McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Yea but the funny thing is Cav and NA that Im not really hurting anymore.... Im not really sad anymore. I actually doing fine. yet it scares me that i am so I then act like im not and thus, want to tell her im not okay. Im doing okay but dont want to tell her that... weird Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Yea but the funny thing is Cav and NA that Im not really hurting anymore.... Im not really sad anymore. I actually doing fine. yet it scares me that i am so I then act like im not and thus, want to tell her im not okay. Im doing okay but dont want to tell her that... weird Well i know what you mean sort of. Im doing good also but id like her to see me doing great..although id like some recognition on some level how much work i did getting over it as a testament to how deeply i loved her. but we are on a solo journey now without them and will NEVER get this perverse satisfaction. when we are completly over it we wont care about this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Well i know what you mean sort of. Im doing good also but id like her to see me doing great..although id like some recognition on some level how much work i did getting over it as a testament to how deeply i loved her. but we are on a solo journey now without them and will NEVER get this perverse satisfaction. when we are completly over it we wont care about this anymore. For me though what Im trying to say is its backwards how I feel. I want her to see that Im hurting.. not doing okay... though I am doing fine. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 For me though what Im trying to say is its backwards how I feel. I want her to see that Im hurting.. not doing okay... though I am doing fine. Why do you want her to see that your hurting, when in fact you're doing fine?! That'll just justify her breaking up with you. That she made the right choice in my opinion. Acting like you're hurt an letting her know it by showing it tells her "haha look at this MD is still hurting over me" ego points go to her. You WANT to show her you can't live a life without her. That you don't need her. You want her, but don't need her...that's independence for you. Show her you can live a happy life just fine and she may think "what did I do? He's doing just fine without me? How?" Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 On another note this girl from the other night is texting me. And is already pushing to see me again. I guess ill need to make it clear im only available for partying and sex on occasion and make sure she is ok with that. Im sure she will be. I now need to get like 2 or 3 other girls in the same position. And begin rotating them in and out. As 1 goes away ill just pull in another so there are always 2 to 4 available. THIS IS A GREAT PLAN! I love being single! Rock on Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I leave for another couple days and na is back to being na and getting bogged down by dumb thoughts (though not as bad as last week), McDonald is going for the opposite theory and Cav has turned into the pickup artist. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I do see where you guys are coming from wanting them to think you're hurting, but I don't think it's best. The best thing to do is show them nothing, that you're going on with life like nothing ever happened. I showed my ex I was hurting, and guess what? When they don't react to that, it hurts even more, or if they react thinking it is pathetic, would be worse yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 And yes, wanting them to know you are hurting is a bad idea. Like really bad. If anything, it reinforces to them why they broke up with you in the first place. They won't feel sympathy -- they'll feel like you are pathetic. It doesn't make sense, especially in McDonald's case, when he doesn't feel bad at all. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 my biggest regret is allowing my ex to see how devastated I was by the breakup. It is one mistake I will never make again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 It's probably been explained already, but why is it a bad idea for them to know we're hurt? I don't understand how it makes them feel better about their decision? No I'm not going to tell my ex how I'm feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't know whether it's a bad idea or not, I just know that I regret allowing him to know he devastated me so much. I wish that I had kept a stiff upper-lip when it happened, and then dealt with the emotions out-of-sight. For me personally, I just don't like the idea of being pitied. I don't want his sympathy, and I hated that he would call me all the time just to 'check up on me' as if I were on watch or something 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 It's probably been explained already, but why is it a bad idea for them to know we're hurt? I don't understand how it makes them feel better about their decision? No I'm not going to tell my ex how I'm feeling. Because they see you as weak and feeble. No one wants a bitch, for a lack of a better word, as a partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) It's probably been explained already, but why is it a bad idea for them to know we're hurt? I don't understand how it makes them feel better about their decision? No I'm not going to tell my ex how I'm feeling. Because they'll look at you with someone with no life. That you don't have a life outside of a relationship and that they were the priority and now that they're gone you hurt and hurt and hurt over them instead of going out and having a good time showing them that they WERE'NT the priority and that you can get on with life happy. When they see you happy and having a good time in life without them it makes them think if they made the right decision. Plus you look pathetic if you still pine over them and they're off having a good time. You give them power for acting hurt and showing them that you are...like how an omega wolf acts pitiful and willing to give everything to an alpha wolf who's strong and pushes the omega around Have fun and live your life like you never met them. Edited April 2, 2013 by RiceaRoni 3 Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Because they'll look at you with someone with no life. That you don't have a life outside of a relationship and that they were the priority and now that they're gone you hurt and hurt and hurt over them instead of going out and having a good time showing them that they WERE'NT the priority and that you can get on with life happy. When they see you happy and having a good time in life without them it makes them think if they made the right decision. Plus you look pathetic if you still pine over them and they're off having a good time. You give them power for acting hurt and showing them that you are...like how an omega wolf acts pitiful and willing to give everything to an alpha wolf who's strong and pushes the omega around Have fun and live your life like you never met them. Because i told my ex how hurt I was and I got no empathy at all. I actually got more mouth from her and a another kick in the ass. They dont care at all at this point they are so disconnected from you, it doesnt affect them. Even if you are seriously suicidal, they just wont give a damn. So why sound pitiful and loose your dignity? No point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 So it's really a lose/lose for us as the dumpee. If we fight for them, they think we're being annoying. If we don't fight with them, they think we never cared. I've seen examples of both of these attitudes from dumpers on this forum. Amen to living your life like you never met them. I honestly forget I go to the same college as my ex at times. I still obsess over her and think I see her when I don't, but because it's been so long since I've actually seen her, I almost forget she exists. I just walk around campus and see reminders of her. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 So it's really a lose/lose for us as the dumpee. If we fight for them, they think we're being annoying. If we don't fight with them, they think we never cared. I've seen examples of both of these attitudes from dumpers on this forum. Amen to living your life like you never met them. I honestly forget I go to the same college as my ex at times. I still obsess over her and think I see her when I don't, but because it's been so long since I've actually seen her, I almost forget she exists. I just walk around campus and see reminders of her. The best thing and only thing to do is nothing but keep moving forward.. Your ex can't resent you and say things about you when you get on with life and don't do or say anything to them... Please take it from me...I made the biggest mistake of begging and crying to my ex, wanting to always talk with him about us...when in reality he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and he wanted to meet new girls and get laid. I felt so pathetic and inferior to him it was ridiculous...I even became disgusted into what I turned into. I've never let down my pride to anyone except him and he never deserved to see my pride let down. So don't make my mistakes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 It's probably been explained already, but why is it a bad idea for them to know we're hurt? I don't understand how it makes them feel better about their decision? No I'm not going to tell my ex how I'm feeling. I dont.think it makes them feel better. I think it makes them feel more disconnected and disgusted by an overly emotional ex. They start seeing you as this pathetic pitiful codependent diseased human being that needs to be quarantined right away!! And so they act colder the more you express your feelings. :-( ... Trust me I cried, pleaded, groveled, text terrorized, acted like I needed my stuff, blah blah just so I can feel.connected in someway. Totally regret it now and kinda ashamed. Was not worth it really. The only thing I got from it was seeing this disappointing cruel side of her that I kind of new was there but I just never experienced it myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 So it's really a lose/lose for us as the dumpee. If we fight for them, they think we're being annoying. If we don't fight with them, they think we never cared. I've seen examples of both of these attitudes from dumpers on this forum. Amen to living your life like you never met them. I honestly forget I go to the same college as my ex at times. I still obsess over her and think I see her when I don't, but because it's been so long since I've actually seen her, I almost forget she exists. I just walk around campus and see reminders of her. This is you projecting again. They know you cared whether you "fight" for them or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Here is a bit of the communication i had with this girl today. I wasnt going to post it but figured everyone needed a laugh. her: thanks for a fun night, morning and almost afternoon. Me: Ha. Thank you! GREAT time! Are you sore? her: Body is sore. Legs, thighs back. P*ssy...lol ready to rock and roll: f*ckin hilarious!! Cav Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 So it's really a lose/lose for us as the dumpee. If we fight for them, they think we're being annoying. If we don't fight with them, they think we never cared. I've seen examples of both of these attitudes from dumpers on this forum. Amen to living your life like you never met them. I honestly forget I go to the same college as my ex at times. I still obsess over her and think I see her when I don't, but because it's been so long since I've actually seen her, I almost forget she exists. I just walk around campus and see reminders of her. Its an all-round LOSE situation for a dumpee. Ya LOSE the person you Love, your best friend, your dignity, ego, your time, your heart and happiness for a while, your trust in others....and more. Then you Lose more time trying to rebuild your life again. Beind the dumpee really sux...:-/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Fyi i will spare everyone more detail in the future. I know tmi tmi! Lol Rock on! Cav Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 This is you projecting again. They know you cared whether you "fight" for them or not. They know EVERYTHING..they know how much you loved them and still do, they know your in pain, and suffering, wanting them back, thinking about them everday etc. Hoe do they know? Bc they know you!....... They know it ALL....do they care?? Nope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Um, thanks for that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I thought it was funny! But im a strange bird i guess. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I thought it was funny! But im a strange bird i guess. Lol i have a feeling you are DYING to tell us details...so just go ahead (RR version I guess)...riceroni ur over 16 right?! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts