Why do I feel worse?

[McDonald]

Felt pretty low today.

 

Ren when walkin home there was this good looking girl who was in a section of mine last quarter. She waved to me and I said hey.

Too shocked to start a

Convo but F yea....... I think he is back gentleman

[cavalier99]

I think it's the amount of time since the BU, the fact I was NC for 5+ months, I never begged, the amount of self improvement I've done and how much growing (it hasn't been much but I have grown) I've done.

 

A person who just gets dumped would be jumping for joy over what happened to me. It happened and meh I may have walked with a bit more confidence today but that may have been because I was wearing one of the new shirts I bought last weekend and I think I looked damn good in it. Overall nothing is really different. I had trouble sleeping last night. Not because of this, because of stress over other things going on. I'm just hearing from her again. I'd be lying if I said I'm not happy. I am. but I'm not ecstatic.

 

I have a tendency of building everything up to be bigger than it is. I thought I would burst into flames for blocking her number and I thought I would explode for looking at her facebook. I heard from her. I responded. but I'm still here.

 

She seems to think that time apart has helped us both. I kind of agree with her on that, and would suggest any couple that did want to try things again to have time apart (completely apart and for longer than a week). I think it's so funny how I think of her less obsessively now that she's right in front of me than I did when she was gone.

 

In my twisted way, I could say this was a good thing. My focus is back on my life and not as much her's.

 

I think NC really really toughens us up. Plus all the self improvement. Heartbreak is a HUGE learning and growth experience. NA you are not the same kid from 6 months ago and it is for the better.

 

Who knows you might even decide you dont want her back and dump her. I wouldnt be suprised at all. You are a lot stronger than you think and arnt likely to put up with much BS. You may actually walk away happy with a big smile on your face one day!

 

Keep us posted, we are all curious as to how your feeling about the whole thing, if you think you can forgive her?, if you still feel that emotional conncetion or was it broken with the NC and her actions? ecetera. Cav

Edited April 10, 2013 by cavalier99

[Toddbt12y1]

Yawns* I'm going to bed. I'm too pissed off to be on here. I usually do not get pissed off to the point that boxing doesn't take it out of me. Guess we all cannot have a good day everyday.

 

Peace! Hopefully I bite the dust bunny, but if not ill see you guys tomorrow...sametime same insanity.

[na49]

I'm fighting that, but I literally JUST started feeling like the "skepticism" I've had was going away and I was starting to feel like "Sweet! she's back! everything's back to normal!" I found myself listening to more "uplifting relationship music" If I feel that way, I'll get squashed again and feel horrible. I need to keep my "Okay.. she may or may not come back. If she doesn't or if I take her back and it fails. It's cool either way because I CAN live without her." I've proven it.

 

I'll be using this thread to keep my sanity about that now. I don't want to dive in head first, especially when it hasn't even been a week.

 

I'm not one to hold grudges. I'm the type who is willing to forgive and forget and doesn't really like to step on someone's toes even if they slap me in the face. I hit them back and that's it. She is aware that she hurt me. She's mentioned it multiple times and sounded like she understood where I was coming from on everything. Wasn't really mad at me for blocking her, more surprised (probably that I'm not the same dog and actually have some balls now) I didn't show my hand on how miserable I was. I just told her I couldn't handle friendship.

[iouaname]

Relationships are tough! I just hope this works out for you, na. I would hate to see you get hurt all over again

[na49]

Taking her back would be like me signing a contract that says "You may end up being more hurt than you were the first time". I realize that and what I'm getting into what all of this. I may not see it as clear as everyone else because I'm wearing the love goggles and drinking the love kool aid, but I do see it.

 

Anyway, I'm stressing out because I don't think I did well on one of my exams today. I also didn't sleep well last night either which surprised me.

 

I've got my counselor tomorrow, so I'll get her thoughts on this situation. I was considering canceling because the whole reason I was going there was the BU and now the BU isn't really an issue. but I can't take my foot off the gas now, I've still got sh*t to take care of.

[iouaname]

Continuing in counseling is DEFINITELY the best idea! Even if you do nothing else right, do that. It is one decision that there are just no downsides to.

[McDonald]

Taking her back would be like me signing a contract that says "You may end up being more hurt than you were the first time". I realize that and what I'm getting into what all of this. I may not see it as clear as everyone else because I'm wearing the love goggles and drinking the love kool aid, but I do see it.

 

Anyway, I'm stressing out because I don't think I did well on one of my exams today. I also didn't sleep well last night either which surprised me.

 

I've got my counselor tomorrow, so I'll get her thoughts on this situation. I was considering canceling because the whole reason I was going there was the BU and now the BU isn't really an issue. but I can't take my foot off the gas now, I've still got sh*t to take care of.

 

It's funny how it works huh. You think that it will start to get better because you got the message u have been waiting for! But that isn't the case.

 

Dont let this effect your grades Na.

And I'm sure that you will make the right choice, if its staying with or backin off. I believe you learned enough now to see when things are going south.

 

Also I thought about this last night. And I know it will happen. Don't let her buy you back with SEX.

 

Yes.

 

Once you get ontop of her.... You are going to be hooked. So be careful. And keep those floaties on your arms.

[na49]

Day 4 of her being back (I think?)

 

Well the euphoria has worn off. Life is just as stressful as it was before, if not even more stressful now. I'm no longer worried about her as much because she's in my life. I'm worried about everything else and I realize how much work I have. How I've done everything I said I wouldn't. (skipped my counselor and the gym these past few days)

 

I don't expect her to fix all of my problems. but with all of the fantasizing about this happening, I was expecting it to be more exciting than it's been.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

[cavalier99]

Im having a crisis. I went out with latina girl. Everything went great. Major making out hand holding ecetera.. this was great. But i am having major love butterflies and am concerned im not ready or too ready?. Also she is really fiery and runs a little hot and cold. She is a lot to handle i can tell.

 

im concerned this is going waaaay to quick and im going to collapse like a house of cards and get destroyed. Ive built up walls and they are coming down sorta quick and im not sure if it is safe to do this with her. WTF. Heeeelp. Mayby i need to go slower. If possible. Im even looking at my phone for texts. Im sorta scared/concerned. Cav

[destroyed4sho]

Im having a crisis. I went out with latina girl. Everything went great. Major making out hand holding ecetera.. this was great. But i am having major love butterflies and am concerned im not ready or too ready?. Also she is really fiery and runs a little hot and cold.

 

im concerned this is going waaaay to quick and im going to collapse like a house of cards and get destroyed. Ive built up walls and they are coming down sorta quick and im not sure if it is safe to do this with her. WTF. Heeeelp. Mayby i need to go slower. If possible. Im even looking at my phone for texts. Im sorta scared/concerned. Cav

 

Just go with it....but dont give too much and let her know you just came oit of long relationship.not sure if you can commit. I envy.you.

[destroyed4sho]

guess im the last remaining longtimer on here still tryig.to get my head above water. everone seems to have moved on...lolol

[cavalier99]

Just go with it....but dont give too much and let her know you just came oit of long relationship.not sure if you can commit. I envy.you.

 

Dont envy me. Im sorta f*cked up right now.

 

Im afaid im going to be on here posting about her. This girl is a lot to handle and im not sure if im up to the task. Precarious equilbrium has been disturbed. Havent felt like this in forever.

 

At least my ex seems like ancient history.now and these event have blown that concern totally out of my mind. Thoughts are preocupied with this. I also dont want to shut down because of unreasonable fear of getting close. Ok going to gym to clear head.

*

Edited April 12, 2013 by cavalier99

[destroyed4sho]

\.

 

Im afaid im going to be on here posting about her. This girl is a lot to handle and im not sure if im up to the task. Precarious equilbrium has been disturbed. Havent felt like this in forever.

 

Scared? Cav, pull your dick out from between your legs and just go with it.

 

 

At least my ex seems like ancient history.now and these event have blown that concern totally out of my mind. Thoughts are preocupied with this.

*

 

AND THAT'S HOW ITS DONE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!

[cavalier99]

Day 4 of her being back (I think?)

 

Well the euphoria has worn off. Life is just as stressful as it was before, if not even more stressful now. I'm no longer worried about her as much because she's in my life. I'm worried about everything else and I realize how much work I have. How I've done everything I said I wouldn't. (skipped my counselor and the gym these past few days)

 

I don't expect her to fix all of my problems. but with all of the fantasizing about this happening, I was expecting it to be more exciting than it's been.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

 

Hows it going with her? Are you spending time together? Have you kissed slept with her. Do you feel comfortable with her like before or is it different? Is she distant or is she making a big effort to make you feel like her Bf again? Whats up? Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

Dont envy me. Im sorta f*cked up right now.

 

Im afaid im going to be on here posting about her. This girl is a lot to handle and im not sure if im up to the task. Precarious equilbrium has been disturbed. Havent felt like this in forever.

 

At least my ex seems like ancient history.now and these event have blown that concern totally out of my mind. Thoughts are preocupied with this. I also dont want to shut down because of unreasonable fear of getting close. Ok going to gym to clear head.

*

 

I say grip it and rip it. You sound like me with my last ex -- things are going well but you are afraid that for whatever reason you aren't up to the challenge. If you keep thinking like that, you'll prove yourself right and sabotage it. I got scared out of "an unreasonable fear of getting close" and melted down. Don't be like me.

 

Just enjoy what you have and don't think about "what if".

[cavalier99]

I say grip it and rip it. You sound like me with my last ex -- things are going well but you are afraid that for whatever reason you aren't up to the challenge. If you keep thinking like that, you'll prove yourself right and sabotage it. I got scared out of "an unreasonable fear of getting close" and melted down. Don't be like me.

 

Just enjoy what you have and don't think about "what if".

 

Ha your right. Unfortunaley im just coming out of this BU and just started to feel indifferent and enjoying being single. I wasnt expecting to deal with strong feelings. So the thought of being vunerable is scary.

 

I think im ok now. These emotions just sorta thru me for a loop. I guess ill need to use some of the same techniques i used getting over the BU. Trying to keep calm, control my emotions, maintain reasonable ecpectations.

 

I dont know what to feel to tell you the truth. This is strange territory for me. I guess ill just wing it. All in all it IS a better feeling than being miserable over a BU.

 

Its just weird that im thinking about some one who isnt my ex and as strange as it may seem im more comfortable thinking about nobody right now. Maybe i just need to get out of my comfort zone. Although it seems i just arrived in my comfort zone. If that makes any sense.

 

Lol Cav

Edited April 12, 2013 by cavalier99

[Toddbt12y1]

Bad days, huh?

 

A friend of mine; her ex had to drag me into this. What a damned fool. As if I wasn't in a bad enough mood lately. Some bastard randomly messages me on FB(her ex, I knew off-bat), claiming to have naked pictures of my friend, and wanting to show me. I declined.

 

He sent me another message claiming she wanted to gangbang him and his friends; he had proof, so he says. In which I ask to see. Too bad he never showed it. He does have pics, according to her. I imagine he is gonna post them on revenge sites.

 

What a shame; he and her have been broken up for a year now. Frankly, I do not care much for her either. As she tends to ignore people or lord over them when they are in misery. But...I couldn't allow someone to do a woman like this

 

Even if she is an idiot...

 

Too bad. My power is limited to words, as he is too far away. To drag me into the middle of this requires balls or stupidity. Sigh* some people should be beaten to death.

[na49]

Hows it going with her? Are you spending time together? Have you kissed slept with her. Do you feel comfortable with her like before or is it different? Is she distant or is she making a big effort to make you feel like her Bf again? Whats up? Cav

 

Yeah. I feel somewhat comfortable but also I am keeping an open mind about everything and realizing how quickly things can go south. The time apart helped me. Probably helped her realize what she was missing in me. She never dated the douche rocket. He told her straight up "I would never date you". She also never had a boyfriend after me, but was definitely on the lookout. She threw just about every guy on the campus into the friend zone though. Which should worry me a bit.

 

Part of me thinks I was the backup plan. but I think any time an ex comes back, you could see them as seeing you as the backup plan. I want to believe that she just realized how good I was to her and came back for that reason. I know how silly that sounds though. She was the one who wanted to try this again.

 

It feels like we're picking up where we left off for the most part. She's the same wild and crazy person I fell in love with the first time. I'm the same low key, quiet, listener, "good guy" with a bit more knowledge. She definitely is making the effort and I think is trying too hard honestly. I'm not a baby. I don't need to pampered.

 

Last night I called her @ss out on something and we were able to talk it out. I want to try being a bit more "strict" with her now though if that makes any sense. She always seems to get her way, but I don't always get mine. Also trying to not be available so much, and trying to juggle my life before her and her at the same time. Which definitely isn't as easy as I thought.

 

I have to laugh at some of these threads made by heart broken people who feel like their ex coming back will make their life better. It definitely doesn't. Well I got what I asked for. So I'm not allowed to complain I guess..

[Simon Phoenix]

Doesn't really sound like you are enjoying this na. Just my two cents.

[na49]

I'm happier than I was.

 

I'm more confident than I was.

 

Am I enjoying it yet? No. Still have my skepticism on if this rekindled relationship has any legs to it or not. I've always wanted it to work with her. I believe the time apart has helped us (me). She's on her best behavior now, but I'm really trying to pay attention to her actions.

 

I can't wait for this brief "euphoria" of us being back together ends. Everyone's all happy for us and whatnot. Once it's over I'll see if she REALLY wanted to try things again. I've improved in some areas, but I haven't changed. I'm still me. She's gotta take me as I am. I'm no musician. I'm no party animal. I'm no social butterfly. She loved that about me before. I hope she still does.

[cavalier99]

I must say im sorta excited about possibly of being in something new. Well see how it goes but i dont miss the idea of rekindling my old relationship. I was with her for so long and we tried so many times. Sometimes it is best to start over.

 

NA im not saying your situation is like mine. You guys might still have a good run. All im saying is there is something nice about a fresh start and feeling something for someone different with no previous baggage between you. Cav

[McDonald]

I feel like it shouldnt take this much effort Na. And that you shouldn't have to feel like you have too juggle your life with the Relationship.. it should go hand in hand.

 

If anything, you should have learned that you shouldnt have to adjust yourself, or change you ways, for anyone.

 

At least, that is what I have learned.

[Hopeful714]

Wow.. I go away for a while and look what happens.

 

Na-Your going to do this. You have to do this. But, in the long run, I just don't see it. There's been too much hurt. You've been through too much with this. Your both young.

 

Whatever you do don't give this all your time and emotions or you will fall apart again if and when this ends.

 

Remember, some of us did go back for a while. Yea it was great in the beginning but in the long run it was the same. What was done was done.

 

I have to agree with Cav on this one....that no matter how sad and difficult it may be sometimes we have to suck up the hurt and destruction, feel the pain, learn the lessons, and move on to something fresh and new.

 

Nothing too exciting on this end...but I'm doing well! Damn near close to indifference. Ready for new positive experiences. Crazy to think how we all were several months ago.....glad to hear everyone's gettin on.... or getting it on so I should say..LOL!

 

I think the Na thing is going to run its course.

 

What up with Simon and the chick he was supposed to get back with?

 

Enjoy yourself cav, you deserve it....but be nice to the girls please...don't be a heartbreaker! lol

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, I guess I haven't updated that story in a while Hopeful.

 

It's been on the backburner a bit -- I've just been really busy. This is the first weekend since St. Patty's Day that I haven't been out of town. I've texted her a few times (trying to re-establish some rapport), to about 50 percent success. Stuff I've brought up that dealt with me and her (inside jokes and crap like that) I've gotten short, but pretty warm, responses to. Stuff outside of us I haven't gotten responses to. I'll bump up the efforts now that my schedule is opening up a bit.

 

Did hang out with her brother-in-law this past weekend and it inevitably came up. I described my approach thus far, which he agreed with. But he also told me the real reason she freaked, which was more of my behavior (my goofy tantrum) than the motivation behind it (my feelings). It sent up a red flag basically. I had pretty much figured that to be the case, but this was the first time I actually got confirmation of it. He also said that she has a tendency to show passion then flake on guys, but he trusted my judgment of the situation and how I perceived her feelings at the time.

 

Where does that leave me? Who knows. I also learned that she was into some guy during the no contact period (not exactly sure when, I didn't ask) but he's pretty sure that ship sailed for whatever reason because he hadn't heard about it in some time. Didn't really surprise or upset me -- I can't say I haven't been looking around as well. But my friend said I should call her up, hang out and see what I can do. So I will sometime soon. It's bizarre -- besides the normal immediate reactionary begging/pleading, I've never been one to repursue anyone after the fact. So this is all new to me. But whatever happens will happen.