Cheating & broken trust = Tracker

[suejay]

So here is an interesting story for you all......This past New Years Eve I was broken up with. Funny how it all happened though. New Years Day would have been officially 2 years into my relationship with my now ex boyfriend (technically it is 3yrs but we spent most of the first yr just "dating"). For the most part our relationship started slow I think he actually liked me a bit more that I liked him. I right away met his parents, sister, and even his 2 1/2 yr old daughter. We broke up multiple times in between due to one feeling more affection towards the other usually him towards me, but within a week’s time we'd get back together. After almost a whole yr of officially being together I finally introduced him to my family and boy was it great....everyone loved him and I finally felt great to show everyone around me that I was in a committed relationship. We still had ups and downs and it got to a point where for some strange reason I had an intuition something was going on. One day he left his phone near me as he slept and I woke up and yes I snooped. Just as suspected he was texting with a girl something’s that I rather not say...but you get the point. It didn't look as though it ever got physical it looked like just sexting. I didn't mention a word to him....1. because of fear he'd leave me for snooping 2. to get even. I started to date a coworker on the side who no one knew not even my friends and it lasted a while up until one day I got really drunk and left my phone in my BF's car. He only was able to go through some of my FB messages cause my texts were locked and he just found some flirty stuff and an old hook up of mine before him and I got serious. He broke up with me for a good week I threw in his face what I found and it got bad and then we talked and he calmed down said he wanted to be with me, but had to admit he had cheated on me right after our one year anniversary. So I forgave him for the simple fact that I had done the same and even worse. I was so insecure and unsure of him though that I put an SMS tracker in his phone and then I was able to see all his calls and text messages. For a good while he was actually very, very good....I actually felt really bad for putting that in his phone....then the "fun" started while he was out drunk one day he went on a drunk rampage....he texted his whole "little black book" in his contacts. I confronted him telling him someone had mentioned it to me. He believed me. Then he was good again after apologizing....then for his bday he had a sort of event at a bar and shared the space with another fellow coworker....what he did tell me was that there was a girl who might go from where he worked that he felt had a sort of "thing" for him. It was obvious she absolutely did have a thing for him when he introduced me to her. I was comfortable though cause he made the effort to introduce us and have her see I was his GF. Well about a month or two passed and he was at it again he texted this girl from work while out drunk with a friend....I waited to say something until I saw him cause I wanted to act like I had gone thru his phone. Again he believed my story on how I found out and he said for sure it was the LAST time....couple of weeks went by and AGAIN same girl from work....again another BS story that a mutual friend of hers told me that she was bragging about him texting her. Ok ok last time he said he was sorry and very regretful. After that everything was great for a couple of weeks and bam this past new years eve while he and I were at work...I was monitoring his texts only to find them at it again and him basically telling her she could be his side if she was willing. At this point I blew and I told him right away of my discovery I tried to cover it up with a story and this time it did not work. He got in touch with friends and they found the tracker in his phone. He defriended me on FB and when I called him to ask him why he defriended me he said I knew what I did and called me a "bitch" and a "stalker". Now although he's right I did do a lil' crazy move on him...did he forget he had been fooling me all along. Well now I'm miserable want to be with him but now I'm the bad guy and he will not speak to me. I wrote him a LLLLOOONNNGGGG email telling him how I felt and how sorry I was and all he replied was that it was sad how things happened and he appreciated my email, but only god knew why this happened and he was no one to question his motives. What he doesn't know is I installed two trackers and there is still one working and I see his daily texts and calls and it seems he is still texting garbage with his coworker and basically all the time I took of his texting during the days he's filling up with hers. Will he see his mistake. Will he regret it...or did my craziness make him justify his action? HELP!

[noble]

i dont even see the point of this post. you must be really young? obviously he isnt sorry, he keeps doing it, and he will continue to keep doing it.

yes, its wrong that you were "stalking" him, but the fact tht you cant trust him because he is a cheat and a liar is far worse. if you're in a relationship with someone and you need to monitor all their activity, then you can't trust them, and it will never work.

also, it doesn't really seem like he's very remorseful about his actions. how many times has he sworn it is the last time? and yet he does it again.

you obviously are attracted to this person perhaps for unhealthy reasons.

i would advice you to sever the relationship. yes, hes going to beg for you back, but don't go back. you deserve better, and he is not going to change. you've already give him a second, third, fourth, fifth chance and so on.

[suejay]

I guess the whole purpose of the post was to vent and get it off my chest and ask people who are not close to me or him their opinion. It's easier to hear things especially negative things from a perfect stranger. Everything you said makes perfect sense and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't already/think or know what you told me. I am a bit on the young side 26 about to be 27 so not too young either. It's just been a whirlwind of a situation that I seem to get lost in all of it....and honestly I don't know how or where to start to rebuild myself. I guess like EVERYONE says everything happens for a reason and time heals all...

[GSB81]

Honestly, I think you did a great job. Thanks to the tracker, you got the facts. I'm also glad you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Believe it or not, closure will come to you easier than someone who didn't seek revenge or proof. The guy is scum. Good luck moving forward.

[sharsh]

Good God. Guys like this NEVER change. My ex did the exact same thing, but add to that, online dating, craigslist, phone sex lines, etc. Over and over.

 

At first I was like you, I got my 'revenge' so to speak, he never found out though. I did my fair share of snooping, which is how I found out, EVERY TIME. This sh*t doesn't change.

 

Why do you want him back? Is it some sort of insecurity? Do you think you don't deserve better? This guy is scum. He's not going to change, he'll just learn to hide it better. Trust me. Look at him breaking up with you as a blessing, and run far far away.

[suejay]

Thank you to you guys for being supportive maybe it's cause it just happened less than a week ago that my emotions are running high and I can't seem to get control. I just want to get over this as fast and soon as possible, but I really don't find the energy to do much at the moment. I'm hoping this dark cloud rises soon and I appreciate everyone for their support.

[road]

I guess the whole purpose of the post was ........................................

 

 

No purpose of the thread is you have learned to not pick losers (hopefully) for BF's and learned not to be a cheater (hopefully).

 

Evident you can still acess his phone. The last thing you need to do is to stop doing that. Let him stay dumped. He failed the audition for husband test.