Why do I feel worse?

[Toddbt12y1]

I know, in college it was easy to socialize at gym...now I am thinking...oh well how old are they? Do I look like a debbie downer right now? Am I moping, do I look sad??....they are prob like 22?!....

Yes, i want to get into shape and be gorgeous again....lol...gotta get back to who I was before this demonic, bloodsucking leech monster mo'fu' came into my life!

 

Who cares what they think of you? Just do your thing, and socialize if you must. That is one thing I lack: A gym. Sort of. I have pretty much a whole Gym at me home -- which is what I prefer, less socializing and more pumping.

[cavalier99]

Na it's alright. You are bound too see your ex eventually. At least you didn't go looking for her and possibly hurt yourself more.

 

Today wasn't a good day. Maybe because I slept in.

 

Woke up. Went to class. Couldn't concentrate-- and that's how the rest of the day was. I even almost cried one point in class. Not becauSe I was missing her, but because I am just so over feeling like this... I'm so over having these memories in my head come back. I was fine for a good 3 weeks and now I feel like my progress has stopped because she sent me a message. Not even because I responded. But Just that she sent it.

 

"hope your're doing well." what a load of crap. She doesn't care if im doing good or terrible... Its not going to change anything... So why even tell me that? To think that it's a nice gesture? To clear your guilt? Well thanks but no thanks.

 

I'm doing fine without her... But it's moments like these where I just sit and think why me? I see people fight all the time with their gf/bf. I see terrible couples everywhere. It made my relationship seem perfect and yet.. Mine ends while the ones that seem like they are the worst combination continue on?

 

"good luck this quarter". She also told me that.

I don't need her to wish me good luck. Last quarter without her I scored my highest gpa... Go figure.

 

I don't need her sympathy now.... God.. When I wanted it, I didn't hear a peep. Now, when I was so close to being done with it... She messages me. Thus, I fall back into thinking about her, asking what ifs, and stalking her house just about.

 

I can clearly see what I am doing and what is wrong with it. I can clearly see what she did wrong and how much she hurt me.

I just want the thinking to go away perminatly.

 

I don't want just three weeks of perfect "I'm actually moving on" thoughts just to have myself sent right backvv

 

Damnit. Okay. I'm going to work out.

 

The text that i didnt respond to for my birthday in december messed me up for weeks. I hope i would do better now if there are any other incoming missles.

Edited April 4, 2013 by cavalier99

[destroyed4sho]

Who cares what they think of you? Just do your thing, and socialize if you must. That is one thing I lack: A gym. Sort of. I have pretty much a whole Gym at me home -- which is what I prefer, less socializing and more pumping.

 

Yeah, I want to look fantastic before the summer. I want to be toned and tanned so I can go to the beach every weekend.

I have the door gym at home....LOL...its actually not bad for people that are already in shape.

[destroyed4sho]

The text that i didnt respond to for my birthday in december messed me up for weeks. I hope i would do better now if there are any other incoming missles.

 

I think you will do great. For me yesterday was the 3rd time, and I don't give a hoot what he wanted to say...I am sure he wants me to be friends with her and come over the her place to eat dinner/watch a movie or whatever...stupid ****.

[na49]

Good point McDonald. I am bound to see her eventually considering we'll be on the same campus for the next 3 years. I'm also bound to see her with another guy for the same reason. I still wonder how I will be able to handle this when it happens. Will time and NC really heal me and make me indifferent towards something like that? I will always want what I had with her. I've come to that conclusion. Until I find someone who makes me happier, I will always want the relationship that I had with her back. I don't think that's a bad thing though.

 

I still get really weak from seeing her name written somewhere or hearing her voice, seeing pictures of her hurts. seeing her in person sucks. seeing her friends sucks. I saw one of her friends who I hadn't seen in a while. He told us he hoped we stayed together forever. I almost teared up when I saw him. God I sound like such a b*tch tonight... (or is that most nights for me now? )

 

Time is the only thing that will let you stop obsessing over the text she sent you. As you have new stuff enter your brain, I feel like less important stuff gets pushed back. Obsessing over the BU and her is all up to you though. I was obsessing over what I saw on her facebook for almost a week. I couldn't sleep. I still am obsessing to an extent but not as bad as before.

 

Good call going to the gym to let off some steam though.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think we need more cavalier sex stories.

[Damsel in Distress]

McDonald I identified with so much of your post.

 

I even almost cried one point in class. Not becauSe I was missing her, but because I am just so over feeling like this...

 

I know the feeling. I just want it to stop! It's exhausting.

 

I was fine for a good 3 weeks and now I feel like my progress has stopped because she sent me a message. Not even because I responded. But Just that she sent it.

 

Yes isn't that a shame! You were doing everything right and progressing in your recovery - and then through no fault of your own you got a setback. And it's crazy how even the slightest presence of them triggers the avalanche of emotions

 

"hope your're doing well." what a load of crap. She doesn't care if im doing good or terrible... Its not going to change anything...

 

I'm sure she didn't know what else to say, but does she really think she can shatter your heart and your life and you're doing well??? WTF. And what difference does it make to her if you are doing well or in misery? Will it change her behavior? No.

 

 

But it's moments like these where I just sit and think why me? I see people fight all the time with their gf/bf. I see terrible couples everywhere. It made my relationship seem perfect and yet.. Mine ends while the ones that seem like they are the worst combination continue on?

 

Dang, McDonald, my mind hadn't gone there yet. But now it has, lol. And yes it sucks! How do these dysfunctional couples hang in there through thick and thin and poof, our relationships went up in smoke.

 

I don't need her to wish me good luck. Last quarter without her I scored my highest gpa... Go figure.

 

Way to go!!! You absolutely do NOT need her luck!

 

 

I don't need her sympathy now.... God.. When I wanted it, I didn't hear a peep. Now, when I was so close to being done with it... She messages me. Thus, I fall back into thinking about her, asking what ifs, and stalking her house just about.

 

Exactly! Excellent point!!!! Don't act concerned now! Where were you when my heart was ripped out of my chest and shattered all over the ground???

 

 

Thank you for this post McDonald. I identify so much with your thoughts. And I see I'm not the only one whose emotional stability is so fragile - so easy to get derailed

 

I'm sorry she set you back, but you reacted great by not responding or engaging with her. Hopefully a good workout and a fresh day tomorrow will have your emotions in a different spot.

Hang in there.

[McDonald]

Im glad my post was able to help you realize that you are not the only one.

 

Its funny when you think you have gotten to the point where you are strong enough and indifferent enough to take the message... you realize you are not, but by then its too late.

Im just tired of these thoughts coming back.. like what has happened to my progress?

I had a great workout though.

And tomorrow we have a social with a sorority. So hopefully I can pull some girl into my room (with consent of course) lol.

[cavalier99]

Im glad my post was able to help you realize that you are not the only one.

 

Its funny when you think you have gotten to the point where you are strong enough and indifferent enough to take the message... you realize you are not, but by then its too late.

Im just tired of these thoughts coming back.. like what has happened to my progress?

I had a great workout though.

And tomorrow we have a social with a sorority. So hopefully I can pull some girl into my room (with consent of course) lol.

 

You and damsel should read my post from Nov. That is the pit were i was. So it does get better. Promise! Cav

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery

[LostOne1]

 

I'm doing fine without her... But it's moments like these where I just sit and think why me? I see people fight all the time with their gf/bf. I see terrible couples everywhere. It made my relationship seem perfect and yet.. Mine ends while the ones that seem like they are the worst combination continue on?

 

Maybe they can fight and still work it out.

 

Heck my grandparents fought tons.. but they STILL made it work. All relationships WILL have fights and debates and arguments. It's only natural as no 2 people are the exact same.

 

What matters is HOW those 2 people get through the fights and arguments. I see it as if a relationship fails due to it, then it wasn't strong enough to get you both through the problem. And a strong relationship WILL get both of them through the bad times together.

[Damsel in Distress]

Wow, Cav! Thanks for pulling out that post. Yes, that's it exactly! what's weird is I am right at 7 weeks now (5 weeks NC). Gosh that's comforting to see you felt the same way at about that same point.

 

This is what I love about LS - everybody knows how we're feeling because they went through it too... and lived through it! Cav was once a hollow fed-up ranting shell... and look where he is now - collecting girls and numbers, lol. I don't plan to get to quite that point, lol, but I do want to be over him strong enough that nothing can set me back. I just feel like my hold on recovery is so fragile. I can feel so strong and think gosh, I'm getting there... then the slightest thing knocks me down and I find myself thinking and reacting the wrong way again and I'm like ****... how is it possible I'm thinking this way again! I thought I was past this!

 

Thanks Cav!

[flight E]

Maybe u need final closure. U can text her since she had made attempts to reach u. Tell her that the first step is an apology if she is too proud 4 that then u wish her well but u can not continue to ave anytin to do with her

[Simon Phoenix]

Maybe u need final closure. U can text her since she had made attempts to reach u. Tell her that the first step is an apology if she is too proud 4 that then u wish her well but u can not continue to ave anytin to do with her

 

Closure comes from within. If you text her, you'll likely have more questions from the answer than you did if you didn't text her.

[suladas]

Closure comes from within. If you text her, you'll likely have more questions from the answer than you did if you didn't text her.

 

You can get closure from them, but your chances of winning the lottery are better. Chances are you will end up with more questions then answers, that is exactly what happened to me.

[suladas]

NA I don't really have any advice how to cope with seeing them, it's just not easy, but you do get use to it. Just go about your life like normal and take it as best as possible when you run into her. Eventually it won't bother you anymore.

[na49]

I've been going back and forth with if I should contact her now or not forever. At the end of the day, if I ever decide to contact her, I'll just do it. I wouldn't do it for closure though. I agree that closure comes from within. I hate the term "closure" though.

 

My counselor made some pretty good points today. I beat myself up for thinking about her when thinking about her hasn't done anything to me. She told me to think about if I really want her back or if I'm just lonely. Once I left I felt like turning around and saying "I do want her!" but I'm really going to challenge myself to think this over. I've been thinking about it before obviously, but to really consider it. because even if we did get back together (and we wouldn't) would it be something that I would really want? How much sacrifice would I need to make? I wouldn't have as much time for the gym, my grades might suffer which is not what I'm trying to have right before finals. and it wouldn't be fair to her to have her change who she is. She's the same freaking person. I want her to be loyal. She's not loyal. I want her to not flirt. She's a flirt.

 

She asked me flat out "Are you okay with cheating? because that's how you're sounding."

 

I know you guys tell me the same crap she told me. It really hits home saying all of this stuff out loud. I even started laughing at how ridiculous I sounded at times.

[cavalier99]

Made out with latina dance intructor! We had drinks over lunch. She drank a margarita i had a Sam Adams. Kissed in car.

 

Tentative date set up for next weekend! This one I sorta like! Good chemistry. Deep eye contact close up. Lots of laughing and joking around touching ecetera.

 

Wooo Hooo! Cav

 

other girl still texting

Edited April 5, 2013 by cavalier99

[destroyed4sho]

I've been going back and forth with if I should contact her now or not forever. At the end of the day, if I ever decide to contact her, I'll just do it. I wouldn't do it for closure though. I agree that closure comes from within. I hate the term "closure" though.

 

My counselor made some pretty good points today. I beat myself up for thinking about her when thinking about her hasn't done anything to me. She told me to think about if I really want her back or if I'm just lonely. Once I left I felt like turning around and saying "I do want her!" but I'm really going to challenge myself to think this over. I've been thinking about it before obviously, but to really consider it. because even if we did get back together (and we wouldn't) would it be something that I would really want? How much sacrifice would I need to make? I wouldn't have as much time for the gym, my grades might suffer which is not what I'm trying to have right before finals. and it wouldn't be fair to her to have her change who she is. She's the same freaking person. I want her to be loyal. She's not loyal. I want her to not flirt. She's a flirt.

 

She asked me flat out "Are you okay with cheating? because that's how you're sounding."

 

I know you guys tell me the same crap she told me. It really hits home saying all of this stuff out loud. I even started laughing at how ridiculous I sounded at times.

Maybe cav can contact her for you. He seems to have the golden touch with ladies lately.

 

Na, are you thinking of contacting her to be friends???

I would give.up in the thought of getting back with her. why would you want to??

You dont trust her, so how would that work out?

[cavalier99]

Maybe cav can contact her for you. He seems to have the golden touch with ladies lately.

 

Na, are you thinking of contacting her to be friends???

I would give.up in the thought of getting back with her. why would you want to??

You dont trust her, so how would that work out?

 

NA doesnt really want to go back. He just doesnt realize it yet. He has moved on a lot more than he thinks. He woudnt go back to her even if she asked to.

[McDonald]

Im coming to realize that friendship between me and my ex is impossible, Took me a while and many things had to happen. but I just wouldnt be able to do it.

 

Sucks because right when idecide that i never want to talk to her.. she texts me... perfect timing right?

 

Na, why do you want to contact her?

[cavalier99]

Im coming to realize that friendship between me and my ex is impossible, Took me a while and many things had to happen. but I just wouldnt be able to do it.

 

Sucks because right when idecide that i never want to talk to her.. she texts me... perfect timing right?

 

Na, why do you want to contact her?

 

He doesnt really.

[na49]

I wouldn't be contacting her to be friends. If anything I would tell her I don't want to be friends with her because I can't. I would contact her to find out where her head was at. I probably won't do it. I'm still trying to figure out the answer to the question my counselor asked me yesterday. "Do you I miss her, or am I just lonely?"

 

She told me to make a list for both sides and we're going to talk about it next week. I think of "good" reasons for both sides. I don't have any crushes yet, but there are a few girls I see and am like "Damn.. it would be awesome if I could bring her home" I need that one girl to just blow me away and forget about my ex.

 

I also talked about how I wanted to contact her. My counselor didn't tell me whether I should or shouldn't, but she told me I should only do it if I can handle every possible outcome. and I don't think I can. I play the situations in my head and most of them suck.

 

I've found that not beating myself up over the thoughts has helped. I had a really long dream about her last night. It was something about me looking at her facebook and she was writing how mad she was that I blocked her. It was so weird because in the dream I was looking at new pictures of her. I think it's crazy how my mind was able to make up all of these images of her.

 

anyway, our anniversary would have been next week. I'm gonna need to stay strong because I know I'll probably be feeling miserable about it.

[Simon Phoenix]

NA doesnt really want to go back. He just doesnt realize it yet. He has moved on a lot more than he thinks. He woudnt go back to her even if she asked to.

 

I agree with this. I don't think he really wants to go back, I think he feels that he should want to go back because if he doesn't, then that removes that last strand of pain. And I think he's become so used to it that he's hesitant to let it go.

[destroyed4sho]

Made out with latina dance intructor! We had drinks over lunch. She drank a margarita i had a Sam Adams. Kissed in car.

 

Tentative date set up for next weekend! This one I sorta like! Good chemistry. Deep eye contact close up. Lots of laughing and joking around touching ecetera.

 

Wooo Hooo! Cav

 

other girl still texting

 

Thats is great cav. dancing latina sounds promising.

 

3 guys have asked me out but i just couldnt manage to respond.back....i feel like im just in depressed mode...not bc of her, just me.

[destroyed4sho]

one of them.even called me today and i didnt even pick up. i just watched there call as it rang...i dont know wth is wrong with me. I feel like its a waste of time goig out and dating...plus Im not even attracted to.anyone right now. I am really moody lately.