Why do I feel worse?

[na49]

I feel like I won't be able to until I stop thinking of her completely. The only feelings I feel left towards her (at least most of the time) have been anger and hurt. So I want her to feel hurt for making me feel like she did.

[na49]

I just got to thinking. (I really need to stop myself)

 

Me and my ex aren't in any of each other's classes. This is just another step in us being completely separate from each other. She'll meet new people in her classes that she'll like more than me, see her old friends in her classes. Why am I so sad about this? It just killed my mood.

[LostOne1]

I feel like I won't be able to until I stop thinking of her completely. The only feelings I feel left towards her (at least most of the time) have been anger and hurt. So I want her to feel hurt for making me feel like she did.

You know whats funny I want the EXACT same stuff u are saying.. wanting her to feel bad, knowing she feels bad etc.. and here 2 people are telling us good advice and my friends an hr ago told me the same thing.

 

Who cares what she thinks, stop thinking of her etc...

 

I know what they are trying to get at.. that we are wasting our time worrying about our ex, that it isn't allowing us to heal. We are obsessing now and it doesn't help at all. I have a hard time accepting it, but there isn't much I can do besides listen to advice.

 

I want my ex to feel hurt too. But I think the best way is to go on with your life. I keep telling myself that too. That the best way is to go on with my life and just live it without her. Sure it's tough and thats all I ever imagine in my future. But that future is gone now and no matter what I do or say it's gone.. kinda like my grandma. Shes gone and nothing will bring her back so why sit and cry day in and day out. Cry a few times to mourn the pain and then move on for the future.

 

I personally think what we both need is a new girl. I'm starting to believe that now, because I didn't want to date at all. But now I feel like I do and I want to be sure I do a better job this time around.

[na49]

I definitely feel like I need a new girl. The problem is that it isn't that easy for me to just get a new one. I've only had one girlfriend, and she picked me. Now I not only have to find another girl who will like me like I like them. I have to have the stones to ask them out and have them say yes. (how do you even do that lol)

 

I realize that probably isn't in the cards for me right now which is why I have to become more satisfied with my single life, and just take whatever life gives me. It's been easier said than done though.

[LostOne1]

I just got to thinking. (I really need to stop myself)

 

Me and my ex aren't in any of each other's classes. This is just another step in us being completely separate from each other. She'll meet new people in her classes that she'll like more than me, see her old friends in her classes. Why am I so sad about this? It just killed my mood.

Your sad because you WANT to see your ex. You want to be near her so she can see you and maybe feel bad about what she did. And maybe then if your near her you think there is more contact or more eye locks and you will have a better chance at working it out? Am I wrong?

 

I won't lie one of my classes I thought my ex would be in it. But I registered late and had to get into the 2nd session. So I guess fate avoided putting me in the same class as her. I won't lie, I WANTED to be in the same class. That way she has to SEE me a lot and she will feel something and I will know she does.

 

For me I felt like she STILL has feelings. But she bluffed the whole damn BU and it backfired in her face. And now she is too proud to accept it. And I felt if she saw me more often she will maybe have those feelings come back or talk to me or ask to have coffee and talk. I heard in a study that people, who see each other a lot or on a constant basis end up liking each other more. Like classmates you see them so often, that you end up likeing each other. I think it's more if you have a stimulant near you on a constant basis you end up liking it.

[na49]

I guess I'm afraid that because we won't really be seeing each other at all, that she'll forget about me and I really will become just a memory to her... She'll just kind of look at me as "Oh yeah... that guy I was dating when I started college. So happy I dumped him! I'm so much better off and I met the man of my dreams now!"

 

Gah it hurts so much... f*ck this. I feel like screaming and punching something right now.

[suladas]

I've thought nearly all the same things you guys have the key is not acting on them or at least most of the time. No matter what thought time will get you over them. Even if you still obsess over them, check their FB, contact them whatever not sure how much the time varies depending how you go about the break up but eventually you get there.

 

You don't need someone else to get over them, it would probably help but it's not a must. I am content being single now, I really don't care about having someone. I use to want to keep in contact even, now even that I don't care about it just doesn't matter anymore.

 

Time will help you guys, above that I can't think of anything that stands out that helped me. Think of the positive, I made ALL the bad mistakes like still contacting, keeping her on FB, and I managed to still get there. You guys are doing a lot better with things like that then I did.

[Simon Phoenix]

What has helped me is what helped me in the past, and what helped me get my ex to like me in the first place, having confidence in myself. Having a standard of conduct and living up to it. Not worrying about what other people have to say or how they perceive you. I mean na49, you are worried about what a cheater and a piece of crap thinks about you on a constant basis. I can't imagine you were always that spineless (for lack of a better word). I'm harder on you than LostOne, for example, because not only did she leave you, but she left you in the most disrespectful, insulting way possible. She's not the one who needs fixing (she sucks and is past fixing at this point). You need to fix yourself. She is not an issue anymore, it's you. Maybe this incident will help you find the guts to meet people, to be out there, to stop worrying about every little thing.

 

I'm not sure if you've ever played baseball, or any other sports, but one of the best pieces of advice to baseball players is "Don't think, just throw." You need to be less brains and more cock and balls. I used to be an extreme overthinker. In the last days of my last relationship and the first days after the break, I was overthinking. But people who overthink don't do, they usually are left thinking about what they could have done if they weren't so busy turning their heads into a pretzel.

 

So na49, don't think, just throw. Stop coming up with all these different ways to think about the same thing, something that is completely pointless and counterproductive. Occupy yourself somehow. Use that brain for something constructive. If you are an artist, draw. If you are a writer, write. Find a creative outlet for all of that goofiness your brain invents.

[na49]

I really am an over thinker, which probably is what kills my chances at meeting people. I always think "What will they think of me if I start talking to them? I don't even know them". When I was with my ex, I walked around without a care in the world. "He or she doesn't like me? Oh well. I probably don't like them either!" Now I don't have that same attitude. Is there any advice that you or anyone can give me to change that? Besides "just go do it"? Or is it really that easy? Most of the time I just don't know what to say, so I don't say anything.

[Chi townD]

I definitely feel like I need a new girl. The problem is that it isn't that easy for me to just get a new one. I've only had one girlfriend, and she picked me. Now I not only have to find another girl who will like me like I like them. I have to have the stones to ask them out and have them say yes. (how do you even do that lol)

 

I realize that probably isn't in the cards for me right now which is why I have to become more satisfied with my single life, and just take whatever life gives me. It's been easier said than done though.

 

 

Dude, you shouldn't have to think about dating right now. And, to be honest, you're in no position to date anyway. You haven't healed from this. So, it wouldn't be fair to yourself and certainly not to the girl that you would date. HOWEVER!!! There is nothing wrong with asking a girl out for a night. You need to look at it as a night of fun in the presence of a pretty girl with no agenda and no strings attached. if you know this, and the girl knows this, then you both can relax and have an enjoyable evening together. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

Look, you've been bashing your head against the wall wondering what your Ex is thinking. Here's the deal, and its gonna hurt a little. She dumped you in a very horrific way. She felt guilty and tried to get you in the "friend zone"; which didn't work. So, I speculate that she's written you off. She switched you off. If she can't have you as a friend, the she's going to try and erase you from her existance. Like, you never existed and what was between the two of you never happened. It her mulligan, her "do over". So, she can try to not feel guilty because, out of site, out of mind.

 

If she happens to see you on campus, gulit might come back and she'll give it one last feable attempt to "friend zone" you. But, by your description of her in your posts, I'm leaning towards that she's going to ignore your existance. I mean, lets face it. You're the FIRST person to ever blow off the princess. She doesn't know how to handle that or process that. "How dare he block me! Okay! Fine! If that's how he wants to play it, I can play that game too!"

 

Personally, I'm glad that you cut of any and all lines of communication with her. Because, if she has gotten REALLY mad, she would have been posting all kinds of nastiness and crap to make you jealous.

 

SO, time to forget her, because here's the rub, she's already forgotten about you.

[na49]

Ouch. She's already forgotten about me? Well, you and everyone else have been right about everything you've said to this point. Your posts on her have been spot on Chi. You must have seen/heard stories about girls who are like her or something. She probably will erase me from her life completely, like the time we spent together never happened. It sucks to be forgotten like that, but it is what it is at this point.

 

I really need to keep everything in front of me and realize that she cheated on me. She disrespected me. and I don't deserve that treatment. It doesn't matter how many "friends" she has or how many people think she's a great person. I know that she's not great. I know that she's capable of hurting someone who was very close to her like that and have no regrets about it. It's frustrating to think about how she just gets to keep on doing what she does and not get any punishment or anything for her actions because in her mind and her "friends" minds. I was the bad guy in all of this. They helped her to get rid of me. but there's the thing. I can't think about this. I can't think of it like that. I shouldn't think of it at all. Nothing I can do to change anything that's happened. I'll try to erase her from my life too. the best that I can.

 

The last time I went out with friends, I came home and cried my eyes out. Hopefully this time will be a little different.

Edited January 15, 2013 by na49

[cavalier99]

Finally your starting to get the right attitude!

[na49]

Finally your starting to get the right attitude!

 

For sure. Now the hard part is keeping this attitude and not falling back into my "wahh I miss her! is she thinking about me? does she still love me? blah blah blah blah" attitude.

 

Any tips on keeping it?

[Chi townD]

Ouch. She's already forgotten about me? Well, you and everyone else have been right about everything you've said to this point. Your posts on her have been spot on Chi. You must have seen/heard stories about girls who are like her or something. She probably will erase me from her life completely, like the time we spent together never happened. It sucks to be forgotten like that, but it is what it is at this point.

 

I really need to keep everything in front of me and realize that she cheated on me. She disrespected me. and I don't deserve that treatment. It doesn't matter how many "friends" she has or how many people think she's a great person. I know that she's not great. I know that she's capable of hurting someone who was very close to her like that and have no regrets about it. It's frustrating to think about how she just gets to keep on doing what she does and not get any punishment or anything for her actions because in her mind and her "friends" minds. I was the bad guy in all of this. They helped her to get rid of me. but there's the thing. I can't think about this. I can't think of it like that. I shouldn't think of it at all. Nothing I can do to change anything that's happened. I'll try to erase her from my life too. the best that I can.

 

The last time I went out with friends, I came home and cried my eyes out. Hopefully this time will be a little different.

 

Dude, all of this takes time. The day you blocked her is the first day you started healing. The first day of your roller coaster ride. All of this takes time.

When my break up happened, I thought about her morning,, noon and night. Except, my thoughts were about how much of a bitch she was to me. Then, I went NC. After a long time. One morning I woke up and I started my day. Then, in mid afternoon, it hit me. She wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning. It was THEN that I knew I was healing.

 

Dude, you don't have to be a psychic to figure her out. I've been on here long enough to know the type. Thing is, I can see outside the box because I don't know her like you do. You kinda get clouded over by some of the good things you had together. Thus, it's hard for you to grasp how much of a total witch she's become, because you never knew this girl being this way.

 

But here's the reality check for you. If you were to be her "friend", do you honestly think you could possibly BE her friend? Do you think that you would be accepted in her group of "friends"? Do you think you would ALL go out and hang together? Go to clubs together? Go to concerts together with these "Friends"? I think you know the answer to that.

 

Therefore, this "friend zone" crap was to ease her guilt. She's not interested with hanging out with you, she just wants validation that you don't hate her. Nothing more, nothing less.

[LostOne1]

I guess I'm afraid that because we won't really be seeing each other at all, that she'll forget about me and I really will become just a memory to her... She'll just kind of look at me as "Oh yeah... that guy I was dating when I started college. So happy I dumped him! I'm so much better off and I met the man of my dreams now!"

 

Gah it hurts so much... f*ck this. I feel like screaming and punching something right now.

I have a feeling she won't forget you.. chances are down in the future she will look back and regret what she did to you. But she will say she was in college and it was college days. And that time in the future she will hopefully have learned she was wrong.

 

I always hear girls saying stuff like this when they are much older. They regret hurting guys and all from the college days, because they felt they were immature back then and now are more mature about it all.

[LostOne1]

What has helped me is what helped me in the past, and what helped me get my ex to like me in the first place, having confidence in myself. Having a standard of conduct and living up to it. Not worrying about what other people have to say or how they perceive you. I mean na49, you are worried about what a cheater and a piece of crap thinks about you on a constant basis. I can't imagine you were always that spineless (for lack of a better word). I'm harder on you than LostOne, for example, because not only did she leave you, but she left you in the most disrespectful, insulting way possible. She's not the one who needs fixing (she sucks and is past fixing at this point). You need to fix yourself. She is not an issue anymore, it's you. Maybe this incident will help you find the guts to meet people, to be out there, to stop worrying about every little thing.

 

I'm not sure if you've ever played baseball, or any other sports, but one of the best pieces of advice to baseball players is "Don't think, just throw." You need to be less brains and more cock and balls. I used to be an extreme overthinker. In the last days of my last relationship and the first days after the break, I was overthinking. But people who overthink don't do, they usually are left thinking about what they could have done if they weren't so busy turning their heads into a pretzel.

 

So na49, don't think, just throw. Stop coming up with all these different ways to think about the same thing, something that is completely pointless and counterproductive. Occupy yourself somehow. Use that brain for something constructive. If you are an artist, draw. If you are a writer, write. Find a creative outlet for all of that goofiness your brain invents.

Your right.. I was over thinking so much... I think it eventually lead to my relationship messing up more. I wish I had kept my head up high and let her go when she wanted to let me go. Then there might have been a chance she would've come back. I do know she had feelings for me and she didn't expect me to move on or let her go. I could tell it in her voice that day she was hurt from me agreeing to let her go. I just was stupid and didn't follow through with what I said....

[na49]

Dude, all of this takes time. The day you blocked her is the first day you started healing. The first day of your roller coaster ride. All of this takes time.

When my break up happened, I thought about her morning,, noon and night. Except, my thoughts were about how much of a bitch she was to me. Then, I went NC. After a long time. One morning I woke up and I started my day. Then, in mid afternoon, it hit me. She wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning. It was THEN that I knew I was healing.

 

Dude, you don't have to be a psychic to figure her out. I've been on here long enough to know the type. Thing is, I can see outside the box because I don't know her like you do. You kinda get clouded over by some of the good things you had together. Thus, it's hard for you to grasp how much of a total witch she's become, because you never knew this girl being this way.

 

But here's the reality check for you. If you were to be her "friend", do you honestly think you could possibly BE her friend? Do you think that you would be accepted in her group of "friends"? Do you think you would ALL go out and hang together? Go to clubs together? Go to concerts together with these "Friends"? I think you know the answer to that.

 

Therefore, this "friend zone" crap was to ease her guilt. She's not interested with hanging out with you, she just wants validation that you don't hate her. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

That's so frustrating but you're right. and no. I don't want to be friends with her. I never want to be friends with her. If she can do what she did to me when I'm her boyfriend, why should I expect any different from her when I'm just her friend? If anything, she'll be more harsh. She doesn't care about me. She hasn't cared about me. I don't buy anything she's sold me, that she misses me and wanted to talk to me? What do you think of that Chi? She pulled that stunt on Christmas of all days. A day I definitely wasn't expecting a peep out of her. Then a text later on that night that said "*my first name*...... we realllyyyyy need to talk" I'm just interested because you know a lot about this stuff.

 

I don't like her friends. Most of them told her to dump me for this new 24 year old rock star. They thought he was better for her than me. They thought I wasn't good enough for her. Did I mention she just met these people in September, she dumped me in October. Do they really know her better than me? Does she really trust them more than me? Well I have my answer. Yes. and Yes.

 

This all hurts so much, but I find the emotions towards her aren't as strong as they were. The longer I go without hearing from her, the better I should feel. Nothing to "analyze" should help me to heal.

[na49]

I have a feeling she won't forget you.. chances are down in the future she will look back and regret what she did to you. But she will say she was in college and it was college days. And that time in the future she will hopefully have learned she was wrong.

 

I always hear girls saying stuff like this when they are much older. They regret hurting guys and all from the college days, because they felt they were immature back then and now are more mature about it all.

 

She probably won't "forget" me like that. I just won't be on her mind at all. Sure, she'd be the type to pull something like that. "Oh you know, I just started college, this guy who's 24 who I just met just knew me so well and we just hit it off right away! he knew everything about me and just "gets" me. You understand right?"

 

Don't make me laugh. She's a witch. She's definitely not sorry for anything she did. You have no idea how immature my ex is. When I tried being civil towards her she just kept taking jabs at me.

[LostOne1]

She probably won't "forget" me like that. I just won't be on her mind at all. Sure, she'd be the type to pull something like that. "Oh you know, I just started college, this guy who's 24 who I just met just knew me so well and we just hit it off right away! he knew everything about me and just "gets" me. You understand right?"

 

Don't make me laugh. She's a witch. She's definitely not sorry for anything she did. You have no idea how immature my ex is. When I tried being civil towards her she just kept taking jabs at me.

Well I'm not siding with your ex. I'm just saying I've talked to 30+ girls, who regret what they did to guys from the past. Sure they can't undo that pain ever.. but she WILL remember you in the future some day. But by then you will be happy off on your own journey with someone that loves you a lot.

[Chi townD]

Well I'm not siding with your ex. I'm just saying I've talked to 30+ girls, who regret what they did to guys from the past. Sure they can't undo that pain ever.. but she WILL remember you in the future some day. But by then you will be happy off on your own journey with someone that loves you a lot.

 

I agree. Here's the deal. She will remember you when she grows up a little. You have to remember, you are the FIRST GUY that didn't put up with her BS. You didn't beg, cry and try to make deals. You let her know that her behavior hurt you and that you weren't interested in a person that would treat someone in that manner. Right now, she may see you giving her the cold shoulder as childish. But, believe it or not, you're showing her what maturity looks like. That people don't deserve to be treated like second hand citizens and throw away boy toys.

 

She's going to remember, that you wouldn't speak to her, BECAUSE of her behavior. That you didn't want to see her BECAUSE of her behavior. Then, she's going to have to take personal stock in herself and how she treats people. She's going to remember that you were man enough and had the BALLS enough to walk away from her. And not the begging and pleading little boy that looking for any breadcrumb she throws your way. That willingly accepts a "friendship" just for any excuse to be near her. You're showing her that you don't think she's all that and a bag of chips. That you have some pride and dignity and that you weren't interested in playing her games anymore.

 

She may, one day, realize that she messing around with boys, but that caused her to lose a man.

[na49]

It's funny, she told me she wanted an older guy. Which is why she's chasing this 24 year old rock star. She wants a guy who can take care of her. At least that's what she told me when I was still talking to her. Sure he may be older than me age wise, but he's also a clown. He's an alcoholic who will never change. She wants to change him though. She likes the challenge. I think that's how most girls are. Right? Not to mention he has more money than I will ever have. He's got the expensive car, the record deal, he's pumping out new songs, he buys himself new guitars, expensive clothes and goes places with all of his expensive friends. all of that. What do I have? None of that. Nothing close. He'll probably be able to take her to places I never could and give her gifts that kick the crap out of the ones I blew every paycheck on for her. but I don't know if he'll put up with her like I did. She'd told me they had 3 fights in 2 weeks. She's not my problem anymore though. I'm my own problem. and I have a lot of problems I need to start focusing on.

[Chi townD]

It's funny, she told me she wanted an older guy. Which is why she's chasing this 24 year old rock star. She wants a guy who can take care of her. At least that's what she told me when I was still talking to her. Sure he may be older than me age wise, but he's also a clown. He's an alcoholic who will never change. She wants to change him though. She likes the challenge. I think that's how most girls are. Right? Not to mention he has more money than I will ever have. He's got the expensive car, the record deal, he's pumping out new songs, he buys himself new guitars, expensive clothes and goes places with all of his expensive friends. all of that. What do I have? None of that. Nothing close. He'll probably be able to take her to places I never could and give her gifts that kick the crap out of the ones I blew every paycheck on for her. but I don't know if he'll put up with her like I did. She'd told me they had 3 fights in 2 weeks. She's not my problem anymore though. I'm my own problem. and I have a lot of problems I need to start focusing on.

 

 

Yeah....uh huh..... 24 year old acoholic, and I bet I never heard of his crap, so, he's probably with a crappy label that's ripping him off. Doesn't manage his money and in 3 or 4 years, he'll be old news. No one will ever remember, and he'll piss all of his money away on drugs and alcohol.... don't sweat it.

 

The MOST furstrating thing is that girls go for the "bad boy" image and it makes no damn sense. If he projects to be a "bad boy", if he has a rep of being a "bad boy" then logic would only dictate that sooner or later, he's going to treat her BADLY!!!!! Makes no damn sense at all. Is this the guy she cheated on you with?

 

Opps! I just saw this. 3 fights in two weeks huh... That tells me a lot too. time to think outside the box to understand what that means in reference to her.

Edited January 15, 2013 by Chi townD

[na49]

Yeah....uh huh..... 24 year old acoholic, and I bet I never heard of his crap, so, he's probably with a crappy label that's ripping him off. Doesn't manage his money and in 3 or 4 years, he'll be old news. No one will ever remember, and he'll piss all of his money away on drugs and alcohol.... don't sweat it.

 

The MOST furstrating thing is that girls go for the "bad boy" image and it makes no damn sense. If he projects to be a "bad boy", if he has a rep of being a "bad boy" then logic would only dictate that sooner or later, he's going to treat her BADLY!!!!! Makes no damn sense at all. Is this the guy she cheated on you with?

 

Yup he is. I had no idea this guy even existed until the day of our anniversary. I go to hang out and she's telling me about him. That he "gets her" and one of her friends told her that he thinks this guy likes her. I flipped my sh*t and freaked out, I was so upset. (this was before I found out she cheated on me with him btw. I didn't find out all of the extra stuff until after we were broken up. One of her friends who didn't want her to break up with me, added me on facebook and gave me the whole story. This friend also wanted to end the relationship for my ex because she felt that what she was doing wasn't right. My ex told her "No! I'm an adult, I can do things for myself")

 

We had plans to go out to eat that night, I felt sick already because she was sick and got me sick. I went home. She offered to give me all of this medicine and I just couldn't do it. Once I heard that, my heart was just broken. My depression started and then next day she pulled the plug on us.

 

Giving you my story again even though you already know it. So what are your thoughts on that?

 

also lol you definitely haven't heard of him. No one has. He's probably not even popular on campus. The only people who know who he is are people who know him personally. The only people who listen to his music are people who know him personally. Don't tell her that though. I even said it myself. I'm like if he's famous, how come I've never heard of him. She gave me some bogus reason. She's crazy though. She thinks that SHE'S famous! (not making it up!) so she thinks they can both be famous together. She's so whack.

Edited January 15, 2013 by na49

[Chi townD]

well, I have a theory on why she wanted you in the friend zone for another reason and not only guilt. See, this guy isn't everything with a cherry on top. You got something that he probably doesn't, and that's a real personality. If he's quasi successful recording artist, one thing is for sure, he's a conceded douche rocket. He probably is all about himself and doesn't really listen to her concerns or complaints. He probably doesn't give her a supporting ear that will listen to her problems. Probably doesn't even ask how her day was. If it doesn't concern him, he could care less. Thus, it doesn't surprise me that she's argued with the guy 3 times in 2 weeks, he probably doesn't want to hear about her problems. .i.e. the possibility of failing out of school. How is she going to talk to her parents about it.....blah...blah.... he doesn't want to hear it.

 

SO! There's a strong possibility that she was going to cake eat you. She doesn't want to give up "jet setting" lifestyle, but needed to get the rest of her fullfilment of a relationship that her current one is lacking. Therefore, she was going to turn to you to get her emotional needs met by you and all the physical needs and materialistic needs met by the douche rocket. She gets the best of both worlds.

 

I speculate that she was gonna use you again. But, you put a wrench into her plan by staying NC. Good for you!

Edited January 15, 2013 by Chi townD

[na49]

The thing is. I don't even know if they are dating. I think she wants him, but she told me (back when I was still talking to her) that he just wanted to be friends but that he wanted her to wait for him. Last time I looked at her twitter, she's retweeting everything he tweets. He writes something like "I'm tired" and she responds to it saying "aww! I'm so sorry! I hope you feel okay!" or something like that. I think she wants him more than he wants her. It's frustrating that she left me for someone who doesn't even want her.

 

Obviously all speculation though. I have no idea. They could still be together. She could have found someone else. I don't know. I wish that she'd try harder to contact me, and that I could know what goes on in her head. but she won't and I can't. What you said earlier was right. She never really wanted to be my friend. Just ease her guilt, and once she found it wasn't working, she's probably erased me from her life.

 

What do you mean use me? You mean complain about her problems to me?

Edited January 15, 2013 by na49