Why do I feel worse?

[cavalier99]

I'd talk sports, make random, inappropriate observations and ogle females. And laugh at na trying to sneak drinks at the bar.

 

Ha ill join you in this. Maybe we can hire company for NA...but wont tell him. Well let him think he scored the hottest babe at the bar on his own.

 

Just like NC what he doesn't know cant hurt him! ...as long as he uses protection lmao.

 

He needs an ego boost. lol

Edited January 26, 2013 by cavalier99

[th90]

Yes well keep and eye out for you!

 

You are already drunk? Lol

 

Ps : In case you're wondering you replied to the wrong post.

[cavalier99]

You are already drunk? Lol

 

No dead sober. But wouldn't mind a drink. Maybe ill have a glass of wine ..good for lowering my colesterol and anti oxidant properties. He he he ....Just bored lol

[cavalier99]

You are already drunk? Lol

 

Ps : In case you're wondering you replied to the wrong post.

 

I know I almost double posted ..hit back space or something on my phone..and needed to deleted everything and re save.. but left the old reply up top as it referred to you. Did that make any sense?

 

I need to lighten things up around here. It is all doom and gloom recently.

Edited January 26, 2013 by cavalier99

[th90]

No dead sober. But wouldn't mind a drink. Maybe ill have a glass of wine ..good for lowering my colesterol and anti oxidant properties. He he he ....Just bored lol

 

That's a good excuse to take a glass. But not more

 

I know I almost double posted ..hit back space or something on my phone..and needed to deleted everything and re save.. but left the old reply up top as it referred to you. Did that make any sense?

 

I need to lighten things up around here. It is all doom and gloom recently.

 

Yes it does. I'm on my phone as well and it sucks as compared to laptop.

 

We all need to lighten up but not many on LS can do that as we dwell on our heartbreaks. Btw how old are you if you dont mind me asking? I'm curious as to why you were with your ex for so many years and it didnt progress to marriage? I hope i dont open up any wound though.

[cavalier99]

That's a good excuse to take a glass. But not more

 

 

 

Yes it does. I'm on my phone as well and it sucks as compared to laptop.

 

We all need to lighten up but not many on LS can do that as we dwell on our heartbreaks. Btw how old are you if you dont mind me asking? I'm curious as to why you were with your ex for so many years and it didnt progress to marriage? I hope i dont open up any wound though.

 

Ill PM you!

[cavalier99]

Th90 did my PM go thru? I sent one earlier today to someone else responding to their PM and didn't get response. Wondering if I'm doing it right?

 

Ahh just saw it went thru.

[na49]

God damn I was bad last night lol. I had a dream last night where I was pretty much just sitting in my room crying, ripping up pictures of her and throwing them away.

 

Also lol cav, thanks for keeping this thread from being too serious.

[na49]

Can someone snap me out of this funk? I went out to eat last night and ALL I did was think about her and when we used to go out to eat together. We'd laugh and hold hands looking into each other's eyes while we waited for our food. I can't even have fun anymore. I just miss her so much. It's not even false hopes anymore. I have every reason to believe she doesn't want me back and no reasons to believe she does. I just want her so bad and it's killing me. I felt like texting her and asking if we could talk and all of that other desperate stuff.

[cavalier99]

Can someone snap me out of this funk? I went out to eat last night and ALL I did was think about her and when we used to go out to eat together. We'd laugh and hold hands looking into each other's eyes while we waited for our food. I can't even have fun anymore. I just miss her so much. It's not even false hopes anymore. I have every reason to believe she doesn't want me back and no reasons to believe she does. I just want her so bad and it's killing me. I felt like texting her and asking if we could talk and all of that other desperate stuff.

 

I had irrational urge for a little this morning to drive by my EXs to see if her car was gone to assure myself she still has new bf and stayed over with him. We did tons of stuff every sunday. I didn't of course but it bothers me that I'm still thinking of her same as you.

 

Yesterday i went to a big shopping center were we use to meet up a lot and see movies, eat, there was a restaurant there were we celebrated multiple birthday for her family etcetera. I hadn't been there since BU. I felt sick just being around shopping center. By time i left i was fine. I'm also being physically and mentally assaulted by memories. I guess this is normal.

 

This stuff isn't easy man. We just need to get thru it day by day.

Edited January 27, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

It really does suck. The place I went to go eat last night was JUST like the last place we went out to eat together. Exactly a week before she dumped me It's so scary how much can change in just a week... I just want to go back to being happy like I was the week before she left me.

 

I was just thinking. I haven't seen a picture of her with another guy (him) yet. I wonder if seeing that would help me move on and get over this. Just another way of learning that it's over. I'm deathly afraid of seeing that though... Seeing a picture of her with her friends drove me crazy, so just imagine the effect of her and a guy would have.

[OJ loved Nicole]

I went out to eat last night and ALL I did was think about her and when we used to go out to eat together. We'd laugh and hold hands looking into each other's eyes while we waited for our food. I can't even have fun anymore.

 

Well you actually allowed yourself to think of her. When those thoughts popped in your head you should have immediately changed them, notice you're doing it, but change them.... "I miss having dinner with my ex, how she looked at me... Wait I'm doing it again (change subject)". Those thoughts (right now) are 100% bad. You're either progressing or regressing while mending a broken heart, there is NO GREY AREA!

[OJ loved Nicole]

Try this technique from Dan Dennick author "Get Over Her Now" (this'll take a little mental power):

 

-Take a memory of you and your ex at dinner (substitute any memory if you'd like), take a snapshot of that thought.

-Remove everything in the background (ex in front of black background)

-Make her black and white.

-Picture the image becoming blurry

-Focus on the blurry, b&w image and see how you feel.

 

The images in your head today are vivid, colorful, emotionally charged. Over time your mind begins to let go of the details, and those thoughts hurt less. Doing this technique over and over again, changes how you remember/see those memories (speeds up the process). Do it 10 times with a memory and it'll be harder and harder to picture the details, and the grey/blurry image will begin to burn into your mind. Again, this will take focus and mental power from you.

[suladas]

It really does suck. The place I went to go eat last night was JUST like the last place we went out to eat together. Exactly a week before she dumped me It's so scary how much can change in just a week... I just want to go back to being happy like I was the week before she left me.

 

I was just thinking. I haven't seen a picture of her with another guy (him) yet. I wonder if seeing that would help me move on and get over this. Just another way of learning that it's over. I'm deathly afraid of seeing that though... Seeing a picture of her with her friends drove me crazy, so just imagine the effect of her and a guy would have.

 

It could affect people differently but for me seeing her with someone I assume she was dating it hurt like hell. But then again, if she was seeing someone it meant and changed a lot of things it was more then just a new guy in the picture so thats why it hurt so bad. Even now it might hurt, I can't say for sure. Just keep going, you'll stop caring soon enough.

Edited January 27, 2013 by suladas

[na49]

It was hard not to stay stuck on those memories until I left the restaurant because the whole time I was there was just a reminder of what was. I'm going to a friend's birthday later today, I really don't want to have the same problem. I want to be able to have fun, crack jokes and be myself. I just can't because I want what I had so much.

 

Another annoying part of this is that I just started feeling really bad like this. I'm starting to play ridiculous scenarios in my head where I ask her to talk and she tells me she was waiting for me to ask her to talk and we live happily ever after.

[Hopeful714]

It must be the day of delusions. Im playing the same ridiculous scenarios in my head... its a bad one today....uggh.

[na49]

I hate how bad I want to check up on her right now. I want to look at her facebook and twitter and read everything she's written since we broke up. Look at all of the new pictures. I miss her so much right now. I want to talk to her so bad. I don't even feel like going out anymore.

[cavalier99]

I've found a new emotion today..probably bad.

 

....I'm beginning to feel bitter..i think it is bitter..not angry. Sorta like a hardened bunker feeling or a piece of coal that is compressed into a diamond. Are all these emotions we are feeling slowly turning us to stone?

 

I'm wondering if ill ever be able to let anyone else in. I feel like if i saw her right now i think i could just stand there and listen then turn away not feeling a thing and leave without saying a word.

 

Is this good or bad?. I'm sorta tired of all this. This whole thing is definitely changing me. For good or bad i don't know yet.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

It really does suck. The place I went to go eat last night was JUST like the last place we went out to eat together. Exactly a week before she dumped me It's so scary how much can change in just a week... I just want to go back to being happy like I was the week before she left me.

 

I was just thinking. I haven't seen a picture of her with another guy (him) yet. I wonder if seeing that would help me move on and get over this. Just another way of learning that it's over. I'm deathly afraid of seeing that though... Seeing a picture of her with her friends drove me crazy, so just imagine the effect of her and a guy would have.

 

HAHA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO It will not help you move on. It will put you in a much darker place than you were before. The images you have in your head of you and her will be replaced with her having sex with new guy (not that you werent before, but it gets MUCH worse) It will make you extremely unstable and you will panic. You will want her more than life itself and will do MORE stupid stuff than you did before. You will think it about WAY more, you will second guess yourself more, and you will make up 100000 scenarios in your head if what she could be doing with this guy. None of them good.

[na49]

and what do you think would happen if I looked and didn't see her with a new guy? When I looked at her twitter a few weeks ago the picture of her was of just her. She was retweeting everything the guy she cheated on me tweeted though. but the way she is, she usually tweets all about her boyfriend, and would mention him everywhere. So the idea of her maybe being single is keeping these ideas alive.

[cavalier99]

and what do you think would happen if I looked and didn't see her with a new guy? When I looked at her twitter a few weeks ago the picture of her was of just her. She was retweeting everything the guy she cheated on me tweeted though. but the way she is, she usually tweets all about her boyfriend, and would mention him everywhere. So the idea of her maybe being single is keeping these ideas alive.

 

I've though the same thing NA. The problem is underlying the desire to see that they are still with a new guy is the desire that we have a chance with them if they are single.

 

What we need to understand is that we are ancient history whether they are single or not. I'm guessing if my ex isn't with her new guy she is now dating other guys. Same with your EX. Our only goal should be not to care..and seeing or not seeing something from them to recover is still caring.

 

Ive said this a million times here on LS and to myself.... but am finally beginning to truly believe it deep down. IT IS OVER. Seeing her FB wont help you..only you can.

Edited January 27, 2013 by cavalier99

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

and what do you think would happen if I looked and didn't see her with a new guy? When I looked at her twitter a few weeks ago the picture of her was of just her. She was retweeting everything the guy she cheated on me tweeted though. but the way she is, she usually tweets all about her boyfriend, and would mention him everywhere. So the idea of her maybe being single is keeping these ideas alive.

 

If you looked and didnt see her with a new guy just her photos, then you would start doing one of two things:

1. Start gaining false hope and agendas in your head

2. Start overanalzing the photos (She looks good is she trying to impress someone? Could she be talking to someone?)

 

I've learned this the hard way for the past four months and I'm still not over it and Cav is 100 percent right: It's over. There are 900 things you can conjure in your head about what could happen and the sad thing is they won't. If she is with someone or isnt, the overall equation is still the same: Its not with you. That is such a tough pill to swallow and you probably got a little mad at me reading that because I have too when I heard something like that lol but it is just life. If she did want to be with you, she would go out of her way to show it, just like you would.

[TrueAwareness]

I've found a new emotion today..probably bad.

 

....I'm beginning to feel bitter..i think it is bitter..not angry. Sorta like a hardened bunker feeling or a piece of coal that is compressed into a diamond. Are all these emotions we are feeling slowly turning us to stone?

 

I'm wondering if ill ever be able to let anyone else in. I feel like if i saw her right now i think i could just stand there and listen then turn away not feeling a thing and leave without saying a word.

 

Is this good or bad?. I'm sorta tired of all this. This whole thing is definitely changing me. For good or bad i don't know yet.

 

I think unfortunately for some of us the pain is so great at some point that we truly just shut our hearts down for good. I know a few people that went back into relationships after suffering so much but it never worked. And i had a long talk with a relative of mine who is in his 60's.

 

He told me that he suffered so much when he broke up with his gf of 9 years(when he was 28), that he wasnt able to trust anyone again until he met his current wife 5 years ago. And by then he felt he was just too old to even worry about spliting.

 

So yes, for many people that are very caring and emotional, it's very hard to go back to that inocence and trust.

[cavalier99]

I think unfortunately for some of us the pain is so great at some point that we truly just shut our hearts down for good. I know a few people that went back into relationships after suffering so much but it never worked. And i had a long talk with a relative of mine who is in his 60's.

 

He told me that he suffered so much when he broke up with his gf of 9 years(when he was 28), that he wasnt able to trust anyone again until he met his current wife 5 years ago. And by then he felt he was just too old to even worry about spliting.

 

So yes, for many people that are very caring and emotional, it's very hard to go back to that inocence and trust.

 

Hmmm. Thanks for responding (sorry for jacking you thread NA).

 

I don't think I'm screwed forever...that would suck.

 

Maybe this is part of the recovery process. I feel like that emotional bond with her is truly fraying ...reality is truly setting in..and I'm just sorta pissed off right now..like NO FOOLIN said.

 

I think this might actually be progress believe it or not. I don't want to end up bitter and don't think I will. But i sure am bitter right now. Hopefully i can snap myself out of this and just keep the toughened up feeling.

[na49]

Surprisingly, I'm not afraid to trust anyone again. Which is surprising considering how I was disrespected in the worst way possible. I know how much I've learned since the BU which could be another reason I want my ex now. I want to share all of these changes that I'm making with someone. Show her that I'm not the same guy she dumped, but am improving.

 

I guess the other part even if she is single is she could be single but not want me. She might want someone new which is completely her right. She might want to get as much d*ck as she can in college and not want to settle for just one. I think if I hadn't gotten those breadcrumbs texts where she told me she missed me and wanted to talk to me. When she said that "we needed to talk". My head is so f*cked because of that. WHAT DID WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT!?? When she was constantly texting me just saying "hi". I'm thinking that meant something that it didn't, but I just can't convince myself of that.