Why do I feel worse?

[na49]

I miss her like crazy again today. I want her to reach out to me so bad. I know I shouldn't reach out to her. I'm not going to. I've had closure 3 different times I feel like and I still have some false hopes... If she wanted me back, I'm sure she'd be back by now. She doesn't want me back though. She'd rather chase this 24 year old rock star or other guys. It's been 3 months since she broke up with me. Bleh

[cavalier99]

Glad to see your back to normal! . The is the NA i know and love!

[na49]

I want to get inside her head and know what she's thinking SO BAD! I want to know what she thinks of me.

 

Freaking hate this..

[cavalier99]

Your going to get thru this right? Without breaking NC. The urge will pass. You know the drill. Lol

 

She isn't thinking about you. She has her legs parted for the rock star poser and is getting nailed bareback from behind.

 

Still want to know what she is thinking about?

[na49]

 

I feel sick. This is so annoying. I get my closure, I see that she doesn't really miss me. She's going out with her friends, enjoying her life, meeting new people, chasing this 24 year old rock star.

 

AND I still have false hope! Gah how frustrating... Why can't I just stick to the "f*ck her I'm better off without her" or just that indifferent attitude I felt yesterday. It's like I want to remind myself because the last time I checked was a few weeks ago. I know that's not the right way to go though, because then I'll never get out of the hole I'm in.

 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did ever reach out to her. Saying something like "I miss you". How would it be recieved? She'd either laugh at me and tell me to get lost, insult me or be like "okay great! I'm glad your back best friend! OMG my rock star boyfriend is just so talented, but he never has time for me! It's okay though, he says he loves me and he just gets me like I told you he did!"

[suladas]

I want to get inside her head and know what she's thinking SO BAD! I want to know what she thinks of me.

 

Freaking hate this..

 

I still think about that once in a while, it fades a bit but still lingers around. Even if she is dying to get back together with you why does it matter? There is not a single reason why you should ever consider that anyway. Take your power back, you don't want her, what she wants doesn't matter.

[Simon Phoenix]

 

I feel sick. This is so annoying. I get my closure, I see that she doesn't really miss me. She's going out with her friends, enjoying her life, meeting new people, chasing this 24 year old rock star.

 

AND I still have false hope! Gah how frustrating... Why can't I just stick to the "f*ck her I'm better off without her" or just that indifferent attitude I felt yesterday. It's like I want to remind myself because the last time I checked was a few weeks ago. I know that's not the right way to go though, because then I'll never get out of the hole I'm in.

 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did ever reach out to her. Saying something like "I miss you". How would it be recieved? She'd either laugh at me and tell me to get lost, insult me or be like "okay great! I'm glad your back best friend! OMG my rock star boyfriend is just so talented, but he never has time for me! It's okay though, he says he loves me and he just gets me like I told you he did!"

 

She would describe in great detail all the sex they were having and then ask you to go to Express (or wherever, I don't know s--t about where college-aged girls shop) to help her pick out some cute outfits. When she went to try them on she'd give you her purse to hold like a good little man servant. I think you should go for it. Sounds fun.

[na49]

Well obviously it doesn't matter, but I'd still like to know.

 

also lol Simon, I played that scenario in my head and started dying

[Cognitive Miser]

Na49, it seems our situations are similar.

 

My ex broke up with me 3 days after Christmas over a text. I went to see her the next day and she told me she "wasn't happy anymore" and that she was young and wanted to enjoy her life and be single for a bit. 2 days later she starts dating another guy whom she claimed she "never liked" and "never had any feelings for him whatsoever." Since New Years I started NC and it's been working somewhat to get over her and some days I miss her like crazy. My advice to you is to let her go. They're not worth all this pain and agony we're going through. My ex prided herself on morals and ethics (hence why I fell in love with her) yet, she already ****ed this dude and is openly talking about it (which she NEVER, ever, discussed with anyone before because she thought it was personal and disgusting to tell people that kind of stuff). Anyway, I know what you're going through. For me it's only been about 3 weeks since the breakup, PLUS she still has all my stuff that she has yet to give me back even though she always posts stuff about having it all "boxed and ready to go, GOOD RIDDANCE." These people are just lying, manipulative, sociopathic, petty attention whores; and they're DIRTY and weak for 1) breaking up via text, 2) getting in a rebound relationship because they couldn't handle the pain of leaving and working on themselves. Don't worry about how happy she portrays herself to be in this new relationship. No matter how hard she'll try forgetting you, if she truly loved you and cared for you someone or something will always remind her of you and the memories you shared together. Also, truth be told, if these girls really loved us and wanted to be with us, they'd be moving mountains to do so and would easily work out the differences/ conflicts in the relationship rather than taking the easy way out and ending it/ grabbing another boy-toy.

 

I honestly don't know who my ex is anymore. Everything she told me, everything I thought I knew about her, was all a lie and a charade apparently. She is not the person I fell in love with and she is definitely not the type of person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. The sooner you realize, the better.

 

You are a stronger individual than she will ever be and you just need to keep reminding yourself of that. Take this as a life lesson and learn from it that way come next time when you meet that special someone you'll know what to look for and what not to do.

 

If you need some more inspiration or a quick motivational boost there is a TED Talk video that I really enjoyed and that has helped me tremendously with my depressive state and my anxiety. It's called the 3 A's of Awesome (I'll link it at the bottom).

 

All in all, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. I do find myself constantly thinking about my ex and if she thinks about me too, what she's doing, blah blah blah, etc. But you just have to remember all the pain that she put you through and that life does go on. We are young (you're 18, I'm 19), we have all our lives to meet that special someone. Right now, my only concern is living the college life to it's fullest (or at least I'm hoping). My brother kept telling me that I shouldn't even care that she broke up with me. I'm in college, in a HUGE university, he said it "should be my mission to F*** as many girls as possible while I'm here." LOL. In a way, he's right. We should be enjoying our lives and not worrying about what these evil, malicious, scandalous girls are doing. Just be thankful you don't have a class with your ex... All she does is stare at me which is weird because she dumped me and she is the one dating some other guy, so why stare? I just ignore her. This week I'm making it my mission to converse with other girls in that class, not just to mess with her and show her that I am over her and do not care about her anymore, but also for myself, for my confidence, for my pride, for the little Cognitive Miser in between my legs . I do get the urge to just talk to her but I control myself and just remind myself that she is not the same person I thought she was.

 

Anyway, since we both have kind of similar situations, if you ever want to talk about it let me know! I'd be happy to lend an ear and we can help each other get through these crucial times. But here is the TED Talk video i was referencing to:

 

Neil Pasricha: The 3 A's of awesome | Video on TED.com

Edited January 20, 2013 by Cognitive Miser

[na49]

Cognitive Miser- thank you so much for that. Especially considering I woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy. I was missing her, her family and reminisced some of our best moments together. So reading that definitely gave me a boost of confidence.

 

You're right about everything you said. We are still young. Why the hell are we so hung up over relationships that probably wouldn't have a chance to work anyway? I probably loved the feeling of being in a relationship so much that I forgot how great being single could be. I have to remember how to enjoy the single life and once I start school again on Tuesday I hope that I can start. Talking to new people, flirting with girls makes me feel great. I don't think of my ex at all when I'm doing it. I also am going to start going to the gym a few days a week with one of my friends so I will be working on me. For me. Not for her or for anyone else.

 

I hope that you get your stuff back if it's important to you. Also I'm sorry you have to have your ex in one of your classes. I dealt with that last semester and it was hell for me. She'd walk in all smiley and sh*t. Saying hi to everyone in the class who wasn't me. Laugh extra loud at the teacher's jokes which weren't even funny. She'd look over at me a few times, but I still don't look her in the eyes when I see her. I was so pissed after those classes I had with her lol. Once I walked out of class after a final and heard her behind me singing, going on and on about how happy she was. The girl next to her goes "You sound way too happy... It's finals week" She's crazy. I have no idea if she was actually happy or is just trying to get under my skin. Because she's great at getting under my skin and she knows how pissed I can get. She's not going to be in any of my classes this semester, but I hope I won't see her around campus or while I'm walking to my classes.

 

It's so annoying how we care so much about people that aren't even a part of our lives and we give them more time in our head than people who are part of our lives. I know what you mean about our exes not being the same person. I see her now and the feeling I have towards her is so weird. It's not the same "love" that I felt for her earlier though. It's a mixture of anger, disgust, hate and sadness. I don't know if I am really "in love" with the person she is now. Maybe I still love her. Not even sure about that though. I don't wish her the best at all. I don't wish her happiness at all.

 

Also I'm going to check out that video now. Thanks again bro.

[Hopeful714]

Hey bud...read through your posts this week and it sounds like your doing a bit better! Awesome! I know though its up and down though as it still is for me.

 

Just keep hanging in there and in a few days your life will change with school back in session. I hope it goes well.

 

We gotta believe in ourselves for the esteem part. We dated cheaters and I think that really makes a difference in so far as break ups are concerned. Their cheating, lies, deceptions and games knocked us down (or out)! We gotta get back up.

 

Our ex's were not the right people for us...as sad as that is. Like you said..and me too in my current post...nobody is coming back saying "I made a mistake." They are living their lives, and we are living in the past. That's gotta change.

 

I listened to music for the first time in a while this week. I was almost afraid too! lol Kept it to the songs I know are "Mine" and have no connection to him.

 

I can't wait till the rest of the pain subsides. This has just been just horrible....hopefully soon:D

[na49]

They are living their lives, and we are living in the past. That's gotta change.

 

You are so freaking right about that.

 

I'd be lying if I said I don't want to check my ex's twitter again. I even want to check her facebook. but honestly, what has changed since the last time I checked her twitter a few weeks ago? Has she had an epiphany and realized that she was wrong? NOPE! She still wants him. She still has him. I'll just be a nobody to her. She'll look at me like I was the bad guy in all of this when I wasn't. I only did everything I could and it still wasn't enough.. It's frustrating to lose. I hate losing. but I lost her to him. It was me or him. She didn't have to think for very long, she picked him before she dumped me.

 

So I have to try my best to forget her. I can't escape the fact that she'll be at the same school as me. but I can escape these ridiculous thoughts and turn her into someone who I don't care about at all. I can't wait to feel indifferent again.

[cavalier99]

Football sunday!! Woo hooo!

[Hopeful714]

Don't look at that stuff (facebook/Twit)...it will set you back and wreck you. You know that.

 

I hate losing too. And Im sure that also plays a part in why we are having such a hard time with this.

 

But, maybe we should consider that what we lost really wasn't "all that" because actually, I think we can both do better then some messed up drama queen/king cheaters.

 

It was actually "THEM" who lost. Know that.

[Simon Phoenix]

It was actually "THEM" who lost. Know that.

 

Once na49 realizes this, things will be so much better. He's definitely moving in the right direction in resetting his mentality but isn't quite to this point yet. Once he gets there, it'll be awesome.

[na49]

What a great first game! I was rooting for the 49ers because they are everything I wish my Jets could be. Good defense, good running game, good coach. Now all I need is a Patriots loss.

 

It sucks, but you're right. I haven't realized that yet. I honestly want to "unknow" everyone who I met with her last semester. I just thought of this (only 3 months late) If she cheated on me with one guy. Who's to say she wasn't f*cking all of her "friends"? I wouldn't know about it after all. I commute to school, she dorms. I was always under the impression that I was the only guy allowed in her dorm, apparently everyone is allowed. I bet you guys would all be allowed in too. It makes me sick. :sick::sick:

 

I don't want to be mean. but I really don't want to be friends with any of the people I met with her last semester. What should I do?

[Hopeful714]

Well.. don't be all friendly with the people you don't want to.

 

But be careful about who you "dis". Maybe one of her girlfriends had the hots for you! What sweet revenge that would be!

[na49]

Well.. don't be all friendly with the people you don't want to.

 

But be careful about who you "dis". Maybe one of her girlfriends had the hots for you! What sweet revenge that would be!

 

Not as much the female friends, there's one guy who we met really early. I thought he was such a nice guy. He told us he hoped we stayed together forever, and my ex was very friendly with him. I never thought he'd pull anything, so I never minded her hanging out with him. Never did until just now lol. He was always very eager to know when I was going home so he could hang out with her. I think the whole her cheating on me thing is really starting to hit me. I just think, if she pulled what she did, who's to say she hasn't done it with other guys too? God I feel like such a fool, everyone knew but me and I was still her loyal servant for as long as I was. I told this guy she cheated on me, he didn't seem to care much. He'll take her side just like the rest of the f*cking school. "Oh it's her! She's such a nice girl! That guy must be a jerk! Yeah good thing you got rid of him!" (besides the two friends who told me everything) f*ck that dude. seriously... I'm just going to assume he pulled something. I'm not trusting anyone anymore.

 

I just won't acknowledge the people I don't want to be friends with I guess.

 

Time for some more football!

[cavalier99]

DUDE this is a FANTASTIC story a few years down the road about how your first girlfriend was f*king the entire school!

 

......just sorta sucks now.

[na49]

DUDE this is a FANTASTIC story a few years down the road about how your first girlfriend was f*king the entire school!

 

......just sorta sucks now.

 

Well slow down. I don't know if she was. I like to think she wasn't. I'll just assume she was getting with more guys than I thought. It makes me so sick, and she gets to just keep doing whatever she wants because she's got the whole school on her side. (not really, but she knows so many people already)

 

I wanna throw something at someone I'm so angry. I also want to throw up.

[LostOne1]

Not as much the female friends, there's one guy who we met really early. I thought he was such a nice guy. He told us he hoped we stayed together forever, and my ex was very friendly with him. I never thought he'd pull anything, so I never minded her hanging out with him. Never did until just now lol. He was always very eager to know when I was going home so he could hang out with her. I think the whole her cheating on me thing is really starting to hit me. I just think, if she pulled what she did, who's to say she hasn't done it with other guys too? God I feel like such a fool, everyone knew but me and I was still her loyal servant for as long as I was. I told this guy she cheated on me, he didn't seem to care much. He'll take her side just like the rest of the f*cking school. "Oh it's her! She's such a nice girl! That guy must be a jerk! Yeah good thing you got rid of him!" (besides the two friends who told me everything) f*ck that dude. seriously... I'm just going to assume he pulled something. I'm not trusting anyone anymore.

 

I just won't acknowledge the people I don't want to be friends with I guess.

 

Time for some more football!

that's the part that bugs me.. if a guy knows a girl is with someone. WHY try to break it? for your own selfish reasons? I don't get those guys I mean if a girl is with someone I respect her relationship and I don't sit there thinking of ways to break them up or how I can be with her. I let it go and accept she is dating someone and it's best to leave it alone and be happy for her.

 

But some guys just don't get it I guess or can't get a girl so they gotta break other people up. Kinda like my ex there was a guy chasing her and he KNOWS we've been going out for 3 yrs, so why try to convince her and all that she's better with him? It's stupid.. but I guess some guys are down right desperate.

[cavalier99]

Well slow down. I don't know if she was. I like to think she wasn't. I'll just assume she was getting with more guys than I thought. It makes me so sick, and she gets to just keep doing whatever she wants because she's got the whole school on her side. (not really, but she knows so many people already)

 

I wanna throw something at someone I'm so angry. I also want to throw up.

 

Well it wasn't probably a lot of guys but we need to make it into a good story! Actually it is good that your getting sick and pissed. You'll never see that cheating ho the same light again. Is she still your sweet little princess?

 

...who likes to nailed in every hole ? Lol

 

GOd I'm just killing myself laughing..are u ok?

 

My ex is definitely getting nailed from behind by her new guy...its all good..i left him a lot of gifts inside.

[na49]

The annoying part is this guy isn't even the guy she cheated on me with Lone. But I still think it applies, she had a lot of friends like this. A lot of close guy friends. I never thought anything of it. This guy was so nice. He was respectful, I wouldn't expect him to pull anything.

 

but I am now. If I see him, I'll ignore him. If he says hi I'll say hi. (he's the type who was trying not to pick sides after we broke up but God knows he's on her side. Everyone is on her side because no one knows my side of the story or wants to hear it now. We've been done for a while now)

 

No she's not my princess. She's an evil witch who needs to get the f*ck out of my thoughts. I want to just enjoy this football game and not be hung up over this. She's so freaking grimy and disgusting. Our sex wasn't even that good. I have no other sex to compare it to, but I'd imagine sex could be a lot better than what I've had.

[Hopeful714]

You never know what peeps are doing. I know I was cheated on at least 3 times I knew of for sure. How bout all the times I didn't know?

 

Be thankful to the people who told you. Those "may" be your friends.

 

And no, not everyone is going to think she is great. Either the guys will see her for what she is and try to get a piece too, or stay away from her.

 

BTW, do you consider yourself the dumper or dumpee? I think your the dumper because you finally ended the contact. Do you agree with this?

[na49]

You never know what peeps are doing. I know I was cheated on at least 3 times I knew of for sure. How bout all the times I didn't know?

 

Be thankful to the people who told you. Those "may" be your friends.

 

And no, not everyone is going to think she is great. Either the guys will see her for what she is and try to get a piece too, or stay away from her.

 

BTW, do you consider yourself the dumper or dumpee? I think your the dumper because you finally ended the contact. Do you agree with this?

 

I seriously will never trust people like I used to. EVER again.

 

I appreciate what the two people did for me. I haven't spoke to them much since then, one of them is a Psych major though, so I could talk to her about Psych stuff.

 

I honestly don't even care if guys think she's great or not. The guy she's with can do much better than her. I'm not selling myself short and saying my ex is ugly BUT a 24 year old rock star who wipes his behind with money really wants a 19 year old freshman??? Huh??????!?!??! They are really "meant for each other and he gets her?????" :confused::confused:

 

I disagree. I definitely feel like the dumpee. She was the one to dump me. I cut contact after she already dumped me so I don't think that would make me the dumper. First I wanted to be friends with her. She was cold. I wanted to be civil (not friends). She insulted me. She wanted to be friends 2 months later. I blocked her number. Haven't heard from her in almost a month now. because there's no way for her to contact me unless she REALLY wanted to which she doesn't because I'm lower than dirt to her.