Why do I feel worse?

[cavalier99]

Well I've been fighting my urge to go into my "poor me" phase.

 

I went to go get some free food on campus and went inside to eat it because it was freezing outside. So I'm sitting on one side of a wall with a big window that separates it into two different areas. As I'm sitting there talking to my friend, who do I hear on the other side of the wall? My ex! Awesome! She has a very unique voice (I could recognize it anywhere. I'm not creepy. I swear! ) I didn't see her, I was looking for her through the glass but I had to stop myself. She was probably sitting with her friends. I wondered if she heard me and thought of me.

 

I felt my heart sink. I got really quiet. I was so talkative, cracking jokes with my friend and then I just stopped. I felt miserable. I felt a little extra motivated at the gym, but of course all of the songs that make me think of her were playing. So I felt like coming home and crying. I told myself on the way home "I'm seriously going to bawl my eyes out tonight" I thought about it at work too. I started thinking about contacting her and all of that crap.

 

Not letting myself throw a pity party though. F*ck that. I feel like this is a real test for me, and although you might not believe it by reading this post. I feel like I'm doing well today so far.

 

hang strong man. Your doing well. Good job talking to the girl at the gym also.

 

WE LOVE YOU NA! F*ck your ex. Cav

 

ps with a little prodding im pretty sure i could get the girl I saw the other night to blow you if it would make you feel better?. Shes that type. Lol

Edited April 3, 2013 by cavalier99

[Toddbt12y1]

hang strong man. Your doing well. Good job talking to the girl at the gym also.

 

WE LOVE YOU NA! F*ck your ex. Cav

 

ps with a little prodding im pretty sure i could get the girl I saw the other night to blow you if it would make you feel better?. Shes that type. Lol

 

I see you developed a machine that can port people to distance pole location...and look, a bj happens to be the reason behind it...sex truly does motivate the creation of things!

 

So...when might you send one my way?

[Damsel in Distress]

Gosh NA, of course you have that kind of emotional reaction from seeing her

 

So sorry We all have those days where it feels unbearable and we have to struggle to keep our heads above water and our minds out of the dark obsessive hole.

 

But na, you see how that contact with her slapped the strength out you. Do NOT contact her! STAY STRONG! It will only make you feel that much worse.

 

What you need now is to get out of your own head - you need to do something that will force you to concentrate on something else. Being alone at home is NOT where that will happen. Is there anything you can get busy doing something productive?? I'm thinking of some physical, productive or challenging (like help somebody move, help somebody fix a car, climbing wall -- something that will get you out of the house and away from your thoughts.

 

Stay strong na. Don't let this chance sighting mess you up any more than it already did!

[Hopeful714]

Hi all.

So yea everything's going swift. Hangin tight, feelin good, lookin forward to spring, had an awesome Easter weekend.

 

Then I wake up Tuesday...and there it was. The text that was sent by him Monday eve. Hoping I had a nice Easter and wondering if I ate "eggies?".

 

Mood went south quickly. And yea, sucker me replied. (At least it was a day later). It was generic. Very. Then he replied again...and even called me by my "pet" name he had given me. I didn't reply to that. But really? Using terms of endearment?

 

Wtf? Why the hell would someone still be contacting me 7mos post BU. Warning...Warning...Danger! This is somegeekguy's story replayed. Now I gotta get back to reality. Seriously tho...what up with this? Manipulation? Scary. Am I really supposed to be a buddy after he cheated on my a** and lied and lied? Whoa....

 

Sorry for hi-jacking NA...a bit freaked.

[na49]

Gosh NA, of course you have that kind of emotional reaction from seeing her

 

So sorry We all have those days where it feels unbearable and we have to struggle to keep our heads above water and our minds out of the dark obsessive hole.

 

But na, you see how that contact with her slapped the strength out you. Do NOT contact her! STAY STRONG! It will only make you feel that much worse.

 

What you need now is to get out of your own head - you need to do something that will force you to concentrate on something else. Being alone at home is NOT where that will happen. Is there anything you can get busy doing something productive?? I'm thinking of some physical, productive or challenging (like help somebody move, help somebody fix a car, climbing wall -- something that will get you out of the house and away from your thoughts.

 

Stay strong na. Don't let this chance sighting mess you up any more than it already did!

 

The funny part is that I didn't even see her. I looked over and wanted to see her, but I stopped before I did. She didn't see me either. It's funny, I feel like we're never in the same place at the same time anymore where we used to always be in the same place at the same time.

 

But hearing her messes with me too apparently. Seeing her name (even saying her name) hurts me still. Hearing her name hurts. Seeing her friends hurts. Everything about her, hurts! and I can't get away from it because we're both going to the same school for the next 3 years!

 

Your post actually reminded me that I have my counselor tomorrow. This is one of the things we talked about last time I saw her. I need to fill my schedule with more crap. Sitting around doing nothing is the worst thing that could happen to me right now. and the semester will be over before I know it. (I end in early May) so I'm stuck home alone for 3+ months until school starts up again. I go out with friends every now and work, but it's not enough to keep me sane. Last summer was the best summer of my life, this summer has the potential of being the worst summer of my life. I just know that if I don't do something about it, I will be bothering her weekly during the summer asking her to come back because I'm lonely.

[Hopeful714]

It will be my first summer "alone" in 2 yrs. Last 2 were spent with him. We will make it. No choice. But yea...make plans so you got stuff to do.

[cavalier99]

Hi all.

So yea everything's going swift. Hangin tight, feelin good, lookin forward to spring, had an awesome Easter weekend.

 

Then I wake up Tuesday...and there it was. The text that was sent by him Monday eve. Hoping I had a nice Easter and wondering if I ate "eggies?".

 

Mood went south quickly. And yea, sucker me replied. (At least it was a day later). It was generic. Very. Then he replied again...and even called me by my "pet" name he had given me. I didn't reply to that. But really? Using terms of endearment?

 

Wtf? Why the hell would someone still be contacting me 7mos post BU. Warning...Warning...Danger! This is somegeekguy's story replayed. Now I gotta get back to reality. Seriously tho...what up with this? Manipulation? Scary. Am I really supposed to be a buddy after he cheated on my a** and lied and lied? Whoa....

 

Sorry for hi-jacking NA...a bit freaked.

 

 

So are you ok? No more replying to him. Cav

[cavalier99]

My 1st summer alone in 8 years! Woo hooooo!

[Hopeful714]

Im kinda sad but ok. I don't understand why people play such games. Its a joke! Seriously...is he looking for ego boost? Being nosy? Missing me? Who knows. I just don't get it. Its been 7 months! He would fare better....and I would prefer someone just cut to the chase and ask for what they want...heck he sent the nice text to begin with... risking rejection so just go for it and ask for what you want?

 

I guess I just find it hard to believe that he was concerned about my Easter and eating EGGIES?

 

There is more motivation behind this whether it be genuine, sinister or twisted. I wish I knew. And that is what sucks and bothers me.

[na49]

Hi all.

So yea everything's going swift. Hangin tight, feelin good, lookin forward to spring, had an awesome Easter weekend.

 

Then I wake up Tuesday...and there it was. The text that was sent by him Monday eve. Hoping I had a nice Easter and wondering if I ate "eggies?".

 

Mood went south quickly. And yea, sucker me replied. (At least it was a day later). It was generic. Very. Then he replied again...and even called me by my "pet" name he had given me. I didn't reply to that. But really? Using terms of endearment?

 

Wtf? Why the hell would someone still be contacting me 7mos post BU. Warning...Warning...Danger! This is somegeekguy's story replayed. Now I gotta get back to reality. Seriously tho...what up with this? Manipulation? Scary. Am I really supposed to be a buddy after he cheated on my a** and lied and lied? Whoa....

 

Sorry for hi-jacking NA...a bit freaked.

 

Don't beat yourself up too badly. You didn't show your hand. You kept it short and simple. I'd imagine that sucked though. Him calling you names that he called you when you were together. He probably has no idea how much pain that causes you. I feel like contacting my ex would cause similar pain. I'm sure she'd be nice to me and everything, but I don't know if I can handle hearing "I just don't really love you the same way anymore. I want to date someone new. I want someone who is more like me. I am actually happy without you in my life. etc."

 

..crap now I want to cry. again. stay strong Hopeful!

[cavalier99]

Im kinda sad but ok. I don't understand why people play such games. Its a joke! Seriously...is he looking for ego boost? Being nosy? Missing me? Who knows. I just don't get it. Its been 7 months! He would fare better....and I would prefer someone just cut to the chase and ask for what they want...heck he sent the nice text to begin with... risking rejection so just go for it and ask for what you want?

 

I guess I just find it hard to believe that he was concerned about my Easter and eating EGGIES?

 

There is more motivation behind this whether it be genuine, sinister or twisted. I wish I knew. And that is what sucks and bothers me.

 

Hopeful. You know perfectly well there is nothing behind it. You popped into his head and he sent a text. No deep meaning. He probably doesnt even know why. Maybe wondering if you were alive? Anyway it means nothing. Youll be fine. Just forget about it. Sorry. Cav

[Hopeful714]

Your most likely right. But you'd think after messing with someone the way he messed with me that the x mas text would have been his way of releasing any guilt and he would be gone forever. To do this is just completely wrong. It's like not even realizing you f'ed someone over. Seriously...when Im done, Im done...I would never in a million years do this.

 

I dont think I'll be answering any more texts if any more come....waaay down the road.

 

BTW- Congrats on the score! hoo-ha! I think that's exactly what I need. And a ripe little personal trainer at the gym seems to be asking for it. I may be robbing a cradle soon!

[Toddbt12y1]

You guys make me feel lucky - no lie. I most certainly do not have to see my ex...if I did...Well two things could happen:

 

The arrogant bastard that helped her cheat on me is right by her...and I beat him till he's dead - or I run far away from the black hole...before it sucks me up - or...I do nothing(I'm betting this..heck ill just walk on by...she's dead to me...dead don't need attention )

[destroyed4sho]

Im kinda sad but ok. I don't understand why people play such games. Its a joke! Seriously...is he looking for ego boost? Being nosy? Missing me? Who knows. I just don't get it. Its been 7 months! He would fare better....and I would prefer someone just cut to the chase and ask for what they want...heck he sent the nice text to begin with... risking rejection so just go for it and ask for what you want?

 

I guess I just find it hard to believe that he was concerned about my Easter and eating EGGIES?

 

There is more motivation behind this whether it be genuine, sinister or twisted. I wish I knew. And that is what sucks and bothers me.

 

Yeah, I agree with Cav. There is nothing really meaningful behind it. My ex also called me by my pet name weeks after breakup...it really hurt because I felt that should be said with love/emotion behind it within a relationship.

 

She then messaged me wanting to be friends or whatever....then recently her father calls?...no message. I think we just pop in there head bc they just momentarily remembered us and desire to be friends on occasion, whenever it suits them. Just pure stupidity and thoughtlessness.

[cavalier99]

Your most likely right. But you'd think after messing with someone the way he messed with me that the x mas text would have been his way of releasing any guilt and he would be gone forever. To do this is just completely wrong. It's like not even realizing you f'ed someone over. Seriously...when Im done, Im done...I would never in a million years do this.

 

I dont think I'll be answering any more texts if any more come....waaay down the road.

 

BTW- Congrats on the score! hoo-ha! I think that's exactly what I need. And a ripe little personal trainer at the gym seems to be asking for it. I may be robbing a cradle soon!

 

Ha there you go gal! Forget about the ex. They cant hurt us anymore unless we let them. Stay in the present and look forward to new adventures. Get laid if you want. go out party. Live life!

 

I just started personal training at gym. super sore. I love it. Going to get rocked for me. Confidence is good! Still think about the ex more than id like but on the whole cant complain.

[Toddbt12y1]

Being honest, I still think of mine, though without pain and hurt. I imagine that it is difficult to stop thinking of a person you have known for x years. Now...there is this one image of her, that is in black/white, a picture I had of her, long ago...The thing with my brain, I cannot forget things in black and white...as a result, I tend to remember this mono-picture, and unfortunately, lol, it can put me in a bad mood.

 

My memory rocks for work, sucks for other things. True, as they say: Get out and live life. You can do whatever you like; just do not think of your ex to where it hurts. Eventually move-on. Such is life.

[destroyed4sho]

Well I've been fighting my urge to go into my "poor me" phase.

 

I went to go get some free food on campus and went inside to eat it because it was freezing outside. So I'm sitting on one side of a wall with a big window that separates it into two different areas. As I'm sitting there talking to my friend, who do I hear on the other side of the wall? My ex! Awesome! She has a very unique voice (I could recognize it anywhere. I'm not creepy. I swear! ) I didn't see her, I was looking for her through the glass but I had to stop myself. She was probably sitting with her friends. I wondered if she heard me and thought of me.

 

I felt my heart sink. I got really quiet. I was so talkative, cracking jokes with my friend and then I just stopped. I felt miserable. I felt a little extra motivated at the gym, but of course all of the songs that make me think of her were playing. So I felt like coming home and crying. I told myself on the way home "I'm seriously going to bawl my eyes out tonight" I thought about it at work too. I started thinking about contacting her and all of that crap.

 

Not letting myself throw a pity party though. F*ck that. I feel like this is a real test for me, and although you might not believe it by reading this post. I feel like I'm doing well today so far.

 

Yeah, that must of been tough...but this was a good preparation for when you do actually see her face to face...which will happen eventually.

There is going to come a time when you are freely walking around campus and your not going to care if she is behind you, in front of you or under you.

 

Personally, I am so happy that there is no way of running into my ex. Goodbye and good riddance..

[Hopeful714]

stupidity and thoughtlessness

 

Aint that for sure. Ok, so the past 2 days have now been a complete wash.

I'm goin to bed.

 

I'm wakin up tomorrow and "hopeful's" gonna work on getting her groove back.

I'm going to get my F on.

 

Stupid idiot ex.....may have just pushed himself out of my head and life for ever.

 

night all..and keep heads up!! As always...Ill keep ya posted!

[destroyed4sho]

Umm. Id forget about it unless he left a message about her death or something.

 

Cav, I was thinking about what you posted yesterday....and got worried for a second but then I thought, She ain't dead, EVIL NEVER DIES...lol

[McDonald]

Na it's alright. You are bound too see your ex eventually. At least you didn't go looking for her and possibly hurt yourself more.

 

Today wasn't a good day. Maybe because I slept in.

 

Woke up. Went to class. Couldn't concentrate-- and that's how the rest of the day was. I even almost cried one point in class. Not becauSe I was missing her, but because I am just so over feeling like this... I'm so over having these memories in my head come back. I was fine for a good 3 weeks and now I feel like my progress has stopped because she sent me a message. Not even because I responded. But Just that she sent it.

 

"hope your're doing well." what a load of crap. She doesn't care if im doing good or terrible... Its not going to change anything... So why even tell me that? To think that it's a nice gesture? To clear your guilt? Well thanks but no thanks.

 

I'm doing fine without her... But it's moments like these where I just sit and think why me? I see people fight all the time with their gf/bf. I see terrible couples everywhere. It made my relationship seem perfect and yet.. Mine ends while the ones that seem like they are the worst combination continue on?

 

"good luck this quarter". She also told me that.

I don't need her to wish me good luck. Last quarter without her I scored my highest gpa... Go figure.

 

I don't need her sympathy now.... God.. When I wanted it, I didn't hear a peep. Now, when I was so close to being done with it... She messages me. Thus, I fall back into thinking about her, asking what ifs, and stalking her house just about.

 

I can clearly see what I am doing and what is wrong with it. I can clearly see what she did wrong and how much she hurt me.

I just want the thinking to go away perminatly.

 

I don't want just three weeks of perfect "I'm actually moving on" thoughts just to have myself sent right backvv

 

Damnit. Okay. I'm going to work out.

Edited April 4, 2013 by McDonald

[destroyed4sho]

I went to the gym today....so many guidos and guidettes and the occasional normal human. Anyone know how to approach someone in a gym without looking like an idiot?(just to meet someone and be social, maybe have a workout buddy, nothing romantic)

Its so weird at gyms to become friends with someone bc it seems like everyone notices everyone else, the guys are competing with each other and girls are on the treadmills with headphones on....idk...

Also, I wonder if anyone in there also just broke up with someone...I know silly thoughts...pff

[Toddbt12y1]

I went to the gym today....so many guidos and guidettes and the occasional normal human. Anyone know how to approach someone in a gym without looking like an idiot?(just to meet someone and be social, maybe have a workout buddy, nothing romantic)

Its so weird at gyms to become friends with someone bc it seems like everyone notices everyone else, the guys are competing with each other and girls are on the treadmills with headphones on....idk...

Also, I wonder if anyone in there also just broke up with someone...I know silly thoughts...pff

 

 

You can talk to them. Gyms are incredibly social. Which is the unfortunate part to anyone trying to have a serious workout, lol, sometimes one gets too chatty. Trying to build some biceps Destroyed?

[Toddbt12y1]

Na it's alright. You are bound too see your ex eventually. At least you didn't go looking for her and possibly hurt yourself more.

 

Today wasn't a good day. Maybe because I slept in.

 

Woke up. Went to class. Couldn't concentrate-- and that's how the rest of the day was. I even almost cried one point in class. Not becauSe I was missing her, but because I am just so over feeling like this... I'm so over having these memories in my head come back. I was fine for a good 3 weeks and now I feel like my progress has stopped because she sent me a message. Not even because I responded. But Just that she sent it.

 

"hope your're doing well." what a load of crap. She doesn't care if im doing good or terrible... Its not going to change anything... So why even tell me that? To think that it's a nice gesture? To clear your guilt? Well thanks but no thanks.

 

I'm doing fine without her... But it's moments like these where I just sit and think why me? I see people fight all the time with their gf/bf. I see terrible couples everywhere. It made my relationship seem perfect and yet.. Mine ends while the ones that seem like they are the worst combination continue on?

 

"good luck this quarter". She also told me that.

I don't need her to wish me good luck. Last quarter without her I scored my highest gpa... Go figure.

 

I don't need her sympathy now.... God.. When I wanted it, I didn't hear a peep. Now, when I was so close to being done with it... She messages me. Thus, I fall back into thinking about her, asking what ifs, and stalking her house just about.

 

I can clearly see what I am doing and what is wrong with it. I can clearly see what she did wrong and how much she hurt me.

I just want the thinking to go away perminatly.

 

I don't want just three weeks of perfect "I'm actually moving on" thoughts just to have myself sent right backvv

 

Damnit. Okay. I'm going to work out.

 

I understand you do not want her speaking to you, and really I do not blame you. Perhaps she was being friendly, or maybe noticed a difference in you. Eithercase, I would consider it as a test: You will know when it no longer bothers you(her), when she does attempt to speak to you, and you feel indifferent.

[cavalier99]

I went to the gym today....so many guidos and guidettes and the occasional normal human. Anyone know how to approach someone in a gym without looking like an idiot?(just to meet someone and be social, maybe have a workout buddy, nothing romantic)

Its so weird at gyms to become friends with someone bc it seems like everyone notices everyone else, the guys are competing with each other and girls are on the treadmills with headphones on....idk...

Also, I wonder if anyone in there also just broke up with someone...I know silly thoughts...pff

 

Ive made quite a few aquantiences at gym. Just talk to someone. Ask how to do a excercise or something.

[destroyed4sho]

You can talk to them. Gyms are incredibly social. Which is the unfortunate part to anyone trying to have a serious workout, lol, sometimes one gets too chatty. Trying to build some biceps Destroyed?

 

I know, in college it was easy to socialize at gym...now I am thinking...oh well how old are they? Do I look like a debbie downer right now? Am I moping, do I look sad??....they are prob like 22?!....

Yes, i want to get into shape and be gorgeous again....lol...gotta get back to who I was before this demonic, bloodsucking leech monster mo'fu' came into my life!