Why do I feel worse?

[Chi townD]

The thing is. I don't even know if they are dating. I think she wants him, but she told me (back when I was still talking to her) that he just wanted to be friends but that he wanted her to wait for him. Last time I looked at her twitter, she's retweeting everything he tweets. He writes something like "I'm tired" and she responds to it saying "aww! I'm so sorry! I hope you feel okay!" or something like that. I think she wants him more than he wants her. It's frustrating that she left me for someone who doesn't even want her.

 

Obviously all speculation though. I have no idea. They could still be together. She could have found someone else. I don't know. I wish that she'd try harder to contact me, and that I could know what goes on in her head. but she won't and I can't. What you said earlier was right. She never really wanted to be my friend. Just ease her guilt, and once she found it wasn't working, she's probably erased me from her life.

 

What do you mean use me? You mean complain about her problems to me?

 

 

Yeah, to give her all the warm fuzzies. A simpathic ear. "It's going to be okay. You'll get through it." She's not getting it from the douche rocket. But, I guarantee you that if he snapped his fingers at her and pointed to the bed, she'd be stripping and doing a swan dive into that bed! Maybe she looking at a possible relationship with the douche rocket, but he probably views her as a booty call anytime and anywhere.

 

Now, do you really want a girl with such low self respect and self esteem? A girl that has no dignity for herself or her body?

 

DUDE!!!! SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!! What did she say to you when you confronted her on what you knew?

[na49]

Yeah, to give her all the warm fuzzies. A simpathic ear. "It's going to be okay. You'll get through it." She's not getting it from the douche rocket. But, I guarantee you that if he snapped his fingers at her and pointed to the bed, she'd be stripping and doing a swan dive into that bed! Maybe she looking at a possible relationship with the douche rocket, but he probably views her as a booty call anytime and anywhere.

 

Now, do you really want a girl with such low self respect and self esteem? A girl that has no dignity for herself or her body?

 

DUDE!!!! SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!! What did she say to you when you confronted her on what you knew?

 

You're right. I may not be the "bad boy" but she definitely sees me as a sympathetic ear. I'm definitely good at convincing people they're going to be okay even if they aren't. I'm minoring in Psychology, so being a counselor could be a possibility in the future.

 

She didn't really say anything. When I first found out I said "I found out what you did" etc etc. I pretty much tore her a new one saying how could you do this? Except it was much more violent than that. I never insulted her personally, just what she did. I asked her what she had to say to herself and the next morning I noticed I was blocked. (we later find out that she unblocks me a month or two later which is when I block her)

 

I don't really think I ever "confronted" her to be honest. Back then, I was more focused on getting her back than confronting her about what she did wrong. I actually didn't even feel like talking about it when I did still talk to her. When I asked her over the phone what she thought of it she tried convincing me "that's not really cheating" then through text messages we talked about it again and I told her how much it hurt me and she sent "this is why we aren't friends :)" (smiley face and all, just to drill the point home and ruffle my feathers which she is very good at. or was.) Right after the BU it was all "Thanks for the memories. Even though they weren't so great" and I called her out on that and she was acting all innocent. "It's just a song lyric... relax I can post whatever I want to on my facebook!" like hello? I was so frustrated. Anything she did just got me. She just knew how to get to me because she knew when I got mad, I got mad.

 

I don't really think there was ever a real confrontation about it though. I went NC pretty quickly all things considered. A month after the BU. I gave up the fight pretty quickly once I realized she wasn't sorry for anything and didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about her.

Edited January 15, 2013 by na49

[Chi townD]

Yeah dude, run for the hills. The fact is, she's not sorry she did it, never admitted to it. Not sorry she hurt you, never apologized for that..she was a coward and instead of talking to you about it, she blocked you. You asked her straight forward and she danced around it with an insult..... But, expects you to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen or, I should say, it shouldn't mean anything to you. None of your business.

 

 

Is that painting a pretty accurate picture of her?

[na49]

Yeah dude, run for the hills. The fact is, she's not sorry she did it, never admitted to it. Not sorry she hurt you, never apologized for that..she was a coward and instead of talking to you about it, she blocked you. You asked her straight forward and she danced around it with an insult..... But, expects you to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen or, I should say, it shouldn't mean anything to you. None of your business.

 

 

Is that painting a pretty accurate picture of her?

 

The reason why I love reading your posts is because you pretty much have her down to a science. Yes. Yes and Yes. She definitely does except me to sweep this under the rug.

 

Any thoughts on her Christmas day breadcrumbs? The timing was just so bizarre. Of all the days to bother me.

[Simon Phoenix]

The reason why I love reading your posts is because you pretty much have her down to a science. Yes. Yes and Yes. She definitely does except me to sweep this under the rug.

 

Any thoughts on her Christmas day breadcrumbs? The timing was just so bizarre. Of all the days to bother me.

 

Just trying to get a reaction, any reaction. She wants you to be her emotional tampon. The more I have read, the more you should actually thank this girl for cheating on you. I'm being facetious when I say this, but this girl sounds like an immature, flighty, selfish nightmare. If it wasn't this, something else would have come up.

 

Odds are that this musician guy will get tired of her s--t and throw her to the curb and then she'll have nothing -- no "edgy, cool" musician and no "nice, sweet" na49 to dump her emotional crap on. While you might feel like crap now, odds are that she'll be feeling like crap soon while you will be well on the way toward recovery.

[GraceisGone]

Na, I feel like you and i have had a very similar story of our first really big breakup and we are both in college. I even feel like our personalities are very similar (you mentioned you care too much about what other people think and that prevents you from meeting people, I kind of feel the same way).

 

I don't know what it is, maybe it was growing up in a somewhat small town where I knew everyone, but since I have been in college, I have noticed how dependent I am on people I know very well (my friends). I have never been anywhere in my 22 years of life where I didn't have a group of close friends there. Now that I am single, I have begun to realize how sheltered I have really been. I was so comfortable in my relationship and so in love or whatever you want to call it, and I wasn't focused on meeting new people.

 

Sure, I still have a lot of great friends that I had when I dated my ex, but I have realized I really need to put myself out there. I am a fairly shy person when it comes to people I don't know, but I open up once I get to know someone.

 

I still wake up everyday and feel a great deal of sadness about this failed relationship. I still look back on all the good days and they make me miss her so much more. But you know what, I have finally reached the point where I said F this. I have absolutely no control over what she is thinking, feeling, who she is taking to, etc. so why worry about it? I have been dreading the first time that I will run into her this semester. Will she be alone? Will she be with a guy? I know the time will come, but I have told myself to stop worrying about it, because it is completely out of my control. Sure, when it happens, it might totally ruin my night, but I'll deal with that when it comes, thinking about it now isn't doing anything.

 

You talked about wanting to date again and I feel the same way as you. I don't necessarily want anything serious, but I do want to have another girl in my life again, someone to share things with. I honestly believe that if that were to happen, it would go along way in helping me forget my ex, but I'm not going out of my way to make it happen, because in the end, this is still all about me.

 

I'd be lying if I told you there weren't times that I think about my ex, what she is doing, what she is thinking, who she might be texting. But I try not to dwell on it long because I trying to focus on aspects of my life that I actually have control over, rather than the things I have no control over.

 

I'll be graduating in the spring and be moving on to new things and I am trying to keep my focus and excitement towards that. It is going to be different for me, because like I said, I have never moved away and been somewhere where I don't know anybody. Even after the way she treated me when she sent me her breadcrumbs (which lasted for a couple of months and really got me down) I still really love her. But I am trying to focus on the positive things about being out of this relationship. I am trying to improve myself and gain confidence in MYSELF, something I really lack. I was confident when I was dating my ex, and now my self-confidence is shot.

 

Just remember man, there are other people out there in your shoes. I probably deal with the same emotions you do, on a daily basis and the key is to ride out the emotions and focus on the positive things in life. I'm still striving for the day I don't think about my ex anymore, but until then, I'm just rolling with the punches that life throws out at me and trying to keep the most positive mindset I possibly can.

[na49]

Simon- I think you're probably right. I figure this guy will probably dump her when he graduates or before then. There's no way they'll still be together next semester because he'll be long gone. Plus, he'll probably find a girl who is better looking than my ex if he hasn't already. I guess the annoying part is that she's like a leech and jumps from one guy to another. I love the idea of her having no one but the way she is, she has such a giant support group she'll probably pull a new guy out of nowhere like that and date him and tell him that they're going to get married and feed him all of the BS she fed me. Then once she's bored, she'll find another guy. She goes through guys like they're old toys, and has no problems putting them in the friend zone when she's done with them. She'll probably date at least 6 or 7 guys in the next 4 years. She's just that type of person who isn't really big on staying single for too long. Which is probably why I feel so played now.

 

Grace- Thanks for that post bro. I really felt a lot better after reading that. You're right, although I may think about her and what she's doing. There's nothing I can really do about that. The only person I can control is me. and as hard as it is. When I go back to school next week, I really need to put myself out there. Don't think what people will think, because they probably aren't thinking anything. They don't put as much thought into it as you do, and who doesn't want a new friend? I really hope to improve myself and up my confidence. If I can, then I'll look at this whole BU as a good thing. It's just hard for me to do that right now because I haven't made many changes yet.

 

Also just a random update. Last night I went to the movies and got some late night food with my bros. We ended up talking about my graduation party which my ex was at and I got angry and blurted something like "and someone was there.." then all my friends just looked at me like "come on... we don't care about her anymore" I really need to stop doing that. Whenever I'm in a conversation and something reminds me of her or it relates to something that we did together, I say "Yeah I was there with someone..." and just get really pissed off and a bit emotional for a second or two. I didn't come home and cry though so that was good.

[Chi townD]

Also just a random update. Last night I went to the movies and got some late night food with my bros. We ended up talking about my graduation party which my ex was at and I got angry and blurted something like "and someone was there.." then all my friends just looked at me like "come on... we don't care about her anymore" I really need to stop doing that. Whenever I'm in a conversation and something reminds me of her or it relates to something that we did together, I say "Yeah I was there with someone..." and just get really pissed off and a bit emotional for a second or two. I didn't come home and cry though so that was good.

 

 

Hey! Small victories! Take them where you can get them. And your friends are right. You need to let it go. Sooner or later, they're gonna get sick of hearing about it and stop asking you to go out with them. Vent here! We're used to it.

[na49]

Yeah I know. I didn't want to bring her up. I really don't anymore. Just those reminders still get me I guess. I'm sick of talking about the BU in person. Talking about it here hasn't gotten old yet though lol.

 

She hasn't given me anything to talk about which is great. (even though I did like the drama of it)

[na49]

Reading other people's threads about them contacting their exes makes me want to contact my ex. lol

 

Gah... I've gotta go to work and get rid of this thought. I do deserve better so why do I feel like settling all of a sudden?

[Simon Phoenix]

Reading other people's threads about them contacting their exes makes me want to contact my ex. lol

 

Gah... I've gotta go to work and get rid of this thought. I do deserve better so why do I feel like settling all of a sudden?

 

Those other people didn't have an ex that cheated on them.

[suladas]

Bingo. It's one thing to reach out to a ex who dumped you (not great but it's not horrible) but to reach out to a ex who cheated on you? It's insane.

 

Just keep holding off on contact. Maybe trick yourself. Tell yourself next week you'll contact her and then keep putting it off. It can seem to help, I did it and eventually lost interest.

[na49]

The thing that gets me is I want to contact her but don't really know what I would say. I still don't really know what to say to her. I haven't known for a while. Even before starting NC, she was bugging out because I was ignoring her which is when I finally told her "listen I don't like hearing about your new guy. talk about him with your new friends" then "They're better than you anyway" and we know how my story goes by now.

 

I think I'm strong enough to the point where I won't contact her. The urges get me though. When I fantasize about the good too much and just want the good to come back.

[Simon Phoenix]

The thing that gets me is I want to contact her but don't really know what I would say. I still don't really know what to say to her. I haven't known for a while. Even before starting NC, she was bugging out because I was ignoring her which is when I finally told her "listen I don't like hearing about your new guy. talk about him with your new friends" then "They're better than you anyway" and we know how my story goes by now.

 

I think I'm strong enough to the point where I won't contact her. The urges get me though. When I fantasize about the good too much and just want the good to come back.

 

The bad was a lot worse than the good was good. Like suladas said, if it was a simple "she dumped you" then while we'd still advise you not to contact her, we'd understand your desire to and be less direct about it. But wanting to contact someone who cheated on you is pure, unadulterated insanity.

[cavalier99]

Reading other people's threads about them contacting their exes makes me want to contact my ex. lol

 

Gah... I've gotta go to work and get rid of this thought. I do deserve better so why do I feel like settling all of a sudden?

 

All these people that are contacting their EXS (Crash and puzzled) are in world of hurt right now.

 

They are way more effed up than we are because they broke NC. We are ok because we stuck with NC. Even with some of the positive vibes they got they are still getting blown off. heartbreak the second time around same girl is devastating. Be grateful you aren't in their shoes right now in a perpetual state of limbo bouncing between searing pain and hope. I've been there before and it is pure hell.

[suladas]

All these people that are contacting their EXS (Crash and puzzled) are in world of hurt right now.

 

They are way more effed up than we are because they broke NC. We are ok because we stuck with NC. Even with some of the positive vibes they got they are still getting blown off. heartbreak the second time around same girl is devastating. Be grateful you aren't in their shoes right now in a perpetual state of limbo bouncing between searing pain and hope. I've been there before and it is pure hell.

 

I agree to a point, but if you use the normal definition of NC, I haven't went more then a day or two and I was still able to move on and get over her. Technically only LC. Heck it's only been a month since we sent a few messages on FB to each other. Just get fed up and get to a point it's not worth it.

 

But yes for most people, deleting everything and forgetting them is a good way to go. Constantly contacting the ex and pondering the what if's isn't good.

[cavalier99]

I agree to a point, but if you use the normal definition of NC, I haven't went more then a day or two and I was still able to move on and get over her. Technically only LC. Heck it's only been a month since we sent a few messages on FB to each other. Just get fed up and get to a point it's not worth it.

 

But yes for most people, deleting everything and forgetting them is a good way to go. Constantly contacting the ex and pondering the what if's isn't good.

 

I can see your point. Your situation was sorta unique because she lives right there. Probably made you stronger in a way.

 

Well seems like in general the only thing worse than breaking NC and not getting much communication in return... is breaking NC with a nice response that reels you back in only to crush you later on.

[na49]

That's very true. My relationship didn't end pretty at all, and didn't have a happy ending. That could be part of the reason I felt like contacting her. I'm just not satisfied with the way my story ends and want the ending that I want instead of the realistic ending that I've been living.

[Simon Phoenix]

That's very true. My relationship didn't end pretty at all, and didn't have a happy ending. That could be part of the reason I felt like contacting her. I'm just not satisfied with the way my story ends and want the ending that I want instead of the realistic ending that I've been living.

 

Ain't gonna happen dude. It'll more than likely be worse.

[cavalier99]

That's very true. My relationship didn't end pretty at all, and didn't have a happy ending. That could be part of the reason I felt like contacting her. I'm just not satisfied with the way my story ends and want the ending that I want instead of the realistic ending that I've been living.

 

 

I don't think any of our endings were happy. (Unless you visit a massage parlor lol )

 

Just varying levels of destruction metered out with either kind understanding words to let us down softly... right..or to out right disappearing from our lives.

 

In the end it is all the same.

[na49]

Another thing that probably contributes to me thinking of it like that is I've never dealt with something like this. So I'm almost shell shocked that this is actually how it ends. She cheats, she doesn't apologize, I'm left miserable (even if I don't consider myself miserable anymore) and both of our lives just go on like that.

 

feels weird man..

[na49]

I checked my emails last night because I hadn't checked them in a while. I got on the Dean's List so I got an email from my school

 

No emails from her though. I can't lie, I was hoping to see something. Something to remind me that she still cared. She doesn't care though. I really think that I'm having trouble believing that this is how it ends. This bad ending like this. Oh well, everyone else deals with it. I'm no different.

[cavalier99]

I checked my emails last night because I hadn't checked them in a while. I got on the Dean's List so I got an email from my school

 

No emails from her though. I can't lie, I was hoping to see something. Something to remind me that she still cared. She doesn't care though. I really think that I'm having trouble believing that this is how it ends. This bad ending like this. Oh well, everyone else deals with it. I'm no different.

 

Congrats on the deans list! That is awesome.

 

Yeah it is weird how it just ends....and....that is it. Nothing, no catharsis, no hollywood story, no regret form them, just over. Anyway such is life. We shrug it off and move forward and it drifts into our past.

 

Hey soon we are going to star sounding like out friends and family who didn't understand us early on. You know..hey get over it, find a new one, there are plenty of girls out there. I hope our advise will still be relevant. Lol. Maybe we are moving forward and don't even know it. Ha!

 

I sense a change in your posts for the positive. Just a little bit more acceptance.

[na49]

Thanks man. I think that I am slowly accepting it. The fact that this is how it goes just sucks. Like I've been saying, because it's my first time dealing with a breakup in general on top of it being my first "love" and the way it ended just all came crashing on top of me at once. This is really life though, people actually get cheated on and both people (the cheater and the cheated) just go on with their lives living opposite from each other. It's so weird to think how close I was with this person, she was my best friend and she's gone. She's been gone. and she's NEVER coming back. She isn't sorry. She doesn't regret it. She's perfectly content with her decision and I will NEVER be friends with her again as long as I live. I'm definitely overthinking it. or maybe I'm just venting. maybe a little bit of both.

 

Every day I live without her, I feel like I get a bit more acceptance of it. I don't see myself going back to day one now even if I did see her with a new guy. Knowing her game and the way she works, I'll know whoever she's with now isn't "the one" as much as she wants to believe it. That guy will deal with her just like I did. She'll love him until one of them gets bored and she'll jump to a new guy a few weeks later. Makes me wonder if she ever really "loved" me or was just in love with the idea of being in love. Could you have replaced me with any Joe Schmo off the street and have her be just as happy? I want someone who will actually love ME. and not treat me like a boy toy who will be used for all of his wallet, be used as a sympathetic ear, someone who will tell her what she wants to hear, someone who will blindly do anything she wants out of "love" and then tossed off to the side like I don't have feelings or matter at all.

[na49]

I'm just wondering. How do you guys listen to the music that you like when everything seems to remind you/make you think about your ex? Every song I hear is about someone and how great they are or how much the singer wants them/is happy to have them.

 

I guess I'll also ask, what kind of music are you guys into? I really don't have a specific taste. I like alternative, rock, some rap, not a huge dubstep guy though lol.