famous" (no joke, she told me she thinks she's famous around campus) blah blah blah, I like this thread better when you guys are all sharing your stories/we're helping each other. My story is annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I think the reason is you want her to think your sad is because it shows her how much you loved her and that all this suffering and sacrifice should be acknoledged by her and will result in her taking you back and assuaging your hurt.. Not so much that you want her to feel guilty. Cav Could be, and obviously it isnt working lol And then why dont I want her to think that Im over it as well or doing fine without her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 I think the reason is you want her to think your sad is because it shows her how much you loved her and that all this suffering and sacrifice should be acknoledged by her and will result in her taking you back and assuaging your hurt.. Not so much that you want her to feel guilty. Cav Cav pretty much nailed it. This is how I feel too. (at times) You don't want her to think you're over it for the same reason I don't want her to think I'm over it. If they think we're over it, they won't want us back because they'll think we've moved on. So as a result of them thinking we're over it, they'll let themselves get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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