Why do I feel worse?

[LostOne1]

That sounds like a very good sign.

Very good indeed.. I thought she would find me creepy or something. But nope she found it sweet giving her a valentines day card. So were starting to talk more now and I'm sure I have her interest now.

 

So it's good progress and better than being miserable and thinking I won't find better. Or that no one will want me.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm usually only down for one day, my feelings during the down time are just so strong I feel like I'm worthless and I'll never get better. Makes me wonder how I'd handle my BU if it was more of a mutual one... Would I be this down on myself or am I feeling worse than normal because I was cheated on?

 

Also I thought of something pretty funny. Before I ever had a girlfriend (and wasn't concerned about finding one), I considered myself a good catch. I thought I was a nice guy, loyal, caring, family oriented, not crazy, jealous or obsessive and a lot of girls would love to have a guy like me. Then when I was dating my ex, I started to feel worse about myself. I had times where I felt like I wasn't good enough. Like I was more lucky to have my ex than she was to have me. My self esteem sucked before I met my ex, don't get me wrong. I've never been a confident guy but hopefully that will change. I just wonder at times if dating her made me more confident or less confident. Or a little of both.

 

and now that she dumped me like yesterday's trash and hasn't really given me any reason to believe she regrets her decision. It's a blow beneath the belt and hurts like hell. It makes me feel worthless even though I know I'm not.

 

Yeah, I think the way it went down probably feeds into your insecurity, as her choosing someone else is a blow to the ego. And considering that you aren't very assertive in general, I can definitely see why it f--ks with you. What concerns me more than that is when you pine for another chance. While I get the ego blow, you wanting a second chance with someone who "dumped you like yesterday's trash" is not good at all, especially this far separated. It does seem like those thoughts are less frequent though, which is good.

 

I guess I didn't lose my confidence because I can attribute a specific action on my part to the breakup. Had I not done what I did, we wouldn't have broke, at least at that time. So I didn't suffer the self-confidence blow that a lot of dumpees suffer.

 

It doesn't make it less frustrating, but it's a different frustration. I do find myself retracing my steps from time to time in my mind thinking about what would have happened if I had done this instead of this. Those thoughts are less and less frequent with time though and don't cause depression-type behavior or anything. And now that it's Valentine's Day week, thoughts of her having a Valentine's Day dinner with some dude (though I have no indicator that something like that is taking place) have been going through my head. Just part of the process I guess. I know if I saw her I could interact with her fine and without any hangups, I'm pretty far along there. But that's not something I'm going to try to make happen at this point.

[na49]

Nice job Lost! You're making awesome progress brother. I seriously hope that I can have the confidence to do something like that eventually. I first need to find a girl that I'm really interested in. Come to think of it, there are no girls in my class that I'm super interested in. There was one that I liked and we were friends and she looked like my type. Cute, shy, not super loud, spoke when spoken to and had a lot of interesting stuff to say, loved video games :love: but she had to change her schedule around and isn't in my class anymore so I never see her. I also missed out on a chance for her number during the first week.

 

I was just wondering something else. Will the hostility between me and my ex ever go away? I mean I guess it's only hostile because I feel like it's hostile. She probably doesn't feel anything when she sees me anymore. but it's SO awkward on top of everything else. Will I need to be over her to not feel that way anymore? I'd like to have one day where I see her with or without anyone, think "yup. there's my ex. hope she's doing well" and keep going about my day without feeling depressed or anything.

 

I wish I had a crystal ball that I could look into the future and see myself 3-4 years from now. Where I am. Am I still at the same school as my ex? What are my feelings if I see/hear her name? Am I still NC at this point? Do I ever break NC in these 3-4 years? Does she ever reach out to me again? Do we never ever speak again? Are we mutual friends and nothing else? Have I found someone new? Do I look 100 times better than I do right now? So many questions! I need to stop thinking so much about the future. If I lived in the moment once, I'd be sooooo much better off lol.

[na49]

I probably didn't need to post again to ask this, but I had to get it off my chest. I have so many freaking questions today.

 

My ex seems to be everywhere. I'm on facebook in my colleges group asking about clubs and notice one of her friends and see her in the profile picture. It's like I can't get away from this girl! She's everywhere! So my question is, should I block this girl so I don't have to see her page anymore? I've blocked a few of her friends already, but I figured I'd ask. My heart stopped when I noticed her in the profile picture.

 

I do everything right, and still get screwed over.. just my luck

[Simon Phoenix]

I probably didn't need to post again to ask this, but I had to get it off my chest. I have so many freaking questions today.

 

My ex seems to be everywhere. I'm on facebook in my colleges group asking about clubs and notice one of her friends and see her in the profile picture. It's like I can't get away from this girl! She's everywhere! So my question is, should I block this girl so I don't have to see her page anymore? I've blocked a few of her friends already, but I figured I'd ask. My heart stopped when I noticed her in the profile picture.

 

I do everything right, and still get screwed over.. just my luck

 

I'd block. If it's causing you stress, then block.

[na49]

Just did it. I feel like a little weight was lifted off my shoulders. I hate how I had to date the one girl who ends up being anywhere and everywhere in college. Who has to be in everyone else's profile picture and whatnot. Like go away already...

 

Then the feelings of "it's everyone and her against me" start. Days like today are the days I feel awesome about not contacting her but crappy about everything else.

[Simon Phoenix]

Just did it. I feel like a little weight was lifted off my shoulders. I hate how I had to date the one girl who ends up being anywhere and everywhere in college. Who has to be in everyone else's profile picture and whatnot. Like go away already...

 

Then the feelings of "it's everyone and her against me" start. Days like today are the days I feel awesome about not contacting her but crappy about everything else.

 

Honestly, your ex isn't as popular as you are making it seem. And her friends probably don't think about your break at all. Most people on that campus have no idea who your ex is. She's a freshman. She's not a rock star, no matter how badly she wants to be. Plus, even if people were on her side, who gives a flying f--k? Your side is the right side.

[na49]

Honestly, your ex isn't as popular as you are making it seem. And her friends probably don't think about your break at all. Most people on that campus have no idea who your ex is. She's a freshman. She's not a rock star, no matter how badly she wants to be. Plus, even if people were on her side, who gives a flying f--k? Your side is the right side.

 

Her friends don't think about the BU. Considering the BU was 4 months ago, it's pretty ridiculous to think she'd still be on it at all.

 

Now if only I could feel that way about it forever. My side is the right side. I think part of me feels like I'm in the wrong because I don't have the giant support group that she has. Like if so many people think she's right, then I must be wrong. Of course two of her friends who told me she cheated on me and everything else she did were on my side and I didn't even know it. They even told me they wanted to end the relationship for her because what she was doing was so wrong. Like how evil can you be where THAT happens?

[Simon Phoenix]

Her friends don't think about the BU. Considering the BU was 4 months ago, it's pretty ridiculous to think she'd still be on it at all.

 

Now if only I could feel that way about it forever. My side is the right side. I think part of me feels like I'm in the wrong because I don't have the giant support group that she has. Like if so many people think she's right, then I must be wrong. Of course two of her friends who told me she cheated on me and everything else she did were on my side and I didn't even know it. They even told me they wanted to end the relationship for her because what she was doing was so wrong. Like how evil can you be where THAT happens?

 

Yeah, you have no idea if they think she's in the right or not and it's really not important at all. All of those thoughts are just you mindf--king yourself. Her supposed support group is meaningless. Has nothing to do with you at all. It just means that she was social and you were not. Has nothing to do with your breakup at all.

[na49]

All good points. She definitely is social and I wasn't/am not. When we were together, I missed out on chances to meet people because I was content having her. Not going to complain about that now though, it's all worthless. It's not about what I did or didn't do then. It's about what I'm doing now.

 

Honestly, nothing that happens now has anything to do with my breakup. I think I realize that now if I didn't already. I didn't have any problem with anything she did today because she didn't do anything. The only problem I had was that I saw her.

[suladas]

I'm usually only down for one day, my feelings during the down time are just so strong I feel like I'm worthless and I'll never get better. Makes me wonder how I'd handle my BU if it was more of a mutual one... Would I be this down on myself or am I feeling worse than normal because I was cheated on?

 

Also I thought of something pretty funny. Before I ever had a girlfriend (and wasn't concerned about finding one), I considered myself a good catch. I thought I was a nice guy, loyal, caring, family oriented, not crazy, jealous or obsessive and a lot of girls would love to have a guy like me. Then when I was dating my ex, I started to feel worse about myself. I had times where I felt like I wasn't good enough. Like I was more lucky to have my ex than she was to have me. My self esteem sucked before I met my ex, don't get me wrong. I've never been a confident guy but hopefully that will change. I just wonder at times if dating her made me more confident or less confident. Or a little of both.

 

and now that she dumped me like yesterday's trash and hasn't really given me any reason to believe she regrets her decision. It's a blow beneath the belt and hurts like hell. It makes me feel worthless even though I know I'm not.

 

This post really does show that she wasn't good for you. Being in a relationship should make you feel better about yourself. I was always happy walking around and so confident and felt really good about myself. My self esteem was ok at best before, it was amazing in the relationship, after it took a bit of a hit but even now it's still a lot better then prior to the relationship. It's a lot how you look at it. When I first started dating her and found out she wanted me so bad for a year it made me feel awesome, but if you look at it the other way around you could say well she wanted to go out with me for that long and it only lasted 2 months? I choose to look at it in a good way.

[na49]

I actually had good days and bad days just like I am now. Some days I just felt like I was the one who was lucky to have her. Like I'd never have another girlfriend, so I did anything and everything to try to keep her happy.

 

Oh well, just woke up, not really trying to think about her if I don't have to. Hopefully I won't run into her again today when I go to class later.

[cavalier99]

Hey NA you officially have 1000 posts. I beat you. Your pace has slowed up recently. I think that is a good thing. Lol

[na49]

I definitely think it's a good thing that I've slowed down

 

I haven't had any drama to post about because nothing has happened since I blocked her number. That's probably a good thing.

[cavalier99]

I definitely think it's a good thing that I've slowed down

 

I haven't had any drama to post about because nothing has happened since I blocked her number. That's probably a good thing.

 

Yeah, I haven't had anything happen either. Not even running into her like you. I guess nothing happening is a good thing since our goal is not to care and that they disappear into history.

[na49]

If I never ran into her again, I'd sign up for that in a heartbeat. I miss seeing her sometimes, then I see her and my heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest, stepped on, then getting slapped in the face, kicked to the curb and spit on.

[cavalier99]

If I never ran into her again, I'd sign up for that in a heartbeat. I miss seeing her sometimes, then I see her and my heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest, stepped on, then getting slapped in the face, kicked to the curb and spit on.

 

Well at least you have no doubt in your mind that it is over. Lol

[na49]

Well at least you have no doubt in your mind that it is over. Lol

 

I really do. There's less and less doubt about it every day, and seeing her yesterday was just another reminder of that.

 

I think a reason why I've been hurting more lately, is because at first I felt like "she cheated on me, but I bet she'll come back and apologize for everything once things go south with this guy" now she isn't coming back and the reality that she's gone hurts. So now I feel "She cheated on me, she's not coming back because she thinks she's better off without me" OUCH!

 

whatever. I can't wait to see myself once I'm completely over this.

[cavalier99]

Yup. No more la la land fantasy world for either one of us. They are gone. They dont want to be with us. My ex might be onto another relationship now after the guy she broke up with me for..or still be with him or just dating. But she sure as hell isn't searching me out.

 

They aren't running back to us. So we need to move on and not want them at all.

[na49]

You are very lucky that you never had to see any of your exes again. It only makes you feel worse if you aren't over them.

 

Well no run ins today! I thought I saw her at a quick glance waiting outside of a classroom but I swear my mind plays tricks on me now and every single girl looks like her. I walked around with my head held high, stood tall and was feeling good today. It was weird but as I was driving home I started wanting her back and was thinking about her in that way. Had to shake those thoughts off and remind myself "She's loving her life without you. She may not love it just because you aren't in it anymore. but she's perfectly okay with not having you around. Time to start dealing with it!"

 

Had a few minor conversations with some girls today who I haven't talked to before. Just talking about work in the classes, asked for some help on some of the homework problems. It was just nice to talk to people and be social like that. Now how do I get myself pumped up to have more days like this? and avoid having a bad day tomorrow and psyche myself up again and start this whole process over? I mean I know I'm going to have bad days, but I don't want anymore days like yesterday if I can help it. Maybe look for different routes to my classes so I avoid potential run ins? It seems like more work than necessary, and sometimes there's only one way I can go.

[na49]

I had a great day yesterday, I've been fighting the emotions all day today. Just thinking about what could have been with my ex. Not even concerned about what she's doing. More concerned what we could have been doing if we were still together.

 

Something else that I noticed is when I think of her now, I see two versions of her in my head. There's the old her who looks like she did when we dated as this sweet, very innocent, nice girl with a disease to please that I miss and will probably always miss. Then there's the new her who looks different (pretty much the way she looked when I saw her a few days ago), walks around like she's Ms. Popularity with all of her friends, thinks that every guy wants her and that every single guy she ever dated before was a jerk, that it wasn't her fault any of her relationships failed and everyone wants her because she's the best thing ever. I don't miss this version of her at all. I actually hate this version of her.

 

I like to think of that as a major step. I just hope these two versions of her in my head don't merge back into the one "princess" that I've been seeing for 4 freaking months.

 

I've also felt like I needed to apologize lately, but then I ask myself "for what?" I'm really dreading tomorrow...

[Simon Phoenix]

I had a great day yesterday, I've been fighting the emotions all day today. Just thinking about what could have been with my ex. Not even concerned about what she's doing. More concerned what we could have been doing if we were still together.

 

Something else that I noticed is when I think of her now, I see two versions of her in my head. There's the old her who looks like she did when we dated as this sweet, very innocent, nice girl with a disease to please that I miss and will probably always miss. Then there's the new her who looks different (pretty much the way she looked when I saw her a few days ago), walks around like she's Ms. Popularity with all of her friends, thinks that every guy wants her and that every single guy she ever dated before was a jerk, that it wasn't her fault any of her relationships failed and everyone wants her because she's the best thing ever. I don't miss this version of her at all. I actually hate this version of her.

 

I like to think of that as a major step. I just hope these two versions of her in my head don't merge back into the one "princess" that I've been seeing for 4 freaking months.

 

I've also felt like I needed to apologize lately, but then I ask myself "for what?" I'm really dreading tomorrow...

 

I figured this week would be a tough one for you. I definitely have thoughts in my brain about what my ex might be doing for Valentine's Day, so I have to imagine your brain will get clogged. Honestly, Valentine's without a girlfriend isn't bad at all. You get to save money, you get to avoid a "holiday" which is basically the relationship term of a mid-term exam for men. Women, at least a lot of women I know (not all), put way too much emphasis on the holiday and judge where you are in the relationship by how you treat them on this day. I used to dread it, which is why I'd break up with girls before Valentine's in my high school/college years (Karma I'm probably paying for now ).

 

Either way, keep your chin up tomorrow. There will be plenty of women that you can pick up because they'll want a "Valentine" -- happy hour tomorrow could be quite fruitful. If not, do something manly like eating a pound of meat, playing contact sports or watching violent movies/playing violent video games. Be an Alpha.

[na49]

lol I've been trying to watch what I eat lately. Sometimes I can't help myself though. I know eating one bad thing won't hurt me, but still. I want to go so hard at the gym tomorrow I'll come home and feel dead. If anything I've got a little extra motivation to get rid of any stress/negative feelings I have.

 

This is probably a dumb question but is there any way to get myself to keep going when I physically feel like I can't do anymore of an exercise?

 

Yuck I'm thinking about what would happen if I messaged her and just asked her "Do you want to give us another shot? I still have feelings for you" and pouring my heart out to her. If I did it tomorrow would she think it was sweet or desperate? I'm obviously not going to, I do way too much thinking which I guess is a good thing in a way considering if I acted on some of this stuff I'd be in much worse shape.

[Simon Phoenix]

lol I've been trying to watch what I eat lately. Sometimes I can't help myself though. I know eating one bad thing won't hurt me, but still. I want to go so hard at the gym tomorrow I'll come home and feel dead. If anything I've got a little extra motivation to get rid of any stress/negative feelings I have.

 

This is probably a dumb question but is there any way to get myself to keep going when I physically feel like I can't do anymore of an exercise?

 

Yuck I'm thinking about what would happen if I messaged her and just asked her "Do you want to give us another shot? I still have feelings for you" and pouring my heart out to her. If I did it tomorrow would she think it was sweet or desperate? I'm obviously not going to, I do way too much thinking which I guess is a good thing in a way considering if I acted on some of this stuff I'd be in much worse shape.

 

It's a terrible idea to do what you're thinking, but on Valentine's Day it'd be 100 times worse. It'd come off real desperate. Plus, you shouldn't want that. No reason at all for you to do such a thing, which you know. You know she's despicable. Those are the thoughts you need to power past, say "f--k it, not going there". I mean, even when I get impulses to contact, there's no way in f--king hell I would ever do it tomorrow. I'd rather contract rabies.

 

As far as the exercise, do what your body will allow you to do. The worst thing you can do is over-exert yourself and get injured. Then you won't be able to work out that body part. When your body says you are done, you are done. It's not a race. The more you keep doing it, the more your body will strengthen, adjust, and allow you to do more. Even lifting small amounts of weight is better than lifting no weight -- don't worry about competing with the steroid freaks with veins popping out of their arms. Just make sure you are doing more than the 100-pound girl who is curling five-pound weights

[na49]

It really would be, and I honestly think even though I don't have the power to get rid of these thoughts yet. I have enough self control to not actually go through with any of this. I feel like seeing her reminds me of how much I hate her. Then I don't see her and that ideal version of her is the only one I see again, and it makes me think "If I did that, she'd think it was really sweet and we'd live happily ever after".

 

Checking her social media would be a way for me to get rid of that ideal version of her, but as I learned it's only a temporary fix. (when I had the minor setback last month and looked at her twitter. saw pictures of her happy with her friends, a bunch of love tweets, nothing really about how upset or miserable she was, and a lot of retweets/messages to/from the douche rocket) It reminded me that she's over me. Seeing her a few days ago reminded me she was over me. I think that's enough, until it isn't and the thoughts come back when I'm lonely. I remember when I thought her "I know we ended on bad terms but we should be friends" text was closure and I'd be able to move on from that. WRONG!

 

Alright, I'll go as hard as I can until I just can't do anymore. That's what I've been doing but I always feel like "I should be able to do a few more" but I never can. My muscles just won't let me, it feels weird lol. I'm not as insecure as I was when I first started going. I don't compare myself to anyone, but I also don't ever try embarrass myself.

 

I'm still confused on the diet part of this. As long as I don't eat junk, or overeat I should be okay right? Also what would be some good workouts on days I can't go to the gym? Maybe work on abs?