Why do I feel worse?

[LostOne1]

Yeah, I don't know about this approach. Might give off a bit of a creepy vibe. I wouldn't ever do something like this.

It depends.. I mean If your asking a girl OUT this way then yea.. but if your doing it just to say hope you have an awesome day type of thing it should be fine.. or at least that's what a few girls have told me that I asked before I go this route.

 

And anyways won't know if I don't try right.. and what's the worst that can happen? The girl throws away the card? If it can put a smile on some girls face vs going in the garbage I rather take the chance to see her smile and feel appreciated.

[Simon Phoenix]

It depends.. I mean If your asking a girl OUT this way then yea.. but if your doing it just to say hope you have an awesome day type of thing it should be fine.. or at least that's what a few girls have told me that I asked before I go this route.

 

And anyways won't know if I don't try right.. and what's the worst that can happen? The girl throws away the card? If it can put a smile on some girls face vs going in the garbage I rather take the chance to see her smile and feel appreciated.

 

Whatever works man. Just not my style I guess. Then again, my style on Valentine's Day (when I remember it is Valentine's Day, half the time I forget) is to hit up a bar and find single women. I generally ignore the day though -- it's basically a Hallmark creation at this point.

[Simon Phoenix]

I've never been the party type (shocker!) which is why when I was with my ex, it was so great. She wasn't the party type either, so we had sober fun together. Instead of getting drunk prom weekend, we went into the city.

 

You don't have to be the party type (be whatever type you want), but have you ever tried to go to parties and socialize that way? If not, you might want to, just to at least try it. You might actually like it and if you don't, then at least you know from experience.

[Hopeful714]

Then again, my style on Valentine's Day (when I remember it is Valentine's Day, half the time I forget) is to hit up a bar and find single women

 

This ^^ exactly. If your out solo on VD you are single for sure!...or soon to be. Let's rename it national pick up day!Gonna get a work out on now...gotsta be looking good come summertime! I think I am slowly beginning to reach indifference. I feel like why the F do I care? Why should I care? Obviously nobody cares/cared about me. He wasn't all that anyhow....surely someone else's problem now....at least I was a decent GF I have nothing to feel bad/guilty about.

[na49]

I think I'd need to find out about parties first. I was much more social when I was with my ex. I had a reason to go to all of the college sponsored events. Now I don't go to any of them because I have no one to go with. It's not good, but I'm looking for the little victories now. I'm going to the gym now with a friend of mine who I knew last semester but never really talked to because I was up my ex's ass all day and once she left I isolated myself and didn't talk to anyone.

 

No excuse for not putting myself out there though. The girls I sit behind in one of my classes who I talked to a few weeks ago are always talking to each other. and the way i started a conversation with them was that I interrupted them and asked about what they were talking about. If they're talking to each other all the time, I can't keep interrupting them. So how should I go about that? Or should I find another girl to talk to? I don't really know a good conversation starter.

 

Hopeful, teach me how to have that attitude?

[Hopeful714]

Let me think about this for awhile. But for starters...what I can say is instead of interrupting and asking what are they talking about, just kinda jump in the conversation instead and begin talking with them about what they are talking about. Or, when they are not talking ask a question that begins conversation. Ex. " Did ya get that assignment done...didnt it suck?"

 

Confidence always help. Being genuine helps. A smile always helps. Again, just be you. If someone blows you off, don't take it personally. They may feel odd talking with you at first or they just aren't your type of peeps....in which case you move along and find others.

 

We all have that shy part about us. I know I still do. I need to be more forward with guys. I tend to wait for the approach from them. Bad mistake...I need to learn to give hints that say "yes, please approach!" so they don't feel funny about it. So see....it works both ways!

[suladas]

I think I'd need to find out about parties first. I was much more social when I was with my ex. I had a reason to go to all of the college sponsored events. Now I don't go to any of them because I have no one to go with. It's not good, but I'm looking for the little victories now. I'm going to the gym now with a friend of mine who I knew last semester but never really talked to because I was up my ex's ass all day and once she left I isolated myself and didn't talk to anyone.

 

No excuse for not putting myself out there though. The girls I sit behind in one of my classes who I talked to a few weeks ago are always talking to each other. and the way i started a conversation with them was that I interrupted them and asked about what they were talking about. If they're talking to each other all the time, I can't keep interrupting them. So how should I go about that? Or should I find another girl to talk to? I don't really know a good conversation starter.

 

Hopeful, teach me how to have that attitude?

 

I really wish I knew. I remember in grade 7 going to a new school I didn't know many people, I was always kinda shy but I ended up making friends with tons of really hot girls and would talk to them all the time. But magically over the summer I changed and got quiet and stopped talking to most of them, it sucked I would of done so well if I kept that going, looking back I had huge balls then poking fun at them and stuff all the time. F*ck if I can remember how I managed that.

 

It's tough to say what to do, it just seems to happen. I haven't been in school for many years but always seem to make somewhat friends with a few people in every class.

 

But I might be heading back in the fall. On the female front I am looking forward to it it would be awesome, being 24 I know it will be so easy to pick up girls even though i'll be old to most of them. But if you think it's hard now, wait until you're out of school, seize the time you got now to make tons of friends because it's becomes so hard in the working world.

[na49]

I think that my problem is that I have spurts of confidence. Like the beginning of the semester I was out there, talking to people. Now I've fallen back to my old ways of keeping to myself, only speaking when spoken to. I hate that I have to psyche myself up and remind myself to put myself out there. I wish I could just do it.

[Cognitive Miser]

I think I'd need to find out about parties first. I was much more social when I was with my ex. I had a reason to go to all of the college sponsored events. Now I don't go to any of them because I have no one to go with. It's not good, but I'm looking for the little victories now. I'm going to the gym now with a friend of mine who I knew last semester but never really talked to because I was up my ex's ass all day and once she left I isolated myself and didn't talk to anyone.

 

No excuse for not putting myself out there though. The girls I sit behind in one of my classes who I talked to a few weeks ago are always talking to each other. and the way i started a conversation with them was that I interrupted them and asked about what they were talking about. If they're talking to each other all the time, I can't keep interrupting them. So how should I go about that? Or should I find another girl to talk to? I don't really know a good conversation starter.

 

Hopeful, teach me how to have that attitude?

 

 

Sorry I haven't posted much for you NA, but I have been creeping in the shadows reading everything going on

 

Anyway, I am in your exact same shoe. When I was with my ex we did everything together around campus, now that she's gone I'm figuring out what to do and it can be a little strenuous at times. But, I see it as a good thing. This new found time of mine allows me to reevaluate myself and my life and figure out what it is I need. You should see it as the same way.

 

Find some guy friends to converse with during down times and not just looking for some females. Talking about guy things helps haha. Also, I started working out in between my classes (because I have some 1.5-2 hour gaps) and that helps keep me busy so if you could do that I'd definitely recommend doing so. In any case, you should never be bored at college. There is ALWAYS something you could be doing. Don't put yourself down over this irrelevant girl, it's silly. She f----d up by putting you down, don't do the same to yourself.

 

I know it's hard right now but believe me it'll all be worth it in the end. Be thankful you don't have your ex in a class with you where all she does is turn around and stare at you... Sometimes I just want to scream at her but it wouldn't be worth it. She is not the same person I fell in love with or cared for, therefore she is irrelevant and dead to me. You just have to realize this yourself. I know its difficult but difficult isn't impossible. How we handle and embrace the adversities we face in our lives defines the people we will become. YOU have full control over this and it is on YOU to decide what kind of person you want to become. I have faith in you NA, we all do. You need to quit beating yourself up man. I KNOW you're a great guy, it's time you realized that as well.

 

As for talking to girls, its easy. Quit over thinking things and just be the normal NA we all love and enjoy. If you don't want to interrupt those two ladies during their conversations than sit next to them (or in the middle ) and join in. Today in one of my classes I joked around with this cute girl saying that I just wanted to f--k and made her giggle and smile We ended up doing some activity in class where I volunteered to do so which afterwards she quickly volunteered herself too, which, not gonna lie, kind of boosted my confidence and ego and made me happy I fancy myself a goofy/ funny person so I didn't really mind saying that, even if it was true in some ways I plan on going the extra step with her next class and get her number, lol. From what I've gathered thus far, she is a real, down to earth, genuine girl and I wouldn't mind seeing what could happen, whether that be friendship or beyond it doesn't really matter.

 

Cracking jokes or just a simple, "Hey, how's it going?" are great ways to break that ice. Just stop worrying and thinking so much, be yourself and you'll do great man. Females are just humans too after all...

[na49]

Another day. and I'm feeling like crap. again.

 

I thought being busy all day would help. I had class, went to the gym, and had work. All day I'm seeing girls from a far and I think they are my ex. So many girls look exactly like her now. It sucks. I was staring at someone for a few minutes and my friend asked me what I was staring at. I kept telling him nothing and eventually he said my ex's name and I lost it. I flipped my sh*t, told him to not say her name around me. He was being a bro and told me I'm better off. That she's weird/annoying, etc. I felt worse though. I told him not to tell me anything about her if he finds anything out. I started tearing up about it, but had to fight it and change the subject because I didn't want to cry in front of him. I changed the subject but he brought it up again, he was trying to reassure me and I appreciate it, but I feel horrible.

 

She's disappeared from my life. I thought that was supposed to make me feel better?

[na49]

Cognitive Miser- I always appreciate your posts. They give me the reassurance I need when I'm feeling down. I actually meant to reply earlier before work but I didn't have the time.

 

Talking about guy things definitely helped. Me and my friend were talking about all of the hot girls we saw at the gym and how great their @sses looked.

 

She has f*cked up for letting my down. I want her to realize that and come back and apologize for what she did. She isn't which makes me have self defeating thoughts. Like I wasn't good enough. If I was better, she wouldn't have cheated. etc. etc.

 

I need to not think "I'm going to talk to those girls in my class" I just need to talk to those girls in my class. My days are so much better when I don't think about them and plan them in my head. When I just live in the moment and go with the flow, I'm much better off. I'm also starting to have thoughts about how no one will be as good as my ex. I just loved everything about my ex. Even her problems. Why do I love her problems? Everyone can tell me she's this and that, but I heard it all when I was dating her and I didn't care.

 

I don't think I can handle "casual" relationships. I obviously get way too attached to someone when I like them and if they leave, I'll be exactly like I am now.

[Simon Phoenix]

A garden rake is better than your ex.

[LostOne1]

Cognitive Miser- I always appreciate your posts. They give me the reassurance I need when I'm feeling down. I actually meant to reply earlier before work but I didn't have the time.

 

Talking about guy things definitely helped. Me and my friend were talking about all of the hot girls we saw at the gym and how great their @sses looked.

 

She has f*cked up for letting my down. I want her to realize that and come back and apologize for what she did. She isn't which makes me have self defeating thoughts. Like I wasn't good enough. If I was better, she wouldn't have cheated. etc. etc.

 

I need to not think "I'm going to talk to those girls in my class" I just need to talk to those girls in my class. My days are so much better when I don't think about them and plan them in my head. When I just live in the moment and go with the flow, I'm much better off. I'm also starting to have thoughts about how no one will be as good as my ex. I just loved everything about my ex. Even her problems. Why do I love her problems? Everyone can tell me she's this and that, but I heard it all when I was dating her and I didn't care.

 

I don't think I can handle "casual" relationships. I obviously get way too attached to someone when I like them and if they leave, I'll be exactly like I am now.

naww you won't get as attached now.. this time you'll KNOW when the relationship isn't working and you'll know it's easier to let go, because it didn't work out.

 

I guess the main thing is NOT to get too attached right away.

[Hopeful714]

You need more time. I think I improve by the week. I also know that depending on my stress level, how I eat, and how much sleep I get determines the type of day I will have and if I feel good about it or bad....so make sure you are taking good care of yourself. You have the added stress of a possible "sighting" of her so eeuuww...that can be rough.

 

I hear ya on the apology. But I don't think one is going to come. Even if one was to, I'm not sure if I'd really want to hear it or not, nor am I anywhere near forgiveness, so for now...I'm good as is.

 

I don't personally care for casual relationships either. Funny thing is right now I don't feel like being with anyone at all. I have no desire to date and I am enjoying a kind of "peace" w/o man stress that I think is great. I am making progress in a big way I think, but I still feel twinges of pain especially during down times. I fear set back big tyme!... like seeing him somewhere or hearing anything about him because I just don't want to deal with that.

 

So hang in there..it gets better. And btw I was curious, when you block someone do they know? Does something appear to them on their phone that lets them know their call or text has been blocked?

[na49]

I think that texts don't get sent and if they call, they get an automated message. I have no idea though.

 

I've been trying so hard to take care of myself. Stay busy. but I feel extra crappy tonight because my friend brought her up (I was asking for it staring at someone I thought was her for no reason and not saying anything I guess) I don't feel like doing anything right now. I just want to sit here and think all of those self defeating thoughts. This is crazy, but I almost don't want to go to the school I'm going to anymore because she goes there and she knows everyone so everyone reminds me of her.

 

I don't want a setback at all, but I have the urge to self destruct every night I have time to myself (which is just about every night) I know talking to her would do nothing but make me feel worse and she probably doesn't like me because I blocked her and pretty much told her to "f*ck off" so why should I give up my dignity? I should hate her just as much as she hates me.

[cavalier99]

On verizon they get automated message that they are blocked. Texts just dont go thru to your phone. They don't get a undeliverable text back. I tested this with my ex pre BU.

[Hopeful714]

So what if the block wears off like his will soon...she won't get a message saying unblocked will she? I would assume if you'd have to call to either get through or get the message?

[Gingerxr2]

So what if the block wears off like his will soon...she won't get a message saying unblocked will she? I would assume if you'd have to call to either get through or get the message?

 

Mate , heres what I been set by my mates ,

it's helping get my confidence back and I'm having a laugh doing it, maybe it will help you to , plus it might help you forget about your ex for an hour or so. !!

 

This is not so you become a player or a tit but helps

 

Tomorrow you have 1 week to walk up to a complete stranger and ask 2 random questions ???

 

Could be anything from where's this class room ? I've lost my bag can you help me find it ???

 

If poss get there name etc and put it in here !!

 

Do you Except my challenge ??

[cavalier99]

So what if the block wears off like his will soon...she won't get a message saying unblocked will she? I would assume if you'd have to call to either get through or get the message?

 

After 90 days you need to reblock. If they call or text after block wears of they go thru like normal.

 

Ha..lol There isn't any message to them saying block is gone..sorta would defeat the purpose.

 

Hello stalker you can now commence bothering again! Lol . And yes you need to pick up your phone to dial to get message

[Cognitive Miser]

Cognitive Miser- I always appreciate your posts. They give me the reassurance I need when I'm feeling down. I actually meant to reply earlier before work but I didn't have the time.

 

Talking about guy things definitely helped. Me and my friend were talking about all of the hot girls we saw at the gym and how great their @sses looked.

 

She has f*cked up for letting my down. I want her to realize that and come back and apologize for what she did. She isn't which makes me have self defeating thoughts. Like I wasn't good enough. If I was better, she wouldn't have cheated. etc. etc.

 

I need to not think "I'm going to talk to those girls in my class" I just need to talk to those girls in my class. My days are so much better when I don't think about them and plan them in my head. When I just live in the moment and go with the flow, I'm much better off. I'm also starting to have thoughts about how no one will be as good as my ex. I just loved everything about my ex. Even her problems. Why do I love her problems? Everyone can tell me she's this and that, but I heard it all when I was dating her and I didn't care.

 

I don't think I can handle "casual" relationships. I obviously get way too attached to someone when I like them and if they leave, I'll be exactly like I am now.

 

What would her apologizing do if it means nothing? She isn't sincerely sorry for what she has done. How do I know? Look at what she did to you man. She tore your whole psyche up and destroyed you all for the rockstar hipster whom she thinks will show her a good time. She is an obnoxious, immature brat and will feel the same pain she gave you except 10x more in the near future. You're letting yourself become defeated. Strength comes from within, same thing with closure. Sure an apology from her would be nice but it still doesn't diminish the outcome of what happened and what she did to you. The fact of the matter is, if this girl still wanted to be with you we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Let that sink in and keep repeating it to yourself until you finally get it.

 

I used to be/ think the same way man. My BU has only been a little over a month now but I believe I am making great progress so far, and so are you man. Don't feel discouraged because you're having these on and off days. I'm having them too. We all are. I still check up on my ex despite the fact that I want nothing to do with her and I do not understand why. If you cannot handle seeing how happy they are now, how they are always f-----g these new people, how they're always smiling now, etc, than don't do it. I guess the reason why I still check is because it fuels my fire and makes me determined to forget about this manipulative sociopath that discouraged me. But, you are comparing this girl to everything because she was your first. She is the only thing you have to compare. These thoughts can be destructive or constructive depending on your outlook on them. Ultimately, it is up to YOU, NA, on whether or not you truly desire to realize the horrible things she's done to you and move on and learn from this to make you a better person and propel you into bigger and greater things in life, or you can let it destroy you like you are now. There will be plenty of other girls and relationships during your years. Stop letting her control and manipulate you by your own thoughts. You miss the OLD HER. Your OLD relationship. Those are long gone. Over with. I don't want to sound harsh, but I think that is going to be the only way for you to realize this and fully grasp it. You're only 18 man, you've got plenty more time. ENJOY COLLEGE!

 

I don't think switching schools right now is such a good idea. The added stress might not be worth going through (having to reapply to another university/ college, figure out what credits transfer, etc.). But if you feel that it is something you want to do and that it would be more beneficial for you and your future, than by all means, go for it. I would just finish out the semester first though.

 

And I agree with Lost. You don't have to jump into a relationship right away. Getting attached easily is just a mindset you've attributed to yourself. Because of all your new experiences it will be natural for you to be cautious with your new relationships. I have this weird feeling that whenever I talk to some girls that they are automatically lying to me, haha. I've never felt like that until my BU. This is bad but it seems to be dissipating everyday I put myself out there trying new things and just conversing with people.

 

The more you try to overcome this, the faster and easier you'll succeed.

[na49]

I felt like I was about to check up on her so I walked away from my computer for a while and just laid on my bed and listened to music. Some of it made me tear up, others got me fired up/thinking of different things.

 

It's crazy to feel this way, but I don't know how to get myself to feel different. I thought about how bad it would look if I tried to reach out to her. How it wouldn't amount to anything except for "We should be friends. I don't like you like that anymore though. I like him. He likes me. He makes me happy and I'm happy with him. etc".

 

Maybe I'm having a hard time recently because I'm finally moving out of fantasy land into reality? The reality that she's gone and never coming back is hitting me harder than ever. The fact that my delusional thoughts are just that. Delusional thoughts and nothing more. Or maybe I'm just looking for a reason why I've had such a horrible week. lol just last week this thread was my workout thread. It's gone back to being my diary.

 

I don't really want to transfer that bad. It just sucks walking around campus and seeing everyone who she knows and thinking of her. It also doesn't help that like I said earlier, every girl looks JUST like her now so I feel terrible.

[Hopeful714]

God forbid a campus of clones of this girl!

 

You had a good week last week. This week not so much...but you had a good week! That is what matters.

 

I PROMISE you it will get better. The acceptance part is hard. Remember I am one month if not a little bit more ahead of you in this and I was BAAD.

 

Store the positive energy...we have an Anti-Valentine day approaching.

 

Give it more time!

[na49]

God damn I don't even want to think about Valentine's Day this year

 

I think the thoughts are going away, and then the "what ifs" start again. "What if she misses me?" "What if she wants me to come back?" "What if she hates me?" I drive myself mad. I try not to think about it, but it's so difficult. Once I get started, it's hard to stop.

 

She's had ex boyfriends before me. She'll have ex boyfriends after me. She's over them. She's over me. So what makes me so special? What makes her feelings for me "more real" than her feelings for any of her other exes. The answer is nothing. I'm no different than any of her other "crazy ex boyfriends who she's better off without". Meanwhile she'll be "the only girl I ever loved who broke my heart" for a very long time and sit perched on that pedestal I always put her back on.

[Hopeful714]

Cav, Simon Phoenix, Lost One and others....help...he needs a reality check again!

[na49]

I really do... this is one of the worst nights I've had in a very long time. I feel like absolute sh*t right now. I want to unblock her number, unblock her on facebook just to see if she'd message me. I'm going crazy over this. It's so pathetic.