Why do I feel worse?

[LostOne1]

NA49 you put it right, you miss the girl you loved, past tense. That girl no longer exists, it sucks but it's the truth. I get it though. I don't think a day has gone by I don't miss the relationship I had, that's why I wanted to contact my ex so much, but I realized she was a different person after the BU happened, the person I was in a relationship with was gone.

 

I think i've made about every mistake possible after a BU, I contacted my ex more times then I can count, I checked her FB a lot (even recently), I was obsessed with what she was doing all the time. It's crazy what it makes you do and I can say without a doubt it caused me more pain. That is why we are here trying to convince you not to make the same mistakes. Even contacting my ex yesterday hurt, not that bad but it still sucked.

 

As much as i've healed, i'm still not the same person I was before the relationship, I still feel different. The first is tough, and I think it's tougher that it didn't end well. I knew my relationship wasn't for sure going to last forever, but I hoped it would end decently and still talk, it sucks more that it hasn't. I don't know how it got such a hold on me, I had doubts it could ever work long term, yet still that rejection hurt so bad.

I guess I see why people do crazy things after a BU or after being rejected.. it HURTS a lot.

 

I'm with you on this one. I made every mistake with my ex during our BU too. Contacted her non stop like a clingy person and I just made it worse and worse to a point where it's never going to be the same again.

 

It's said what a BU can do to a person.

 

I don't feel as the same person either, THOUGH I do feel like a better person now. I feel I am better than who I was when I was with my ex. I guess I feel like I've matured and learned and that's all we can ever want in life. Is to learn from our mistakes and move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

Na, god damn it. She sucks. Yes I'm drunk but come on man. Boundaries. Establish them. Please. Why do you want someone who does not respect you? Who basically took a s--t on you? You are thinking about this all wrong. See a counselor now. Please. I realize not everyone is like me, but god damn dude. Have some dignity, some pride. Hell, if there was any way for me to paypal you some dignity and pride, I would this second. Anything for you to stop pleading for a cheater who has no respect for you to acknowledge your existence.

[cavalier99]

I have declared that today is ;

 

"NATIONAL BREAK NC DAY"

 

We all get a free pass! Man I cant wait to read LS tommorow!! :laugh:

 

..I personally am not celebrating this day for Ummm ...religious and spiritual reasons... but ....will be ready to help and give advise to all who partake! Cav

[cavalier99]

****PLEASE IGNORE PRIOR POST ******

 

Message was sent in error by temp staff.

 

Today is SUPERBOWL SUNDAY! Woo hooo!

 

NATIONAL BREAK NC DAY.... is herby indefinitely postponed!

 

Cav

Edited February 3, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

I find that my dignity and pride goes missing at random times. There's times were I feel like "f*ck her! she's a b*tch! she puts on an act and seems nice to everyone when she's actually a witch who doesn't care about anyone but herself!"

 

then there's other times where I feel like yesterday.

 

but on a more important note. Does anyone have fun plans for the Super Bowl? I'll probably just be watching it with the family. Eating some food that I definitely shouldn't. (pizza, wings, etc) Is it going to screw with all the work I did at the gym this past week?

[suladas]

I find that my dignity and pride goes missing at random times. There's times were I feel like "f*ck her! she's a b*tch! she puts on an act and seems nice to everyone when she's actually a witch who doesn't care about anyone but herself!"

 

then there's other times where I feel like yesterday.

 

but on a more important note. Does anyone have fun plans for the Super Bowl? I'll probably just be watching it with the family. Eating some food that I definitely shouldn't. (pizza, wings, etc) Is it going to screw with all the work I did at the gym this past week?

 

Ya that's normal. I remember days were i'd absolutely hate her one moment then going crazy missing her the next, it sucks. It becomes less and less though.

 

Not a football fan, won't be watching it. I don't know how bad it is, but it will slow progress a bit. I'm strictly loosing weight and i'm still eating bad food like that all the time and my progress has been great.

[Simon Phoenix]

I find that my dignity and pride goes missing at random times. There's times were I feel like "f*ck her! she's a b*tch! she puts on an act and seems nice to everyone when she's actually a witch who doesn't care about anyone but herself!"

 

then there's other times where I feel like yesterday.

 

but on a more important note. Does anyone have fun plans for the Super Bowl? I'll probably just be watching it with the family. Eating some food that I definitely shouldn't. (pizza, wings, etc) Is it going to screw with all the work I did at the gym this past week?

 

Nah, one day isn't going to make that much of an impact one way or the other. As long as you stick to your workout routine and have very few days with bad food, you'll be fine.

[na49]

What a game last night!

 

I went to the gym today with my friend. We went pretty hard so I feel good. All day I kept thinking I saw my ex. Every girl I saw, looked just like her. It kind of sucked, as I was on the treadmill looking out the window at the campus I saw a girl who looked like her with a guy. My heart stopped for a second and then I realized it wasn't her. I feel so anxious all the time now when I'm walking to class, like I'm looking around to see if she's there. I guess there's no way to stop that right? I haven't seen her in over a week now. It's almost like she doesn't exist even though she does.

 

I feel like if I give myself too much time to think about her, I'm going to. I can't think about other things because all I want to think about is her. So I'll be trying to stay more busy, and limiting my time on here (as best as I can )

[Chi townD]

What clubs or groups have you researched?

[na49]

Haven't looked for any yet. I've been focusing on the gym and school work so far. I know that's a horrible excuse.

 

Now all I have to do is talk to the cute girls I sit near in my classes...

[Simon Phoenix]

What you need to do before that is relax. Then talk to the cute girls. But don't think, just throw. You think way too much. Don't worry, I have a tendency to do that sometimes too and I used to be much worse.

[na49]

I really do need to relax. I'm bugging out just thinking if I should message one of the girls I want to start talking to on facebook. Will she think it's weird? I've never really spoken to her but we know each other (sort of)

 

How do you go about "throwing" instead of "thinking". Is it really as easy as just doing it or do you have something you tell yourself while you're doing it?

[Simon Phoenix]

I really do need to relax. I'm bugging out just thinking if I should message one of the girls I want to start talking to on facebook. Will she think it's weird? I've never really spoken to her but we know each other (sort of)

 

How do you go about "throwing" instead of "thinking". Is it really as easy as just doing it or do you have something you tell yourself while you're doing it?

 

It's not easy, but when you find yourself twisting your brain in a pretzel, just say "f--k it". Stop worrying about what others will think and just do what feels right. As for the Facebook thing, have you talked to these girls in person?

[na49]

Well it's not a girl in my class. She goes to a different college. I haven't really ever spoke to her in person because I rarely ever see her. The thing that's attractive to me besides looks is that she doesn't have guys all over her. She has a small group of friends, and is on the shy side like me.

 

I just have to grow the stones to walk in tomorrow and ask a question to start a conversation. It gets easier after I get going. The hard part is getting started.

[na49]

I swear... nights are the worst time for me. I'm sitting here, watching basketball, and just thinking of her. F*CK! I feel like unblocking her on facebook just to see if she does anything like message me or something. I feel like messaging her, explaining myself, why I did what I did so that she doesn't think I'm a bad guy. but she shouldn't think I'm a bad guy. I never did anything to her... so why am I feeling guilty? What the heck is wrong with me? all of the nonsense I've felt like doing before, I want to do again.

 

Have to vent here or else I'll go insane. I just hate it. I have no more work to do, I'll be going to bed in a few hours, but right now I've just got nothing.

[H3Drvr]

How do you go about "throwing" instead of "thinking". Is it really as easy as just doing it or do you have something you tell yourself while you're doing it?

 

You just need 20 seconds of blind courage! And if it doesn't work, you only wasted 20 seconds...

[Simon Phoenix]

I swear... nights are the worst time for me. I'm sitting here, watching basketball, and just thinking of her. F*CK! I feel like unblocking her on facebook just to see if she does anything like message me or something. I feel like messaging her, explaining myself, why I did what I did so that she doesn't think I'm a bad guy. but she shouldn't think I'm a bad guy. I never did anything to her... so why am I feeling guilty? What the heck is wrong with me? all of the nonsense I've felt like doing before, I want to do again.

 

Have to vent here or else I'll go insane. I just hate it. I have no more work to do, I'll be going to bed in a few hours, but right now I've just got nothing.

 

Dude, every time you start to feel guilty, bang your head against the wall. Maybe if you give yourself a concussion those thoughts will leave your head.

[na49]

I seriously want to bang my head against the wall when I feel like this. It's so ridiculous and delusional that I feel this way. If she knew how I was feeling, she'd laugh about it with her friends. It's almost been 4 whole freaking months, why the hell am I still hung up over this witch? If we weren't done 4 months ago, I'm pretty sure we're done by now. So why do I still think this person cares for me in the slightest? this is annoying.

[cavalier99]

Keep on posting bro. All is good. I've decided I'm staying on LS until your 100 percent recovered so we can have a cyber celebration. You'll get there.

 

.....but not before me! Ha Lol

[na49]

For sure brother. I can't wait until I'm over this whole thing. Then we can share our stories with other people like we're old war veterans lol.

 

Having a really down night tonight. I feel like listening to all of those sad BU songs and bawling my eyes out.

[cavalier99]

For sure brother. I can't wait until I'm over this whole thing. Then we can share our stories with other people like we're old war veterans lol.

 

Having a really down night tonight. I feel like listening to all of those sad BU songs and bawling my eyes out.

 

To tell the truth i think your doing pretty well. You are so young and that is a confusing time anyway. Trying to figure out who you are, how you fit in, growing up to be a man but still a kid.

 

Your fine man. In spite of you erratic posts .. the fact of the matter is you've done what you are supposed to do..staying NC, blocking her ecetera.

 

And your advise is very good and mature in other threads. Lol. You are learning great lessons young and will be super prepared on how to deal with you next relationship. I know you wont put up with crap like you did with the slutty sweet princess lol and you will know how to walk away if you need to. Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

I seriously want to bang my head against the wall when I feel like this. It's so ridiculous and delusional that I feel this way. If she knew how I was feeling, she'd laugh about it with her friends. It's almost been 4 whole freaking months, why the hell am I still hung up over this witch? If we weren't done 4 months ago, I'm pretty sure we're done by now. So why do I still think this person cares for me in the slightest? this is annoying.

 

The fact that you aren't past it isn't the problem. That's completely normal. What concerns me is that you seem to want to explain yourself like you are in the wrong somehow and that you need your feelings validated by her. You have all the leeway to be hurt, to be disappointed, to be angry, to be sad, for as long as you need. It's when you creep into the "I'm the one who messed up" territory is when I get concerned.

[cavalier99]

The fact that you aren't past it isn't the problem. That's completely normal. What concerns me is that you seem to want to explain yourself like you are in the wrong somehow and that you need your feelings validated by her. You have all the leeway to be hurt, to be disappointed, to be angry, to be sad, for as long as you need. It's when you creep into the "I'm the one who messed up" territory is when I get concerned.

 

I agree. But to be fair i do remember when i was NA's age I put a lot of girls on pedestals they didn't deserve. It was only years later that my self esteem shot up and i decided that I was the good catch...and if Ms Universe wasn't interested it was HER LOSS not mine.

 

This attitude took some time. NA is learning slowly and at a younger age than i did. I never even has a serious girlfriend at that age and rarely got laid. Sh***it the more i think about it NA is light years ahead of the pace i set at 18 lol.

 

He doesn't know it yet but this is the best thing that ever happened to him. When he is finally recovered he will truly be a different guy..much more mature, stronger, and capable with the women.

Edited February 5, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

Simon- I get into that mindset when I think "If I was better, she would still be with me. I wasn't good enough, so it must be my fault" I know it's crazy.

 

Cav- I seriously hope you're right. This whole thing definitely has changed me already. Different taste in music, different taste in style, starting to go to the gym which I've never done. I just hope I can build the self confidence to feel like it is her loss and that I am a good catch. Everyone and their mom could tell me I was and I still don't feel like one right now. also just bawled my eyes out. It sucked, but it felt good to get that out of my system.

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree. But to be fair i do remember when i was NA's age I put a lot of girls on pedestals they didn't deserve. It was only years later that my self esteem shot up and i decided that I was the good catch...and if Ms Universe wasn't interested it was HER LOSS not mine.

 

This attitude took some time. NA is learning slowly and at a younger age than i did. I never even has a serious girlfriend at that age and rarely got laid. Sh***it the more i think about it NA is light years ahead of the pace i set at 18 lol.

 

He doesn't know it yet but this is the best thing that ever happened to him. When he is finally recovered he will truly be a different guy..much more mature, stronger, and capable with the women.

 

I get that, but not with cheating. That's where I get disconnected with it. If it wasn't for the cheating I'd completely sympathize instead of being the heavy. I had a similar experience at na's age, first semester of college with a girl who I thought was the most beautiful girl in the world who I adored. Who I followed around like a puppy. Who devastated me when she broke up with me. I questioned myself, wondered what I did wrong, begged, pleaded, wrote love emails, all that s--t -- until I realize she was banging some guy on the track team and had been before she broke up with me. Then I just said "f--k that" and stopped all the pining cold turkey. Snap of a finger, I was done with that and never went back to any of those initial post-break thoughts.

 

So I get it, but also don't get it.