Why do I feel worse?

[Simon Phoenix]

na, you have to consciously repel these thoughts. Your ex is a piece of s--t and unlike Shooter McGavin, you don't eat pieces of s--t for breakfast. In some countries it'd be legal to hunt people like your ex for sport. But dude, you have to consciously fight these thoughts. When you have them say "No! I'm not going to do this s--t!" and do something else. Anything else. I refuse to believe that you are a big wuss. You have the ability to fight through these thoughts. You just have to nut up and do it.

 

If you have to think about her, think negative about HER, not you. SHE F--KING CHEATED ON YOU! SHE IS A LUMP OF ELEPHANT S--T! Who cares if she hates you (she doesn't by the way)? You should hate her more than she hates you. Be a f--king man! Don't be a b--ch (no offense meant to female readers)! If you want to be strong, you have to be strong. Stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop being a fool. You can get past this, you just have to want to. Who knows, maybe you really don't want to. Maybe you like feeling sorry for yourself.

[Hopeful714]

OMG NO!

 

If you believe in a higher power now is the time to ask for help. You can't call. You can't look pathetic. You can't do that. You just can't. And you know that. Truly, this is not the end of the world. The girl was a lousy cheater that broke your heart and she will do it to others. Quit giving her the power this evening. She doesn't deserve it. She's an idiot. You need to get out of this funk NOW.

[Simon Phoenix]

Na, I would suggest you talk to someone. For real.

[na49]

Well I just looked at some guy's profile from last week who posted her name and she was writing on one of his statuses about how she "understands him" or whatever. I couldn't see the posts because she's blocked, but I did the math in my head and figured it was her who was commenting on the status. This dude is such a clown so I don't know why it bothers me but it does. I see him around (never with her) but he looks like such a weirdo. I guess if you have the stones to be weird around everyone. People will accept you.

 

I might have to block this dude too, if I look at his profile as a way of checking on my ex. I hate to do that because I feel like he is everywhere on facebook too. It's just so weird seeing "No one likes this" when you hover over a post that has a like on it.

 

I really feel like a miserable b*tch right now. I want to get past this. I know I'm the only one who can get past this. and for some reason I still want someone to just make me forget about her and speed up this moving on process.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well I just looked at some guy's profile from last week who posted her name and she was writing on one of his statuses about how she "understands him" or whatever. I couldn't see the posts because she's blocked, but I did the math in my head and figured it was her who was commenting on the status. This dude is such a clown so I don't know why it bothers me but it does. I see him around (never with her) but he looks like such a weirdo. I guess if you have the stones to be weird around everyone. People will accept you.

 

I might have to block this dude too, if I look at his profile as a way of checking on my ex. I hate to do that because I feel like he is everywhere on facebook too. It's just so weird seeing "No one likes this" when you hover over a post that has a like on it.

 

I really feel like a miserable b*tch right now. I want to get past this. I know I'm the only one who can get past this. and for some reason I still want someone to just make me forget about her and speed up this moving on process.

 

You need to be the one to make changes in your life. You are becoming an adult -- people aren't just going to do things for you anymore. And I'm serious when I say you should talk to someone -- you have some considerable self-esteem issues and your thinking is completely backwards. Maybe someone who is professionally trained can help change your thought processes. Maybe you need to verbalize this stuff instead of typing it. You need to start being proactive instead of sitting back and allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity over someone who was nasty to you. I mean, how are you going to react when someone breaks up with you in a classy way if you yearn for someone who basically pissed in your face?

[Hopeful714]

I still want someone to just make me forget about her and speed up this moving on process.

 

Answer: School Counselor

 

G'night na. Don't do anything stupid that you will regret tonight. And quit the facebook habit.

[Simon Phoenix]

I still want someone to just make me forget about her and speed up this moving on process.

 

Answer: School Counselor

 

G'night na. Don't do anything stupid that you will regret tonight. And quit the facebook habit.

 

Times one million. This needs to happen. It's obvious that na needs a push from a third party.

[na49]

You guys are both right. I'll look into it and when I can go between classes or whatever. This is ridiculous. Some guy I was talking to just mentioned my ex for no reason and I had to tell him I had to go. I don't even want to talk about her with people anymore. I started getting all defensive and emotional.

 

These problems are definitely all my own. I guess it's better I try to fix them now. I'll be looking into the counseling services at school and when I'd be able to go. My "confidence" is too inconsistent and if I keep having nights like this, I'll never get better.

[cavalier99]

Yeah NA. I don't want to seem like I'm piling on you here but you should see the counselor. I mean we all take different time frames to recover and that is fine. But it seems like you are struggling with some other things, self esteem, confidence, and some obsessive thinking, that is making it harder to get over the BU.

 

There is no shame in talking with some one. In fact I bet under your dads insurance you can see a therapist. This would probably be better than the school counselor if you have that option. You have nothing to lose. Even the most healthy individual can benefit.

 

And this BU has been super tough on you on top of other general challenges we experience growing up.

 

I think a counselor could help with you self esteem as well as the BU. They are intertwined at this point. Hang in there bro. No caving ok. Cav

[iouaname]

I agree with everyone else that a counselor would help a lot. The first week of school I went and spoke to someone and am being set up with a counselor, and even though I haven't started much yet, I feel much better just knowing that I am going to be going to one. It really does help quite a bit.

[Simon Phoenix]

You guys are both right. I'll look into it and when I can go between classes or whatever. This is ridiculous. Some guy I was talking to just mentioned my ex for no reason and I had to tell him I had to go. I don't even want to talk about her with people anymore. I started getting all defensive and emotional.

 

These problems are definitely all my own. I guess it's better I try to fix them now. I'll be looking into the counseling services at school and when I'd be able to go. My "confidence" is too inconsistent and if I keep having nights like this, I'll never get better.

 

Don't look into it. Do it. You seem to "look" into a lot of things but do none of them. Stop putting s--t off.

[cavalier99]

I felt like I was about to check up on her so I walked away from my computer for a while and just laid on my bed and listened to music. Some of it made me tear up, others got me fired up/thinking of different things.

 

It's crazy to feel this way, but I don't know how to get myself to feel different. I thought about how bad it would look if I tried to reach out to her. How it wouldn't amount to anything except for "We should be friends. I don't like you like that anymore though. I like him. He likes me. He makes me happy and I'm happy with him. etc".

 

Maybe I'm having a hard time recently because I'm finally moving out of fantasy land into reality? The reality that she's gone and never coming back is hitting me harder than ever. The fact that my delusional thoughts are just that. Delusional thoughts and nothing more. Or maybe I'm just looking for a reason why I've had such a horrible week. lol just last week this thread was my workout thread. It's gone back to being my diary.

 

I don't really want to transfer that bad. It just sucks walking around campus and seeing everyone who she knows and thinking of her. It also doesn't help that like I said earlier, every girl looks JUST like her now so I feel terrible.

 

Dont be too tough on yourself. I think this is part of it NA (what you wrote above). You should still see the counsor, but I think this is a big reason your down this week. You will snap out of this. I felt simiar just a couple weeks ago. Out of the blue things hit me hard again for a day or so and suprised me.

 

We always knew that they are gone and it is over. But there is a difference in knowing...and REALLY REALLY REALLY knowing deep down it is over and permanent. I felt like like I was morning the death of some one for a bit. It felt soooo permanent. In a way it isnt bad because it shows that you are really accepting it. Its another step in the mourning process.

 

The trick is not to self desructing along the way. It is your brain finally figuring out THERE IS NO FANTASY SCENARIO, the arnt coming back, no reconcilliation nada ..this is it... and you need to move forward on your own.

 

It is a tough pill to swallow and scary.

 

Right now Im feeling really good. We just need to go thru this bud. You just need to know you can ride these emotions out. All that being said. Still see the counselor and make appointment with Doc.

Edited February 7, 2013 by cavalier99

[suladas]

Cav you know the funny thing is i've never told myself it's over forever or anything like that. Maybe I lied to myself, but really who cares if you do? If you tell yourself I need to get through the next 6 months then i'm sure we'll be back together, then come 6 months you'll be doing much better and not really care.

 

Na49 I do agree talking to someone would likely help to process everything and stuff.

[cavalier99]

Cav you know the funny thing is i've never told myself it's over forever or anything like that. Maybe I lied to myself, but really who cares if you do? If you tell yourself I need to get through the next 6 months then i'm sure we'll be back together, then come 6 months you'll be doing much better and not really care.

 

Na49 I do agree talking to someone would likely help to process everything and stuff.

 

Hmmm. I think you right in a way. With enough time you just don't care. I guess i just needed to tell myself..still do..to kill any false hope.

 

Could be that my relationship was so long it requires a little extra effort on that front to help me understand there is no going back to my former life with her for 8 years.

 

If i didn't constantly tell myself this id have been screwed i think?

[suladas]

Not to derail but I had a weird event today. I texted my ex because she has still been pretty loud lately, anyways she actually responded and it ended up being the longest conversation since the break up, really surprised me. Although it did end like every other time, her stopped responding, and it didn't really mean much because it was strictly talking about the noise, nothing else. I won't hold my breath, but I do believe she went to work so there is a tiny chance that was why she stopped responding. I did have a temptation to bring up the blocking on FB or something else but held off knew it was best. Although I think i'm more confused then ever. She blocks me on FB then less then a week later talks over texting decently? I will never understand women. At least having contact didn't do anything to me.

[suladas]

Hmmm. I think you right in a way. With enough time you just don't care. I guess i just needed to tell myself..still do..to kill any false hope.

 

Could be that my relationship was so long it requires a little extra effort on that front to help me understand there is no going back to my former life with her for 8 years.

 

If i didn't constantly tell myself this id have been screwed i think?

 

Tough to say, I think coping with something that long is different. Before I just kept telling myself we'd probably talk again and kept imagining we'd eventually get back together. Although I did tell myself a lot of times there was zero evidence it would ever happen. I don't know, I did find the more time that went by the less the thoughts mattered.

[cavalier99]

Not to derail but I had a weird event today. I texted my ex because she has still been pretty loud lately, anyways she actually responded and it ended up being the longest conversation since the break up, really surprised me. Although it did end like every other time, her stopped responding, and it didn't really mean much because it was strictly talking about the noise, nothing else. I won't hold my breath, but I do believe she went to work so there is a tiny chance that was why she stopped responding. I did have a temptation to bring up the blocking on FB or something else but held off knew it was best. Although I think i'm more confused then ever. She blocks me on FB then less then a week later talks over texting decently? I will never understand women. At least having contact didn't do anything to me.

 

Ha. Lol. Maybe all you needed to do was treat her like sh*t and complain about stuff and she would have been yours forever. Lol.

 

That's funny she responded. Anyway the important part is the contact doesn't affect you now! Congrats on achieving what seems like complete indifference!

[suladas]

 

Ha. Lol. Maybe all you needed to do was treat her like sh*t and complain about stuff and she would have been yours forever. Lol.

 

That's funny she responded. Anyway the important part is the contact doesn't affect you now! Congrats on achieving what seems like complete indifference!

 

I was still nice about it, but ya I was complaining and I never thought she would respond that well. I know if she hated me or whatever she would of just ignored it or been like screw off, I was really expecting a response like that. Ya it didn't do anything to me, except for just make me wonder WTF is going on in her head? I'm not completely indifferent. I can be pretty much gauranteed if I seen her with a new guy it would hurt me. But ya I could talk to her in a friendly way and not bother me.

[Simon Phoenix]

It was probably because you were talking to her as a neighbor about things neighbors talk about instead of talking to her as a former lover. The note you sent likely gave her the latter vibe, hence the block. I don't think it's that confusing personally. And this probably means that you can eventually go on the "hi" program if you choose. Treat her like a next door neighbor and I'm sure she'll be polite to you.

[suladas]

It was probably because you were talking to her as a neighbor about things neighbors talk about instead of talking to her as a former lover. The note you sent likely gave her the latter vibe, hence the block. I don't think it's that confusing personally. And this probably means that you can eventually go on the "hi" program if you choose. Treat her like a next door neighbor and I'm sure she'll be polite to you.

 

Ya possibly. I was actually thinking of that, and based on today she'd likely be open to that. But I also know eventually if contact starts up decently I will end up bringing up the relationship eventually. I will try that theory, I am looking forward to talking to her in person and seeing how that goes.

 

Your advice has been really good. If I see her in person and do the hi thing, or we end up texting again. Should I bring up the last contact on FB and be like "I'm sorry for contacting you when you made it pretty clear you wanted to be left alone" or am I better to just leave that alone? I'm back and forth on that, before today I think I would of said that in person but now i'm not so sure.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ya possibly. I was actually thinking of that, and based on today she'd likely be open to that. But I also know eventually if contact starts up decently I will end up bringing up the relationship eventually. I will try that theory, I am looking forward to talking to her in person and seeing how that goes.

 

Your advice has been really good. If I see her in person and do the hi thing, or we end up texting again. Should I bring up the last contact on FB and be like "I'm sorry for contacting you when you made it pretty clear you wanted to be left alone" or am I better to just leave that alone? I'm back and forth on that, before today I think I would of said that in person but now i'm not so sure.

 

I would pretend it never happened unless she brings it up. Don't talk about anything having to do with the relationship unless the does first. Right now you are her next-door neighbor. Best to keep that mentality unless there are obvious signs of it being something else. But yeah, don't mention the email or the block or anything -- out of sight, out of mind.

[Cognitive Miser]

Don't look into it. Do it. You seem to "look" into a lot of things but do none of them. Stop putting s--t off.

 

Simon is absolutely right, NA. You cannot half commit to getting over this. You have to commit yourself 100% to this. That is the only way you'll ever feel better and overcome this obstacle along with all the others you'll face in your lifetime.

 

Who cares if she misses you? YOU DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T. Why do I find myself despising and being more disgusted in your ex than you are? That should not happen man. She cheated on you. Stuck another (.....) in her you know what, multiple times with multiple people. Do you honestly think she still has feelings about you or wanted you back? I'm pretty sure she knows where you live so if she really wanted you she'd be jumping through all those obstacles you created (FB & number block) and show up at your door asking for forgiveness. Or at least finding you at school.

 

Stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what feels good. Quit thinking negatively about your situation and, more importantly, YOURSELF. You did nothing wrong. Don't think about those "what if" situations, THEY'RE IRRELEVANT.

 

Like I said before man, you can either take these adversities and be constructive with your life or the opposite and completely self destruct (like you are sort of doing now). You deserve way better. Once you realize you're true worth you'll see what we're seeing.

 

When I start feeling down in the dumps like you I like to listen to some music. I don't know what types you're interested into so I'll just post some that I use when I feel down.

 

1) The Story So Far - 680 South

I listened to this song on repeat for a good while whenever thoughts of my ex would pop up. Give it a gander.

2) I Call Fives - For the Best

Just like the title says. I favor the acoustic version more than the original but listen to either one you think you'll like or both.

3) Ne-Yo - So You Can Cry

I'm a big Ne-Yo fan so that could be a factor of why I like this song but it actually has a good message in it which you should apply to yourself.

Edited February 7, 2013 by Cognitive Miser

[suladas]

I would pretend it never happened unless she brings it up. Don't talk about anything having to do with the relationship unless the does first. Right now you are her next-door neighbor. Best to keep that mentality unless there are obvious signs of it being something else. But yeah, don't mention the email or the block or anything -- out of sight, out of mind.

 

Ya that sounds like a good idea, thanks. I can always look for hints if things are changing, like if she unblocks me, starts going out of her way to talk to me in person again, etc. Until then i'll keep texts whatever it is I need to text her about.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ya that sounds like a good idea, thanks. I can always look for hints if things are changing, like if she unblocks me, starts going out of her way to talk to me in person again, etc. Until then i'll keep texts whatever it is I need to text her about.

 

I would play it straight until you get hints so obvious that they are unmistakable. That might never happen (ok, it probably won't ever happen), but yeah, don't start overanalyzing anything. Unless it's a runaway train blowing its whistle barreling down on you at 85 mph, treat it as nothing. Last thing you need to do is find an excuse to play the "what if?" game.

[stevie_23]

Could be that my relationship was so long it requires a little extra effort on that front to help me understand there is no going back to my former life with her for 8 years.

 

This is relevant for any length of relationship, but much harder when it's a LONG relationship such as your's. 8 years.

 

My ex and I were together for almost 2 years, and it's been so hard to not be with him anymore. I found myself at a total loss of "who" to be and "how" to be.

 

I thought...how can I go back to who I was and living how I was 2 years ago, before I was with him, when so much has changed inside me? I can't go back. It was hard to really, truly realise that. And it'd be all the more hard to realise you can't go back 8 years than just 2.

 

So the only way is forward.